Authors: Erika Robuck
Tags: #Fiction, #Biographical, #Historical, #Literary
Who, indeed,
Mariella thought.
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and went out to the living room to her
mother’s chair. She sat with her knees pulled into her chest and looked out the window.
The statue of Mary in the garden across the street looked back at her, her eyes sad,
pitying, loving. Mariella was filled with an unexpected peace. She gazed back, trying
to hold that peace until she could no longer keep her eyes open.
There was a commotion outside on the street.
Mariella’s eyes jerked open. It sounded like a parade—but it was frantic and disorganized.
The cigar man was sitting across
the street. She saw him turn toward the commotion and then stand to get a closer look.
The girls came out of their room, eyes thick with sleep. Eva followed, with worry
all over her face. Mariella stood and opened the door. She stepped out onto the porch.
A gang of people moved down the street in a wave. Some of them jumped. They were screaming
and laughing and crying. She saw Papa first—towering over the crowd, his face lit
with the same smile she’d seen when she pulled up to the dock at Bimini all those
months ago. Then she saw John, Nicolas, Mark Bishop, the Thompsons. Then Skinner,
Isabelle, Jim, Toby.
What the hell was going on?
Papa was screaming her name—they all were.
She walked down the ramp with her mother and sisters close behind her. The sun was
bright in her eyes, so the mass of people became a shadow. She put her hand over her
eyes to shield the glare.
She heard his name before she saw him.
“Gavin!”
Lulu screamed and ran, pushing past Mariella. Mariella felt the air leave her lungs.
Then he was there and trying to run toward her in spite of his limp and his injuries.
He was laughing and crying and screaming her name. She looked back at Eva—
My God, is he real?
Eva was crying and had her hands over her mouth. Estelle called his name.
“Gavin!”
Mariella was frozen.
Lulu reached Gavin first and tackled him. He grimaced, but he still beamed. He looked
like he’d just returned from the war. He covered Lulu with kisses and carried her
in his good arm as he continued toward Mariella.
Then Papa plucked Lulu out of Gavin’s arm so he could get to Mariella faster. And
then it hit her!
My God!
He was alive! The soldier, the arm, the dead—it wasn’t him! It was another Argonne
vet.
My God!
She shot off like a gun and covered the block in seconds. Arms she thought she’d never
feel again wrapped tight around her, pulling their hearts together, beating the same,
forever.
Key West
July 16, 1961
It was eleven o’clock at night, two weeks after Papa’s suicide. The people who had
crowded the wall around the Hemingway House snapping pictures and sharing their stories
had gone. Someone had left a bouquet of flowers and a shot glass. Someone else had
left an old fishing reel.
Mariella clutched the letters to her chest as she and Jake walked toward the gate
outside the house. She looked through the iron bars and remembered that day so long
ago when she’d trembled at the front door, waiting for her first day of work.
Mariella’s shaking hands prevented her from getting her key into the lock, so Jake
gently reached for the key, opened the gate, and locked it behind them.
Jake had stayed with Mariella for these two weeks. He now knew everything about the
year that Mariella met and fell in and out of love with Papa. He knew the story of
his father wooing his mother, the fight his dad lost on Bimini, and the fight he won
for his life in the hurricane. Mariella had told him how Gavin was rescued by Red
Cross workers and placed in a hospital in Homestead, and didn’t regain consciousness
for days. How investigators from FERA, the Florida
State’s Attorney’s Office, and the American Legion interviewed him about what he’d
seen. How the National Guard burned most of the bodies because they could not be identified,
and because their rapid decomposition compromised the health of the rescue workers.
Mariella had told Jake that at least 250 vets and four hundred civilians died in that
hurricane. That only ten of the sixty-five children from the school on Matecumbe survived.
She told him that through Gavin’s and others’ testimonies at congressional hearings
in 1936, the House passed a bill to award $217 a month to the deceased veterans’ families,
such as Lorraine and Teddy and little Janie, who had long since moved north to live
with Lorraine’s parents, never to be heard from again. She told him how the emotional
scars from that time were potent and terrible, and left Gavin and the others never
quite the same, though their new life on the water running charter boats seemed to
restore Gavin a little more with each passing day.
She said the letters Papa and others had written her over the years would tell the
rest. Especially the last letter, which she’d received three days ago. The letter
he’d written just before he killed himself that didn’t reach her until after he was
gone.
Mariella walked around the side of the house listening to the chatter of the insects
and the faint noise from the nightlife a few blocks east. Her memories rose around
her like ghosts in the garden. She could see the silhouette of Pauline in the window
looking out at the yard. She could smell Isabelle’s bisque on the breeze. She felt
the whisper of Jane Mason’s dress the night she brought out the Green Fairy.
As Mariella approached the writing cottage, she could see that Toby had left on a
light for her, just as she’d asked when she’d called him earlier that day. Toby, who’d
spent all these years caring for the house and readying it for Papa or the boys’ visits,
was broken up bad, but said he’d be at Sloppy’s tonight in tribute to Papa so she
could have the house to herself.
Mariella stopped and stared up at the door, at the room lit from within, and felt
tears well up in her eyes. God, how she ached to hear the click of Papa’s typewriter
in rapid fire, cutting through the screen door and the dark. How she ached to see
him sitting at his writing desk.
She reached up to cover her mouth and waited for the emotion to pass.
“Mom,” said Jake. “Maybe we should come back another time.”
“No,” she said. “I want you to read these here while I pay my respects.”
He nodded and followed her up the stairs to the cottage.
Mariella took a deep breath and walked through the door and over to his writing table.
It was empty. She motioned for Jake to sit and read while she walked the perimeter
of the room, running her hands over Papa’s books and stuffed game. She could hear
the shuffle of the papers behind her, along with Jake’s chuckles, gasps, and sighs.
Mariella ended up by the window that faced the direction they’d come and realized,
for the first time, that she could see her house on Whitehead Street from this spot.
And she was suddenly overcome by the feeling of Papa, as if he stood behind her, and
she knew that he’d somehow be there, watching over her, always.
December 31, 1940
Dearest daughter,
How do you and the family?
In the last couple months I published
For Whom the Bell Tolls
, got a divorce, and got remarried—though you know, no doubt, from the rags and gossip
about town.
I thought of your wedding when I married Marty. It reminded me of when I gave you
to that soldier, and how it was the best and the hardest thing I’ve ever done with
a woman I love, and how I never felt better, because it was one of the only noble
things I’ve ever done. My wedding was different, though, because of all the strain
and hurt that preceded it. I vacillate between remorse and hatred for Pauline and
sometimes wonder if you hate her too. I’ll never forget her cruelty to you the night
of that storm, though I know you were glad to find out.
But enough of that.
How’s your little Jake? He must be nearly five—bugger was born nine months to the
day after your wedding, or was it eight? He’s the spitting image of Gavin, but I can
tell he’s got your personality. When I saw him last he stole my pocketknife and told
me he’d use it to kill the fishies. My boys are crazy about him and want him to visit
the Finca when they’re here next.
How’s Lulu? Your mom and John? I got Estelle’s letter from Peabody. Her guitar instructor
apparently gave her the highest marks in the class. She makes me proud, and I’ll be
happy to sponsor her as long as she wants to play there.
Still recovering from the Spanish Civil War. For the first time I felt like I was
getting too old for this shit. I’m hoping the Finca will restore me while I grieve
humanity and some old friends I lost, most notably, F. Scott. When I got word that
he’d died of a heart attack earlier this month I nearly had my own. I didn’t expect
to outlive him. Thinking of him makes me sad and a little bit angry. With more discipline,
a better tolerance, and no Zelda he could have been a great man. But all of that was
under his control (barring the tolerance issue), so I shouldn’t pity him.
And who am I to pass judgment on others on the subjects of drinking or women?
I’m counting on you to lift my spirits. You never let me give in to this self-pity
and depression. Write soon to chastise me and lift me up. Send pictures of Jake. Consider
coming down to Cuba for a visit.
Yours always,
Ernesto
P.S.: Holy shit, just saw the newspaper clipping you sent. Count Von Cosel—Key West
eccentric—Jesus! He had the corpse of his beloved in his house for seven years before
he was found out! I don’t shock easily. That shocked the hell out of me.
July 21, 1951
Dearest daughter,
We are kindred souls, no doubt, to have lost our mothers on the same day—the same
day. How is it that when they die, the fights, the harsh words, the manipulations
and failings of these women die, too, and leave only those memories of scraped cuts
attended, birthday parties, bedtime stories, and love—love like no one else will ever
love you, love in spite
of your shortcomings and sometimes because of them.
We are both orphans, with fathers dead of their own hands and mothers dead of age.
It feels cold and lonely to have no generation above you to blame, to turn to, to
respect. I’m not ready to be the top, and I suspect you aren’t either, but what can
we do?
I’ll tell you what: We go on.
Life is a series of shit dumps. You get buried, crawl out, shake it off, and walk
toward the next. Our fathers’ actions begin to make sense to me on those terms. Suicidals
are deemed insane, but didn’t Einstein define insanity as doing the same thing and
expecting different results? Perhaps those who persist at living are insane.
So again, Mari, tell me what’s good. Talk me out of this. Tell me of the charter fishing
business you and Gavin have done so well with that’s supported you and your family;
tell me of your sisters and their sweet husbands and beautiful daughters, and how
John’s holding up, and how the fights have been around town. Tell me the last best
book you read. Tell me how well Jake’s doing in school and sports and his new loves
and heartbreaks.
Mary (the fourth) sends her love and tells me that your visit to us in Ketchum when
the snow fell and you saw the flakes for the first time will forever live in her mind
as her fondest memory. You and Jake running around in circles catching the white on
your tongues—your brown bodies marking you as sun gods in this northern place, the
snow unable to stick to you because of your warmth though it coated all the rest of
us.
My fondest memory is of the first time you went to Spain with us and saw the bulls.
In spite of the crowds and our companions it was only you and me and the bull and
the bullfighter. I watched you as much as I did the bull, but I liked watching you
more. I knew you were a true aficionado—you had the passion—when you wept before the
bull was run through and had no words after. I remember when the bulls ran and you
ran with them and made Gavin sit out so Jake wouldn’t end up an orphan. I don’t know
if I’ve ever loved anyone as much as I loved you that day.
I’ll think of that until I hear from you next. That will help.
Yours,
Papa