Heaven or Hell (35 page)

At some level, however, he understood both of the girls were gone, and somehow Marion controlled the whole thing. He gave up on trying to comprehend any of it. As Father Benjamin used to say, “Sometimes you just gotta have a little faith.”

After his free fall through the air, Joe landed hard, stomach-side down. His mouth hit the ground and filled with grass.
How can I feel this …
He sat up, spat the grass out of his mouth, brushed off his face, and wiped his hands on his pants. Taking a quick look at his surroundings, he realized he’d landed in a cemetery, directly behind a crowd of people at a graveside burial.

“Oh my, this is a huge gathering, and I seem to be talking a lot to myself. Maybe I’m hoping somebody will answer. God, I don’t know how Angela did this for so many years.” Joe shook his head and focused on the assembled people. The folks toward the back of the group were dressed in homeless gear, and as Joe got closer, he heard Father Benjamin’s voice.

My funeral … It’s my funeral. Of course,
he thought.

Despite the reality of his situation, Joe couldn’t help but smile at what he saw. After only a few days, he missed the people in his life. A chance to see them all again in one place put him in high spirits, at least until the gravity of the event hit him.

Maybe Teresa and JJ were attending his services. He hoped so. It would’ve been nice to have spent more time with them before his death. He moved easily through the crowd, totally unseen, and searched the closer graveside seats typically reserved for the family. He could hear Father Benjamin’s voice quite clearly now. The priest appeared to be quoting verses from the Bible.

Joe’s spiritual side wasn’t so much in tune with Bible verses. He wondered why Father Benjamin would’ve chosen such a formal message, unless of course Jessie had insisted.

The memory of tears filled Joe’s eyes as he saw his daughter, grandson, and sister in folding chairs nearest the grave. He brushed his hand across his dry cheek looking for wetness as he sniffled—all actions remembered from being in the flesh, as Angela called it. Joe’s heart overflowed at the sight of his family in the front row. Jessie sat tall and proud, Teresa wiped tears from her eyes, and JJ held his mother’s hand.

“Joe, they’re going to be fine. They don’t need you to hang around.” His wife’s voice seemed to come from everywhere.

“Marion? Where are you?” Joe spun around and searched the crowd.

“I’m over here,” Marion said. “Where I belong.”

Joe hadn’t realized how much he missed the beautiful tone of Marion’s voice, which resonated now from the area where his daughter sat.

Joe searched the crowd amassed behind the seated family. As if on cue, a Hollywood fade-in on the toothless woman gave a view of her standing directly behind Teresa. With her hands on Teresa’s shoulders, the crazy old woman from the homeless line—and from many years ago on the streets—suddenly morphed into Marion.

Joe laughed and said, “I only figured that out very recently.”

“I know.” Marion smiled. “I’m here to tell you Teresa’s going to be okay. Your instincts are right.”

“I’ve missed you, Marion. I really messed up,” Joe said.

“Yes, you did, and so did I. My goodness, it’s taken me quite some time to learn that all of this stuff we must go through is a part of the process.” Marion shifted to appear at Joe’s side. “We need to let them find their own way, Joe.”

Marion then nodded toward the group of folks at the graveside. “Trust me on this—we can help in small ways where we’re going, but remaining here is not okay. You and I don’t belong here anymore.”

Joe reached out to his wife and looped her arm through his. He examined her face and held back the tears that would never come.

“Marion, I love you. I’m sorry. It’s been so long, but it seems like yesterday.” Joe blinked as he spoke. “I can’t put my finger on it, but something about you is different than it was.”

“And you as well,” Marion said. “Let’s go home.”

Joe and Marion walked hand in hand across the grass. “Peaceful, that’s it. You’re more peaceful.”

“Mature. You’re more mature.” Her lips pursed, and she enfolded his arm. “I’ve been hoping you’d grow up. But I like that you’re still full of enthusiasm, like a child at times. I’d say we’ve both grown, though in different ways.”

“What about the pups? You sent them to Angela, didn’t you?” Joe unwrapped his arm and grabbed his wife’s hand.

“Oh yes. I was a little naive back then. I didn’t know what to do about Angela. I’m still not sure if that was the best possible choice. It might’ve kept her more isolated, and as you’ve figured out—Angela’s frustration and loneliness weighed Teresa down.”

Joe had really missed the sideways glance and tilt of Marion’s mouth when she spoke—he’d missed the familiarity and the comfort of her little mannerisms such as that. He stared at her with a grin across his face.

“What?” Marion said and waved a hand at him. “Stop it, please.” She chuckled and carried on. “Anyhow, Jessie has been wonderful over the years. I arranged for Belle to stay with her for a while. She’ll come home, though. They all eventually come home.”

“I feel so good right now, Marion. My body was in really bad shape.” Joe held on tighter to Marion’s hand as they moved through the cemetery grounds. He worked hard at avoiding headstones, and then he noticed Marion walking right through them.

“Well, you’ve managed to do some good in the last few years,” she said. “Quite a number of folks are waiting to spend time with you where we’re going.” Her forehead pulled tight and wrinkled together as she frowned. “You know, all the baggage doesn’t go away with the crossover. It’s sad sometimes. Oh gosh, that’s why suicide isn’t the answer to most of our problems. Joe, Juan, whatever you want to be called … your work will continue.”

In addition to not knowing if this moment would ever come to occur, Joe had believed he’d fight this transition and insist upon staying with Teresa. And he also thought the wrath of Marion would devastate him. He was relieved and thrilled to be wrong on all accounts.

“Aren’t you still mad at me?” he asked.

Marion raised her left eyebrow and gave him a one-sided glance. “Well, I was. But I worked that through. In your time, I’d say that was years ago, but in my time it feels like seconds. So don’t push your luck.” She winked.

After they’d distanced themselves from the crowd at Joe’s funeral, Marion stopped walking and pointed toward a large oak tree directly in their path.

“It’s beautiful,” she said. “When we reach that spot under the tree, the sky to the right of us will appear to open. It’ll almost melt and possibly tear, like the ripples you’ve been seeing. Then the light will come through and we’ll move together to a place that will overwhelm you—in a good way.” Her eyes seemed to look off into another realm and gradually a soft golden light outlined her being. She obviously no longer was in a physical body, but only a spiritual, energetic one.

She then turned to Joe and gazed at him. He responded to her with eye contact and it appeared to be what she was waiting for.

In a serious tone, she continued. “It’s important, Joe, that you allow the transition period to take place. Rest and decompression time are necessary. I fought this process and had a difficult period. Thus creating a difficult time for you. I ask that you now learn from my mistake.”

Joe smiled at his wife, and kissed her forehead. “I’m ready,” he said. He was amazed at how quickly he’d agreed to go and how ready he truly felt.

The tension seemed to leave Marion as she took Joe’s arm and her expression softened. She spoke now in a playful manner with a slight smile on her face. “I’m thinking we should leave a sign. Did you like the sound of Angela’s laughter? Wasn’t that a beautiful sign?”

Joe nodded, feeling another unreal tear in his eye; emotions seemed to engulf his being. He couldn’t believe his own good luck. Marion, the love of his life, was walking and talking here with him. They were about to cross over together, to another dimension. His stomach, or the memory of it, fluttered with delight.

“Why don’t we cause a little thunder? It appears the rain cleared so that couldn’t be Mother Nature, could it? I’d like to give Father Benjamin something to think about,” Marion said.

Her mischievous side was a part of her personality Joe had forgotten about. He chuckled to himself and then thought over everything that he’d undergone.

“I have a question. Were you around when I went through my own personal hell—the stinky pit?” he asked.

“All things in due time,” Marion answered as she pointed toward the rip in the sky.

“Hold still,” she added. “This’ll be fun.” And then she bumped Joe’s hip with her own, and a loud thunderclap filled the air at the exact time Father Benjamin stated his final good-bye to his friend, Juan—also known as, Joe.

Joe laughed.

“Shhh …” Marion whispered in his ear. She pulled him up to the opening in the sky.

“I can’t help it. I liked the way you did that.” Joe chuckled as he left the world he’d known for so long.

CHAPTER 33
 

“DID YOU HEAR THAT?” TERESA LEANED over and whispered directly in JJ’s ear.

“Yes, the thunder?” JJ asked.

“I’m telling you, I think I heard my dad say something afterward. It was faint, but something was said.” Teresa stood up as the service ended and the crowd moved slowly away from the graveside. Was she going crazy, hearing voices?

Father Benjamin must’ve overheard the conversation. He walked toward them with a serious look on his face and commented, “I heard it too. He laughed, I’d know his laughter anywhere.”

“Like the girl outside of our house.” JJ snapped his fingers.

Teresa nodded, and the group left it at that—an occurrence they acknowledged but didn’t speak about any further. She knew that JJ would add it to his little book and probably obsess about the incident for a few months.

Teresa was shocked at her own reaction to all that had taken place. She actually was glad that her father had reentered her life, and then sad that he’d died so soon after that.

“Aunt Jessie, do you want to go to the gathering?” Teresa asked.

“Well, yes. I’m glad you thought of it. I didn’t want to have to beg you again.” Aunt Jessie smirked.

“I’m ready,” Teresa said as she led her family behind the large procession of people. “I’m happy that he had a good turnout. I’m not so happy about the circumstances, but I think he’s finally okay now.” A significant piece inside her had shifted, for lack of a better term. Every ounce of her being now believed in something more after this life as people knew it—a thought she would not have contemplated a few days ago.

And now, with limited time left in this world, as they all had, she vowed to herself to make the best of what remained—here and now.

Teresa, JJ, Jessie, and Father Benjamin walked in silence across the grass toward the cars.

“Father, please ride with us in the limousine,” Aunt Jessie suggested.

“I would be honored,” the priest replied.

He then positioned himself inside the car directly facing Teresa. As the limo cruised through traffic, he spoke softly to her. “What are your plans now?”

“Plans?” she asked.

“Well, I can’t help but see something has changed with you, Teresa. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s certainly good.”

“Thank you, Father. Thank you for everything. You’ve been more than patient with me. As you know, I’ve had some kind of metamorphosis. I can’t pinpoint the details, but I realize as sad as this is, it was a good thing for me.”

“What about the journal, the storage area? You know, the unanswered questions,” Father Benjamin asked.

“My father had a wild imagination.” Teresa smiled slightly and spoke with a sparkle in her eye. “You of all people should know that we don’t always get answers to everything that happens in life. Sometimes, it is what it is and nothing more.”

Teresa sat quietly for the remainder of the ride. She watched her son interact with the priest, and her Aunt Jessie become involved in their conversation. And she realized she would read the notebook and see the storage area in time. She didn’t want to rush through remnants of her father and her past because she didn’t want the mystery of rediscovering her history to be over too soon.

In her heart she realized that she’d still clean during times of distress and just to get away from it all, but right now her desire to clean was gone. She was here in the moment, and as heartbreaking as the death of her father was—she faced it and she was moving forward.

She might not ever completely understand what he’d been trying to tell them with his cockamamie story, and that was all right. For some reason she loved the fact that he’d gone to the trouble to concoct the tale, and besides, who was she to judge—maybe his story was even true.

Hmm …
she said to herself.
Maybe time will tell.

About the Author
 

As a teenager, Roni Teson picked up the book,
Life After Life
by Raymond Moody. Fascinated with the topic of near-death experiences and our existence beyond the ‘flesh,’ Roni began a personal journey to find out more.

In addition to being well read on the subject of near death experiences and life after death, Roni has also spent many hours with people who have personally experienced dying and in some shape or form undergone a spiritual event. These people were everyday individuals who may not ordinarily be as connected to the spiritual world as the many mediums and spiritual healers Roni has also spent time with.

The original version of Heaven or Hell was started, and shelved a few years prior to its completion due to Roni Teson’s career as an executive in the accounts receivable management industry. Divine intervention had a hand, however, when she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer and made the time, during her treatment, to complete the novel.

Over the period of her amazing recovery, Roni’s own journey somewhat paralleled aspects of the lives of her characters. As she responded to the medication and was potentially beating cancer, everything else in her world imploded. She went through loss on almost every level of her life: health, career, long-term relationship, homes, cars, and pets.