Heaven or Hell (7 page)

Teresa flipped through the notebook and held up a page that contained a chart. “Auntie, look at this. A family tree. What is this called?” Teresa ran her hand over the page. “Uncle Joe … Who’s Hermeania Manuel? I don’t recognize the name.”

Teresa’s Aunt Jessie closed her eyes and smiled. She whispered to herself, “Oh, Joe. You didn’t leave, you fool …”

“What?”

“She’s my great, great aunt. Let me see that.” Jessie took the notebook away from Teresa.

“I hadn’t known until recently, but Juan had spent quite a bit of time on your family history. He’d developed an interest in genealogy,” Father Benjamin said.

“Yes, that’s the word, genealogy,” Teresa responded.

“You know, there are some people here I don’t know, either.” Jessie flipped the pages of the notebook. Angel could see that each page had been placed in a clear, plastic sleeve. It was evident that a great deal of time and care had been put into the creation of this notebook.

“Teresita, it looks like your dad was keeping tabs on you, too.” Teresa’s Aunt Jessie pointed at the place where Teresa’s name was listed on the top of the second sheet. A typed address and phone number had been inked out, and penciled in the margin was Teresa’s current address and phone number.

“How’d he get my number? It’s unlisted.” Angel saw the surprised look on Teresa’s face.

The priest stood up. “Why don’t you just take the notebook? You’ll find more information in the pages, and I think he’d like you to have it.”

Immediately, Angel resented her position as unnoticeable. She’d wanted to grab the book and devour its contents. Had she thought they’d respond, she would’ve questioned all of them about Angela. What had Angela looked like? Could she, Angel, be Angela? Could she take the pictures and show them to her girls, Belle and Kail? Angel’s frustration grew as the others headed toward the door.

“I don’t believe there’s much more to this tiny office,” added Father Benjamin. “Let’s take a walk across the grounds, and I’ll show you where Juan has stayed for the last few years.” The priest led them quickly through the stark maze back to the waiting area.

“I recently learned that Juan also maintains a storage unit. I believe it holds some of the contents of your family’s home.” The father spoke as the three of them walked along a cracked sidewalk that outlined a well-manicured patch of grass next to the church.

“Our home on White Ridge Street? I thought he lost everything?” Teresa asked.

“Well, I’m not sure what he salvaged. But he wants you to have the contents in the storage area.”

“Oh God, now I have to dispose of his junk and probably his body.” Teresa spoke in a low, calm voice with only the slightest hint of a quaver.

“Teresa, what if some of your mother’s things are there?” Teresa’s Aunt Jessie asked.

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about Mom’s things.” Teresa exhaled and continued, “Wow, I just haven’t dealt with any of this in years.”

Angel walked next to Teresa and inspected her face. She’d examined her own reflection enough times through the eyes of Belle and Kail that she now wondered why she hadn’t noticed the resemblance earlier on. She and Teresa could be related; both had unusual light brown eyes and a petite stature. Although Teresa’s face was rounder than her own, they could easily be sisters if Angel were in the flesh. Why hadn’t she thought of this possible connection before? Had she heard anything previously about Angela’s existence? Angel couldn’t remember.

They followed behind the priest as he entered a dormitory type building with a long narrow hallway that housed several apartments. Father Benjamin put a key in the first door and pushed it open.

“I think it’s weird that he wanted us to see his place. Why are we doing this?” Teresa mumbled.

“Juan wanted you to know that he’s a man who has lived in a simple way,” the priest answered. “And, we’re going to get the storage unit key.”

Teresa’s aunt stepped through the door first, followed by Teresa and the priest. Angel drifted along beside them. Sparse furnishings and an ugly rust-colored shag carpet lay wall to wall in the small one-bedroom apartment. The space was so confined that the bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen were all completely viewable from the living room.

“It’s stuffy in here.” Jessie waved her hand in front of her nose and then opened the window over the kitchen sink.

“The place has been locked up for a few days.” The priest moved to the desk in the corner of the living room next to the couch. He pulled an envelope from the top drawer.

“This is the storage unit address and key.” The priest handed the envelope to Teresa.

Angel moved into the bedroom and was surprised to see the closet, with no door on its frame, wide open to the room and the world. Only a few pairs of pants and shirts hung from the bar and a single pair of shoes sat on the floor. The room, the whole place was practically empty.

The bedroom contained a single bed, a nightstand, a broken chair, and a weatherworn table. Angel spun around to leave when she noticed a notebook sitting on the top shelf of the closet next to a motorcycle helmet, in a spot that would be difficult to see from standing position.

Teresa entered the bedroom with her aunt. “Okay, I’ve seen enough,” she said.

“It looks like nobody lives here,” Teresa’s aunt said.

“Juan slept here. His life was back in the center,” Father Benjamin responded.

Angel frantically pointed toward the closet and said, “No, not yet. Teresa. We need to look at that notebook.”

“What?” Teresa asked.

“I said, it looks like nobody lives here,” Teresa’s Aunt Jessie answered.

“No, Auntie. You said something about a notebook,” Teresa said.

“No, not me. You’re hearing things again.”

“No, no. You said my name and something else,” Teresa said.

Angel spoke again. “Up here, look up here.”

Teresa wandered over to the closet and poked her head in through the doorway. “Up, up, up,” Angel whispered in her ear.

Teresa brushed her right ear with her hand. “What’s this, Father?”

“Yes, yes, yes! It might be nothing, but let’s look,” Angel said.

“What?” Teresa asked.

“I didn’t say anything.” The priest turned toward Jessie with a quizzical look on his face. “I don’t know what that is. Your dad said you’re welcome to anything you want.”

“Auntie, you can have this.” Teresa flipped through the book and disregarded it as trash. “I think he kept a journal.”

Angel tried to peek at the book but Teresa snapped it shut and handed it over to her aunt. The entire group headed out of the apartment in silence. Teresa and her Aunt Jessie followed Father Benjamin across the grounds while Angel trailed along in thought.

Teresa held the “family” notebook and her Aunt Jessie straggled behind, flipping through the pages of the journal. They stopped on the sidewalk outside the church, near the parking lot.

“Well, thank you, Father. I’m sure you have a lot to do,” Teresa said.

“You know, I’d like you to …”

As soon as Father Benjamin spoke, a woman walking toward them from the parking lot interrupted him.

“Father?” The heavyset Hispanic woman held a slow cooker in her hands while a plastic grocery bag dangled from her fingers. “I’m sorry to interrupt. But have you heard any more news about Juan?”

“Oh, Anna. No, nothing new yet. But this is his family.” The priest waved his hand.

“Jessie?” Anna asked. “It’s been years …”

Teresa’s eyes looked tired, although she kept her face expressionless in what Angel recognized as her “I’m done” look. Angel sensed Teresa was still here merely to please her aunt.

Anna moved toward Teresa. “And you must be Teresa. I’ve known your father for such a long time. In fact, I remember you when you were a little girl.”

The woman placed the slow cooker and the bag on the sidewalk. She then grabbed Teresa in a bear hug. Angel noticed Teresa’s body stiffen at the moment of impact. But Anna ignored Teresa’s standoffishness and squeezed even tighter.

When Teresa eventually managed to step out of the woman’s grasp, she asked, “Do you know me?”

“Oh, yes. I knew your mother, too.” Anna looked toward Teresa’s aunt. “Hello, Jessie. Do you remember me?”

“I do. How are you, Anna? I’m surprised to see you again. It’s been years.” Jessie turned toward Teresa and said, “Anna was a friend of our family. Years ago she was at one of our first family reunions. She helped your mother in the kitchen.”

“I looked a lot slimmer back then.” Anna looked away as she continued, “I’m so sorry about Juan.”

“Thank you,” Jessie responded.

“Were you in the kitchen when that lady caught her hair on fire? She was trying to light a cigarette on the stove,” Teresa asked.

“I was that woman.” Anna laughed and continued, “But I’ve put some weight on since then.”

“Did you know my family well?” Teresa questioned.

“Not so much, dear. I’d met Juan at some meetings and he took me under his wing. Back then I had some issues with staying sober. That’s probably why I caught my hair on fire.”

“Why didn’t my dad contact me before? You must’ve known I was out here.”

“I didn’t know he hadn’t until Father Benjamin told me yesterday. I assumed he was in contact with you.” Anna exhaled. “We spend so much time working with other people. It’s hard to explain. I asked about you often, and your dad knew all the answers. He told me about your son, JJ, and your store. He said you had a rough patch with your husband and your divorce. He was so proud of you for raising JJ on your own and building a successful business. I thought you and your son were fully in his life. I really had no idea.”

Anna swallowed. “He gave me all the answers for you too, Jessie. He said you lived in the same house and had really stepped up for Teresa when Marion had passed away.” Anna appeared apologetic. “In thinking about it now, he never mentioned being around either of you. Juan just knew what was going on in your lives.”

Angel felt her heart race. Perspiration sprang out on her upper lip—though of course both were impossible. In reality, she’d completely tuned into this new woman’s feelings and physical reaction. Anna pulled a handkerchief out of her bag and wiped her upper lip.

An uncomfortable silence continued for what seemed like several minutes until Father Benjamin spoke. “Well I guess it’s time to say our good-byes, at least for now.”

Angel went to the car; she needed to get away from the emotions that had begun to cling to her. She didn’t like this type of somber energy. A few minutes away from the others and she’d be fine. She situated herself in the back seat and waited for Teresa and Jessie. Angel wanted to know the outcome of Father Benjamin’s attempt to persuade Teresa to visit her dad.

As both women approached, it sounded as if they were arguing. “I’m just saying, we should see him. If only for a minute to tell him how we feel,” insisted Jessie.

“Well, I’m sorry, Aunt Jessie, I’m really mad. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say the man that priest described was no relation of mine. I want to do this on my own terms, if at all.”

“You know your mother paid Anna to help out. She was looking for work, and Joe had tried to give the woman a hand. I forgot about her hair catching on fire until you brought it up.” Jessie chuckled.

“Auntie, you’re so sweet. You said she was a family friend.” Teresa softened.

“Well, she sort of was. She was around for a while. I think Anna even babysat for you and Angela. Something happened and we never saw her again.”

Angel somehow could see inside Teresa, saw her going through a load of inner conflict that spun around and around like laundry running through a “heavily soiled” cycle.

Regret and confusion immediately poured out of Teresa’s mouth. “What about the storage unit? How’d he manage to do these things without our finding out? He has counselor credentials. He somehow saved stuff from the house and he lives like a pauper.”

“Yes, I saw that.”

“Auntie, I’m exhausted.” Teresa rubbed her left leg. “I can tell my dad’s around because he’s so draining, and I haven’t even seen him yet.”

“What about JJ? What are you going to tell your son?”

“I’ll pick him up from school and talk to him.”

Angel had heard enough for one day. As much as she wanted to stay around for the journal and see what was in the “family” notebook, she needed a break. She left Teresa, and the woman who was possibly her own aunt, somewhere in Los Angeles. Her entire being cried out for a rest, and she needed the comfort of someone to talk to. Hopefully the girls were back “home” early today.

Angel moved quickly to their current resting place. With merely a thought of the clouds they’d slept in last night, she was somehow transported right to the spot. Thank goodness, since the winds had moved the clouds pretty far south today. It had taken her weeks to find this particular set of clouds, two in all, with a special curve at the base. This set was perfect, at least for the time being—but eventually all clouds evaporate.

Angel lay back in the middle of the formation, at the softest peak. She took a single scoop off of the far edge of the cloud and ran it through her long brown hair imagining the shine it would make. Longing for an ice cream, she closed her eyes and licked the side of her vanilla cloud. No taste, no feeling, all was the same.

She curled up in a fetal position and closed her eyes. The need to sleep was a trait that had transferred with her into this existence. After the day’s events, Angel was physically drained—another memory but maybe not an impossibility, she thought as she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

“Wake up, my Angel, wake up.” Angel’s body shook from a gentle push on her shoulder and a voice that didn’t sound like Belle, or Kail. She stretched her arms out and turned on her side.

“Angel. Wake up,” the male voice said.

A male voice?! Angel bolted straight up into a sitting position on the cloud. “Who’s there?”

“It’s me. Your dad,” the man answered.

He sat on the far edge of the cloud dressed in blue-stripped pajama bottoms and a sleeveless T-shirt. His right leg hung over the side of the cloud. He smiled and his bright white teeth glowed against his warm-brown skin. The man was older. Though he had a full head of wavy dark hair, it was speckled with an occasional gray hair, and the thin mustache on his upper lip had gone almost completely gray. Although he frightened Angel at the suddenness of his appearance, he also captivated her with his beauty.