Heartwishes (24 page)

Neither of them ever considered that she’d move to Edilean.

They parted with more animosity than Colin wanted, and it took him a long time to put her out of his mind. He missed her a lot, and often came close to calling her to tell her about something that had happened.

He did his best to bury himself in his work. He went to the county sheriff, Tom Wilderson, and talked to him at length. Since Edilean didn’t have its own sheriff, the best the man could do was deputize Colin and keep him in a station in Edilean.

“But the county can’t afford—” Tom began.

“I’ll pay for it,” Colin said. “All expenses are mine.”

When Tom was able to close his mouth from shock, he agreed to Colin’s proposal, as he liked the young man. But he also knew that Colin’s family was rich, so Tom figured Colin would quit after a few months. Who wanted to settle domestic disputes instead of sitting by the pool?

Colin didn’t quit, and over the years, Tom had found Colin’s intelligence and calm demeanor invaluable. In the first year, there’d been an incident that Colin had handled well. Two brothers were fishing in the wilderness area around Edilean when they got in a fight, and one of them shot the other. In remorse and grief, the surviving brother had threatened to shoot a family that was having a picnic. Colin had talked the man out of the idea.

But as well as Colin’s professional life had gone, the personal side had suffered.

For years after he split with Jean, they’d not seen each other. He’d dated a few women—none of them from Edilean—but it had never worked out. One woman hated his job as deputy sheriff in Edilean. He realized it was her own sense of prestige that concerned her, meaning that she’d wanted a doctor or lawyer. What had really horrified him was that after just four dates she was assuming they’d get married.

Another young woman was like that dreadful Isla, whom his mother had nearly hired. She’d been stunned when she’d seen the Frazier estate. Her greed for the place had made her dizzy. Colin dropped her the next day.

After years of these failed relationships, Jean had returned to his life.

About a year ago, he’d been in the county courthouse going through some old files when he’d looked up and seen Jean. He’d forgotten how beautiful she was and how put together she always appeared. Since he’d lived with her, he well knew the time and effort that went into her looks, but at the moment he saw her again, he forgot all that.

Minutes later, they were having lunch together, and she told him that she’d returned to her old law firm in Richmond. “I decided I’d rather be a big fish,” she said. “In D.C. there were too many people like me.”

An hour later they were in a hotel room.

His first impression of her was that she’d changed. She seemed less intense, less driven to win over everyone on her way to the top.

“I found out what’s really important in life,” she said as she sipped her glass of wine. “And you! It’s like you’ve finally grown up.”

Jean had the ability to make insults seem like compliments.

“I’ve been through a lot in the last years,” he said.

“I hope
I
didn’t cause you any pain when I broke up with you.”

Colin didn’t correct her. If her ego needed to think that, let her.

He still wasn’t sure how it happened, but within weeks they were again going out together. Jean did her best to make him think she was now willing to compromise and make a life together. “I’ve missed you so very much,” she said. “I didn’t know I could miss anyone so much.”

They went to bed a few more times, but it wasn’t the same.
Colin was no longer the unhappy young man he had been. And he was no longer dazzled by Jean or her job or even her beauty.

She’d been correct when she’d said that he’d at last grown up.

He’d known in his heart that he should break it off completely with Jean, but he couldn’t do it. When she wasn’t after something, she was fun and interesting. Her clients gave her tickets to plays and concerts, and he enjoyed them. And his family adored her. She and Lanny teased each other in a raunchy way, and Jean went shopping with Mrs. Frazier. The two women had decorated the guesthouse together. Jean bought art books for Shamus, and found out-of-print books on automotive history for Mr. Frazier.

Colin didn’t want to take these things away from his family, but he’d had more than enough of being alone. Besides, there was no one else in his life.

For his own sanity, he cut out sex with Jean. She was willing, but he knew he didn’t love her anymore, and he didn’t want her to have the wrong idea about where their relationship was going.

About three months ago, Tom said he’d seen Jean in Richmond with a man she’d introduced as her brother. “Good-looking young man named Elliot.”

“About ten years younger than her?” Colin asked.

“Yeah, but then I guess you’ve met him.”

Colin wanted to say “I
was
him,” but he didn’t. He knew Jean had no siblings, and that the only living relative she had was her mother. “An only child of only-child parents,” she used to say.

Colin knew that if he’d been jealous of the young man she was introducing as her brother, it meant he still had feelings for her. The truth was, he was glad and that made him realize that it was time to finally break off their friendship. He dreaded the tears his mother was going to shed. She’d always been so sure Jean was going to be her daughter-in-law, but Colin couldn’t help that. Part of him knew
that as long as he had Jean as a companion, he would quit searching for someone to share his life with.

When he met Gemma, it was as though his prayers had been answered. If he were a superstitious man, he would have said the Heartwishes Stone was at work.

When he’d seen her sprawled on the floor, pens and papers all around her, she made him smile. When he spent time with her, he was nearly joyous at what he saw. She was quiet, so very much the opposite of Jean’s up-and-down moods and her craving for excitement. Even Jean’s cooking was done for drama. He well knew that she’d never scramble a couple of eggs. “How boring!” she used to say. “Call the deli.”

But Gemma had made him an omelet and had cared enough that she’d told him to take a shower at her place. And she’d gone with him to the grocery, driven his car, which had been souped-up by Lanny, and she’d helped him rescue a child. Colin had seen the fear in her eyes that day, but that hadn’t stopped her from climbing on him and grabbing the boy. Colin would never tell anyone, but he’d replayed that YouTube video at least fifty times.

As for what had happened the morning he showered in her house, it was true that at first he hadn’t remembered their brief moment together. However, he knew his sleep had been restless that night and that he’d been having a dream about Gemma. When Lanny had woken him up in her house, Colin had fought against it.

“Whatever the hell you’re dreaming about, I’d sure like to share it with you,” Lanny said.

Colin, still not awake, almost hit his brother. To Colin’s foggy mind, Lanny was saying he wanted a threesome with Gemma.

Later, when Colin saw her again, he was amazed at the joy that shot through him. When Gemma looked at him as though he were the lowest piece of slime on earth, he didn’t know when he’d
ever been so devastated—and bewildered. What in the world had happened to make her despise him?

He tried to get her to tell him, but she’d wanted nothing to do with him. Before he could find out, Jean showed up at the barbecue, uninvited, and he’d wanted to tell her to go away and never come back.

When Mike asked Colin to help with the big side pad, Colin was glad to get away from her. But his happiness soon left him when Gemma made her remark about being “smart and brave.”

Everything hit Colin at once and he realized what he’d done—and he’d been truly horrified. He thought that in one of his dreams of lust he’d pulled Gemma into her own bed and . . . He didn’t want to think what he’d done. She wouldn’t have physically been able to get away.

Later, she would have worried that if she told, she’d lose her job, the one she so very much wanted.

He’d stood there by the tree, unable to move away, and watched Gemma frantically pound away with her kicks and punches. When Luke called time, she kept on going. That he, Colin, had been the cause of her hurt and anger made him feel ill. Mike had to hold her to get her to stop hitting.

Colin had nodded at Mike, letting him know that he wanted to be alone with Gemma. She didn’t want to see or speak to him, but he had to let her know that no one had a right to attack a woman and get away with it. Even if it meant that Colin’s career and his life as he knew it would be over, he was going to do right by her.

When she told him she hadn’t been “forced,” it was all he could do not to pick her up and kiss her.
She
had gone after
him
.

As soon as she said it, images began to come back to him.

When Jean came to him, he could hardly bear the sight of her. He knew that the way she’d slipped her arm around his was
a show of ownership. How Colin regretted their friendship of the last year!

He got rid of Jean and took Gemma away so they could talk in private. It hadn’t taken long to find out that Gemma’s only real objection to him was Jean. Right then, he’d wanted to take the time to tell Gemma the full truth about him and Jean, but he’d only told her a bit of it. First, he needed to get everything straight between Jean and himself, then he could go to Gemma and tell her all of it.

15

W
ITH RELUCTANCE,
C
OLIN
got out of his car and made his way up the back stairs to his apartment. He knew Jean was waiting for him because her silver Mercedes was still in the parking lot.

The first thing he saw when he opened the door to his apartment was his suitcase on the floor. She came out of his bedroom carrying a tiny tube of toothpaste.

“There you are,” she said cheerfully. “I waited to see you but you’re so late that I was beginning to think I was going to have to drive home in the dark. Hope you don’t mind if I borrow a piece of your luggage.”

“Jean, I . . .” He trailed off, not knowing how to begin. She was going through the old cabinets against the wall.

“Colin, dear, have you been lashing yourself over this? But of course you have. Your deep desire to always do
good
must be tugging at you. So how was the rest of your little get-together with your Edilean friends? After you sent me away?”

“Fine,” he said. It was obvious that even though she hadn’t been in his apartment in months, she was searching for any items she’d left behind. “Let’s sit down and talk, all right?”

“No,” she said. “I think that everything has been said. I just wish—” She put up her hands. “No, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. It is as it is.”

“Jean, please sit down and let’s talk about this.”

She glared at him. “There is nothing to talk about. You chose someone else. The end. That’s all, folks!”

“You act like you and I were a solid couple and I dumped you.”

“Again.”

“What?”

“You dumped me
again
. For the second time. The first time was when I got a job in D.C. You were so jealous you walked out on me.”

“Is that what you think I did?”

“I know that’s what you did. You had a job you hated, while I loved mine. Then I got an even better job and you threw a jealous fit and left me. And you walked out on your dad too.”

Colin drew in his breath, unable to answer her accusations.

“So now you met some young college student and you’re leaving me. Again. I guess you think this one is going to put up with the way you ignore the women in your life.”

Colin was recovering himself and there was a volcano of anger inside him. “I never ignored you. I lived
your
life,” he said quietly.

“No you didn’t.” She stopped moving about the room and looked at him. “You
hid
in my life. You thought you were too good to be a car salesman, but you suffered through it and made everyone miserable, me included. I felt so sorry for you that I took you in and let you live my life.”

“Is that how you see it?” Colin asked softly. “There was nothing in it for you? Nothing between us?”

“Sure,” she said. “For a while. My regret—” She glared at him. “I regret that I gave you my best years. If I hadn’t had to deal with
you,
I could be like those women today.
I
could have a couple of kids and be living in Georgetown now.” Her voice was rising. “Do you know why I quit my job in D.C.?”

“Please tell me,” he said, his voice cold.

“For you. You never realized that I left all that behind because of
you
. I missed you and wanted to be with you. I knew you didn’t have anyone, so I came back.”

His eyes grew colder. “The scuttlebutt around the courthouse was that you got fired. I heard that you were sleeping with one of the partners, and his wife threatened to divorce him if you weren’t sent away.”

For a moment, Jean’s face seemed to swell with her rage, but then she smiled. “Misusing your badge to snoop, are you?”

“Jean,” Colin said, “why do we have to part this way? I told you when you came back that I didn’t think it would work.”

“And I said it would.” She went to a cabinet and poured herself a drink.

“You’re driving,” he said.

“Don’t worry. It’s just club soda.” She took a deep drink. “So what happens now? You get rid of me as soon as you can, then run back to your butch girlfriend?” She looked at him through her lashes. “You should have told me that’s what you liked. I would have done a little dress up. You like whips and chains too?”

“Jean, I think you should leave. Better yet, I should go. You stay here and sleep. I don’t want you driving when you’re this angry.”

“And where will you go? Back to Mommy? Or to your boxing boyfriend?”

He put his hand on the doorknob. He couldn’t bear to hear any more of this. If she kept on, he’d be drawn into it, and he’d say things he would regret later.