Authors: Gary Soto
"I wouldn't mind being a pony," Carolina confessed at last, "as long as I got to live at the castle." She imagined herself eating an apple from the queen's outstretched and gloved hand.
When the bell rang, she stood up and pushed the chair in. That's what the queen would have doneâpushed the chair in even though she was royalty. Things, after all, had to be in their rightful place. She felt happy, but within a few steps her spirit sagged. Elena was walking with her hand around that nasty boy's arm. Carolina slowed to a halt. She let them move ahead of her and disappear into the hordes of students. She then felt a nudge when someone clipped her with a backpack.
"Watch where you're going, stupid!" the boy snarled.
Carolina ignored the boy and other bully types knocking her with their backpacks. Her mind was spinning into a dark hole where creepy dreams brewed their sticky liquids. She understood that the relationship between Elena and her had really changed, that she was on her own, alone. Then she heard the word
Sorry
rise above the students running toward their classrooms. "Sorry!" someone yelled, but it could have been, "You're sorry."
David tightened his fists.
"Come on!" Carolina scolded. "Let me see!"
He unfurled his hands and turned them over, revealing palms with rivers of dark, grimy lines.
"I knew it," Carolina remarked. "I knew they would be dirty. You're disgusting."
"So?" David replied. He sucked the mucus in his nostrils and swallowed.
"You're going to get sick," she warned him. "And blow your nose!"
"I'm already sick." He wiped his nose against his sleeve.
"And I saw you spitting water at that kid today."
"But he spit water at me first." He inhaled his mucus again. "It was fun."
Carolina exhaled in frustration that her little brother was a lost cause. She went to her bedroom to write in her diary about Elena.
Why,
she wrote,
why would a friend since first grade laugh at me? And sit so close to that boy!!!
She let her emotions flow on the unlined pages of her diary and was feeling better when the phone rang. She rose, remembering to scoot her chair against her desk, and screamed, "I got it!" Then she fumed at herself. "Don't scream. It's not polite." She also winced at the words "
I got it.
" The phrase was barbaric. She hurried to the telephone in the hallway and answered the phone on the fourth ring, "Hello, the Garcias' residence."
"Hi," a boy's dull voice mumbled.
"Who is this?"
"Me."
Carolina could make out giggling in the background. The giggling belonged to Elena, her ex-friend, the subject of today's diary entry. She figured that the two had gone to Elena's house to make this prank call.
"Please don't call again," Carolina said coolly, and lowered the phone, done with Elena for good but not before the two pranksters shouted "Nerd!" in her ear. She walked slowly away and sat on the couch. After a moment tears filled her eyes. She buried her face in her sleeve.
"Why are they so mean?" she blubbered. She figured she would devote the time after dinner to answering that question in her diary.
"Who's mean?" David asked.
She looked up.
"Go away!" She wiped away her tears with her sleeve and buried her face again.
David stood watching his big sister cry. Then he said proudly, "It came out."
"What?" she asked, her shoulders heaving, but not looking up.
"The army man."
At first Carolina didn't understand his meaning. Then she remembered the army man from the night before. She pictured her brother on the toilet and his face pleated from a long, painful strain. "Ah, you're gross!" She got up from the couch and stomped to
her bedroom. She put on her coat and left the house, mindful of the timeâfour-fifteen. Their mother would be home from work soon, and their father, a carpenter, possibly even earlier, or maybe not at all.
Carolina was expected to take care of David and see that he stayed out of trouble, which meant out of the refrigeratorâher mother was scared that he was "turning into a little pig"âto use her words. Still, she left her brother alone and stood first on the porch and then sat on the greenest part of their lawn. She watched a truck roll slowly past, its speakers pumped loud and throwing out rap that sheâmaybe others, tooâcouldn't understand. Words or no words, the sounds were threatening.
Then she rose as she saw the mail carrier crossing the street, his leather sack on his shoulder nearly empty because theirs was the last block on his route. The mail carrier was Herman Gonzalez, who had won a million dollars in the California lottery. His smiling face appeared in English- and Spanish-language newspapers, plus a Chinese-language newspaper, she had heard. When he was asked by a reporter if he would quit his job, he said, "No, I like my work." Carolina, then ten, had to wonder if he did, or if he just wanted more money. But the mail carrier was forced to take off work for six months because desperate people, even thugs, began to follow him on his delivery route. They would askâbeg with their hands outâfor some of his million dollars. He would smile, laugh it off, and say
that he wasn't Herman Gonzalez the millionaire but Henry Gonzalez the mail carrier with flat feet. But he was a bad actor, and they followed him until the police escorted him for a day and then advised him to take time off or perhaps work at a desk job for the postal service.
"Hey, little one," the mail carrier sang. He handed her their mail and hurried away as if she were going to ask for some of his million.
She looked through the mail and nearly jumped when she fingered among the bills a letter from Miss Manners.
"Oh my," Carolina chirped. She sat on the front porch, mindful of her posture and that a special moment was upon her, one that might never occur again. She carefully opened the letter. With her hands shaking, she read:
Because of the many letters she receives, Miss Manners is unable to respond to you personally. She regrets that she cannot reply to your problem but suggests that you seek advice from your parent(s), special aunt or uncle, pastor or rabbi, or older person whom you trust. She wishes you well.
It was signed,
Personal Assistant to Miss Manners.
"Personal assistant to Miss Manners," Carolina remarked dreamily. She reread the letterâthe note, reallyâand wondered what a personal assistant did. She imagined this person opening the door for Miss Manners. She imagined the personal assistant plucking wilted roses from the vase on the desk where Miss Manners wrote her advice. Maybe she addressed the letters and pressed the stamps in the cornerâ
I can do that!
Carolina told herself.
I'm sure I can!
Carolina would have conjured up other tasks for the personal assistant, but her father's truck squeaked up the driveway. Her mother was in the cab and sitting far from her father. Her look was the look of dark clouds and thunder.
"I told you the car was no good!" her mother yelled as she got out and slammed the door.
"You told me a lot of things!" her father fired back.
"What does that mean?" She stopped and propped her hands on her hips. "What does that mean, you dropout!"
Her father had no answer.
Carolina was quick in picking up the conversation. Her father had bought a car from a friend and the car, it seemed, had broken down. But Carolina wasn't quick to get out of their way as they stomped up the porch. Her mother pushed her aside without a greeting and her father stepped over her as if she were a hurdle. They went inside arguing, the screen door slamming behind them.
Carolina got up, crying, "Darn!" Her mother's angry footwork up the porch steps had torn a hole in Miss Manners's letter. Carolina smoothed the letter and
almost cursed, but she was aware that Miss Manners would not approve. She turned and spied through the front window her mother making stabbing motions at her father. Her father was waving his hands around as if he were drowning. Her brother was on the couch, swigging from the liter bottle of Dr Pepper and watching the scene between husband and wife. It was all sick, and Carolina nearly became sick in the rosebushes that stood scraggly in front of the porch.
"Help me, Miss Manners," she whispered as she walked down the street. "Help me; help me grow up and get away."
Yes,
Carolina thought.
I'll grow up real pretty and smart and become Miss Manners's personal assistant. I'll open doors for her; open some letters, too.
Carolina bit a fingernail as she wondered if Miss Manners would really hire her.
Yes, she will,
she concluded.
I have manners; I have dreams; I'll change the flowers on the desk for you.
She saw herself opening a letter not unlike the ones she had sent and personally answering it. She would help someone far away, and that person would grow up to be pretty and smart, too.
Carolina wandered her neighborhood in search of something. In fact, her attention was drawn to houses, parked cars, cats on porches, dogs behind fences, balls on roofs, and even Christmas tree lights still hanging from eaves in April. She couldn't stop her desperate search and had to admit that she was seeking some
sign of Miss Manners. She believed she found it when she stopped at one house and narrowed her eyes.
"Oh," she squeaked.
She crossed the street toward what looked like the prettiest flower she had ever seen, something that she wished she could pluck and place in a vase as a surprise on Miss Manners's desk. But as she got closer she discovered that the exotic flower was no flower but a red soda can someone had tossed in the bush. Her soul sagged for the second time in one day. Did beauty and manners really exist?
"Help me," Carolina nearly sobbed as she stepped backward and clutched Miss Manners's letter. The world, she realized, was a sad place when from a few feet away trash could fool someone who walked in beauty.
One day Javier Mendoza rode his bike by his aunt Marta's house and saw that she was holding a yard sale on her front lawn. He circled in front of her house, his face hidden in a 49ers football helmet he had found earlier in the alley. His aunt had rigged clothes on a line and had run an extension cord to the yard. A television was turned up loudly and roaring with the sounds of a NASCAR race. On a blanket lay shoes, kitchen utensils, toys, a lamp, and other stuff from closets.
Javier pulled to a halt.
"Hi,
TÃa,
" he said as he tugged off his helmet. He was glad to get it off; it smelled. It was heavy, just like a real professional one. But he was too smart to believe that he would be so lucky as to find such a relic in an alley. He was nobody's fool.
It took his aunt a while to recognize her nephew. "Oh, honey, it's you. I'm glad you're here." She was wearing pink slippers and a robe. A huge roller crowned her hair. She looked like she was going to bed.
His aunt had Javier move some boxes from the garage to the front yard, plus climb the roof to turn on the water valve to her cooler. It was April in Fresno and spring break for kids. With the days heating up, kids were already running through sprinklers. Boys his age, thirteen, were going shirtless. That is, if they had strong bodies.
By the time Javier was done with his chores, he was sweaty. His own T-shirt, with
BART SIMPSON
printed on the front, had come off and then back on when he recognized a girl from school. He had forgotten her name, though he remembered her from his third-grade class. Every week during show-and-tell, she would bring weird stuff. One time she brought penguin eggs, though to him they looked like the eggs his mother had cracked open for morning burritos. Another time she brought a lightbulb she said Thomas Edison had used in an experiment. True, the lightbulb looked old, but come on!
"Hi, Javier," the girl sang sweetly. Her greeting carried the scent of watermelon Jolly Ranchers.
"Hi," Javier said as he lowered his head and tried to recall her name.
"Veronica," she helped out. "Do you live here?"
"Nah, my aunt does." Javier turned and saw that his aunt was smiling at him. She lifted her eyelids as
she appraised Veronica. Javier picked up the message. His aunt was thinking the girl, Veronica, looked cute. But she wouldn't think that if she had been there in third grade watching Veronica brag during show-and-tell. Right then Javier remembered her bringing in a baseball hit by Sammy Sosa. The baseball looked too new, Javier insisted at the time. There were no dents or scuffs. Javier argued that if Sammy Sosa connected on that ball, the entire cover would be ripped off. Plus, how did she get the ball anyhow?
"You need any more help?" Javier asked.
"No,
mi'jo.
"
His aunt viewed her yard sale. To Javier it looked like a tornado had ripped through the house and scattered her belongings. "Would you like a soda?" she said as she turned to face Javier and Veronica.
"I guess so," Javier shrugged.
"And you?" She was looking at Veronica, who was holding up a half-dressed Ken doll.
Veronica set down Ken, but not before saying that she had twenty Kens lined up on a bedroom shelf and that one day she would sell them when they were worth a lot of money. Her twenty Barbies were in a hope chest.
Javier didn't care enough to ask what a hope chest was, though to him it sounded like it could be a workout station where you build up your muscles.
"Thank you," Veronica said. Her face brightened
into a smile. Her tongue was red from the watermelon Jolly Ranchers. "I would love oneâany kind." She then volunteered that she had helped her mother wash the car. She added in a near whisper that Ferraris are really hard to clean because of all the chrome.
Javier rocked on his heelsâwhat a liar!
"That's nice," Aunt Marta said in an encouraging tone.
"Plus, I did some of the ironing because our nanny quit. She had to go back to France because of a family thing."
"Yeah, right," Javier grumbled to himself.
"That's real nice," his aunt said from the porch before she disappeared into the house.
Veronica stepped toward the snowy television. There was a wreck on the track, and the race cars were moving slowly past a man waving a red flag. "I'm going to get my driver's license when I'm fifteen."