Hell, Yeah (17 page)

“You reckon he’ll settle down?”

“Brad? Hell no! But she won’t know it. He’s a sneaky bastard.”

She forced herself to focus on the wall. Her eyes adjusted and she realized her knees were bent and short chains went from cuffs on her ankles to those on her wrists. Her first reaction was to scream and fight. She arched her back and had her mouth open with a string of cuss words that would fry the slime off a frog’s ass then clamped it shut.

“You sure you gave her enough to knock her out for a whole day? I damn sure wouldn’t want her to know who we are.”

She relaxed. She was in the back of a van. Two men were talking in the front seat. The passenger was eating a hamburger and onion rings. The driver had a beer in his hand and took a swig every few minutes. But why was she there and what did they want?

“Stop askin’ me that question, you moron. I’m smart enough to know how much juice to give a horse to drop them in their track. I gave her enough to keep her quiet for the whole trip. Hell, she ain’t goin’ to wake up until sometime tomorrow. She’ll wonder how in the hell she got from Mingus to Jefferson, Texas. Not that she’ll know where she is. He wants her to think she’s in hell for a week before he sweeps in there and rescues her.”

“She won’t just think it. She will be in hell in that place. When he comes to rescue her, she’ll be so glad to see him she’ll marry him on the spot.”

“That’s what he’s hopin’ for. His uncle said the next time he messes up he’s out of the business and he’s sure got used to that big money. Remember when we was kids and he always said he was going to have an office with lots of pretty girls all around him?”

“Did his uncle really say that he only had six months to settle down?”

“If he didn’t would we be drivin’ a horse of a woman to an old fishin’ shack?”

Her eyelids drooped but she forced them open. Maybe they would keep talking and she could figure out what in the hell was going on.

“Hell would be heaven when she wakes up and finds herself in that old fishin’ shack on the bayou. Put that Larry the Cable Guy CD in the player. I could use a good laugh. This is a boring damn ride. If I’d a known how far it was over to that gawdforsaken hellhole I wouldn’t have gone over there.”

Cathy tried to get comfortable as Larry the Cable Guy had the two men guffawing with his country comedy. Her legs cramped, yet if she tried to straighten them the metal cuffs cut into her wrists. She held her eyes open until they were so dry they hurt as bad as her legs. Finally she couldn’t do it anymore and her eyelids snapped shut. As darkness closed in around her she repeated what they had said over and over. Jefferson. Bayou. Fishing shack. Only four words but she had to remember them.

Cathy named the one in the driver’s seat Beer and the passenger Hamburger because that’s what she could smell. She had no idea how long she’d lain in that position but every bone in her body ached like she had a severe case of the flu. Nothing was real. She was only lucid a few minutes at a time before the effects of whatever they’d shot her with put her back into la-la land.

They’d gotten into a discussion about Brad Alton during one of her clear moments and whether he’d pay them or not. Beer said if he didn’t pay them he was going to set the woman free and tell her where to find him. Hamburger said if he didn’t pay up, they’d best keep their mouths shut because Brad could be a mean sumbitch. She wondered how much he offered them to tie her up like a calf at a roping arena but drifted back to sleep before they admitted anything.

“Put that pillowcase over her head. If she wakes up we don’t want her to see our faces,” Beer said.

“Damn it, Duroc, I told you I give her enough to knock out a horse,” Hamburger snapped.

“Do it anyway or else give her some more juice. I ain’t takin’ no chances. Sheriff in Jefferson gets his paws on me again he’ll send me to prison, Oscar.”

She didn’t know if they’d been driving thirty minutes or thirty years. She might look in the mirror later that day and see an old woman looking back at her. Whatever was in that bee sting of a shot sure put her in an episode of
Twilight Zone
where time had no meaning. In the past fifteen minutes she’d managed to stay awake enough to realize they were going through a town and hitting every red light. After that Hamburger said something about crossing a bridge and being glad it wasn’t frozen over yet.

She drew her eyebrows down as she tried to remember the night before. Or was it a month ago? Travis had kissed her and she went to bed. She awoke that morning and went to the bank. When she returned two men rushed inside the garage and attacked her. She was killing one of them with her bare hands when a bee stung her.

You sorry bastards. You shot me with a tranquilizer. That’s why the garage started spinning and I lost my grip. I’ll tear you apart limb by limb if you ever take these cuffs off me.

She wanted to bite and scream when they opened the double doors at the back of the van but she made herself pretend to be asleep. Cold drizzling rain blew in on her bare feet and hands but she played dead. Which wasn’t easy when it was so cold and she had to keep the shivers at bay. Hamburger grabbed the chain and pulled her to the edge of the van floor like she was a dead deer he’d shot. She was angry enough to spit but there was no way she could run or walk if she did get free—not until she got feeling back in her hands and feet.

“Keep them chains on her. We can get her to the boat. It ain’t but ten feet from here,” Beer said.

Hamburger slipped his hands under her arms and lifted. “God, she’s heavy. I’m glad the dock is right up to the water.”

“Don’t seem too heavy to me,” Beer said.

“Well, by damn, next time you get this end.”

They eased her down in the boat. She waited for the engine to start but it didn’t. When the boat began to move she fluttered her eyes enough to see that they were rowing. If she didn’t have chains putting her in a reverse fetal position she would have beat them both with the oars until they were blue and tossed them into the cold water for the alligators to feast upon. Or crocodiles or water moccasins or any other varmint that could survive cold water and had a good healthy appetite. She opened her eyes and tried to memorize details to give the sheriff but all she saw was their backs. They were both medium height and thin built but they wore gray hooded coats and heavy boots. There was no way her description could ever help catch the sorry bastards. She did remember the one she was choking was red haired and neither of them were nearly as tall as her so that would put them below six feet. Their names were Oscar and Duroc. Evidently Duroc was the red-haired little piglet and Oscar the chubby one with bad breath that smelled like chewing tobacco and beer.

“I’m glad it ain’t but a mile down here. My arms is already sore from haulin’ that big ox of a woman around all night,” Hamburger said.

“I hear you, Oscar.”

“Stop using my name. She might hear it even in her sleep. You moron, Duroc.”

“Well, you just called me by name, and besides, I’m not ig’nert. I filled up that needle good. She ain’t going to hear shit the way she’s sleepin’.”

Finally, they docked on the other side of the water and wrapped a rope around a rotting tree stump.

“It’s your turn to get her arms,” Hamburger said.

“It’d make it easier to get her in the cabin if we was to loosen them chains. Ain’t no way we’re goin’ to carry her up them stairs with her all bent backwards. Keep the cuffs on her feet and arms. If she was to wake up then she couldn’t get far before we’d catch her and give her some more of that stuff,” Beer said.

Was Oscar or Duroc the one she’d named Beer? Which one was Hamburger? She wanted to open her eyes but she didn’t dare take a chance of another dose of medicine, so she went completely limp.

Hamburger fiddled with the chains. “You get her up under her arms and I’ll get her feet. It ain’t but a hundred yards back to Brad’s grandpa’s old shack. We can do this. Pretend it’s two of them hun’erd-pound sacks of deer corn.”

Cathy did not weigh two hundred pounds. A fit of anger stiffened her body.

“Is she dead? Feels like rigor is settin’ in. Brad will shoot you dead if she ain’t alive in a week. Good God, did you give her too damn much of that horse tranquilizer?”

Cathy went limp as a wet dishrag.

“She ain’t dead. She musta been havin’ a nightmare. I don’t guarantee my shots will make them have sweet dreams, just that they’ll sleep.”

One man slipped his hands under her arms and grunted when the other pulled her feet up out of the boat. Twice on the way to the cabin they almost let her fall. The next time Beer lost his grip on her arms she almost arched upward to keep from getting any wetter but relaxed at the last minute.

“Shit, man, I can’t keep this up. Trade ends with me,” Beer said.

“You ain’t nothin’ but a weaklin’. Lay her down and we’ll swap. I’ll be glad when this job is done. Next time Brad wants something done he can do it hisself.”

She was only on the cold wet earth a minute before they picked her up again and trudged on toward the cabin, but it was long enough to chill her entire backside. She lolled her head to one side and opened one eye just enough to see what was ahead. She’d seen outhouses that looked better than that place. Surely they weren’t going to leave her stranded there for a whole week. If she got free, Duroc and Oscar were about to find themselves cuffed to the porch post of that horrid looking shack. She pictured them shivering in nothing but their tighty whities. As angry as she was she might not even leave them that much to keep them from freezing. With their IQs they didn’t need to reproduce anyway.

They were both panting when Beer kicked the door open with his foot and heaved her onto a bed. It squeaked and bounced twice then everything was quiet. Hamburger unlocked the cuffs from her arms and Beer fiddled with the ones on her leg.

Cathy opened both eyes wide.

Hamburger took a step backwards. “Man, you better hurry. She’s wakin’ up too early,” he said.

She kicked as hard as she could but was a second too late as she heard the click of the shackle snapping around her ankle. She connected with something because Beer grunted, squealed, and headed for the door in a bent over position. Quicker than a gnat can blink, she swung hard with her right hand and caught Hamburger in the nose. Blood sprayed all over her T-shirt and his shirt as she up came fighting like a wounded mountain lion. Both men took off out the front door with her right on their heels. Her legs were rubbery and running was tough, but if she caught them she swore she’d find the strength to kill them both. Hamburger fell to his knees out in the yard beside Beer who had rolled up in a fetal position and was moaning like a fire siren.

“Damn you, I told you to give her plenty of that horse stuff and now look at us. She’s liable to break that chain. Does that shit make a horse strong and mean when it wakes up from it?” Beer panted between groans.

Hamburger blubbered through a bloody nose, “Hell, I don’t know. I never stayed around long enough to see how they come out of the shit. Let’s get out of here.”

“I will soon as I can walk, you idiot.”

“That woman is a hellcat. Brad is the idiot. She’s going to kill him.” Hamburger wiped his nose on his coat sleeve but it didn’t stop bleeding.

“Don’t talk to me,” Beer said in a high squeaky voice.

Cathy made it to the front door when the chain ran out. Like a short bungee drop, the forward motion came to an abrupt halt and sent her backwards to land on the floor with a loud thump. “You sorry sumbitches. Get in here and let me go or I’ll chew this damned chain in two and beat you to death with it.”

“I’m goin’ to kill you long afore you chew the chain in two,” Beer yelled through the blubber.

Cathy looked around the room for something to fight with. All she saw was a bare mattress on top of metal springs on a rusty old iron bedstead. If she could get Duroc and Oscar back in the house she could smother them with the mattress or knock their heads against the bedstead until their brains looked like burned scrambled eggs. She was sure God wouldn’t even write down the sin of killing them in his little log book. He might even put a gold star beside her name.

Two stained blankets were tossed on the floor on the back side of the bed. Maybe she could wrap them up in the blankets and beat them until they were cold with her bare fists. A toilet and sink were in the far corner with a tattered muslin curtain for privacy. She eyed the rectangular cover on the back of the toilet. She could heave it like a discus at the first one through the door and flatten his face like a real Duroc hog. A chain attached to a thick shackle on her right ankle was affixed to a pivotal eye bolt in the floor. If she could pull it up out of the floor it would be a good weapon to use for a garrote. She grabbed it and pulled with all the might she could muster but it didn’t budge.

Duroc and Oscar were still out there in the yard and it didn’t look like they were too damned eager to come into the house or get out of the rain. The one curled up was still weeping and holding his crotch; the other one was trying to stop the blood dripping off his chin. She paced to get her legs back into working order. If it hadn’t been for the medicine they’d pumped into her, she’d have kicked Beer’s teeth in but she couldn’t get her foot that high. That’s why her foot landed so much lower. Once she got her muscles to stop trembling she’d show him a thing or two.

“You ain’t goin’ to kill her. I am!” Hamburger’s voice gurgled though his hand as it caught blood still flowing from both sides of his nose. “I bet she broke my nose and I know my eyes is both black as hell.”

“You big boys come on in and we’ll see who is dead when the blood lettin’ is over. Y’all ain’t nearly as mean when I’m awake, are you?” She rattled the chains.

“Go give her another one of them shots.” Beer whimpered like a six-year-old girl.

“Hell, no.”

“Here kitty, kitty, kitty,” Cathy tormented them.

“We was goin’ to leave you some food but we could change our minds. We ain’t comin’ back until late tonight if we do decide to let you have something to eat. And you better be nice to us or you can starve,” Hamburger said.

“You get close to me, I’ll tear your arm off and eat it raw,” she shouted.

“I told you we shoulda handcuffed her to the bed,” Beer said.

“What in the hell does Brad want with a hellcat like that anyway?”

“I don’t know, man. He might want to give her two weeks, or hell, even a month. It’s goin’ to take more’n a week to soften her up.”

“Y’all tell Brad that hell is about to crawl up his ass and fry its way all the way through the top of his head.” She tugged at the chain but whatever they’d anchored it to under the house didn’t budge.

“She knows. She heard us in her sleep just like I told you. Damn, he’s goin’ to be mad. I ain’t tellin’ him nothin’,” Hamburger said.

“Me neither. I ain’t a scared of him but I am of that big old ox of a woman. He can take care of her all by hisself when he gets here next weekend,” Beer said in short raspy sentences.

“Let’s go get some food and give it to her and then get the hell out of Dodge until deer huntin’ season. You want that hun’erd dollars he promised to give us next week?”

“Hell no. Let’s take off for Las Vegas for a few months. I got a cousin out there who cleans up the bathrooms in a casino. He can get us a job,” Beer said.

“You think I can’t find you in Las Vegas? I’ll hunt you both down if I have to go in every men’s room in the whole town, and when I find you…”

“She means it, don’t she?” Hamburger whispered.

“Let’s go get that food and start drivin’ west. I’m tired of this cold wet weather anyway,” Beer said.

“We can go up to the grocery store and put it on my momma’s ticket but I ain’t takin’ it in there to her. Are you?” Hamburger asked.

“Hell, no! I reckon we can use a fishin’ pole to open the door and push the food in through there. I ain’t about to go in that place.”

“Y’all turn me loose and I’ll give you each a thousand dollars,” she yelled.

“That’s a lot of money,” Hamburger said.

“She’ll kill us. We won’t never see a bit of money,” Beer told him.

“I won’t harm a hair on your heads. You just walk in here and undo this shackle and I’ll go to the bank and get each one of you a thousand dollars. Then you can leave and I’ll take care of Brad.”

Cathy waited but neither of them said another word. They disappeared like two shadows into the foggy afternoon. She heard a thump and swearing as they got into the boat. She was so cold and angry that she couldn’t quit shaking. Even though the blankets looked like something a bag lady wouldn’t touch on a dumpster diving expedition, she wrapped one around her shoulders and sat down Indian style on the floor in front of the door. If they came back she fully well intended to jerk them into the shack and shake the keys to the shackle out of their pockets. The wind picked up and blew rain in through the holey screen wire and she scrambled back toward the bed. She couldn’t afford to get any wetter. If she caught pneumonia she’d die right there in that godforsaken place.