Heaven in Hedonism (The Sinful Series Book 3) (2 page)

A nurse walked into the room a split second after her voice boomed, “Knock, knock!” When she saw them kissing, she quipped, “Isn’t this what got you here to begin with?”

Sin pulled back and looked around Ben to respond. “Actually, it was a turkey baster. We had to go with insemination. So, the kissing…perfectly safe.”

Hugging her close, Ben smiled. “Do you need to take some vitals?”

Walking directly to the monitors, she said, “Yeah. I need to look at this a moment. We’ve called your doctor and she’s on the way.” Standing silently, she stared at the screen showing the babies’ heart rates and the contractions. It might as well have been in Sanskrit, as much sense as I could make of it. After an interminable amount of time, she finally spoke. “Looking good. Those babies are tough.”

“Just like their mama,” Ben said lovingly with his forehead pressed against Sin’s.

“Nice strong heartbeats,” the nurse added while making a note in the chart on the computer.

Laying a hand on his scarred chest, Sin spoke, “Just like their daddy.”

He had tears in his eyes as he crushed her to his chest.

“Gah,” I moaned. “I’d tell you to get a room, but since we’re already in one, just keep it PG, we have impressionable kids here.”

The nurse smiled at me before leaving. After all, I was the only one paying attention.

*  *  *

By mid morning, Ben and I had taken turns getting food from the cafeteria and keeping Sin’s spirits up. As the pain increased, she only grew quieter. While some women cried or screamed when in agony, she simply shut down. “Talk to me,” I urged while rolling the tennis balls up and down her back.

Shaking her head, she shut her eyes.

Ben and I exchanged looks. “I’m going to talk to a nurse,” he said quietly. “I’ll be right back, baby. You’re in good hands.” Patting me on the shoulder, he walked from the room.

It was all I could do to just keep rubbing. In ten years on the road, the only experience I had to compare this to was a hike we had taken about a year into our road trip. “Damn. It’s Grandfather Mountain all over again,” I mumbled. Her pain hurt me.

One eye opened slowly. “I told you I wasn’t a hiker. You tricked me,” she whispered between contractions.

“You wore flip flops. Who does that?”

Her other eye opened and she rolled just enough to look at me. “Me. I don’t own sneakers. You told me we were taking pictures!”

“In my defense, you did.” I beamed as I recalled that rescue.

“Those firemen and EMTs were hot. And it took my mind off the pain,” she said by way of explanation.

“Want me to find you a male nurse?”

Shaking her head, she said with a slight smile. “You know Ben is all I need.”

Just when she finished speaking, he entered the room once more. “And here I am.” He leaned over and planted a kiss on the very tip of her nose that had her scrunching it up and smiling. Ben was magical. “The anesthesiologist will be here shortly,” he said. “You are an excellent candidate for an epidural.”

Case in point, the man was helping take away her pain. Inwardly, I swooned. Outwardly, I gagged. “Guess this is my cue,” I said as I stood.

Immediately, they both turned to me. “Please stay,” Sin said, her eyes pleading. My eyes met Ben’s. He nodded.

Despite my better judgment, I sank back into the seat. This was not where I wanted to be while a needle, or series of needles were stabbed into my best friend’s back. “Shouldn’t this be a couple thing?” I asked, desperate to remove myself from the situation as gracefully as possible.

Shaking his head, Ben said, “I can’t be here. I can’t watch this. Sin and I talked about this in advance. She said you’d stay.”

Grabbing my hand, she said, “You’ve always been there for me. You’ve never left me in my moment of need.” Then she batted her eyelashes at me before shutting down once more and squeezing the hell out of my hand.

When she finally released me, I grumbled, “Fine, I’ll stay, but if this hand ends up in a cast, you’re going to have to pay my living expenses during my recovery.” They both heaved a sigh of relief. “Let’s get this woman an epidural before she cripples me.”

The anesthesiologist walked in minutes later and gave all the potential side effects and recovery issues associated with the procedure. While speaking he stared at Sin, whose eyes were closed again. “I’m going to need a signature on this,” he said as he pushed the clipboard toward me.

“Don’t look at me. I’m the best friend. The guy who ran like a scared rabbit when you walked in, he’s who you needed to speak to. I’m not going to be responsible for any of this.” My hands were up in the air, a sign of surrender.

“Very well,” he said succinctly as he walked to the door with the paperwork. Clearly Ben was waiting just outside the door.

“Almost,” I murmured in her ear as I leaned over her. An almost imperceptible nod assured me that she had paid attention.

Soon the anesthesiologist was back and working on her. “I’m going to need you to sit up and roll around this pillow.” He motioned to me. “Go stand in front of her so she can lean on you.”

“Damn, I did not want to see this,” I muttered. “Sin, you so owe me for this.”

While the doctor worked, I babbled incessantly. “Thank God we have flexible hours at work. I forgot to call in today. I’m going to need to let Mac know,” I said brightly. “I’m sure he’s wondering where I am. We usually have a morning meeting.” I glanced at my cell phone, gripped firmly in my hand. “Eleven a.m. daily. Computer geeks keep strange hours,” I added. “Or maybe I should just send him a text. I’ve never had to do either before. Normally I’m super reliable. Obviously. I’m here. When I’d rather be there.”

“You’d rather be at work?” Sin questioned.

“No, I’d rather be in the hall with Ben,” I said as I waved at him casually. He was peeking through the small rectangular glass panel in the door.

“Oh.” She sighed. It seemed like she was already starting to breathe better. “You know how it is, Jolie. Men pretend to be tougher, stronger, but it’s us. We are. Thank you for being here, for sticking it out, always.”

“It’s what I do, babe.” Then I smiled wistfully because it really was what I do. Sadly, with Sin was the one place I always felt like I fit, felt whole. Now, I felt like the third wheel. Something had to change.

The anesthesiologist taped everything in place and settled her back onto her bed. “Okay, you should be feeling much better, which is to say you should be feeling almost nothing at all,” he said with a wink.

“Thank you,” she said breathily. “So much better.” As he headed toward the door she stopped him. “Doctor, can you send that scared little rabbit in here now?” He nodded and stepped out of the room.

Seconds later, Ben was briskly walking through the door. In anticipation, I said, “I’m just going to step out and call my boss. Be right back.”

Heading the direction he just came, I shut the door behind me. Then I kept walking. I wasn’t sure what to say, really. I never knew how to talk to Mac. He usually left me flustered. I couldn’t tell when he was joking and when he was serious. He always wore the same confident look. And in the eight months we’d been working together, he had steadily transitioned from a suit wearing corporate type to a scruffy looking college kid with long curly locks. I just wanted to shake him and ask
why?

The phone rang once, twice, three times before I started begging the voicemail to pick up. It wouldn’t make me less awkward, it would just mean I wouldn’t have to have a conversation. Just as I was about to give up, he answered.

“Dammit,” I muttered before I could stop myself.

“And hello to you, too, Just Jolie,” Mac said with a chuckle.

Sighing, I realized I had totally left myself open for that. Ever since we’d been working together, he had been working to find some clever nickname for me. The latest effort was ‘Just Jolie,’ since that’s what I’d tell him when he called me anything else. “So, I’m not going to make it there today and I’m not sure about tomorrow. I have a family emergency.”

“What’s the emergency?”

“Seriously? You're going to need an excuse? It’s not enough to tell you that?” I could feel my blood boiling within my veins. “I never even ask for time off. I work overtime without complaint and the first time I have something important come up, you question me?” I was practically a snarling, raving lunatic by the time I finished.

“No, I merely wanted to make sure you’re okay. I didn’t know if you were calling from a hospital or what? How am I supposed to know if I need to send flowers?” He laughed. Obviously he thought he was very clever.

“I am fine, despite the fact that I’m calling from a hospital. Never send flowers. Now, are we good? Can I get back to my family emergency now?” While we spoke, I had turned back and headed to Sin’s room in the maternity ward of the hospital. Once more, I found myself right outside her door.

Ben came bursting out. “The doctor says it’s time to push,” he said while giving me this pleading look.

“Be right there,” I assured him. Turning my attention back to Mac, I sighed. “I’m at Queen of the Valley.”

When I walked back into the room, I could see the panic rising in Sin again. “How am I going to do this?” she asked me. “I can’t keep goldfish alive. Now I’m going to have not one, but two tiny humans depending upon me.”

“You probably should have thought of that sooner,” I said with a smile. Pausing beside my duffle bag, I opened it and pulled out the iPod and the speakers. “Here’s your playlist. I have hours prepared for you. Songs to inspire you. Let’s start with a classic.” At that, I hit the button and soon
Push It
by Salt-n-Peppa was blaring in the room.

The couple clasped hands, exchanged smiles, then looked at me beaming. “Okay. Let’s do this,” Sin said.

Watching Sin give birth was nothing like I expected. Sure, there was the usual grunting and pushing. What really hit me was seeing the love between them, the way Ben smoothed back her hair and swabbed her brow, hearing the sweet words he murmured in her ear for comfort, the way they were constantly touching. It made me feel so acutely everything I was missing. Hours later after the twins had arrived, Sin and Ben were snuggling in her bed and I headed down to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Since they were about six weeks early, the twins were being closely monitored. Although I wasn’t allowed inside without Sin or Ben, I could see them from the window, their isolettes side by side. The vibrations of my phone reminded me I couldn’t stay here all day.

Slowly, I walked back to the room. This was the part I was dreading. Too soon I’d have to say goodbye. I was no longer my own person. When I sold my company and signed on with The Geek Tank, I had given away my freedom. Like it or not, I had to go back to San Francisco. At the moment…not. Definitely not. Still, Sin no longer needed me. These days, it was me needing her, and she had enough demands on her at the moment.

By the time I returned to the room, the lactation consultant was just exiting and there was a pump beside the bed for Sin to use. “Glad I missed that,” I joked. Walking over to my duffle, I pulled out the wine bottle I had packed earlier. “This is one of your favorites. I thought you might want to celebrate when you get home.”

“Thank you, Jolie,” Sin said warmly. “You should come share it with us.”

Shaking my head, I said, “I have to get back. Just wanted to make sure I gave you these before I go.” Then I pulled out the clothes I had picked for the new babies. “Did you finalize their names?”

“We had planned to name our son after my sister and father. He’ll be Brendan Michael Everly,” Ben said.

“Oh, I like that,” I said honestly.

“And we thought we’d name the girl after you and Ben’s mom,” Sin chimed in. “So she’s going to be—”

“Oh my God! Do not saddle a baby with my name. I don’t even use my name!” I cried, louder than I expected.

Laughing, Sin said, “Not your real name, Jolie. Our daughter will be Jolie Elise Everly.”

“Whew.” I sighed. “Much better. That name works.”

“Wait,” Ben began. “What’s your name?”

Stalking over to him, I leaned low and gave him my most menacing look. With my finger, I jabbed his chest while I warned, “We don’t speak about it. Okay?”

Wide eyed, he nodded, a hand over his mouth. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was trying to cover a laugh. Then he moved his hand, exchanged looks with Sin and a chuckle escaped. “Sorry. It can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, it is,” Sin assured him. “It was a family name. Enough said.” With that she made a zipper motion across her lips, followed by the classic turning of the key and throwing it over her shoulder.

He nodded, but it looked like he was struggling not to ask further questions about my name. “Can I at least ask a favor?” He glanced at Sin. “I would normally leave this to my lovely wife, but now that she’s unable to speak,” he smirked briefly before continuing, “I guess it’s up to me.” His shoulders heaved as he prepared to make his request. “Would you please be their godmother?”

Looking back and forth between the two, I was struck silent. On the one hand, this was a huge honor, one that I was shocked to be considered for. “Are you sure? I’m single and will probably die that way. I have zero experience with children. When my girlfriends were babysitting, I was hacking computers. You couldn’t have asked someone less qualified.”

“Do you love them?” Sin asked.

“She speaks! It’s a miracle!” Ben joked.

Laughter came so easily around them. “Of course I do.”

“Then you have the one qualification you need,” she murmured. “Say ‘yes’.”

Sighing, I shrugged. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Then it’s settled. We’ll set a date and let you know,” Ben said certainly.

“Okay, now I definitely have to go. It’s just getting too mushy around here.” I explained as I doled out hugs. “Get some rest. I’ll check on you tomorrow.”

*  *  *

It was too dark and too late to really examine my truck, but there were no other vehicles currently parked nearby, which gave me some hope. Sliding behind the wheel, I ran my hand over the walnut panel on the dash. It made me happy. Turning the key in the ignition, it purred to a start and slowly I drove back to San Francisco.

My one question as I headed back toward home was whether I was going there or the office. My badge would get me in the building any time of the day or night. Lately, I had considered putting in more hours, going back to work in the evenings since I was spending more time pacing than sleeping anyway. Might as well be productive. The guilt of missing a day of work weighed on me too.

As if on autopilot, I ended up pulling into the parking lot at work. There were few vehicles here. The truck would be safe. I could work for a few hours and still get ample sleep.

Walking into the team room, I checked the wipe board for new information I may have missed during the day, then stopped at my desk for further insights. There were a few notes for me about my end of the programming. Confident that I had what I needed, I headed for the gym on the bottom floor. After using my keycard to gain access, I headed straight for the punching bag, leaving the lights on the lowest setting. Just like the dark and me, the punching bag and I were old friends.

For more than ten years I had been functioning on a simple truth. There was something therapeutic about taking out all my frustrations on it. I could kick and punch it for hours, letting exhaustion take hold and having new ideas form in my mind. This was how I did some of my best thinking and burned countless calories. I wasn’t about to have cafeteria lady arms like my mother once had.

“Well, I didn’t expect to see you here,” a voice boomed in the darkened room before turning the lights on.

Instantly, I was blinded while my eyes adjusted to the brightness. “Dammit,” I muttered. Maybe being here was a terrible idea. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with people.

“Oh, sorry,” he said and I recognized Mac’s British accent immediately. He walked toward me and I stiffened when I realized he wasn’t dressed for a workout.

“What are you doing?” I asked. My eyes seemed to narrow involuntarily.

Pausing about ten feet from me, he looked at me and smiled. “How is it I’ve managed to hire the most anti-social person I’ve ever met to create a social network?” he asked. Shaking his head, he added, “Some days I think this project is doomed to failure.”

“Relax, Mac,” I said. “I’m social enough. More importantly, I’m one helluva programmer.” With that I winked at him and walked toward the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Gonna grab a hot chocolate and get to work,” I responded as I continued on my path.

“Great, I’ll come with you!” he exclaimed happily.

“Really, that’s not necessary.” I shooed him away.

Beating me to the door, he had his hand on the knob and was looking at me like he was trying to figure me out. He was bound to be disappointed. There wasn’t that much to me. I wasn’t Sin, comprised of layer after beautiful layer. I was just Jolie. His nickname was more accurate than he knew. “What do you want?” I asked with my arms crossed over my chest. The direct approach had always worked best for me.

It definitely seemed to throw him. “Er…well, I don’t know. I just thought we could talk,” he spluttered.

“We are talking. What else do we have to say?” I tapped my foot impatiently while I waited.

“I thought we could just chat over a drink.” He shrugged as though he was suddenly at a loss for words.

Shifting to my other hip, I spoke once more, “I’m still a lesbian. You saw my hair, right?”

“You’ve been growing it,” he said weakly, with a hint of a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

“So have you,” I said in exasperation, pointing to his shaggy curly locks. “And I didn’t assume it meant you changed your sexual preferences.” Taking a step closer to the door, I sighed when his hand remained in place, preventing my exit. “I know you’re the boss, but I’ll still lay you out if you don’t get out of my way.”

“Easy, killer,” he murmured calmly as he opened the door for me.

“Thank you.”

Then I walked briskly through the door and headed to the coffee shop. During the day, it was staffed with a barista. After normal office hours, we were on our own and the results were far less exciting. To my dismay, Mac was still following me. For the moment, I chose to ignore him. Maybe he just wanted a drink too. So, I went straight for the hot chocolate canister, popped the lid, and started spooning out tons of the wonderfully aromatic powder into the paper cup I had yanked off the stack. When I glanced over to my right, he was leaning against the counter, smiling at me. While there were plenty of women who’d no doubt be charmed by him, I wasn’t one of them. “Stop it. I have work to do, as you well know. The last thing I need is you following me around like a puppy dog distracting me.” Still he didn’t move. If anything, his smile simply widened. Walking over, I tousled his hair, scratched him behind his ear, and then tossed my stirrer stick.

“What was that for?” he asked, clearly flustered.

“Just testing a theory. You’re not a puppy dog,” I said flippantly. “Guess I just have to find some other way to distract you and get away.”

His eyes sparkled while he looked at me. I could have sworn he was enjoying this. “You make me forget that I’m the boss,” he said, beaming at me.

“Funny, because I never forget you’re the boss,” I mumbled as I walked away, fully aware that he was still trailing behind me.

“Well, you don’t act like it. Don’t you worry I’ll fire you?” he questioned, his face scrunched up and hands in the air forming what I had come to recognize as his thinking posture.

Stopping in the hall, I whipped around and looked him in the eye. “Let’s get this straight, I don’t need this job.” I watched as his eyes widened and he stiffened some. That was more like it. “I’ve just sold my company for several million dollars. Modesty prevents sharing exact numbers. As does the non-disclosure agreement I signed.” I flashed him my biggest smile. Damn, it felt good getting this off my chest. “I am working here because I like a challenge.”

“Ah, building a social network.” He guessed with a nod.

Shaking my head vehemently, I admitted, “Nope. Working with others. I hate it. My best friend, Sin, thinks it’s good for me. Of course, she hasn’t met you. If she does, she’ll likely revise that edict.” Turning once more, I threw over my shoulder, “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get back to work.” Then I walked off, sorry that I wasn’t in heels, or something that would make a nice staccato echo in the halls. These sneakers weren’t cutting it. Then he further ruined my grand exit by catching up to me in three long strides.

“You wanna know what I love about you?” he asked, panting slightly.

“Not especially.”

“Well, I’m gonna tell you anyway.” He took a breath. “You don’t try to impress me.”

Nodding, I agreed with that assessment. “I sure don’t.”

“I wasn’t done yet,” he said somewhat sternly.

“Pardon me,” I said while rolling my eyes. “Please continue.”

“Your work speaks for itself. You are over-qualified. You just go about your business without demanding the pats and preening of all the other geeks.” He smiled. “And I swear you live to shock me, do it just to put me off, keep me at arm’s length.” He watched me for a reaction.

Careful not to give one, I said evenly, “If you think so.”

Now he seemed to be thinking aloud. “What other reason could you have for telling me that you are a lesbian? Why else would you say half the things you say?”

“You tell me, Dr. Phil. Later. Gotta get to my desk.” Then I entered our office and headed straight to my seat. Just as I prepared to sit, my cell started ringing. I would have answered a call from a telemarketer at the moment, as desperate as I was to avoid talking to him further. Luckily, I didn’t have to take that route. Sin was calling.

“Hey,” I answered.

Her greeting was a blissful sigh. “Jolie and Brendan are doing wonderfully. Ben is with them in the nursery. So now, I have a moment for you.” She sounded so pleased with herself.

“Glad everything’s working out for you,” I said, instantly regretting the bitter edge to my voice.