Heaven Bound (A Blakemore Family Book: Madame Lou Series Book 2) (7 page)

“You did what?!” Jackson felt his body tense and a simmering anger rise from the pit of his stomach. Before he could stop himself, he grasped Adeline’s upper arms roughly. “Are you mad? You could have been...” he sputtered not wanting to blurt out crude words that might offend her.

“I was perfectly safe, Jackson. Please take your hands off me!”

“How can you know you were safe?” he hissed the words, giving her a little shake trying to calm himself down. “The men below decks do not have the same genteel upbringing that you are accustomed to and there are no policemen to protect you, either. God’s teeth, Adeline, it’s one thing to join a rally with sober serious men and quite another to insinuate yourself into a situation with intoxicated ruffians.”

“For your edification, I carry a revolver when I go about information gathering.” Adeline’s chin came up when she responded, bringing her pink, soft mouth too close to his.

Just then the ship plunged down and then back up sending the deck below their feet rolling, causing them both to gasp and clutch at each other simultaneously. Jackson forgot his anger and tried to steady them against the rail, holding Adeline snug against his body to keep her from going overboard. One arm held tight to the railing while the other was firmly wrapped around her waist as the great ship plunged down and up, again and again.

Adeline wrapped her arms tightly around Jack’s shoulders and buried her nose in his neck, breathing hard with the effort to remain standing. After several breathless moments, the ship steadied, but neither Jackson nor Adeline had let go of each other.

It was purely instinctual—he told himself later—a residual of the fear of nearly being tossed overboard and perishing in the cold merciless ocean that led to his brushing his mouth over her forehead, then her shivering in his arms and the barely discernible movement of her head slightly up and back that placed her lips within inches of his own. He couldn’t even remember thinking as his mouth came within a hair’s breadth of hers, stopping just before their lips touched but hovering there long enough to inhale her warm, sweet breath. Jackson closed his eyes and thought for the briefest of moments that he should stop, pull away, and push Adeline to a safer distance. He knew it was just the relief that they were both still alive and safe that was compelling him to even contemplate moving barely—just slightly—and tasting the softness he knew was there for the taking. But then it was too much effort to resist and he went ahead and leaned down, finally pressing his mouth to hers and hungrily tasting the sweetness of Adeline’s lips. He swept his tongue against hers and marveled at how right it felt. His body reacted immediately and he pulled her softness tighter against his arousal. But then he heard her gasp, and that sound thrust him painfully him back to reality and the knowledge that he’d just crossed the line of their friendship permanently in a way that he could never take back.

Pulling back from her and physically pushing Adeline away, nearly sending her tumbling down onto the deck, Jackson turned away, gripping the railing with both hands until his knuckles turned white.

“Go!” he shouted. “Just go!”

“Jack...” Adeline’s voice was so small, so quiet and sad. She was near tears, he was certain of it, but he couldn’t turn to look at her. To do so would be to see his own disgrace.

“Please, Adeline, just leave me to my shame.” Jackson couldn’t bear to see her condemning eyes. “I have betrayed all I hold sacred and you are witness.”

He could see her out of the corner of his eye, struggling with whether to stay or go. In the end, she left him there, probably too inexperienced to know what to think of a man in mourning kissing and nearly ravishing her. Not just any widowed man, but the widower of her best friend. How could he ever face Addie again? He was the worst sort of cad and could only hope that Adeline could someday forgive him for this bloody stupid mistake he’d just made.

* * *

Adeline stumbled blindly back to the suite she shared with her father. She barely composed herself enough to walk in without appearing to be completely mad. Thankfully, Father was still in the card room, but Emily was no fool. She saw right away that something was awry with her mistress.

“Oh, my lady, what has happened? If one of those rough labor men has laid a hand on you, I’ll have the captain toss ‘em in the brig.”

“No, no, it was only that big wave. I got caught up top and nearly went over. It scared me to pieces. I just need a sherry and to lie down, I think.”

Adeline didn’t even want to meet Emily’s eyes. The girl was too astute by far and would see through her excuses in a heartbeat.

“I’ll get you something a bit stronger, I think.” Emily said following Adeline to her bedroom and helping her to undress. Once Adeline was in her night clothes and sitting at her vanity, Emily went back out into the main sitting room. “You sit right there while I fetch some of your father’s whisky.”

Adeline stared at her reflection, struggling to remove the look of horror and guilt that was clear for all to see. She reached up a trembling hand and touched her lips with her fingertips. Even though she knew she had not been the one to initiate the embrace, she couldn’t help but notice that she had enjoyed it and had wanted it to end with more than just one kiss. Emily would be back any second, and Adeline would not have her wondering what was wrong, so she forced herself to relax and think about something else.

The shipyards were hiring like mad in Belfast, but the men who ran them were barely more than slave drivers. Adeline would have her work cut out for her if she could manage to get an audience with those affluent men in the drawing rooms in London. If not, she would have to find a way to convince her father to bring her to them.

Taking a deep breath, Adeline used that thought to push what had just happened on deck to the back of her mind. Once she was abed and alone, she could think about Jackson and that kiss, but for now she had to present the woman Emily was familiar with to her maid.

“Here you go, Miss,” Emily said holding out the crystal tumbler. “Go slow now; it’s mighty strong and if I know you, you didn’t eat much supper. Would you like me to go fetch you some tea?” Emily asked looking concerned.

“Yes, that would be nice, Stone.” Adeline breathed a silent sigh of relief. She didn’t think she could keep acting unaffected much longer.

She watched as Emily put a wrap on and left for the galley. Adeline took a gulp of her father’s whiskey, letting it burn down her throat and trying not to cough or gasp as it hit her stomach. She waited a moment for it to warm her limbs before looking back into the mirror. But the guilt and something else was still staring back at her in her reflection. The guilt, she recognized. She’d felt it many times before from all her sneaking around and helping her father’s workers rebel against him and his archaic employment policies. But this other feeling, the one that started in her loins and touched her sensitive skin in a most intimate way, was foreign to her. It was one thing to see Jack and Clara making love; it was quite another to be the object of his passion.

Besides just being mortified by the event, she was disgusted with herself for what could only be described as the ultimate betrayal. Adeline couldn’t imagine anything worse one could do to a friend, even if that friend was no longer alive.

Taking another swallow of the strong liquor, Adeline could feel herself becoming slightly intoxicated. It felt good to find a numbness and become detached from the awful thing she had just done. She would like to be able to blame the whole wretched incident solely on Jack, but she had been prepared to fully participate after their lips met. No, that wasn’t true; she had actually welcomed and hoped for that kiss. And it was possible that he had read her thoughts and knew she’d secretly been attracted to him, so maybe it
had
been her fault. Maybe she’d tempted him beyond his ability to resist. After all, he was just a man. And she’d been warned all her life that men were base creatures and, if given the opportunity, would take every advantage of a woman no matter how innocently presented.

“Here now,” Emily said returning with a large silver tray. “A spot of tea, a bit of fowl, some fruit and cheese and some nice sweets to finish it off.”

Adeline quickly tried to compose herself again. “Thank you, Stone, I’m not terribly hungry though.”

“Oh, Miss, what is bothering you? It must be more than just the big wave. I can see whatever happened is a heavy weight on your shoulders. Although I cannot imagine what someone as sweet and kind and good intentioned as you has to worry about.” Emily set the tray down and came to sit next to her. She took Adeline’s hands in hers and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

Why did Emily have to be so perceptive? But Adeline supposed that is what made her such an excellent lady’s maid; knowing every mood and need of her mistress before she knew it herself. Maybe if she hadn’t been such a good servant or if the whiskey hadn’t done its job loosening her tongue, she could have kept her awful secret to herself. But Emily was persistent and so, before she could stop herself, she had confessed the whole sordid encounter.

“It wasn’t your fault, Miss.” Emily said pulling her tearful mistress’s head to her shoulder and patting her reassuringly on her back. “How were you to know that wave was going to send you into Mr. Bradley’s arms like that? And he’s a man with a heavy burden. I’ve seen it in his eyes many times.”

“But how will I ever face him again?” Adeline sobbed uncontrollably. “I’ve betrayed my best friend in the worst way imaginable.”

“You’re going to have to pull yourself together, Miss.” Emily said firmly pushing Adeline back into an upright position and forcing her to look into her eyes. “This isn’t about you. You must think of poor Mr. Bradley now. If
you
feel bad, you can only imagine how awful he must be feeling. You must be strong for him, Miss.”

Adeline sniffled and nodded in agreement. “Oh, Stone, how did you become so wise?”

“You high-society folks are always getting into scrapes and it’s a lady’s maid’s job to know how to help you out of them.” Emily stood and handed her mistress a cup of well sugared and whiskey-laced tea. “Have some tea and then we’ll get you to bed. You’ll see, in the morning this will all be but a minor bit of nothing.”

Adeline sincerely doubted that, but she obediently drank the strong brew before allowing Emily to put her to bed. She fell asleep quickly, the whiskey having already made her drowsy.

The dream seemed so real.

Adeline couldn’t determine where she was. It was dusk and there was a mist surrounding her, making it impossible to see past her nose. It should be cold, she thought briefly but instead, she felt as if a warm caress enveloped her.

Suddenly he appears out of the fog, an apparition of masculinity and strength, but she can’t see his face. In her heart, Adeline knows who it is, but she fights it; this is her dream, she can make it someone else, an as yet unknown lord. But no matter how hard she tries to change the man or even to wake up from this dream, she can’t stop Jackson from coming to her and taking her in his strong arms and kissing her—this time fully and deeply and with undisguised passion and longing going on and on for what seems like forever.

Adeline awoke soaked in a cold sweat, shaking from the feelings her sensuous dream had evoked. Burying her face in her hands, she struggled to suppress the emotions coursing through her body. Varying between shame, longing and guilt, Adeline only wanted to forget what had happened last night on deck.

A timid knock on the door preceded Emily’s entrance into her bedroom.

“Are you alright, Miss? I thought I heard you in distress.”

“I had a bad dream, is all.” Adeline said wiping her face with her blanket. “But I’m fine now. No need for you to bother with me.”

“Come now, Miss Adeline, I know better than that.” Emily said not being put off. She entered the room and came to sit on the edge of the bed. “You’ve been torturing yourself over that moment on deck, haven’t you? And I understand. After all, you’re an innocent and can’t know how complicated it can be sometimes between a man and a woman.”

“You’re quite right, Stone, I don’t understand and I don’t want to. I just want to forget about what happened and return to the way things were before.” Adeline gasped as a sob overtook her. “But I can’t, can I? I can never go back and pretend last night didn’t happen. I’ve ruined everything.”

“No, Miss. You mustn’t say so.” Emily reached over and tenderly caressed Adeline’s shoulder, trying to comfort her mistress. “Mr. Bradley had to watch his beautiful wife fade away and along comes a lovely young woman to distract him from his pain and grief. Neither of you has really done anything so very wrong, other than allow a brief moment in time to get away from you. You must go to him and act as if it never happened and continue to be his friend. After all, we’re to land in Liverpool any day now and you may never see him again. Let it go, Miss. You both deserve a few happy days together before it’s too late.”

“Yes, of course.” Adeline sniffled and sat up a little straighter. “I must put the incident behind me. After all, I’m sure Jackson is just lost with grief and I’m certain he simply forgot who I was for a moment. Maybe he imagined I was Clara and for a second thought I was her. Yes, that must have been what happened. After all, he probably wished he’d been strolling on the deck with his wife and not me and just daydreamed he was looking at her.”