Hell to Heaven (28 page)

‘He wouldn’t spawn anything more powerful than he is,’ I said. ‘He’d have to be completely stupid to do that. The minute the spawn were aware of their power they’d try to depose him and take his place.’

‘I know. It’s an interesting dilemma,’ One Twenty-Eight said. ‘I’d love to know what he really wants out of this; it’s possible he doesn’t want your spawn at all. He’s always been exceptionally devious in his dealings.’

‘His word is good,’ I said, protesting.

‘Doesn’t stop him from being exceptionally devious,’ One Twenty-Eight repeated.

‘Keep at it, find a way,’ the Tiger said. He turned to the DNA tests on the counters. ‘Anything show up on these?’

‘Nothing at all,’ One Twenty-Eight said. ‘The technology isn’t advanced enough for us to do a general search without knowing specifically what we’re looking for. It looks normal. Normal human DNA.’

‘Take some now while she’s a snake and compare,’ the Tiger said.

‘I was going to ask that,’ One Twenty-Eight said. ‘Ma’am, do you mind?’

‘If there’s any chance of finding out what I am, take as much as you like,’ I said; then hesitated when he approached me with a large syringe. ‘Whoa, wait a minute—that thing’s as big as a milk bottle.’

‘You have about three times as much blood in serpent form, ma’am, won’t hurt you to take a little more,’ he said.

I hissed with pain as he slipped the needle into my skin between the scales then drained me from the back of my neck. ‘Hurry up, this hurts.’

He pulled the syringe free, stabbing me with pain again, and wiped the wound with a bandage. ‘Thank you, ma’am. If anything shows up I’ll be sure to let you know immediately.’

The Tiger spoke without looking at me as we made our way back out. ‘If the Demon King is the only one who can fix you, perhaps you should be trying to work something out with him.’

‘John said Nu Wa and the Three Purities—remember that,’ I said.

‘I doubt they’ll be able to help you, babe. Nu Wa is an unknown quantity, and the Three Purities are more like an unknowable quantity.’

I stopped and lowered my voice. ‘The Demon King offered me a list of possible trades I could make for having the essence cleared.’

‘Well, that’s a start. What were they?’

I looked around. ‘I’ll only tell you in a place where nobody can listen in.’

He turned in the other direction and held his hand out. ‘This way, ma’am.’

He led me away from the lifts to an empty room at the end of the corridor. It was an operating theatre, complete with a surgery light that, from below, looked like a face.

I turned away. ‘I’m not hanging around in here.’

‘Wait,’ he said, and touched the back of my neck. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘This looks very much like the place where I was injected with demon essence and turned into something that should be destroyed on sight.’

‘Well, get over it and tell me what the Demon King offered.’

I struggled with my serpent energy centres to remain calm in that awful place. ‘Vow to me you won’t pass this information on to anyone.
Anyone.
Understood?’

He hesitated. ‘That’s awfully dramatic.’

‘Promise!’

‘I vow I will not share this information with anyone.’

I dropped onto my coils and wound them more comfortably. ‘I can’t remember all of them, but you’ll get the gist of it after only a couple. Your incarceration in a Celestial Jade cage for a thousand years.’

He stepped back slightly. ‘Whoa.’

‘Either of the other two Winds in a similar situation. The life of Michael MacLaren; actually he asked for his head.’

‘Damn!’

‘Liu Cheng Rong held on the tenth level for ten thousand years. Or Meredith; either would do.’

‘You can stop now—’

‘Simone’s powers locked out for the rest of her life; reduce her to a normal human girl.’

‘That would remove our greatest fighter…’

‘All your wives.’

‘No
way.
’

‘All the demon armies of the Thirty-Six returned.’

‘This is crazy. Are all the options as stupid as that?’

‘Yes. And they’re all about
other
people suffering to clear me of this. That’s why you can’t tell anyone; I’m scared someone might actually do what he asks.’

‘I’ll give him my wives,’ the Tiger said, thoughtful. ‘Easily done.’

I slithered away and back again. ‘And that’s exactly why I don’t want anyone to know! Do you have any idea what he’ll do to them? You can’t do that, and that’s an order. You are not to offer the Demon King anything in return for my humanity.’

He paused, then: ‘Yes, ma’am.’

‘Some of your wives are Shen. Some are demons who changed sides. If the Demon King were to get his hands on them—or their children from you—he would have an army to use against us. Don’t even think about it.’

‘Your words have been trailing my thoughts,’ he said, and nodded once, sharply. ‘I’ll keep it quiet.’

‘Good,’ I said, and headed towards the lifts again. ‘Let’s go, I have work to do.’

‘Delegate! It will leave you more time for—’

‘Eating and screwing. Yes, I know. There are never enough hours in the day for your quota of eating and screwing.’

‘You got that one right, baby.’

W
hen I arrived home, I heard a bang from Simone’s room then a hissing that sounded as if she was hushing someone. I went to the door and tapped on it. ‘Hey, Simone, can I come in?’

‘Just a second!’ she called urgently, and there was more hushed discussion.

‘Do you have a boy in there?’ I said. ‘Michael, is that you?’

Simone opened the door a crack. ‘Nobody here but me.’

‘Don’t lie to me, Simone, you really suck at it. Who’s in there? I’d like to say hello. You don’t need to hide anything, sweethear—’ I swallowed the word. ‘Simone.’

She smiled tightly. ‘Nobody here but me. I’m watching a video, that’s all.’ Then came the sound of water hitting carpet and she squealed. ‘No, Freddo, bad boy! Not here on the carpet…’ Her voice changed to a moan. ‘Oh damn.’

I opened the door wider and saw the demon foal in the middle of the room, ears back, eyes half-closed, back legs stretched out wide, urinating in a high-pressure
stream onto Simone’s bedroom carpet. The smell was so strong that my eyes watered.

Simone grabbed Freddo around his middle and they both disappeared.

I went to the kitchen to find Monica. ‘You’ll never believe what’s happened, Monica. Can you get some carpet cleaners up here? We have something of an emergency.’

Fifteen minutes later, Simone returned, cowed and sheepish. She came into the office and sat across the desk from me. ‘Sorry, Emma. I’ll clean it up, I promise.’

‘Him piddling on the carpet was worse than him pooping on it, I swear. The whole flat reeks of it.’

‘I’ll have the water elementals flush the carpet for me.’

‘Carpet cleaners are on their way to steam-clean it.’

She thought for a moment, then concentrated. ‘I told Monica to cancel them. I can make the elementals steam.’

‘You can’t make them soap and deodorise the carpet as well, so tell her to bring the carpet cleaners up,’ I said. ‘But let your elementals have a try first.’

She grimaced and dropped her head. ‘Okay. Sorry, Emma.’

‘Why didn’t you go to the Celestial to play with him? A Hong Kong flat is not the ideal environment for a young horse.’

‘He wanted to see my room.’

I shook my head. ‘Can’t you find something else to do?’

She swung her chair around in a circle. ‘I’m so
bored
! I have nothing else to do!’

‘Contact the principal of CH and make an appointment to see him tomorrow with a view to
Simone starting school next week,’ the stone in my ring said.

‘Can I? Will he see me so much earlier than the original appointment?’ Simone said.

‘Ask him and see,’ the stone replied. ‘Emma, I’ve opened a composition email on your desktop with his address in it. Email him and ask him.’

The stone had already written the formal text of the request; all I had to do was fill in the blanks.

To: Principal, Celestial High

From: Emma Donahoe

Re: Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens

This honoured servant of the Jade Emperor requests an audience with the honoured Principal of the First Celestial Middle School with regard to the possibility of the early admission of Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens. Your kind consideration of this matter is appreciated.

Signed and chopped.

‘Oh, Emma, you have an appointment next week to collect your chop,’ the stone said.

‘What?’

‘Cool, you’ll have your own seal,’ Simone said. ‘I wonder what they’ll put on it.’

‘I never ordered this,’ I said. ‘It’s totally unnecessary. As a Westerner I’m not obliged to have one.’

‘Too bad,’ the stone said. ‘Everybody said you should have one, so they had one made and it’ll be ready next week.’

Simone leaned on the desk. ‘Why do they say “signed and chopped” on emails when there’s no signature or chop at all?’

‘The words
are
the signature and chop,’ the stone said. ‘The idea of them.’

Simone leaned back. ‘That’s stupid.’

I hovered the mouse over the
send
button. ‘Are you happy to start at CH earlier?’

She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. ‘I have to go anyway. I’m bored as hell here so might as well go sooner.’

‘Very well,’ I said, and clicked the button.

Simone rose. ‘I’ll see what I can do about that carpet before the cleaning guys get here. His pee smells
awfull
!’

Fifteen minutes later, I received a reply from CH.

To: Emma Donahoe

From: Principal, Celestial High

Re: Re: Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens

This humble servant of the Celestial is gratified to provide the Princess with an appointment to discuss the possibility of her early admission into this institution. If it is suitable for your Highnesses, a time of nine o’clock Hong Kong time tomorrow morning has been set aside for you to put your case to the Principal. This humble Worthy also requests the attendance of the Princess’s relation Bai Hu, the Esteemed Emperor of the Western Heavens, to speak on her behalf.

Signed and chopped.

‘Tell Simone,’ I said to the stone. ‘And ask the Tiger.’

‘Tiger says yes,’ the stone said. ‘Simone says—’

Aww, do I have to wake up early tomorrow?
Simone said into my head.

‘Back to school, Simone, no more sleeping until lunchtime,’ I answered.

I won’t be able to sleep at all with this smell in here! I might have to move rooms!

The carpet cleaners showed up early the next morning. Simone had moved into her father’s room for the night, and when she came out it was obvious she hadn’t slept well. The cleaners shook their heads and tutted at the state of the carpet, then spoke to me with some difficulty in English.

‘I understand Cantonese,’ Simone said. ‘Talk to me, I’ll translate.’

The cleaners were obviously relieved. One of them pointed at the floor. ‘A steam iron and a hairdryer only made this worse. Is this dog?’

Simone nodded. ‘Yes. Big dog.’

They shook their heads. ‘We’ll try our best, but what you’ve done to it has made it worse,’ the male cleaner said. ‘It’s gone through to the stuff underneath and dried in there. We may not be able to save it.’

‘See what you can do,’ I said. They stared at me. ‘I can understand, I just can’t speak well,’ I added.

They nodded, and started plugging in their equipment.

‘Uncle Bai’s here, it’s time to go,’ Simone said. She dropped her voice. ‘You’ll need to change in the living room.’

‘Just make sure they don’t come out and see me,’ I said.

Half an hour later, we materialised on a grassy lawn surrounded by traditional Chinese buildings with green roofs. Students sat on chairs and lounged on the grass around us. A couple of students were battling with swords to one side, a small group of mildly interested spectators watching them.

‘Main admin building is this way,’ the Tiger said.

A couple of girls rushed over: Sylvie and Precious. They hugged Simone, and Precious jiggled with excitement.

‘About time you turned up here,’ Sylvie said, swinging Simone’s hand with delight. ‘I hope we have some classes together.’

‘Won’t we be in different years?’ Simone said.

‘No year-grade bullshit at CH,’ Precious said in her little-girl voice. ‘You work at whatever level you need to. You study until you think you’ve done enough, then you can go. Most of us are between about twelve and twenty-two or twenty-three, which works out the equivalent of Earthly grades seven to about fourth-year university.’ She grinned at Simone. ‘Come on, let’s show you around.’

‘I have to see the principal first,’ Simone said with dismay.

‘You don’t need to sound like that, he’s not scary at all,’ Sylvie said. ‘We’ll come too.’ She winked at me. ‘Nice scales.’

I shook my serpent head and followed them across the lawn to the largest building. Students lounged on the veranda, some of them studying but others working with chi and shen energy. A boy of about sixteen threw a fireball into the ground near a group of girls who were reading on the grass and they squealed and berated him loudly.

We went up onto the veranda, the wood creaking beneath us. The young man who’d thrown the fireball nodded and made way to let us through. The Tiger opened the double doors for us and we went in. There was a standard reception desk inside, with an elderly, scraggly-bearded Chinese man sitting behind it. He grinned when he saw us.

‘Oh, the daughter of Xuan Tian, welcome, madam.’ He saluted me. ‘Heavenly General.’ He nodded to the Tiger. ‘Emperor. The principal is on his way.’