Heat Wave (23 page)

“Look. I liked the men. They were nice. They were diverting.”

“Diverting!”

“Hey, don’t think that’s insignificant. My husband had left me for one of my best friends. I deserved to be diverted. And anyone who could divert me was pretty special.” Vanessa clasped her hands together. “Just listen for a minute, will you? I slept with two different men. They had all their teeth and they wore suits and spoke well and ran with a civilized crowd. They were nice guys. Afterward, they didn’t call me and I didn’t call them. I wasn’t hurt or mystified or anything. I kept going out with Diana at night and lying on the couch in the day, wondering what to do with my life.” Vanessa paused. “Then I started throwing up.” She crossed her arms over her belly. “But I thought—I thought it would end. I was horrified, but I was also a little bit hopeful.”

“Oh, Vanessa.”

“I didn’t think I could carry a child. It seemed all I could do was wait. I stopped going out so much. I bought groceries and cooked for Diana and we watched old movies together. It was a good place to wait. A good way to wait.”

“Did you see a doctor?”

“Not right away, no. I didn’t even take a pregnancy test. Not at first. I was so sure it would end.”

“How long has it been?”

“Eighteen weeks. I went to an ob-gyn two days ago. The baby’s healthy.”

“When’s the due date?”

“February ninth.” Vanessa’s eyes misted over. “Oh, Carley, I want this baby so much.”

Carley reached over and took Vanessa’s hand. “I’ll do anything I can to help you.”

“Really? Then don’t give me grief about the father, okay? I didn’t give either man an opportunity to make a decision to be in my life. In this baby’s life. I don’t want either man in my life. One—don’t you judge me!—was too young.” A mischievous smile lit up her face. “The other was so sweet and lonely, like me. He was separated from his wife, hoping to go back to her. I hope he gets to. He was a good guy.”

“But Vanessa, how can you raise a child alone?”

“Lots of women do it. Some men, too. When my mother died, she left me some money, not a fortune, but almost. So I’ve got money. I got the house in the divorce.” Vanessa readjusted herself on the sofa so that she was almost kneeling toward Carley. “But the main thing, Carley, the important thing is—I won’t be
alone
. I realized that when I was in Boston. I’ve got you, and I’ve got so many other friends, not as close as you and Maud were, but still good friends. Like Lauren. And the teenager who lives next door to me, Jenny, she will make the best babysitter. I have always loved Jenny and her parents and her mother knows
everything
about children. Plus, I’m on so many boards on the island, and no one has said, ‘Oh, well! If your husband’s left you for another woman, you can’t play with us.’ Instead, they’ve been very supportive, asking me over to dinner, that sort of thing. I haven’t been raising children on the island, but I have been
doing
good work that has helped the town. People
like
me, Carley. I may not have a husband any longer, and I never had a sibling, and my parents are both gone, but I still have a home. I
belong
here.” Vanessa’s face was childlike with radiance.

“It’s true,” Carley agreed. “You
do
belong here, Vanessa.”

“Oh, Carley.” Vanessa pulled her hand away from Carley’s and dug in her purse for a tissue to wipe her eyes. “Thank you. That means so much to me.” She blew her nose, then lifted her chin, somehow seeming both sweet and defiant. “It may be selfish of me to want this baby for myself. But I’ve never wanted anything more. Nothing has ever felt so right.”

“I’m glad for you, Vanny.” Carley was tearing up, too. “I’ll help you every step of the way.”

“I’m going to have a baby,” Vanessa whispered in awe, and for a few seconds while time glowed around them, the two friends sat smiling at each other.

“Oh, I’m really happy.” Vanessa gave herself a little shake. “I have a board meeting this afternoon. It will be my first official public appearance as a divorced, pregnant woman.”

“Have you told Toby?”

“Gosh, no, why should I? He’s absolutely one place where I don’t belong. Look, Carley, I have tons to do, but would you come over soon and help me organize a nursery? I need to go slow, something could still go wrong, but it has been four months.”

“I’d love to,” Carley assured her. “And when the time gets closer, I’ll give you the
best
baby shower.”

“Oh, a
baby
shower for me!” Vanessa burst into tears again. “Sorry, sorry. I think I’m a little hormonally swamped these days.” She stood up. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Absolutely. Congratulations, Vanessa.”

• • • • •

A
baby.

After Vanessa left, Carley returned to Scallop to finish her work, but her mind floated with memories of baby bliss: the soft, fragile head, the wide trusting gaze, the warm snuggly little body. The smell of perfect sweetness. The little fist waving, the soft squeaking sounds during nursing. The dawning recognition, the first miraculous smile.

A baby. She’d always wanted another baby. Seeing anyone else’s baby sent her into a cooing fit of baby greed. Was there possibly another baby waiting for her in her future? A baby with Wyatt? The thought was too important to go near. And the timing was wrong.

At the moment, she had two daughters who needed her attention, not to mention guests arriving early this evening.

The girls came home from school, full of their own gossip and concerns, craving bananas and juice. They piled into the car so Carley could drive Cisco out to Lauren’s for her riding lesson.

“I’m staying longer today,” Cisco informed Carley. “Lauren told me she’s going to show me how to muck out the stalls.”

“There’s a thrill,” Carley murmured.

“It is! If I can learn to do things right, Lauren says I won’t have to pay for lessons. I can work instead. I’ll be able to spend more time
riding. Also, I’m getting good enough and some of the horses know me well enough, I’ll be able to help the youngest novices by leading them around the ring.”

“That’s impressive, Cisco. I didn’t realize you’ve become an expert.”

“Oh, Mom, I’m not an
expert
,” Cisco laughed, happily. “But I am becoming capable. The cool thing is that I’m not afraid of the big horses, like other girls. See, it’s easy to think the ponies are safer because they’re small, but ponies really are the troublemakers. They love to nip and buck and tear around, they’re like yappy little dogs. The big horses, like Blue, have a more mellow personality.”

Carley had never learned to ride, and she was a little wary of the big beasts Lauren hauled around like giant puppies. But she was glad Cisco had found something else to give her heart to.

When they arrived, Lauren strode out of the barn, an equestrian goddess in jodhpurs and riding boots. She led a huge gray horse that looked to Carley to be about ten feet tall.

“I thought you might like to see Cisco ride Blue awhile,” Lauren said. “She’s really coming along.”

Margaret slipped her hand into Carley’s and squeezed next to her, eyes wide at the sight of the big horse.

Cisco followed Lauren and the horse into the ring. She stroked the horse’s neck and talked to it, then Lauren gave her a leg up, and Cisco was in the saddle, straddling the enormous beast. With a slight squeeze of her legs and a click of her tongue, she urged the animal to a brisk walk around the ring.

“Cisco’s a natural,” Lauren told Carley as they leaned against the fence. She noticed Carley’s face. “Don’t be afraid. Blue hasn’t ever bucked or thrown anyone.”

“He’s huge,” Margaret whispered.

“Yes, he is,” Lauren agreed. “But he’s eleven years old and the sweetest old guy on the planet.” To Carley, she said, “Did Cisco tell you I’m considering having her work for me?”

“She’s going to yuck out the stalls!” Margaret said.

Both women laughed.

“The thing is,” Lauren said, “I hate charging you for Cisco’s lessons, but it costs a fortune, keeping this place going. Not just feed and vet bills and maintenance, but keeping the tack cleaned and grooming the horses. If Cisco really gets into riding, it’s something that could last her a lifetime, and she needs to learn everything. She could be helpful to me at the same time.”

“I have to tell you,” Carley admitted, “Cisco’s not the biggest fan of cleaning house.”

“That’s different. That’s her home. Here she’s made herself very useful. Let’s at least give it a try, what do you say?”

“I say a big fat thank you! Lauren, I’m awfully grateful to you for introducing her to riding. It’s filled the void of ballet, and it’s helped her move on”—she glanced down at Margaret—“in other ways.”

“You and I have to agree that if it doesn’t work out, our friendship will remain intact.”

Friendships! What a minefield they’d become. “Of course.”

Cisco had the horse trotting, and Lauren called out, “Thighs! Hands down!” To Carley she said, “Look how well she’s posting already.”

“Thanks, Lauren.” She gave Cisco a thumbs-up. “What time shall I pick her up?”

Lauren checked her watch. “Give her three hours.”

“Fine.” Carley smiled down at Margaret. “Let’s go to the grocery store.” They headed back toward their car.

Some days Margaret eagerly went to The Boys and Girls Club or to a friend’s house, but some days, for no obvious reason, she clung to Carley, sticking by her side no matter what odious task Carley had to perform. The counselor had advised Carley to go with this, not to make a fuss, not to urge Margaret to show up for T-ball practice, to act as if all were perfectly fine.

She picked up a glowing Cisco from riding, served her girls a healthy meal, pretended to eat something herself, and organized them for school the next day. She gave Margaret a bath and read her a story. She was actually invited to sit on Cisco’s bed, listening to her daughter recount every clop and clip of Blue’s adorable hooves.

She was thrilled by Cisco’s happiness, but her mind kept returning to thoughts of Vanessa. And her body burned to be with Wyatt.

Russell and Annabel invited Carley and her girls to dinner every Sunday, but they sometimes gently refused to come to her house.

“I don’t want you to take this personally,” Annabel told Carley one rainy October afternoon when Carley picked up the girls after an overnight. “But when we come to your house, we feel the loss of Gus more intensely. It was where he lived, after all. It was his home. You’ve turned it into a place where
anyone
can live.”

Keeping her voice polite, Carley reminded her, “The B&B is keeping us afloat financially. I could sell the house, of course, and buy a smaller place on the island, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about money, but I don’t want to do that. We all want the girls to have this house eventually.”

Annabel sighed. Since Gus’s death, she’d become even thinner, which made her look almost forbiddingly elegant. “I’m not sure about that anymore, Carley. Russell and I have been talking … perhaps we’ve put too much importance on being a Winsted. Certainly it seemed to cause Gus more pressure than anything else.”

“Oh, I don’t think—”

Annabel rose. “Let’s continue this conversation on Sunday, shall we?” She seemed evasive and eager to have Carley leave.

What’s going on?
Carley wondered.

Sunday it was just the five of them around the table. Russell grilled out one last time, barbequing chicken. Annabel stirred up the girls’ favorite casserole of macaroni and cheese. Carley tossed the salad and brought it with the bread into the dining room.

For a while the conversation was normal, centering on the girls’ activities. Cisco sang the praises of Blue and the joys of mucking out stables. Margaret talked about her first-grade teacher, who looked like a fairy princess.

When dessert was served—an apple pie Carley had baked—Annabel and Russell exchanged a glance laden with import.

Then Annabel steepled her hands and announced, “Russell and I have an announcement. We’re going to Guatemala this winter with the church group. For six months. To help run their free clinic and build houses.”

Carley put her hand to her chest. “I’m stunned.”

Annabel raised an eyebrow. “We’re old, but still functioning.”

“Annabel, don’t be silly, that’s not why I’m surprised. You and Russell have always been such homebodies.”

Russell spoke up. “That’s why we want to go somewhere else. We’ve been told that one way to deal with grief is to help those in need.”

“But the girls—”

“I think the girls will understand.” Annabel looked at her granddaughters.

“I understand,” Cisco agreed with quiet dignity, sitting up very straight. “When we were at Grandma’s day care center, we met kids with terrible lives. It’s true, isn’t it, Margaret?” Cisco turned to her sister for confirmation.

In her high clear voice, Margaret added, “Some little kids didn’t have daddies. Some didn’t even have mommies! Some didn’t have very many clothes—”

“Mom, we saw little children with really sad illnesses. And Grandma and Bernice took care of them.”

“You didn’t tell me this,” Carley said faintly.

Margaret hurried to explain. “We didn’t want to make you cry.”

“Oh, honey,” Carley said, nearly crying.

“When do you leave, Nana?” Cisco inquired, sounding quite grown-up.

“After Thanksgiving. We come home in May.”

“Will you ride on a donkey in Guatemala?” Margaret’s question, and her mangling of the pronunciation of the country, made them smile.

“We’ll take our laptop, and I’ll email you photos every week,” Russell told them. “We can even talk live on Skype.”

“Granddad, you are awesome,” Cisco told him, and gave him a high five.

“Carley?”

“Hey, Maud.” She’d been anticipating this phone call.

“I hear Vanessa’s back on the island.”

“She is. She came over last week.”

“To your house?”

“Yes, to my house. She looks great.”

“Someone saw her on the street and says she looks, um, like she’s gained weight.”

“She looks like she’s pregnant, because she is.”