Hell Bent (11 page)

“What’s your game, Brat?” he demanded, sucking in a sharp breath, before he dragged his eyes up to hers.  “Whatever it is, I’m not playing.”

“No game…I’m going to make myself come, so you can watch, or help,” she said and anger sparked in his eyes.  Cee Cee released her breasts to walk to the vanity where she shucked her pants and underwear.  Hopping up on the vanity, she pointed at the linen cabinet.  “My vibrator and the condoms are on the top shelf in that cabinet.  You decide which I’m going to use, big guy.”

Cade’s eyebrows crashed together and he just stood there a moment with his fists clenched at his sides.  With a growl, he finally opened the cabinet, reached up on the top shelf, and Cee Cee was confused when he came back out with a bar of Irish Spring?

CHAPTER TEN

Cade shut the cabinet door then walked toward her with purpose, his eyes fixed on hers.  He stopped by her knees then leaned forward to shove the soap under her nose.  Even through the wrapper the strong scent tickled her nose. 

“This is what I want you to use, Brat—to wash that filth out of your mouth because you’re not impressing anyone.  The hard-as-nails sexual mercenary act isn’t washing with me.  I’ve known you since you were sixteen years old, remember?”

A swirl of emotions vortexed up Cecelia’s body like a sandstorm, embarrassment first, closely followed by indignation, anger and finally giddy relief that she’d broken through the hard shell of the new Cade Winters to catch a glimpse of the man she used to know.

“I didn’t think
you
remembered with the way you treated me six years ago, the way you’ve been treating me since I’ve been back,” she said, her voice breaking as she fought the burn of tears behind her eyes.

Emotion swirled in his eyes too, as he held her gaze but didn’t respond.  The only sound for long minutes was their ragged breathing, every one of hers drawing in another pungent sniff of the perfumed soap he still held under her nose.   The bar lowered with his hand, then clattered on the counter beside her thigh before his hand shot back up to cup her face. 

“Why’d you cut your damned hair, Brat?” he asked in a choked voice, sliding his fingers into the tangled mess she knew it was. “I freaking
loved
your hair, and you knew it.”

Her hair?
 
That’s all he could ask about?
  Cecelia’s insides felt like they’d been sliced up with razor blades right now.  But at least he was talking to her. 

“I cut it for boot camp so I didn’t have to take so much time fixing it.  It was hot in the sandbox so I’ve kept it short.”  His fingers tightened on her skull to dig into her scalp. 

“No, you cut it to spite me because I didn’t agree with you going.  That’s the attitude you had with me and your whole family when you announced you’d enlisted.  What we had to say didn’t mean a damned thing because you were going to do what you wanted to do regardless. 
That
is why I had a problem with you going.  You weren’t joining because of a burning need to serve your country, you did it to spite us—to show us you were all grown up and could do whatever the fuck you wanted to do.”

“I did want to serve,” she argued weakly.

“Yourself,” Cade countered.  “You were proving to your brother he couldn’t stop you from being in danger and you sacrificed who you were to do that.”

“No, I was proving I could take care of myself.  Learning how to do that because I’d never been allowed,” she corrected, but knew she couldn’t refute his other words.  “I found myself when I went away.”

Cecelia
had
made the decision on her own without consulting anyone, because it was hers to make and everyone seemed to forget that.  She might admit it was done with a little spite in mind, but she’d been rightfully mad at David for what he said to her, how he’d minimized her potential.  It hurt, but what hurt more was when Cade stood with her family to berate and yell at her when she announced she’d enlisted.  They were in love and supposed to have each other’s backs no matter what but he stood right there with them to tell her how immature she was being, how dumb, which only made her more determined.

“Well, if this is what you found, I can’t say I like you anymore, Brat.” His hand dropped away from her face and he stood back to look down at her sadly.  “When I said you’ve been turning yourself into a man for the last six years, I meant it.  You cut your hair, hardened your heart and learned to talk and act like one.  I don’t swing that way, so no, we won’t be relieving any stress together.”

“I had to toughen up,” she said quietly when he turned his back, and gave up the fight against her tears, knew she’d lost that battle, when one streaked hotly down her cheek.  “I never wanted to hurt again like I hurt that night.  What you said to me…what you did…
crushed
me.”

His back tensed and he turned back toward her.  “How do you think I was feeling that night, Cecelia, or did you think about that?  What do you think motivated me to do that?  To say that to you?”

“You never cared a thing about me evidently,” she replied, and a tremor rocked her as her stomach rolled as she wrapped her arms across her middle.

His hand shot out to grab her chin and he tipped it up to lean in very close.  “What do you know—you nailed it on the first try.”

Silence settled between them for a second as his eyes bored into hers, and her chin wobbled in his grasp.  “I loved you and you told me I was nothing to you.”

“What you did
showed
me the same, and then you waited until the very last night—no the last
minute
—to come and talk to me,” he countered, his lips tightening over his teeth.  “By then I figured you didn’t have the guts, or just plain didn’t care.”

More tears burned her eyes because admitting this wasn’t easy.  “I cared, but I was scared to talk to you.  I thought I might change my mind if I saw you again before then.”

“Admitting you were a coward is the better of the two options, I guess.”

Cee Cee sucked in a breath and blew it out.  “I was a coward, and I’m so damned sorry for hurting you Cade.”  There, she’d said it first.

“But you’re not sorry for leaving like you did, are you?” he pressed, instead of issuing a similar token.

She pinched her lips and shook her head.  “No, I’d do it again.  The Army was good for me, it made me the adult I wasn’t when I left.  The one I’d never have become if I’d stayed.”

“Have you taken a trip out to your parent’s ranch yet to talk to them, or are you being a coward about that too?  You have no idea how hurt your mother was when you left.”

“I’ve kept in touch when I could,” she replied, but that wasn’t the truth. 

Things had become so strained between them at about the one year mark, she made the decision that one yearly check-in call after that was enough and it lasted only a few minutes.  The disappointment, hurt in her parent’s voices was just too much to deal with on top of her deployment.  Cecelia was sure her brother had told them she was back home, but they hadn’t called her either.  That spoke volumes.

“Your family loves you, Cecelia—you had a close family until you left them like you did.  But even after you left, they
still
loved you.  They give a shit if you live or die, and you should cherish that, because it’s not a given.”  He blew out a breath, and released her chin.  “I have no idea what that feels like.  The only person on earth who cares about me like that is my sister, and
she
is the only reason I’m back in Texas.”

“I care,” she whispered, and her hand flew up to cover her mouth. 

Yes, she’d been angry with Cade, disgusted at the thought of ever running across him for six years, but the thought of never being
able
to see him again because he was dead terrified her.

“You know, seven years ago, I believed that.” Cade laughed, and shook his head.  “Since then I figured out you only care about yourself, Brat, and that’s fine.  Self-love is a good thing and I’ve found some of it in the last six years too.  I’m good with my life as it is, but you’re still searching for better aren’t you?  When will you ever be happy?”

“When you stop trying to improve your life, you’re dead,” she replied, dropping her hand to her thigh.  “I’ve worked so damned hard to get the skills to work for David’s company, and he still relegates me to being a desk jockey.  He doesn’t believe I’m capable of more and won’t give me the chance to prove I am.”  Cee Cee dropped her chin to her chest and heaved a sigh.  “I’m thinking of re-enlisting soon because I know he never will, so there’s nothing here for me.”

“Just because Logan won’t give you a shot at being an agent you think you’re worthless?” he asked with a snort.

“I’m worthless to him,” she replied, and her eyes burned again.

“Why do you give a shit as long as you don’t feel that way about yourself?  You’re smart, beautiful, have military com experience and a marketing degree.  The world is your oyster if you just take off the blinders.  Why does his opinion matter so damned much to you?”

That was a very good question—why did Dave’s opinion matter so much to her
? 

Cee Cee looked back into his eyes and grinned.  “I have no freaking idea.  I’ve just been trying to get an atta-girl from him for so long it’s become a habit, I guess.”

“I learned something a long time ago, Brat, and you should too.”  His genuine smile reached his eyes and Cee Cee’s heart lightened.  “The only one you need to worry about pleasing is yourself.  Killing yourself trying to please someone else is a waste of time, because neither of you will ever be happy.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Yoda,” she said, and his face flushed.

“
Yoda
?” he repeated with an indignant snort.  “I’m Luke Skywalker, baby.  Want me to show you my light saber to prove it?”

God, how many times had she heard that before?

Star Wars—their first real date at the dollar theatre on campus seemed like it happened light years ago.  Every time it played as a re-run, which was often, they went, even though the movie wasn’t the main attraction after the first time. 

That could explain why she bought the DVD to take with her on her second tour of duty.  The thing was probably worn out from the hundred or so times she played it on her laptop. 

Her eyes met his and something magical zipped between them. 

He remembered too
.

“I’d love to see—” She was interrupted when Cade’s stomach rumbled loudly, and she laughed.  “I think you should feed that alien before he claws his way out.” Hopping down from the vanity, she gathered up her discarded clothes and redressed.  When she finished, it felt right to hook her arm through his.  “I have chicken stir-fry for you in the oven, and a DVD we have to watch after you eat.”

She dragged him through the bedroom, but he stopped at the door.  “I’ll, ah, have to take a raincheck on the DVD.  I need to get dressed because as soon as I eat I have to go to the mansion to check on Ronnie.”

And there was no invitation for her to go
. 

Cade was dumping her off and going off to fight whatever battle waited for him alone.  Because she wasn’t part of his life anymore, and he didn’t have any faith in her abilities or need them, need her, any more than her brother did. 

“Okay, I’ll heat it up then.” 

Cee Cee walked into the small kitchen, and damn if her eyes didn’t burn again, twice as badly as they had in the bathroom.  She leaned against the stove trying to regain her composure.  Men didn’t cry at the drop of a hat, and she usually didn’t either.  So much for being the man Cade said she was trying to become, she thought, as she bent to grab the oven door.  Before she could pull it open, a firm hand closed around her forearm.

“Look at me,” Cade said, and she released the handle to turn and face him, but she didn’t meet his eyes because she knew that dam would burst.  He tipped up her chin, then released it to stroke her cheek.  “I’m sorry for what I said to you that night.  I didn’t mean it, and I know I hurt you too, because that was my intention.”

The first waves of tears rolled over her lower lids, she sucked in a shuddering breath and tried to turn away when the second wave started.  Six years she’d waited to hear those words, and it was surreal that he’d just uttered them so sincerely.  That is what she’d needed to hear, but it was too damned late for them.  Cade turned her back toward him, and tipped her chin up again. 

“I’m so damned sorry, Brat…forgive me?” he asked, pulling her against his chest and it felt like she’d come home when her face pressed to his warm skin and his arms wrapped around her.

He dropped a kiss on her hair, and the only thing Cecelia could do was nod and inhale his delicious scent as she nuzzled her face against his skin, causing a new wave of tears to start.  His arms around her felt so damned right. 

Why was it only him?

With a laugh, Cade pushed her back and a sense of loss almost brought her to her knees.  He grabbed her shoulder with one hand and swiped at her tears with his thumb on the other. 

“I’ve had a long shower, so I don’t need another one.”

“I’m—so—” she hiccupped, then dragged in a breath.  “I’m sorry I’m a blubbering mess for some reason.”

“I’m glad to see it,” he said, gently wiping away another tear that streaked down her face.  “It means that sweet woman I used to know still lives in there somewhere.”  He tapped the area between her breasts with his finger.  “That’s the woman I wouldn’t mind relieving a little stress with,” he said, his voice rich with emotion. 

His eyes dropped to her mouth, and Cee Cee’s breath caught as his head lowered toward hers.  Time stood still and a yearning so strong it hurt forced her up to her toes to end the agonizing wait.  Their mouths met, breath mixed and waves of pleasure washed through her. 

A low moan forced up her throat to vibrate her lips as she brushed them over his in a long needy pass that sent electricity zipping down her body to thrum between her legs.