Heir of Pendel (A Pandoran Novel, #4) (58 page)

I held his gaze, and when he didn't elaborate further, I said, "I need to know whose side you're on, Danton. I have about a thousand men, and while they may be Nords, we're still outnumbered at least ten to one. I could use your help, but I don't have time to babysit you or Carter or your friends over there, and I certainly can't spare any of my men to do it for me. So tell me: Whose side are you on?"

He stared at Daria's dagger for what felt like an eternity. At last, he whispered, "I was going to lower my sword."

"I know."

His gaze lifted to mine, and it'd lost its hostility. "I envy you. I always have. You've always been free to act in whatever manner you see fit because you have nothing to lose."

"You think I have nothing to lose?" I hissed. "I have
everything
to lose—everything that matters most in this world to me. You think because I'm
just
an aegis that I somehow have options being a lord prevents you from having. You blame your decisions on the demands of your title, but our circumstances don’t define us as people. Our actions do. Start taking responsibility for yours."

A muscle worked in his neck and he looked away. Silence stretched between us, and then I plucked Nightshade from the snow and shoved it back in my belt. I placed my hands on my knees and pushed myself to a stand.

"Meira's dead, by the way. The Halmstads were slaughtered by your uncle and his men. I saw them hanging from the square in Ravenshelm…right beside your daughter."

Danton paled and he didn't say a word.

"We're leaving in half an hour," I said. "You can let me know your decision then."

I started walking away when Danton said, "Alexander."

I angled myself toward him so that I could see him at the edge of my vision.

"Did you…did you give them a proper burial?" His words came out in a pained whisper.

"Yes. Theon helped, but…we lost him too. In Astor." I clenched my teeth to hold back my grief.

Danton stared at the space before him, his expression haunted. I turned my back on him and walked away.

38

DARIA

E
very single day, from dawn until dusk, Nexus took me flying. Actually,
flying
is the wrong word. To say we went flying implies smiles and laughter and joy, but most of the time Nexus tried throwing me from the saddle while I screamed, thinking I was going to die. There were no smiles or laughter or joy—at least not from my seat. Nexus seemed to be enjoying himself plenty. Sometimes I thought he was disappointed he hadn't thrown me from the saddle during those frequent, unannounced drops. Especially when he said things like,
You're too stubborn to die.

"Yeah, well, I guess it's just one of my virtues."

Nexus snorted steam.
Everyone needs
one
, I suppose.

I learned not to be offended when Nexus said these sorts of things, because he said them often. And I didn't think he was joking.

The one good thing out of it was that my headaches weren't nearly as bad as before. They'd reduced to a dull ache now, every time Nexus spoke in my head. I could do
dull ache
.

Then every night, after I returned to the cave, windblown and wobbly from being airborne all day, Myez trained me with wooden swords he'd made. I still had to take it easy on my ankles, but Myez was good—really good. So good, in fact, I wanted to pit him against Alex because I really didn't know who would win. Myez reminded me he'd been a blacksmith in his former life, and considering how much longer Myez had been a student of swordsmanship, this inadvertently spoke to Alex's skills.

Myez didn't take it easy on me, despite my ankle. He fought with his off hand, and I still earned an impressive amount of bruises that first week, and by the second, I had a series of cuts to match. Nexus allowed me to take a real sword from his treasure trove so Myez and I could "stop practicing with toothpicks." But with all the new cuts I'd received, I sort of wished Nexus had just stayed out of it.

Also, during that second week, Nexus decided to enlighten me on a new definition of "fire power." He set fire to a small forest with only a burp. It quite literally sounded like a burp, and then an enormous cannonball of flames shot from his jaws and landed on a patch of trees. It coated them like molten lava, dripping over them like frosting and melting them while little flames burst like fissures, until all that was left of the forest was a pool of bright orange. I'd been admiring this lava pool when Nexus flew us straight through a cloud of his flames.

I shut my eyes just before impact, certain I was going to be burnt alive. There was a blast of hot dry air, as if someone had blown a hair dryer in my face, and then it was gone. I blinked my eyes open and looked back, watching the flames disintegrate behind me. My leathers smoked a little, but I was whole and intact, though I distinctly caught the scent of burnt hair.
My
hair. A piece of it had caught flame. I used one hand to pat out the fire, ignoring the burns on my palms.

Nexus snorted.

"Do that again, and I'll punch you in your third eye," I said.

Then let's see about that virtue of yours when I fly upside down.

That night, I returned to camp with hair so badly burnt that, with the help of Myez, we sawed the rest of it off with his dagger. Now my hair fell only to my chin. My hair had never been this short before, and I'd never realized how warm it kept me until now. Every time a breeze lilted through, it grazed against the back of my bare neck and I shivered. It was a lot easier to manage, though—particularly with flying.

"Is fate unchangeable?" I asked Nexus one afternoon. We'd been practicing a particularly dizzying set of moves, and he'd dropped me off at the edge of a butte so I could take a breather.

I hadn't forgotten Gaia's words, and as the days came closer and closer to our joining Alex, I thought more and more about what she'd said.

By definition, that is impossible. If fate were changeable, it would not be fate.

I sighed, tossing a rock over the edge of the butte, watching the treetops below swallow it.

Why do you ask?

I told Nexus about my dream or vision or whatever it was, and how it wasn't the first time I'd seen it.

"It's just…I don't understand what my choice is or how I'm supposed to be prepared. It seems like…if I fight this world, Alex will die. Does that mean I'm not supposed to fight? But I can't run away. Where would I go? Even if I fled to Earth, somehow, Eris plans to come there, too. I don't know what Gaia is trying to tell me, or if it's even Gaia who's telling me."

Nexus was quiet for a very, very long time. And just when I thought he wasn't going to reply, he said,
Certain fates are tied to certain choices, and
Gaia gave
you
a choice.

I looked over my shoulder at him. He stared at the horizon.

"I know that," I said.

I cannot influence you, just as Gaia cannot influence you.

I stared at Nexus. "You know something."

I know many things, my little petulant one, but that does not mean they are yours for hearing.

"But I'm asking you to help me. If there's anything you know that could help me…help me change what Gaia has predicted…please, I'm begging you. Help me."

Nexus turned his head so that he was looking down on me with both eyes.

I cannot. Even if I wanted to, it would be impossible since I am tied to Gaia's will, and she has willed I not aid you in this. You cannot change what she has predicted, and she has left a decision to you. She has chosen you, and it is a conclusion you must reach on your own, otherwise I am perpetuating the wrong that has endured since this world's creation. And I am too close to this world to ever give you an unbiased opinion.

"But isn't that what makes you the perfect resource to give me advice?"

No, it is what makes me the worst possible one.

Nexus was saying so many things without saying anything at all, but try as I might, I couldn't make sense of any of it. And then Nexus ruffled his wings.

Climb on. We're done for the day.

I thought Nexus sounded a little sad, but I didn't ask. I didn't ask because I knew I wouldn't get an answer.

39

ALEXANDER

A
gust of wind ripped across the open terrain, swirling ice and snow into the air. We'd been walking for a few days. The snow had stopped falling, and a dense layer of clouds blanketed the sky, turning everything grey. A sea of white rolled endlessly in all directions, marked occasionally by spindly black trees. The air was bitterly cold, so cold it hurt to breathe, and my hair was frozen in icy clumps despite the cowl I kept fastened tight. I'd never been so cold in all my life—not even during my stints near the northern wall.

Danton had decided to stay with our company, as well as his brother Carter and Carter's men. I'll admit I was a little surprised by his decision. My feelings were somewhat vacillating on the matter, but I wasn't in any position to refuse Danton's help. In whatever esteem I did or didn't hold him, Danton's magic was strong, as well as his swordsmanship skills, and we needed his skill—especially since we lacked Lord Tosca's. And I knew that as long as Daria's welfare was at stake, I could trust Danton to keep to his word.

Of course, I hadn't heard the end of it from Thaddeus and Vera. Vera accused me of growing too soft, like Daria, and then I accused Thaddeus of growing too hard, like Vera. That comment seemed to shut them both up for at least ten minutes. Danton and I didn't speak to or walk near each other, but sometimes we'd make eye contact when our group stopped to rest. That glance communicated everything we needed to say, that we were united only under this cause, and for that cause the past could and would be overlooked. That was enough for me—at least for now.

With Carter, it was different. Nothing ill existed between Carter and me. Of course, there were the inherent differences that came with our particular titles, but what we had in common was that we both disliked his father. Still, I had a few words with Carter. I needed to know that he and his men would stay true to their word when it mattered. I couldn't afford a liability, nor could my men. I'd asked Carter why he'd decided to help his brother, and his answer was simply, "I like the princess, and I'm glad she's out of my father's grasp. I'll do anything to help her stay out of it, too." It was all I needed to hear.

Luckily, with so much snow, we never ran out of water. Every time we stopped to rest, we would melt a pile and drink our fill, but our food was a bit of a problem. The dried meats we'd brought were stiff from the cold, and eating it was like trying to eat tree bark. My jaw ached from chewing, and though it helped assuage my hunger, it couldn't get rid of it completely. I wasn't alone in this—the men looked haggard and weary and worn, and I wondered if we'd have energy to fight once we arrived. I kept praying to the spirits that Gesh and Pendel would be there to help us, because I was becoming more and more certain that we wouldn't stand a chance without them.

We turned onto the Road Centrale that ran eastward toward Valdon. The Road Centrale was a major artery that spanned the mainland and always flowed with horses and wagons and travelers—but not today. Today it was deserted, like some road from the distant past carrying only ghosts and memories of a lost civilization. The wind howled as gusts of snow flurries whipped across the empty white lane. It made me feel as if all the people in the world had departed and our small company had been left behind.

"This is creepy," Thaddeus said beside me. He was so buried in his cowl that I'd long lost sight of his face. Actually, I was surprised he could see, period. "Where is everyone? Think they all gave up and went on to Earth?"

"I have no idea." I frowned at the miles and miles of empty snowfields.

"How much longer did you say until we reach Rex Cross?" Vera asked from Thaddeus's other side. She too was so buried in her cowl, I couldn't see much of her face. A few clumps of frozen blonde hair stuck out of her hood at right angles, and they didn't move when the wind blew.

Rex Cross was located at the junction of our road and High Road, which led straight to Castle Regius. The last time I'd been there had been with Daria and my parents. Spirits, that seemed like another lifetime ago. Daria and I had shared a room, and at the time I'd been so nervous. I didn't know if I could stay with her all night without trying to get closer to her…without trying to touch her. I always wanted to be touching her. It was why I'd had to keep my distance—that, and her hatred of me had burned so strongly, I could physically taste ash in my mouth. It wasn't a very pleasant side effect, but it tempered my desire to slip in the bed beside her while she slept. She'd looked so beautiful lying there. It had been all I could do not to kiss her full lips the way I'd always wanted to. So I'd settled for her cheek instead. She'd smiled and murmured my name and something else I couldn't understand, but I caught the words "miss" and "love." Not that she remembered any of that by morning, and I wasn't about to confess the specifics. I'd still wanted to believe she loved me, too, and I didn't want her waking self to refute it.

I should've kissed her on the lips right then. I almost had. Which made me think about that night in Mosaque. There was still a large part of me that wished I hadn't stopped her—Gaia knows I almost hadn't. But…I didn't want to take anything from her that I couldn't give back completely. I couldn't give her all of myself, not like I could now. Not like I
would
now, and I wanted to give her everything.

"Alexander…?" Vera sounded concerned. "I asked how long until—"

"I know…sorry. I was thinking. Uh, Rex Cross should be just over the—"

A sharp
snick
sounded at my feet.