Heaven Can't Wait (4 page)

C
HUCK
WAS
on the phone when Kevin came back from the shower. He was sitting up in bed, his cast out in front of him, his head in his hands.

“No, that’s cool. I get it. Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure it out. Yeah, see ya, Chris.” He hung up, his face tense. He closed his eyes and rubbed them in frustration.

Let it go. It’s not your business
, Kevin thought. But he couldn’t. He and Chuck weren’t close, but it bothered Kevin to see him in pain and upset. He’d been pretty low since he got back from the hospital the day before.

“Everything okay?” Kevin asked casually.

Chuck looked up at him with those dark brown eyes. “This fucking leg,” he said bitterly. He shook his head as if he didn’t want to talk about it.

Kevin debated what to say. “Are you in pain? Is there anything I can do?”

Chuck gave him a wary look. “Nah. My professors will let me work from here, but not all my assignments can be emailed. And….” He stopped, frustrated. “Never mind. It’s not your problem.” He punched his pillow and lay down on his back, his arm over his eyes.

Kevin knew Chuck was stuck in their room, at least for a while. He couldn’t negotiate the three flights of stairs, and the old dorm didn’t have an elevator. It suddenly occurred to Kevin what that meant. Someone was going to have to bring Chuck food, drinks, and stuff from his classes. He’d need someone to do laundry for him and all sorts of everyday things. Kevin worked at the zipper of his hoodie anxiously. He wanted to offer to help, but Chuck probably didn’t want the help of
a fag
. Kevin didn’t want to offer to be nice only to be slapped down. He wasn’t that stupid.

“Guess you’ll get a new roommate. You’ll like that, huh? I wouldn’t blame you,” Chuck said from under his arm.

“What?”

Chuck’s voice was thick. “I’m gonna have to drop out till my leg’s better. Move back home. I don’t have a choice. My friends don’t have time to fucking babysit me.”

Oh, man.
Kevin tried to resist, he really did, but he couldn’t stop himself. “I come back to the room everyday anyway. I can bring you stuff.”

Chuck took his arm off his eyes and looked at Kevin in disbelief. “Why would you do that, Kevin? We’re not even friends.”

Kevin looked down at his hands, which were still fiddling with the zipper.
Because I’m such a softhearted idiot.
He made his nervous hands stop. “I dunno. We’ve only got a month left of classes. It would suck if you had to drop out now and lose all the work you’ve done. And it’s not that big a deal. I mean, I go over there and come back here anyway, so….”

He looked up. Chuck was watching him, his expression both hopeful and wary. “It’s not just books though, Kevin. I can’t even get to the cafeteria or the store.”

“I know. As long as you give me the money, I can pick you up stuff at the cafeteria when I go. It’s just till the end of the semester, right? It’s not a big deal.”

But it was. It was a big deal, and they both knew it. For a moment, Kevin felt vulnerable, like maybe Chuck would laugh at him—
What a pathetic loser! So desperate to be liked, you’ll offer to kiss the ass of a guy who treats you like crap.
And really, he’d be right.

But Chuck didn’t say that. He stared at Kevin, and he looked touched and sort of grateful. “Dude, you put me to shame. Seriously,” Chuck said softly.

Kevin didn’t know what to say.

“Man, if you do this, I will so totally owe you. It would really suck if I had to drop out and lose my folks’ tuition for this semester and graduate late and…. I should probably turn you down, but, seriously, that would be hugely helpful. I would really be in your debt.”

“Yeah, you
will
owe me. Big time.” Kevin said, finding a spark of confidence. “I can live with that.
Chuck.
”

Chuck smiled. “Dude.”

D
AY
BY
day, Chuck started to open up to Kevin. And day by day, Kevin inched a little further toward a tentative friendship with the big guy. It was like worming your way into a warm sleeping bag on a frigid night—and doing it slowly enough to not wake up the grizzly bear that was sleeping next to it.

But as wary as Kevin was, Chuck never gave him the slightest vibe of dislike or disdain. Quite the opposite. He was so damn
grateful
and polite. After a few days, Kevin began bringing his own meal back to the room to eat with Chuck. He told himself that he didn’t want Chuck’s food to get cold while he sat in the cafeteria and ate. But the truth was, Kevin preferred eating with Chuck in their room to sitting alone at a table in the cafeteria. After three months at college, Kevin still hadn’t made any real friends. He was too shy and self-conscious, too eager to leave his classes the moment they were over, too likely to hang out alone in the coffee shop, or in his room if Chuck were out. He knew a few of the people in concert band but not more than to say “hi” to. So, yeah, he was lonely.

Chuck always brightened when Kevin came in. Poor guy had to be going crazy cooped up all the time. Randy and Chris dropped by sometimes, but they never stayed long. Since Chuck couldn’t go out partying with them, they didn’t appear to want to stick around.

Kevin taught Chuck how to play backgammon to pass the time. Then they’d started watching movies together. It was… nice. Kevin thought they were almost friends. It was weird because he used to hate his room and avoid it as much as possible. Now he was anxious to get back at the end of the day, to be around Chuck. He tried not to think too hard about why that was.

Tonight they were watching
Terminator
. Kevin walked into the room with the bowl of popcorn he’d made in the downstairs kitchen. He handed it to Chuck and took a handful for himself, then sat on his own bed.

Chuck gave him a dubious look. “I know you can’t see great from over there. And the popcorn bowl is over here.”

Kevin hesitated. He was pretty sure Chuck was suggesting that he sit on Chuck’s bed. But how embarrassing if he moved over there and that wasn’t what Chuck meant. Kevin eyed his desk chair, but it was hard and not something he wanted to watch a movie in.

Chuck scooted over so he was lying right up against the wall. He patted the spot next to him on the bed. “Bring a pillow. Come on.”

Oh God.

Kevin adored the idea that Chuck felt comfortable enough with him now to offer to be that physically close—close to him, a gay guy. But he wasn’t sure he could lie next to Chuck for an entire movie without springing a massive boner. Unfortunately, now that he was getting to know Chuck, especially with Chuck being so nice and all, it was harder for Kevin to ignore how attractive he was. Chuck was so appealing with thickly built body and machismo. He was exactly Kevin’s type. It was one thing to ignore that when Chuck was being a jerk. But now….

If Chuck knew Kevin liked him
that way
that would be the end of any tentative overtures of friendship. And Kevin was really enjoying Chuck being so decent. He didn’t want to screw it up.

“No, I’m okay,” Kevin said a little breathlessly. He hated how girly he sounded.

“Come on, dude. Don’t be stupid.” Chuck patted the bed again, like it was no big deal.

Kevin got up and took his pillow over to Chuck’s bed. Chuck put the bowl of popcorn on his stomach and munched happily. As Kevin settled down, propped up against the headboard like Chuck, Chuck started the movie with the remote. He shoved the bowl toward Kevin.

Kevin took deep breaths. He could do this. Just… eat popcorn and watch a movie, ignore the hunky, muscled, warm, tantalizingly hairy chest covered with a thin T-shirt that was
right there
. And those… lips. And that… entire lower half, with the meaty-looking bulge in the sweats. No problem. He’d just keep his eyes fixed on the screen. Mr. Anti-Peripheral Vision. Maybe breathe through his mouth too, because damn, Chuck smelled good—a bit of piney soap and a trace of heady sweat.

Do not even think of a locker room. That’s boner territory. Not going there.

Chuck nudged Kevin as the opening sequence played. “I’ve been meaning to ask—what’s your major?”

“Music business. I’d love to work for a concert hall someday, doing scheduling or management. Something like that.”

“Yeah, I noticed the clarinet case.”

“Trumpet.” When Kevin was nervous he talked too much, and here it came. “I was first chair in my high school marching band, but I’m only third chair here. I was lucky to get in at all. The guy who’s first is really good.”

“Yeah?”

“And I decided to take concert band instead of marching band because it’s less time consuming.”

Chuck actually looked interested. “What sorts of stuff do you play in concert band?”

“We’re practicing for a Christmas concert right now.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah. I’m understudy for one of the lead trumpet’s solos. I’ll never get a chance to play it live, probably, but it’s fun to practice.”
Oh God, shut up Kevin.
“So, um, what are you studying?”

Kevin expected Chuck to say something like physical education, but he didn’t.

“History. I like it, and I had a really amazing history teacher in high school, so….”

“You want to be a history teacher?” Kevin said, surprised.

Chuck shrugged. “Maybe. I have a few years to figure it out. Why? Is that weird?”

“No, not at all. It’s very… admirable.”

On-screen, a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger finally shut Kevin up.

“What’s the solo?” Chuck asked after a bit.

“Huh?”

“The solo you’re understudy for.”

“Oh. Um, ‘O Holy Night.’”

“On trumpet? That sounds cool. Why don’t you practice in here sometime?”

Kevin looked at Chuck aghast. “That will never, ever happen.”

Chuck smirked and shrugged. “Okay. Just a suggestion.”

“Ever.”

“Shhh. Watch the movie.” Chuck gave Kevin another little nudge. Kevin focused on the movie as furiously as he could. Chuck was being too nice and too… there and… smelling. And after a while—because he was cursed by the gods—Kevin fell asleep.

He woke up feeling very warm. He was pressed against a body that was generating heat like it was mini power station. He cracked open his eyes. His face was pressed against a chest—a very masculine chest. Kevin could feel well-defined pecs through the thin fabric and the texture of springy hair.

Oh for the love of God.
Kevin felt an almost overpowering urge to open his mouth and bite, kiss, and lick, even through the T-shirt. He was so damn horny and he wanted, needed, contact. He felt a flush of heat in his groin, making an already major hard-on worse and—

Shit.
Chuck.
He’d fallen asleep
against
Chuck
, and he was hard. He was totally perving on his straight roommate’s chest. What was wrong with him?

Kevin froze and took stock. He was on his side. Fortunately, his hips were not up against Chuck, only his upper body. And Kevin’s hands were folded in front of him hiding his groin. Thank God.

He felt Chuck breathing. It seemed too fast for him to be asleep and he was tense. Was Chuck freaking out? Kevin had to move.

There was the lightest tracing of a thumb against Kevin’s back. Unfortunately, Kevin felt that touch at the same second that he moved to raise himself up with an exaggerated yawn.

“Guess I fell asleep. Sorry about, um, leaning on you. Is it over?” The words fell out of Kevin’s mouth all weird, rough and lumpy like badly mixed dough. Because even as Kevin was saying it, he was kicking himself for having moved. Chuck had
touched him
. If he’d lain there a bit longer, kept pretending to be asleep, what would Chuck have done? Would the thumb have become a palm? The tracing, a caress?

Oh God,
what crappy timing. He’d give anything to be able to roll back time a minute or so and to
not move
.

But it was too late. Chuck pulled his arm out from behind Kevin and stretched both arms over his head in a casual move. His cheeks were flushed and he wouldn’t meet Kevin’s eyes.

“No problem. Yeah, it’s over.”

“Good thing I’ve already seen it.” Kevin turned his head to look at the blank screen, hiding his face.

“I fell asleep also,” Chuck said.

Liar.
Chuck hadn’t been asleep. But Kevin didn’t point this out because Chuck sounded about as awkward as Kevin felt.

“Well, guess I should get to bed,” Kevin said.

“Yeah, I’m beat. That was fun though.” Chuck rolled onto his side to face the wall.

“Night, Kev.”

“Night.”

Kevin wasn’t sure which way was up, or if he’d done something to put Chuck off. But there was nothing more to be done now except pretend it hadn’t happened and go to bed.

K
EVIN
LOWERED
his trumpet. The last clear notes of “O Holy Night” still vibrated in the room. He looked at the wall. He hadn’t been embarrassed while playing it, but now he felt dorky.

“Wow. That was…. I didn’t know trumpet could sound so rich.” Chuck sounded awed.

Kevin looked at him, wondering if he was being punked, but Chuck looked sincere.

“It’s a good song for trumpet,” Kevin said modestly. “So, is your leg feeling better now?”

Chuck rubbed at his cast with a sheepish look. “Um, yeah. The pain’s better. Or it was. Would you mind playing it again?”

Kevin narrowed his eyes. “Seriously? We’re gonna get complaints.”

“It’s four in the afternoon! People can deal.” Chuck raised his eyebrows. “Please?”

Kevin played it again.

H
E
HADN
’
T
been to the coffee shop in a week. When Kevin wasn’t in classes or at band practice, he was picking up stuff for Chuck or hanging out with him in their room. Chris and Randy hadn’t been by much at all. It was
the
best
.