Hell Hounds Are for Suckers (2 page)

CHAPTER  3

Something was licking my face. I shot out of bed ready to attack until I remembered the events of the night before. I looked down to find my  uninvited boarder studying my face with big sad green puppy eyes. Scooping him up, I headed for the kitchen. Thought I’d refresh his water and food dishes. He had drunk some of his water. The food hadn’t been touched.

“What’s the matter with your food, fur ball? Don’t you like it?”

Maybe he preferred a different brand. After my shower we’d head back over to the pet store and buy a few more bags. That little glitch resolved, I headed to the nostalgic claw-foot tub in my bathroom and pulled the Ed Hardy curtain around me. I love to sing in the shower and today was Three Days Grace’s Pain. I was toweling off when I noticed fur ball was waiting for me on the rug. I sighed to myself.

“What are you doing there? Do you need a bath too?”

He growled his big burly growl. Apparently not.

“I take that as a no.”

I flicked some water on him and he jumped, snapping at the droplets.

“My Grandma, what big teeth you have.” He missed the literary allusion.

I toweled off before applying my makeup.  Started with plenty of black eyeliner. My short, chunky hair was Edgar Allan Poe Black this week with purple on the tips. Smoky purple eye shadow finished my look matching my hair and nails. Dark.

The big black fur ball followed me into my bedroom. Had he grown overnight? I focused on my wardrobe. Getting dressed takes a while. It isn’t as easy as it looks to figure out a Goth slash punk wardrobe. Final selection:  a short plaid skirt, thigh high socks, Mary Jane’s with skulls on them, a white shirt with cap sleeves and a leather choker with a leather wrist band. Ready for the day, I called to the fur ball. I really had to find a name for him if he was going to be sticking around for more than a few days. We headed for the garage to get him some new food. I reminded myself he was only going to be around a few more days. When he was gone, I’d have quite a donation for the homeless shelter, all their dogs need to eat too.

This time I had a leash so no untoward looks at the pet store. I picked out four new bags of puppy chow: organic, bison, no grain all chicken and traditional puppy chow. The dog talked me into a new toy. When we got home, I opened up each bag and poured a sample of each in front of him. He sniffed and then sat down a few feet away and whimpered.

“Nice. Don’t eat. I didn’t invite you over for dinner anyway.” I was really starting to get worried.

“What’s wrong? Why won’t you eat any of this? You’re really, really bringing the Ganja Girl down.” I gave him my own version of the sad face. He barked and out came a flash of fire. My vampire reflexes and speed kicked in and I avoided it. My table cloth didn’t. I grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out a small blaze. Dammit that was vintage. The Batenburg lace was now charred.

“What the hell was that?”

Fur ball barked again and another flame erupted. This time I was ready with the extinguisher  just managing to keep my rabbit’s foot fern from frying. Of course, I wasn’t sure what the chemicals would do to it.

I was freaking out, to put it mildly. I always take my blood from herbally enhanced donors, so maybe the little guy just needed a chill pill too. It would give him an appetite. I knew someone who could get some chocolate bars with medicinal grade marijuana in them. I called her immediately.

“Jill? Hannah. Can you bring me a chocolate bar? It’s an emergency. Yeah. Half an hour? Great, thanks.”

“Little guy, hold on. Help is on the way.” We passed the time by playing with his new toy. Jill stopped by and I paid her for the chocolate. She commented on the cute puppy but he wouldn’t come out from behind my legs to see her. As soon as she was gone I force fed him the chocolate. Surprisingly it wasn’t that hard to do.

And then we waited.

Pretty soon the fur ball was staggering around and falling down. I shifted into hyper-panic.

“This calls for expert advice and there is only one person I know who can help us. We’re going to see Julian. Saddle up, fur ball.”

I scooped him up and streaked to the garage. In two of his doggy heartbeats he was sitting in the front seat of the bug with his head hanging out the window. We sailed across the Bay Bridge. His tongue was lolling and his eyes were unfocused. I was hoping he wouldn’t hurl. I was scared.

CHAPTER 4

I pulled up to the mansion that Helena, Julian, Sebastian and Lily’s call home.  Or as Lilly calls it, the “Manse” for short. I saw the fleet of the older vampires’ Mercedes and Lily’s Prius. Hopefully the gathering included Aidan. Despite his hopelessly entangled heart, I could never get enough of that tall drink of djinn eye candy. I lugged the fur ball up the marble stairs and knocked on the oversized, intricately carved doors. Andrew answered. He’s been their butler ever since Lily rescued him from his unemployed status when the coffee shop he’d been working for shut down. He is an ardent admirer of moi.  When he saw what I had in my arms, his eyes widened.

“Hey, Andrew.”

“Hello, Ms. Hannah. What is that you’re carrying?” That, started growling. Then hiccupped a flame that narrowly missed Andrew.

“As you can see, we need Julian’s help.”

“Of course,” he said. Though he’d come late to it, at twenty-five, the art of butlering came naturally to him. “They’re in the library.”

“Thanks, Andrew,” I yelled over my shoulder as I hustled down the halls with my flame-throwing, hiccupping, growling, half-stoned ball of black fur. We maneuvered our way around Helena’s renovation materials on our way to the library. Andrew scurried off, mumbling something about getting a fire extinguisher.

“Hannah, it’s so good to see you,” Lily said when I walked in. She came over and hugged me and fur ball started licking her. She laughed. “Who is this?”

I was relieved. Lily, Helena, Sebastian, Julian and Aidan were all in attendance. It made it easier, I’d only have to explain myself once.

“I found him last night in the cemetery.” I started. “He followed me and I haven’t been able to ditch him yet.”

“Hannah, shame on you,” Lily cooed. “He’s gorgeous. It’s just what you need.”

“He certainly is,” Helena said, joining us.

“He drools!” I grunted.

Sebastian came over to pet him. That earned him a menacing growl from fur ball. I hadn’t heard that noise, bone-chillingly eerie. Sebastian immediately stepped back. “It looks like someone is jealous.” Helena laughed as she got a lick on the hand.

“I’ve never heard him make a noise like that.” I apologized. “He is, however, exhibiting a few other irregularities I was hoping Julian could explain.”

Aidan walked over and shaking his head.

“Hannah, where did you get a hell hound and what have you done to him?”

“A hell hound?” I squeaked, startled. “Damn.” I looked down at my charge and reassessed the past twenty-four hours.

“Yes, a hell hound. What’s he gotten into?” Aidan asked. , watching him stagger like he’d been on a week-long binge. “Is he drugged?” Julian came up behind him to get a closer look.

“Well, he growls in a really scary way, he won’t eat any dog food and flames come out when he barks.” I said. “I thought he needed to chill and maybe get his appetite going so I got a friend to get me a chocolate bar with some ganja in it for him. He ate that, but now he can’t walk straight and he keeps hiccupping flames.” By the time I finished my explanation everyone was laughing.  I started getting pissed.

“What’s so damn funny?” I asked.

“Only you would feed a dog marijuana, Hannah,” Sebastian said.

“Oh my, Hannah. Put him down and let’s see how he is doing now,” Julian said. Andrew waltzed in with the fire extinguisher.

I put the puppy - no scratch that, hell hound – on the carpet and he swayed alarmingly to the right until he got his footing. He took a few steps and fell down on the blue and cream Persian rug. Content, he sat there and panted and drooled. Then he hiccupped and all hell broke loose.

He lit a book on fire and Julian dove for it. Andrew set off the extinguisher with relish. The book and Julian were soon covered in white foam. The book was fine but Julian was less than happy.

“Let’s move him to the kitchen where there is less to catch on fire while I change,” he said grimly. I had never seen Julian scowl. His books are his babies. I took my hell hound and ran for the kitchen while Aidan laughed in my wake.

Everyone soon joined me. Aidan was making friends with the hell hound by summoning chew toys for him. At the moment they were playing a weak tug of war since fur ball was still under the influence. Julian entered the room in a better mood.

“Hannah, what’s his name?” he asked me.

“I’ve been calling him fur ball, but I need to find a name for him.”

“Cerberus is the most famous of the hell hounds. He’s from Greek mythology,” Julian told me.

“I think I like Hades. How do you like that, Hades?” He barked and shot a flame at me, which I dodged and it hit Sebastian. Sebastian swatted it out before Andrew could douse him in foam.

  “I guess he likes it too. But why won’t he eat? I’ve tried like five different puppy chows.”

  “Hell hounds will only eat raw meat, Hannah,” Aidan said and smiled as he played tug of war. I’d never pegged him as a dog person.

  “He’ll need a lot of it too,” Julian said. “And no more herbally enhanced anything. It’s bad for dogs and it’s bad for hell hounds – and no more chocolate, it’s very bad for dogs and hell hounds too.”

  “Yes, Julian.” I was sufficiently chastened.

“What I don’t understand is how this little guy got here on his own? They are rare and valuable and never unclaimed. It’s very interesting,” Aidan said, by this time he was making googly eyes at Hades.

  “Hades is going to make an interesting pet for you, ma petite. Are you up for the care he requires?” Sebastian asked.

  “He’s hecka cool now that I know he’s a hell hound, but I’m still not sure. Although I can’t wait until he fits the collars with the spikes on them.” Aidan glanced up from their games and rolled his eyes. Lily sniggered.

  Andrew made us mulled wine and then went out to get Hades some fresh meat. That was so Andrew. Taking care of everyone and my dog. Hades would have something to eat when he was feeling better. We talked the rest of the afternoon and evening away until we were sure that Hades was finally off his high. Julian wouldn’t let him back into the library until then.

  Hades reluctantly let Sebastian play with him. But Sebastian was no competition with Hades’ desire for Lily’s attention. I wondered if I’d gotten me a girl-loving hell hound with a soft spot for djinns. Aidan patted Hades on the head every time he growled at Sebastian. No love lost between Sebastian and Aidan, even though they’d declared a truce when the warlock and witches had been out to get Lily. She and Hades seemed to have a special affinity towards each other. He followed her around everywhere when he wasn’t in my lap and she snuggled him, giving him kisses on his fur.

When we deemed it safe for him to eat, Hades tore into his meat. He’d been a hungry boy.

  “I need to head back home,” I said.

  “Darn, I was hoping you and little Hades would stay the night,” Lily said while petting Hades’ belly.

  “Thanks anyway, Lil’ but I need to get home.” Not up for seeing the cozy couples. Not that I don’t love these guys but I didn’t want to be reminded of my single situation.

  “Why don’t I ride back with you, Hannah?” Aidan said. I looked at him in surprise.

  “I want to make sure you have everything you need for the little beastie.”

  “Okay, you know I like to hang with you.”

  Lily walked us out, giving Aidan and me kisses and hugs. I noticed Aidan whisper in her ear and lean into her hug. Shame on him! Djinn are always stirring up trouble. He slid into my car and we drove back to Berkeley. Hades had to ride in the back when Aidan claimed shotgun. Aidan was uncharacteristically quiet until I jabbed him in the ribs.

  “Hey, what was that for?” he yelped.

  “For wallowing in self-pity over Lily. You know you are. Don’t deny it.”

  “You’re right.” He gave me a half-hearted smile. Aidan and I were friends. I think I was the only uncomplicated friend he had.

  “What did you whisper to her?”

  “That I loved her.”

  “Oh, Aidan. I’m not even going to tell you how many ways that was wrong. You already know. What am I going to do with you? You have got to move on.”

  “I can’t, Hannah, and I won’t. I have eons to wait for her.” His eyes glowed for a second, bugging me out.

  “Well, all righty then.”

He laughed, easing the tension immediately.

  “What are we going to do about your new roommate? You know his owner is going to show up at some point,” Aidan said.

  “I don’t know why they would,” I said. “Apparently they didn’t want him enough to keep hold of him.”

  “Maybe so,” Aidan said. “But hell hounds are extremely rare. I guarentee he will be missed. Whoever lost this one will want him back.”

  “I was kinda hoping it just mysteriously appeared and never belonged to anyone,” I said looking at Aidan from the corner of my eye while taking the Ashby exit. He burst out laughing. “I think he’s grown since this afternoon.” I pointed out. “And what kind of creature could have spawned him? Maybe they realized how much drool he could drip and decided to bail.”

“Now who’s being obtuse?”

  “Aw, come on, Aidan.” I whined and cajoled at the same time. Unexpectedly the thought of losing Hades made my heart twist.

  “Then we’ll figure something out, Han. I’ll help.”

  We pulled up to my house and into my garage. Hades started panting. I got nervous he would bark so we quickly let him out to explore in the house. First thing Aidan did was put in a doggie door to my house and another to the back yard with a flick of his wrist and a raise of his eyebrow. It is just so freaking cool to have a friend who can do that. Hades quickly discovered his private entrances and spent the next twenty minutes doing laps between the yard and then around my kitchen and dining room. While he was busy, Aidan filled my fridge full of fresh raw meat. It’s the first time there had been anything in it besides wine.

  When Hades quieted down, I fed him again. Aidan made all the bags of puppy chow vanish with a wave of his hand. (I’d suggested a donation to the shelter down the street)

  “Thanks, Aidan, for all the help and the doggie treats.” I now had a basket full of cow femurs and raw hides to last a year.

  “It’s my pleasure. I’ve always been partial to dogs.”

  “I knew it. You’re a sucker for him too. Will you be his godfather? I need someone to look out for him if anything happens to me,” I begged.

  “Hannah, of course, I would be honored. What are my duties?”

  “It would be cool if you could watch him while I feed once a week. I was going to take him with me, but now that I know he’s a hell hound I’m not so sure he wouldn’t be out stealing souls and whatnot.”

  “Quite.”

  “And if something should happen to me, I would want you to raise him. From what Julian said, they’re immortal like we are, so I would need someone that is fond of him to look after him.”

  “I would do that, Hannah. I’ve always wanted a dog and never attempted it because of their short life spans. Not to mention I thought they wouldn’t adapt to my transmanifesting. I’m sure that Hades would not have a problem with it. As for watching him once a week, I would love to,” Aidan said smiling. An expression I hadn’t seen much of since Lily chose to be with Sebastian, unbalancing their little love triangle. I knew it had been a close call for her and both Sebastian and Aidan did too. No love lost there and hope springs and all that. Aidan bent down and grabbed a tug toy and threw it. Hades chased it down. The two of them played while I got ready for bed.

  “I’ll leave you to get your beauty rest, Hannah. Don’t break any hearts tomorrow. I’ll be back to dog sit my godson so you can feed.” And with that he blinked out. I whistled for Hades and he followed me into the bedroom and up onto the bed. We fell asleep much the same way as we had the night before.