Held by You (13 page)

Angel caught his attention by laying her hand on his arm and he tore his gaze from Hollie’s to face Angel’s again. “You were in such a hurry this morning that you didn’t tell me anything about your relationship with Hollie.” She paused. “Have you been dating long?”

John shook his head. “Just once.” And that hadn’t been a real date. He’d just let Hollie know that he wanted to get to know her better. He already felt like he’d known her for a very long time.

“So you’re not involved?” Angel asked.

“If I have my way, we will be,” he said.

She gave a slow nod. “I think she’s a sweet girl. She’ll be good for you.”

“Yes, she will.” His mouth tightened. “Whatever the case, I have to prove her innocence.”

“You will.” Angel reached up and kissed him on the cheek, her lips cold from the night’s chill. “Now go on back in there and give that girl some company. She needs you.”

And I need her,
came the thought, but he didn’t voice it aloud.

“I’ll be over tomorrow with the clothes I’m going to pick up for her.” Angel looked out into the early evening. “It’s getting dark but the stores will be open for a while longer.” She looked back at him. “Especially since Christmas is so close.”

He nodded and opened the rear passenger door and set her basket on the seat before closing the door. He opened the driver’s side door for her and closed it once she’d slid behind the wheel of her vehicle and started it. She buzzed down the window and waved toward the house. John looked over his shoulder and saw Hollie still standing there, still looking out the window, and she waved back.

“See you tomorrow, John,” Angel said before she buzzed up her window. As she drove away, plumes of white came from the exhaust pipe, before disappearing in the chilly air.

He stood out in the cold, his hands shoved into his pockets and looked at several of his neighbors’ glittering Christmas lights. He hadn’t put up any himself. Hell, he hadn’t even put up a Christmas tree. He spent the holidays with his family and had never had a reason to decorate his own place.

But with Hollie here… He’d like to make this Christmas special for her. Make it so that she had something positive and good in her life while it was being torn apart and turned upside down.

A thought kept pressing and pressing at his mind. He cared for Hollie in a way he’d never cared for a woman in his life. Maybe it was too soon to tell, maybe he was rushing things, maybe he was out of his godforsaken mind.

But he didn’t care if he was rushing it. What he did care about was Hollie and seeing where things might take them. She could be the forever-woman he wasn’t certain was real until now.

As he stood out in the cold, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and called Nadia.

She answered on the first ring. “What took you so long?”

Tension made John’s muscles tight. There was no sense beating the bush about it. “We need to end this.”

“What?” Nadia spoke in a shriek. “You can’t dump me!”

“You’re right. I can’t dump you if we’ve never had that kind of relationship.” He kept his tone low and even. “We agreed from the beginning that our arrangement was strictly friends with benefits.”

“Things change,” Nadia shouted. “What we have is good.”

“We don’t
have
anything.” John’s patience was waning. “I’ve cared for you as a friend and lover, but it didn’t go any deeper in that.”

“It’s another woman, isn’t it?” Nadia said the words savagely.

John gripped his phone tighter, feeling tension radiating throughout him. “What may or may not be happening in my personal life doesn’t change anything. It’s always been about sex and friendship. That’s all.”

“You can’t do this to me,” she wailed. “I won’t let you.”

“Nadia, this is it.” He said the words firmly. “This is goodbye.”

He disconnected the call and switched his phone to vibrate before he holstered it. He blew out his breath, which fogged in the cold night air. The phone vibrated in its holster but he ignored it.

It wasn’t the way he’d wanted to end it, but Nadia had become possessive and demanding and he didn’t see any other way of handling it. He felt like an ass. He had never intended to hurt her. He’d been stupid enough to believe that he could have that kind of a relationship with a woman.

Well, hell.

He turned and faced the house. Hollie was no longer in the window. Needing to see her more than anything, he started toward the front door.

Hollie felt both a thrill and a burst of nervousness as John walked through the door and locked it behind him. They were alone. In the same house. All night.

Cold air swirled into the warm house and she shivered as he removed his jacket.

When he’d set it aside, he walked toward her and she realized she needed another hug more than anything in the world at that moment. He seemed to read her mind because he wrapped her in his embrace the moment he reached her and held her for a long time.

When they finally drew apart, she looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you. I needed that.”

He returned her smile. “Frankly, I did too.”

She went willingly into his arms for another hug. She felt the stress, strain, and horrors of the past days fall away, if only for a moment. He didn’t let her go when he raised his head and she looked up at him.

He brought his mouth down on hers in a slow, sensual kiss that rocked her to her toes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body firmly against his. He gave a low groan as she felt him grow rigid against her belly and he moved apart from her, leaving his hands on her upper arms.

“I think maybe we should eat dinner.” He looked like he was supremely uncomfortable and she wondered if it had anything to do with the tightness of his pants. “Something smells great.”

Hollie breathed in the delicious smells too, and her mouth watered. “Angel made a pasta and cheese casserole.” Hollie pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and glanced at the time. “It’s almost ready to take out of the oven.”

“I’m going to get out of this uniform and take a quick shower.” He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be back in a few.”

She smiled to herself and headed into the kitchen.

He returned fifteen minutes later, his hair damp from the shower. He wore a dark blue T-shirt and Wrangler jeans, his feet bare. He looked so damned sexy. When he moved toward her and kissed her on the top of her head, she caught his clean scent of soap and man and felt his body heat radiating from him.

Before going into the kitchen, he stoked the fire that had started to die.

Dinner was mostly quiet. She wanted to ask him about her case and yet she didn’t want to. She was afraid of what he might have to say and she didn’t want to ruin her night with him. For now she wanted to pretend that everything was okay, that she hadn’t been booked for murder, and she just happened to be spending some time with a gorgeous hunk of a man.

“Leigh and Carilyn called me at the station today,” he said after Hollie had taken a bite of casserole.

Hollie looked up at him.

“Your friends are worried about you and said you haven’t been answering your phone,” he continued.

Hollie chewed and swallowed. “I haven’t felt up to talking to anyone.” She took another forkful of casserole but didn’t raise the fork. “My battery is low, too, and I don’t have my charger.” It had been off when she’d been in jail, so the battery hadn’t died yet.

“You have the same cell phone that I do, so you can borrow my charger tonight.” He studied her. “But that isn’t the only reason why you haven’t answered your phone.”

She shook her head. “I’m too embarrassed.”

He put his fingers over her free hand that was resting on the table and squeezed. “It’s not your fault. You need to know people around you care for you.”

“I’m afraid I’ll see it in their eyes.” Hollie suddenly didn’t feel hungry anymore. “That question of whether or not I did it. I couldn’t take seeing that.”

John shook his head. “People who know you don’t believe for a moment that you could have done this.”

She stared at her plate for a long moment. “I keep seeing Carl in my mind.” She looked up at John. “I see all that blood, hear him call to me, and see him die.” A lump formed in her throat. “The images play in an endless loop in my mind.” She didn’t mention the nightmare. It hadn’t been real. “I can’t bring myself to be sorry that he’s dead.” She touched faded bruises on the side of her face.

“After what he put you through, I don’t blame you one damn bit,” John said. “I’d probably have come close to killing him for hurting you if I’d come across him before his murderer did.”

Hollie didn’t respond and John squeezed her fingers again.

When leftovers had been put away and dishes taken care of, they retreated to the living room. He offered her a choice between a bottle of Chardonnay and a six-pack of Blue Moon beer. When she told him she wasn’t crazy about beer, he poured a glass of wine for her and grabbed a bottle of beer for himself.

They sat on the sofa, maybe six inches between them. She took a sip of her wine, and her hand shook a little as she set the glass on the coffee table. She felt suddenly nervous and didn’t know what to do.

He set his beer bottle on the end table then reached for her and brought her close to him, just like the last time she was here and she’d cuddled with him on the couch. It felt so natural, so comfortable, as she snuggled into the curve of his arm and rested her head on his chest.

For a long time they stayed that way. His body felt so good against hers as he held her and it chased away the horrible reality that she had been living in. No, she wouldn’t think about any of that for now.

She tilted her head back and he looked down at her. He’d never looked better than he did at that moment. His brown eyes were warm and caring, his expression tender in a way that she hadn’t realized he was capable of.

He lowered his face to hers in a slow movement that made her almost crazy for him. She found herself holding her breath in anticipation. When his lips met hers, she sighed out her breath and let him take control of the kiss.

It was a slow but hungry kiss, like he was devouring her while savoring her taste. It was heady, her mind spinning with fire and longing and need.

She shifted in his arms, and before she knew what she was doing, she was in his lap, straddling him. She felt the hard ridge of his erection through his jeans and she squirmed against him.

He made a strangled sound and put his hands on her hips as if to stop her, but she grasped his hands in hers and placed them on her breasts. She tilted her head and arched her back, pressing her breasts close to him.

With a growl he pushed up her shirt and jerked down her bra so that her breasts jutted out. His mouth latched onto one of her nipples and she gasped as his tongue swirled over the taut nub.

“Yes,” she whispered as she rubbed herself against him, as if riding him. “I need you.” And she wanted to give her virginity to him, let him be the one who buried himself deep inside of her.

He squeezed her breasts as he licked and sucked her nipples. But then he moved his hands from her breasts to her hips and stopped her from moving.

“We can’t do this.” His voice was rough. “Not now.”

She felt heat creep up her neck. “You don’t want me.”

“God, it’s not that,” he said, tension radiating through his body. “I want you more than I want to breathe. But now’s not the right time. I’m not taking advantage of the vulnerable state you’re in.”

“It’s not taking advantage of me if I want you.” She moved her mouth close to his. “And I want you now.”

Hollie’s mind whirled as she kissed John, and he returned her kiss with equal intensity. His taste, his scent, the feel of their bodies pressed together made her feel alive. She felt wanted, needed, cared for, and safe with him. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t known him that long. She’d known him from afar and he was everything she hoped for and more.

He caught her off guard when he took her by her waist and set her on the floor as he got to his feet. A dominant expression crossed his hard masculine features as he cradled her face in his hands and then he kissed her again.

When he raised his head, he took her by her hand and led her down the hallway to the master bedroom and the bed she’d slept in alone last night. His bed. Her heart beat faster as her socked feet padded on the wood floor and onto the rug beside his bed.

The entire time she’d been with him, she hadn’t thought about what he might think of her body and her more than generous curves. For a moment she kept hearing the cruel words of her stepbrothers telling her she was fat. As John tugged her shirt over her head, she felt color rise to her face and she made a move to cover herself when the shirt was off.

He grasped her upper arms and pulled them away from her chest so that they were pinned by her sides. “Don’t hide yourself from me.” He moved his palms from her arms to her shoulders and back again. “Ever.”

She nodded slowly as she realized he accepted her for who she was, flaws and all. “Okay,” she said.

He gave her a heated smile as he reached behind her, unfastened her bra, and pushed the straps down her arms before dropping it to the floor. He cupped her heavy breasts in his hands, the soft flesh filling his palms as he lightly rubbed her nipples with his thumbs.

Her eyelids grew heavy with desire and she felt an ache between her thighs. She gripped his forearms, needing him to anchor her and keep her on her feet.

“I should have talked with you long before I did,” he murmured as he caressed her breasts and nipples. “I’ve watched you from afar.”

“I’ve always wanted to talk to you.” She gave him a shy smile. “I’ve had a crush on you forever.”

His mouth curved into a sexy grin. “A crush, huh?”

She felt a little embarrassed. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

He caressed the side of her face. “I’m glad you did. Maybe that’s what it’s been for me too, whenever I’ve seen you. A crush.”

“You’re just saying that.” She smiled and pressed her bare breasts against his clothed chest, feeling the cotton of his T-shirt against her nipples.