Heaven and Hell (12 page)

“Baby,” he whispered and his voice was not
rough-as-velvet. It was just rough.

“Step back,” I whispered and there was no
way to miss the plea.

“Kia.”

“Step back.”

“Kia.”

“Step
back.
”

There it was.

A whimper.

Weak. Exposed.

Humiliated, I closed my eyes tight, tried to
turn my face away and Sam allowed this, his thumbs gliding from my
jaws but he kept me pinned and he kept his hands at my neck.

Then he ground out, “He hurt you.”

Oh man.

Oh God.

How did this happen?

Why couldn’t I keep
anything
secret?

I kept my eyes closed and my face
averted.

Sam kept going.

“He did it often.”

I couldn’t escape him so I did the only
thing I could. I twisted my neck deeper to turn my face further
away in hopes he couldn’t see it.

“He didn’t check it, not once, not fuckin’
once,” Sam kept speaking, his voice now abrasive.

He wasn’t pissed. He was
angry.

Oh God!

Sam didn’t relent.

“He broke you.”

“Step back,” I pleaded.

He didn’t step back.

He did something entirely different.

Both his arms closed around me, one at my
middle back, the other around my shoulder, his hand up and curled
tight at the back of my neck, his fingers pressing in to keep my
head turned away and his mouth was at my ear, so close, I could
feel his nose brushing my hair.

“I didn’t know.” Now his voice was rough a
different way. “I didn’t know. If I had known –”

“Sam, don’t,” I cut him off. “Please just
move away.”

His arms got tighter and he ignored me. “I’d
never hurt you.”

I swallowed and stopped talking.

“I wanted your attention, Kia. That’s it. I
get where you are now, baby, and I’ll never do that again and I
would never, no fuckin’ joke, baby, please get this, I would never,
ever
hurt you.”

I stayed silent.

Sam stayed close.

I didn’t move.

He didn’t let me go.

God, I needed him to
let me go!

I swallowed again, hard, and I did it to
swallow back tears so my breath hitched and my chest jumped with
the effort and his arms got tighter.

“My Dad beat my Ma.”

My head snapped around as my eyes opened,
his head jerked back at my movement and his hand at the back of my
neck instantly moved to wrap around its side.

“You see that as a kid, you live it, you’re
powerless to stop it, it marks you. You got two choices, you keep
that shit alive by givin’ in and perpetrating it on your family or
you vow it’ll end with him. My brother and me, we vowed it’d end
with him and that’s where it ended, Kia. We got older, taller,
bigger, that shit stopped and you want, I’ll tell you how me and
Ben made it stop but it was us who made it stop. I haven’t seen my
Dad in nineteen years and this is because, he knows I see his face,
he won’t be conscious long enough to blink at me. You get where I’m
comin’ from with this?”

Stunned speechless at his open, raw sharing,
I nodded.

He watched me nod. Then his eyes moved over
my face. Then they changed, filling with something that made my
body tense so tight, I thought tendons would snap but he didn’t
seem to notice as the flame that lit in his eyes quickly built to
an inferno.

And I would know why when he spoke
again.

“Cheated on you and beat you.”

Oh God.

“Sam –”

“You, fuckin’
you
. Look at you. What
the fuck?”

I pressed my lips together.

He wasn’t done.

“Any woman but fuck,
fuck,
” he
clipped. “You.
You.
Takin’ a hand to you would be like
takin’ a razorblade to
La Scapigliata.
”

His last two words jolted me out of our
current drama and I blinked then whispered, “What?”

“What?” he shot back, still pissed,
definitely, and thus not following me.

“La Scapila-what?”

He stared at me.

Then he repeated, “
La
Scapigliata,
”

I felt my brows draw together. “What’s
that?”

“
La Scapigliata?
”

“Yeah.”

“
La Scapigliata. The Head of a Woman. The
Lady with Disheveled Hair.
By da Vinci. It’s unfinished but
it’s still a masterpiece. It’s in Parma. I’ve viewed it twice and
it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

My mouth dropped open and this wasn’t only
because Sampson Cooper, ex-pro football star, ex-dangerous commando
and current big, tall, powerful hot guy would be talking about an
unfinished masterpiece by da Vinci but because he’d compared me to
the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

He looked at my mouth then he looked in my
eyes then his arm and hand gave me a squeeze before he stated,
“Now, I think she finally fuckin’ gets me.”

“Sam –” I whispered.

“I’d never hurt you, Kia.”

“Sam –” I tried again.

“Never, don’t give a shit what you said,
what you did. I would not take a hand to you and I would not cut
you down anyway I could, verbally or mentally.”

“Sam –” I tried yet again.

“I scared you just now, I get why but I
didn’t mean to and I won’t ever do it again so I need to know you
believe me.”

“I don’t.”

Yes. That was what I said. It came right out
of my mouth and it caused a flash of something I didn’t like to see
to score through Sam’s eyes.

“Baby,” he whispered.

“I barely know you,” I whispered back.

He held my eyes.

Then he muttered, “Four months.”

“Sorry?” I asked.

“You said he got whacked four months
ago.”

“Yes,” I confirmed.

“You’re sellin’ your house, gettin’ a new
place and off on vacation, sitting on balconies, drinking alone,
tears in your eyes. It’s too early. You aren’t ready to believe
me.”

You know, seriously, it was beginning to
piss me off how often he figured me out.

So much so, I informed him of this fact.

“You know, Sam, it’s beginning to piss me
off how you figure me out. How the heck am I supposed to be
intriguing and mysterious if you keep figuring me out?”

Yes. Again. That’s was what I said.

And I knew I didn’t imagine my extreme
idiocy when he suddenly burst out laughing, throwing his head back
to do it then bending his neck so he could bury his face in my neck
and finish doing it as his hand at my neck slid to become an arm
tight around me.

“I can see that was amusing to you, the
problem is, I wasn’t being funny.”

His head came up, his dark brown eyes still
dancing with hilarity and his arms gave me a squeeze. “Intriguing
and mysterious?”

“I’m chic and cosmopolitan. Women like that
are always intriguing and mysterious.”

“Baby, I knew you all of two minutes when
you told me your husband was murdered while doin’ your high school
arch-nemesis. That’s intriguing, yeah, but it sure as fuck isn’t
mysterious.”

He was right which was also annoying so I
just glared at him.

“You also told me you knew me,” he reminded
me.

“I do,” I again confirmed then went for the
gusto because, what the heck, in my efforts to get him to back off,
nothing else was working. “In fact, I borderline internet stalked
you.”

I thought he would let me go instantly,
repulsed by this news, or at the very least it would creep him out,
but instead he started chuckling.

Chuckling!

“That isn’t funny either, that’s creepy,” I
informed him.

“You aren’t the first,” he replied which was
definitely the truth; Teri was way into him before he even quit
football and went into the Army. “And you won’t be the last,” he
finished.

“It’s still creepy.”

“Paparazzi was in your business, a picture
of you was in front of my face, Kia, baby, seriously, I would look.
You were in that dress, I’d look for awhile. You were in a bikini…”
he trailed off.

I belatedly forced my arms between us but
only succeeded in getting them trapped with my hands flat against
the hard wall of his chest. This was another mistake. I’d already
had a variety of opportunities to experience the hard parts of his
body; I certainly didn’t need another one. It was distracting.

“Okay, can we change the subject?” I
requested though at that moment, pressed to him tight when he was
accepting me even though I was laying out all my dark secrets,
proving without a doubt he should take me back to the hotel, drop
me off and never look back, I didn’t know what subject to change it
to.

It didn’t matter, as I was becoming
accustomed with Sam, I didn’t get the chance.

“No,” he answered.

I rolled my eyes.

“Gettin’ back to the point,” he started and
I rolled my eyes back to him. “You said you knew me.”

“Yes.”

“Well, you know what I did. If I didn’t know
how to figure people out, what I did, I’d be dead. I was taught to
pay attention, close attention. I do it out of habit. I do it with
you out of interest. And I’m gonna keep being straight…”

Great. He was going to keep being straight.
Wonderful.

He kept being straight.

“I know you’re freaked, I know you’re scared
and I know you can come up with a million reasons that you’re not
ready, all of which will be excuses. But now that I know exactly
what’s behind those shields you got up, baby, and just how flimsy
those shields are, you gotta know that knowin’ that makes me no
less into you.”

My irritation leaked right out of me, I felt
my body start to melt against his and I whispered, “Sam –”

“In fact, it makes me
more
into
you.”

Oh man.

“Sam –”

“And you’ll learn,” his arms got tighter,
his face dipped closer and his voice got sweet and gentle, “because
I’ll prove it to you, I’ll
never
hurt you.”

I stared into his eyes and I asked quietly,
“Well, will you let me finish a sentence?”

His eyes flared with humor then he said,
“Sure.”

“Thanks,” I said back, partially
sarcastically and his eyes flared with humor again. Then I got
serious and laid it out. “You’re right. I’m freaked, I’m scared and
there are a million reasons I’m not ready and I’m not certain all
those are excuses.”

“Kia –”

I slid my hand up his chest and touched my
fingers to his lips. He went quiet and I slid it back down.

Then I finished on a whisper, “But this
isn’t about me. This is about you. You’re a good guy, you can be
annoying, but I can tell you’re a good guy. And, seriously, please
listen to me, men that are good men, they deserve better, Sam. They
deserve the best. And you shouldn’t settle for anything less.”

I watched in the waning light as his eyes
grew heated and felt as his arms stayed lock around me tight.

Then he whispered back, “Yeah, totally full
of shit.”

I blinked at his bizarre response to my
heartfelt words that I thought were very nice and he went on.

“The thing I didn’t get before is that you
not only have no clue, you also have no clue you’re full of
shit.”

“Sam, I’m not full of shit.”

Suddenly, his head dipped down but to the
side and his mouth was at my ear.

“You get that he took something precious
from you, your ability to trust. But, I hate to break this to you,
honey, he took more and whatever your girl was tellin’ you on the
phone that made you freak and if you’d open your eyes to what’s
happenin’ right now, you’d see what he took was more precious even
than trust and you’d see you got people around you who want to help
you get it back. Do not fuck up and let that opportunity slide. He
took that from you, now’s your time to fight and get it back.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking
about.”

“You’ll see.”

“Sam –”

“Just live in the now, Kia, keep livin’ in
the now and when I say that, right now, I mean with me and I
promise, you’ll see.”

“That doesn’t make me any less scared, Sam,”
I whispered in his ear and he lifted his head and looked down at
me.

“He strapped you with that too, baby. Fight
back and learn to be fearless.”

Something about his words struck hard and it
struck deep.

I had lived in fear a long time. I couldn’t
remember the last time I woke up and didn’t spend every second of
every day living in fear. Even now, even after Cooter was gone, I
woke up filled with fear.

It had gone so long I had no clue how to be
fearless.

“I don’t think I can,” I admitted.

“You can, everyone can.”

“I’m not sure that’s me.”

“Okay, when you can’t, you learn how to
be.”

“Sam, I don’t –”

I stopped speaking when his arms gave me a
squeeze and he asked, “Where are you?”

“Sorry?”

“Where are you right now, Kia?”

“In Lake Como.”

He grinned.

Then he bent close again and whispered,
“You’re in the arms of the man you borderline internet stalked a
day after he asked you out on a date. You didn’t take today to run
away. You didn’t sit in your room, listen to me knock and not
answer the door. You put on a dress, you walked with me to a
euro-trash car and you went out with me. If there’s fear in there
somewhere, I don’t see it. What I see is, today you may have been
nervous, but you didn’t let that cripple you and right now, you’re
here with me. Baby, you’re
already
fearless.”

“But I’ve been terrified all day.”

“Did you let it stop you?”

“No.”

He said no more.

Ohmigod?

Was he right?

Ohmigod!

He was right!

“She sees the light,” he muttered through a
grin, watching me.

“Sam –”

He cut me off. “That’s your first block,
baby, use it, step up on it and keep climbing. You’ll get to the
other side. You with me?”