Heaven Forbid (26 page)

Princess looked from Kelvin to Rafael. “Well?”

Rafael spoke first. “I’m cool,” he said, walking over and pointedly taking a seat on the couch, where he assumed Princess would sit. The only other seating in the living room was an oversized stuffed chair.

Kelvin turned to Princess. “I didn’t come here to have it out with anyone. I came here for my son.
And for you.
No offense to your boy here, but, Princess, can I speak with you privately for a minute?”

“Daddy, can I have some food?” Little Kelvin piped up again.

Princess had forgotten about the Mexican food quickly growing cold on the dining room table. “Let me fix him something to eat. Rafael, you want me to fix your plate?”

“No, I’ve lost my appetite,” Rafael said pointedly, but without looking at Kelvin.

Princess fixed Rafael with a stare before kneeling in front of Little Kelvin. “Do you like tacos?”

Little Kelvin nodded.

Instead of responding to Rafael’s taunt, Kelvin followed Princess into the kitchen, where she placed a taco and some rice onto a plate before putting it in the microwave. When she turned, Kelvin was right behind her. Her breasts brushed his chest, and her body immediately reacted. She backed up against the counter and refused to meet his heated gaze.

“Princess, I don’t want any trouble,” Kelvin said, his voice low. “But I want this moment to be between you, me, and Little Kelvin. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you. My dad has prayed for him, and my grandmother has him on her church’s prayer list. I just know how special you are, and I felt your personal vibe would be good for him. I can understand it if dude comes first, but I didn’t bum-rush you, Princess. You invited me over. This is a private matter, and your boy’s a stranger to my son. I don’t want him here.”

“But this is my house,” Princess replied as she removed the food from the microwave. She reached for a soda in the refrigerator and poured half of it into a plastic cup.

“Maybe you’d better make that to go,” Kelvin said finally. “I thought ministry came first with you, but I guess I got that twisted. On second thought…c’mon, Little Man. I’ll get you something at McDonald’s. You want a Happy Meal?”

“I want taco!”

“I’ll get us some tacos, then.” Kelvin picked up Little Kelvin and started for the door.

“Kelvin, wait.”

Kelvin stopped and turned around.

“I’ll pray for him, just wait a minute.” Princess took a deep breath and walked over to Rafael, who’d turned on the television and was watching ESPN. “Rafael, I want to pray for Kelvin’s son, and Kelvin would be more comfortable if you weren’t here for that.”

“Of course he would.”

“Please.” Princess placed a hand on Rafael’s arm. “Just for twenty, thirty minutes. There’s a crosswalk to the beach just a half a block down. I’ll call you as soon as he leaves. I’ll be okay,” she whispered. “Please, do this for me.”

Without another word Rafael rose from the couch, crossed the room, opened the door, and left. The ensuing silence was deafening. Princess stared at the closed door for a moment before walking back into the kitchen, retrieving the plate and cup of soda, and setting the items on the dining room table. “Here, Kelvin,” she said softly to the child.

Kelvin remained quiet as he picked up his son and placed him in the dining room chair. He saw a spool of paper towels on the counter, reached for one, and tucked it into his son’s shirt. He watched Little Kelvin pick up the taco and take a large bite. “Good?” he asked. His son nodded.

Finally, Kelvin looked at Princess. His eyes drank her in, from the perfection of her makeup-free face to the newly done manicure on the toes he used to love to suck. He only had to imagine how those jeans were fitting her nicely rounded bottom underneath the big T-shirt—a shirt Kelvin was sure she’d worn to hide herself.
But you can’t hide that body from my memory, baby. And you can’t hide your desire either.

“Do you want something to eat?” Princess asked, walking over to the sack on the table still filled with guacamole, refried beans, and meat-filled quesadillas.

“Yes.”

Kelvin’s soft answer whipped around Princess’s body like a gentle breeze. It heated her as much as his hands on her body ever could.
Help me, Jesus.
She stiffened her back and turned around. “You know what I meant, Kelvin.”

A hint of a smile played across Kelvin’s face. “Did you ever love me at all, Princess Brook?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“It’s the kind of question that’s asked when a man who hasn’t seen a friend for three years comes over and doesn’t even get a hug.”

“Let’s not play games, Kelvin. You didn’t come over here for a hug. You came over here for prayer. Let’s stay on course with the reason for this visit, and I think everything will be okay.”

“Just one?” Kelvin pressed. Instead of advancing toward her, he leaned against the refrigerator.

“That might be one too many,” Princess honestly replied. She walked over to the table and noted that Little Kelvin was almost done with his taco. “You’re almost finished, Little Kelvin. Good job! You want some more soda?” She hoped to divert the dangerous direction in which the conversation was headed.

Kelvin’s heart clinched as he watched Princess interact with his son. He imagined what it would have been like if they’d had a child together, instead of him and Fawn. Chances are, he thought, he and Princess would be married by now. He’d been so quick to suggest Princess have an abortion when he found out she was pregnant. He’d never imagined himself with a child, especially at such a young age. But Little Kelvin was his heart and had added immensely to his life. If he’d known then what he knew now, he never would have put Princess through the pain he now knew his impulsive suggestion cost her. The reality of Princess’s pain became real to Kelvin in that moment.
I hurt her badly.
Now all he wanted to do was make everything better, to make her better. That became his singular goal.

Kelvin moved toward her without thought, reached for her waist, and enveloped her in his arms. Princess did not fight him. Instead, she welcomed what until this moment she’d refused to acknowledge she’d missed. He hugged her tightly, and then, walking them to the portion of counter space that was not visible from the dining room and Little Kelvin’s prying eyes, he kissed her.

Princess’s body reacted before her mind could form an appropriate defense. Her arms reached around and rubbed Kelvin’s strong, lean back. Kelvin’s hard tongue pressed against her closed lips, demanding more. She opened her mouth, and he quickly plunged inside, lapping her essence like nectar, their tongues dueling, engaging, remembering.

Leaning his weight on his right leg to protect the one that had been broken, Kelvin lifted Princess onto the kitchen counter and continued his assault. He placed himself between her legs, pulled her forward, allowing her to feel his rapidly hardening heat. He reached for the band that held her ponytail, pulled it out, and buried his hand in her hair. He pressed them closer together and reveled in the feel of her hardened nipples against his chest. This was his Princess, hot and hungry, just as he remembered.

“Baby, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you,” he whispered into her mouth.

He felt so good; this felt so good. Princess’s body was on fire, her private paradise begging for a visitor, the one it so intimately remembered. Princess deepened the kiss, totally caught up in the moment. Somewhere in the far reaches of her mind, she heard a warning, felt that something was wrong, out of order. A part of her could only focus on what felt right—this, being in Kelvin’s arms. But the other part persisted, even as Kelvin reached beneath her long T-shirt and fumbled with the snap at the top of her jeans.

Her top.
My top.
Her J
ESUS
I
S
M
Y
B
OO
T-shirt. That was the reminder that Princess needed. Jesus, not Kelvin, was her boo, her man. Princess broke the kiss and fought against every ounce of flesh that was screaming to let Kelvin unzip her pants, begging to be touched, fondled, stroked, licked.

“No!” Princess hissed between clenched teeth. At the same time, she pushed Kelvin away and jumped off the counter.

“Daddy, can I have some more?” Little Kelvin asked, totally oblivious to the tsunami of passion swirling around him.

“Yes!” Princess answered, glad for the diversion. She swept a shaking hand through her disheveled hair and walked on equally shaky legs over to the table. “Do you want some beans? Or another taco?”

“Taco!”

Without daring to look at Kelvin, Princess scraped the uneaten rice off the plate, placed another taco on it, and put it into the microwave. Kelvin brushed past her and walked to the bathroom to handle what was now a very inconvenient hard-on.

When Kelvin came back into the dining room, he saw that Princess had found her hair band, swept her unruly locks back into a ponytail, and was sitting at the table watching Little Kelvin eat. “I’m sorry,” he said as soon as he sat down.

“As soon as he’s finished, we’ll pray,” Princess responded. “I’ll be right back.”

“Princess!” Kelvin grabbed his crutch and rose to follow her.

“No, Kelvin, stay in here. I’ve got to…I’m going to fix my hair and get myself ready to pray.” Princess rushed into her bedroom, closed her door, and leaned back against it. “Forgive me, Jesus,” she whispered, even as tears threatened. Just as she was about to give in to a full-fledged boohoo, her cell phone rang.

“It’s been fifteen minutes. He still there?”

“Yes, Rafael.”

“Why’s he still there? How long does it take to pray?”

“Little Kelvin was hungry and—”

“How long does it take for a child to eat? What’s really going on, Princess?”

“Nothing.”

“I’m coming back.”

“No!”

“Why not? What are you hiding?”

“Nothing, Rafael, and stop acting like you’re my daddy or my older brother. I already got both of those, and their names are King and Michael!”

“All right, calm down. See, that fool’s got you trippin’, Princess.”

“You’re the one trippin’ right now!”

“Don’t do nothing crazy, girl. I’m going to give y’all ten more minutes and then I’m coming back. And I’ll beat the door down if I have to. So you better pray quick.”

Rafael had no sooner hung up in her face than Princess heard a knock at the door. “Baby, you all right?”

These men are ’bout to drive me crazy! What was I thinking to have Kelvin over? And what the hell was Rafael thinking to fly out here unannounced?
“I’ll be out in a minute,” Princess managed. Without further ado, Princess kneeled by her bed.

“Father God, I need You. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I’m in trouble. I’m not over Kelvin, and I’m feeling really weak right now. I need You to help me, Jesus, because I want to do the right thing and pray for his son. So please help me.”

Princess finished praying, walked into the bathroom, and washed her face with cold water. She ran a brush through her hair and tidied up her ponytail. Then she took a deep breath and rejoined Kelvin and his son in the dining room.

“Rafael will be back shortly,” she said as she walked into the room. “So let’s pray.”

“Is that your boy now?” Kelvin inquired. “Because, baby, I’m telling you, we’ve got some unfinished business right here.”

“That shouldn’t have happened, Kelvin,” Princess replied. “Please forgive me for the weakness of my flesh. Are you done, Little Kelvin?” she continued, her voice softer as she walked over to the child. “Do you mind if I pray for you? Kelvin, why don’t you go clean his hands?” Without waiting for an answer, Princess, back in relative control, walked into her living room and over to the stereo. Soon, the sounds of Yadah, a Stellar Award–winning, Destiny’s Child–sounding gospel group, filled the air. It was a worship song, a remake of an old classic. Princess walked over to the window and looked out at the ocean before closing her eyes and getting lost in the words:

I surrender all, I surrender all. All to thee my Blessed Savior, I surrender all.

Kelvin walked back into the room and watched as Princess swayed back and forth, her arms uplifted. The way she held her arms caused the T-shirt to caress her butt, the one he remembered palming with both his hands. She turned slightly, and he noted the single tear running down her cheek. He started toward her, but something stopped him. Even Little Kelvin was silent, as father and son watched Princess and listened to the melodious voices in perfect harmony. As the music died, Princess turned around. Kelvin detected a change; her whole demeanor was different and her face glowed. “Why don’t you sit in that chair, Kelvin, with Little Kelvin on your lap?”

Kelvin did as she’d instructed. Once they were seated, Princess walked over, knelt in front of them, and lightly placed her hand on Little Kelvin’s leg. For a moment, all was silent, and then Princess began praying for Little Kelvin’s healing, for Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals, to wrap His arms of mercy and arms of love around this child.

Kelvin watched, spellbound, as Princess implored the God of heaven and earth to guide and protect his son. He had no doubt that Fawn loved Little Kelvin, but he’d never seen such passion, such fervor, shown for his seed. Kelvin raised up a hand to stroke Princess’s hair, but again, something stayed him. He was afraid to touch her, afraid that he would shatter the spell of the moment and lose this closeness, this rightness, he felt right now.

“In Jesus’s holy name we pray. A men.” Princess opened her eyes to see Little Kelvin’s eyes closed in sleep and his father’s eyes boring into her. They eyed each other for a long moment, before Princess rose from her kneeling position. “That’s it,” she said, a bit of discomfort returning. She’d prayed for God to help her not give in to Kelvin, and she believed God answered her prayer. But now, more than ever, she hoped for Rafael to knock on the door.

“That was beautiful, babe,” Kelvin said softly, earnestly.

“It’s the least I can do,” Princess said with a laugh, trying to break the intimacy of the moment. “Ooh, I’m hungry,” she continued, simply for something to say, something to do. “I’m going to warm up the rest of this food. You want some?” Remembering where that question had led the last time it was asked, Princess reframed it. “I mean, there’s enough in here for two,” she finished from the kitchen, where she was placing the quesadilla, rice, and refried beans into the microwave.

Kelvin lay his son down on the couch and then joined Princess in the kitchen. “Thanks again for praying for Little Man.”

“You’re welcome.” Princess reached into the refrigerator. “Want some soda? I’ve got a grape and an orange left.”

Can’t you feel me, baby? All I want is you,
is what Kelvin thought. “No, thank you,” is what he said.

Despite the silence, Princess could feel Kelvin reaching for her, wanting her. Theirs had been a powerful connection from the beginning. That Princess still felt this connection keenly was more than a little disconcerting.

“I want to spend time with you, Princess.”

“Look, Kelvin, I don’t think—”

“I wish he was yours.”

Princess stopped, set the soda can down on the counter.

“Little Kelvin, he was supposed to be our child, yours and mine. I’m sorry I asked you to get rid of our baby, Princess. We should be doing the family thing right about now. Can you forgive me, baby? I know I hurt you, caused you a lot of pain, but can we get past that? I need somebody real in my life, somebody who’s around me for me, not for the status or my paycheck. I need you, Princess.”

Princess tried not to be moved, but Kelvin’s words touched her deeply. They’d never talked about what happened, about the abortion. They’d both come back from Germany—where the procedure had been performed after spending the Christmas holiday with Kelvin’s family—and acted as if it never happened. Now, Princess realized she wanted to talk to him about it, needed to discuss it. “Kelvin, I—”

The sound of heavy knocking on the front door interrupted her. “That’s Rafael,” Princess said, her nervousness causing her to state the obvious. “I need to let him in.” But she didn’t move. She and Kelvin stared at each other, unsaid words creating a barrier between them and weaving a web that ensnared them at the same time. Rafael knocked again, even harder. “I’m coming!” Princess yelled, and hurried to the door.

“Shh! You’re going to wake up the baby,” she hissed as she opened the door.

Rafael looked over at the sleeping toddler. “My bad,” he said, taking in the worried expression that Princess was trying so desperately to hide. But it didn’t work on Rafael. He’d known Princess since they both were seven years old. “You okay?”

Princess nodded.

Kelvin came around the corner. He and Rafael eyed each other, but the earlier tension was not there. “So…I guess I’ll be leaving, then.” When Princess didn’t answer, Kelvin walked over to the couch, picked up his still-sleeping son, and proceeded to the door.

“You need me to help you to the car?”

“No, I’ll be fine.” Kelvin leaned against the wall to reposition the crutch and adjust Little Kelvin in his arms.

“I’ll keep praying for both of you,” Princess said, helping him place Little Kelvin’s head on his shoulder.

“I appreciate that,” Kelvin said.

“You’ve got a beautiful child, Kelvin,” Princess whispered as Kelvin passed her.

Kelvin leaned down and whispered something into Princess’s ear.
I love you,
he mouthed. And was gone.

Princess watched Kelvin’s long strides eat up the space between her door and the elevator. She breathed deeply once, and again, trying to get herself together before walking back into the room. She knew Rafael would have a thousand questions for her to answer, but right now she simply wanted to be alone.

“What happened?” Rafael asked as soon as she turned around.

Princess leaned against the door. “I prayed for Little Kelvin. And now I’m really tired. We’ll catch up, I promise, but right now, I’m going to take a nap. Make yourself at home.”

Princess didn’t wait for an answer but instead walked into the bathroom, took off her clothes, and stepped into the shower. There, under the steady spray of water, she let the tears fall—tears of longing, regret, sadness, joy, confusion. She reached for her sponge and thought about Kelvin’s answer when she’d said he had a beautiful child.

He’s almost as beautiful as the one I’m gonna have with you….