Heller's Regret (17 page)

A couple of weeks later, a small package
arrived in the mail for me. Puzzled, I opened it to find the heavy
gold locket with Samuel’s portrait inside and a letter from a
lawyer. Miss Grimsley had left me the locket in her will. Though
probate of her estate hadn’t been finalised, the dry, detailed
missive advised me I was the only beneficiary besides the charity
to whom Miss Grimsley had bequeathed her house, furniture and
personal effects. As there were no remaining Grimsley relatives to
contest the will, and the locket was a “mere trinket in value
compared to the rest of the estate”, the lawyer thought it
advisable to send it to me without haste.

A jolt of strong emotion shook me when I
opened the locket and looked down on that sweet little face again.
Of course I was touched by Miss Grimsley’s gesture, remembering how
much the locket meant to her, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep
it. The memories attached to it held too much unhappiness for
me.

Heller, noticing the uncertainty in my face,
gently took the locket from my hand. He placed it in his office
safe, so I didn’t have to have it in my flat at least.

“We’ll leave it there until you know what you
want to do with it. Judging by its weight and the colour of it, the
amount of solid gold in both the chain and locket makes it quite
valuable.” A tentative moment later, he advised, “You could sell
it.”

“I could never sell it,” I said, shocked.

“Guess you’ve already decided then. Do you
want to leave it in the safe?”

“Yes, please.”

I really didn’t want it in my flat because I
didn’t trust myself not to take it out and brood over the miniature
portrait, creating fresh doubts in my mind about the existence of
‘my’ Samuel.

After another week of enforced rest, I felt
ready to return to work. Although still too thin, my energy level
had improved enormously and my wounds were healing well.

Out of the blue, Dr Reid rang me one day. By
then, with the events of that strange situation fading through time
and the locket safely kept from me, I felt much better, my dreams
of Rose disturbing my sleep only on rare occasions. I turned down
his further offer of counselling.

“Yours was a very unusual and remarkable
case, Tilly. I’ve never had one even remotely similar. I’d love to
write about it in an article for a medical journal. The fact that
you were so adamant about having stayed with a real boy, despite
the hard evidence to the contrary is fascinating. Your knowledge
about the location of his body is as well.”

“I only knew because he led me there.”

“A lot of psychiatrists and psychologists
would be very interested in this case. Would you give me your
permission to write the article?”

I hesitated, not keen on the idea. “I don’t
know. I’d have to leave that decision up to Heller as I was on
assignment for him at the time. I wouldn’t like to approve anything
that involved his business without his agreement.”

“All your personal information would be
completely de-identified. Absolutely no one would know it was you
or the name of Mr Heller’s business.”

“
I
would know,” I replied, perhaps
with a smidgeon too much sharpness. “You really need to ring Heller
about this.”

“I was afraid you’d say that. It doesn’t take
much imagination to figure out he’s going to refuse.”

“You’re probably right. I’m sorry.”

He sighed heavily. “I’ll give it a try
anyway.”

“Dr Reid, before you go I want to thank you
for all the help you gave me and for being so patient and
considerate.”

He laughed. “I’m not going to bully a pretty
young woman in distress, am I?”

“Flatterer. Good luck talking to Heller.”

As I ended the call, I decided I’d really had
enough of that assignment, tired of how it had dominated my life
for so long. I didn’t want to speak about it, or even think about
it, ever again. I’d managed to come out the other side of the
experience alive and sane. It was time for me to firmly put it
behind me and move on with my life. The best way to do that was to
return to work.

I went into Heller’s office the next morning
and waited patiently while he finished up what he was doing. He
saved the file and greeted me with a smile.

“Come to drag me upstairs to treat me to some
wild sex?”

“Ha! You wish. Wasn’t last night enough for
you?”

“No amount of sexy time with you is ever
enough for me.”

I snortled in amusement. “Sexy time? Is that
what we’re calling it now?”

“Why not? You’re very sexy during that time,
so it’s factually true.”

“You’re sexy any time. But I haven’t come in
to discuss exactly just how ridiculously sexy you are, I’ve come to
talk about returning to work. I’m ready for another
assignment.”

“Are you sure, my sweet?”

“Positive. If I’m up to tangoing with you in
bed, I’m up to dealing with another assignment.”

“I’ll have to think about this. Your health
has improved significantly, but you’re still too thin.” He stood
and came around the table to cup my cheek in his hand. “You seem so
fragile to me. I’m not sure I want you to work just yet.”

I protested immediately. “I can’t sit around
forever. I have to earn a living.”

“Not necessarily.”

“I’m
not
going to become your
full-time, on-call sex playmate.”

“Why ever not? Such a job comes with many
benefits.”

“Heller, just give me an assignment.”

Seeing that I wasn’t going to budge from that
position, he returned behind his desk and flicked thoughtfully
through the database of current and future assignments.

“Whatever job I send you on will have to be
non-strenuous. And I’m going to send one of my more trusted men
along with you.”

“Okay. I really don’t want to do another
assignment by myself at the moment. At least if something goes
terribly wrong this time, someone will know and it won’t escalate
out of control.”

Guilt flashed across his face. “Nothing will
happen to you, Matilda.”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve heard that too many
times to give it credence any longer. I believe you assured me of
my safety in the last assignment and the one before that and the
one before that, and well, you get the idea.”

Guilt blossomed into pain, twisting his face.
Our conversation had taken a sudden sharp detour into something
less flirty, something less easy for us to discuss. And though I
hadn’t meant to sound so cold with him, I didn’t want to subject my
body to any more stress. I’d never mentioned it to him, of course,
but some nights I’d lay awake pondering over whether it would be
best for me to totally quit working for him and find a safe,
predicable job instead.

“Your last assignment was something I’ve
never experienced before and I’ve been doing security work for a
long time. But I understand your feelings about this, Matilda.”

“I don’t think you really do understand,
Heller. I don’t think you can. I’ve internalised everything that’s
happened to me since I started working for you. It’s become part of
me and some of its very ugly and dark. I come from a nice family
and had a happy upbringing with my family and friends. I don’t want
this dark ugliness inside me because I feel like I can never erase
it. Maybe I’m just not cut out for security work.”

“Security work is usually very
straight-forward. You’ve encountered some unusual assignments which
none of my men have ever experienced.”

“Why don’t you send me on those
straight-forwards jobs?”

He sighed. “Matilda, I honestly believe that
no matter what kind of job I send you on, you would run into
difficulties of some type.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault these things
happen to me?”

“No. Don’t read things into my words that I
didn’t say.” He cut short the argument that threatened to happen
between us, perhaps recognising the warning signs in me. “I’ll find
you a very boring job. You’ll be on your feet, standing all day
either guarding something or watching over something. By the end of
the assignment, you’ll be begging me for something more
interesting.”

“I hope so. Let me know when you’ve found
one.”

“I will.”

Eventually he called me back down to his
office. I sat in one of his chairs, impatient to hear about my new
job.

“Your partner should be here soon,” he said,
not tearing his eyes from his monitor.

“I’m bored of waiting.”

“Matilda, it’s been about two minutes since
you arrived.”

“Maybe, but it’s been three days since you
said you’d find me a new assignment.”

“Good assignments don’t just drop into my lap
every hour.”

He picked up his phone, about to make a call,
when Farrell entered his office and sat down without an
invitation.

“You took your time,” said Heller quietly,
hanging up the phone.

“It’s only been ten minutes since you
summoned me and I told you then I was in the middle of something
important that would take ten minutes to finish.”

Heller shot him a long cool glance, before
deciding to let that comment slide. He knew Farrell was smart
enough not to show his annoyance again. “Matilda’s been cooped up
for a long time and has been bugging me –”

“Asking you,” I interrupted, not bothering to
hide my annoyance.

“– bugging me for a new assignment. I’m
handing her over to you for a while.”

“Okay,” said Farrell, displaying no emotion.
I couldn’t tell if he was pleased or not to be saddled with me, but
I knew I was happy about it. I always felt . . .
safe
when I
was with him.

Heller explained the assignment to us. “An
upmarket department store has organised a showcase display of some
extremely valuable jewellery. They obviously require some security
staff to guard it.” His blue eyes landed on me. “Matilda, I’m
afraid the department store is located in that shopping centre you
love so much.”

I groaned heartily. “I don’t
love
that
centre, I
hate
it. I don’t want to return to it ever again.
Nothing good ever happens to me there. What if I run into Miss
Petunia?”

“Then you’ll ignore her, which is the only
courtesy she deserves.” He turned to Farrell. “I can’t stress
enough the value of this collection. In fact, it’s
irreplaceable.”

“Who does the jewellery belong to?” I asked,
curious.

“The collection belonged to some duchess.
It’s part of the duchy’s private collection and has never been on
display before, not even in the ancestral home. I didn’t ask for
more information.” As long as he was paid, he didn’t care about
those kinds of details, but I did.

“Why is it so valuable?”

“Because she lived and died in the eighteenth
century after marrying into one of the great duchies in the UK.
After she married, her greatest passion in life was collecting
jewellery to add to the duchy’s already vast collection. Most of
the jewellery is very rare and the gemstones are of exceptional
quality. She had a sharp eye for excellent jewellery.” He spoiled
my fantasy of him as a jewellery connoisseur by adding, “The store
manager told me all of this as background during our initial
discussion.”

“When do we start?” asked Farrell.

“You have a meeting with the store manager at
eight tomorrow morning.” He swivelled his chair back to face his
computer in an unmistakable gesture of dismissal. Taking the hint,
we made moves to leave.

“Meet me in the security section at seven
sharp tomorrow morning,” Farrell snapped at me outside Heller’s
office. “And don’t be late.”

“Why does everyone always say that to me?”
But I was speaking to thin air as he’d already disappeared through
the doorway.

The next morning, I woke bright and chirpy,
ready for action though the deepest cuts on my arms ached a little.
My uniform looked too baggy on me, but there was little I could do
to improve my appearance beyond tightening the belt another couple
of notches.

I beat Farrell to the security section. Clive
was there, but he ignored my arrival, so I ignored him right back.
It wasn’t a sustainable or mature way to manage our work situation,
but if he wasn’t willing to move even the tiniest bit towards
meeting me in the middle, I refused to make all the effort in
repairing our fractured relationship.

I had time to indulge in a caffeine hit
before my official starting time, but the coffee pot was caked with
layers of accumulated gunge built up since the last time I’d
scrubbed it. I’d once asked one of the men how could he stand to
drink from it and he’d merely grunted, saying that the burnt-on old
coffee “added flavour”.

So instead, I spent the time perusing some of
the notices pinned to the section’s corkboard. They were mostly new
requirements or changes to existing requirements regarding the
security industry. Running a business in a heavily regulated
industry, Heller insisted that all his staff keep up to date on
changes. In many ways he was an excellent boss, not hesitating to
send his men on training courses where he thought they’d enhance
their skills. On occasion, government inspectors turned up
unannounced to check the licences of all the staff present in the
building. In those circumstances, he was unfailingly polite and
helpful, secure in the knowledge his accounting was accurate and
orderly, his weaponry all registered, and all his men possessed
current licences and had completed any compulsory training
proscribed by the government. I’d seen the inspectors in action and
they always left empty-handed after their visits, not able to fault
him on anything. I’d gathered through the time I’d known him that
he was definitely someone who didn’t want the government snooping
unnecessarily around his business. I often wondered if I’d ever
find out why that was so, but decided it was probably best if I
didn’t.