Heartstrings (16 page)

C
al wished
that those twenty minutes could have gone on forever. He sat there on the aquarium floor, Blake in his arms, watching the fish go by. Fish were so calming. From watching
Finding Nemo
multiple times at an embarrassingly teenage age to his parents’ old saltwater tank, Cal found their presence soothing. Plus they were just so cool to watch.

After a while, Blake stirred, shifting so that his side was more flush against Cal’s.

“Palmer says the tour’s postponed,” he said. “Forgot to tell you.”

“I kinda figured.”

Cal wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On one hand he was sad for Blake, sad to be missing out on more shows, on the exhilarating experience of touring with a top-forty band. But part of him wondered if Blake might be better off with some time to decompress. As much as the Sinsationals appeared to be enjoying their tour, it also appeared to be grinding them down.

“That’s all right,” Cal said. “Come with me to Denver. Get back to your roots.”

Blake didn’t immediately accept. Which told Cal there was something else in the pipeline.

“They need me in Nashville,” he said at length. “Label meetings. Contract stuff.”

Cal let out a low, pained groan. He dealt with some of that when running The Garage: booking the occasional local band, labor disputes, accounting shit, safety inspections. Blake didn’t deserve that. No good person did.

“So come to Denver afterward,” Cal said lightheartedly. “It’ll still be there.”

They both lapsed back into silence. Cal watched a school of tiny fish flit through the branches of a pale green coral. They left little swirls and eddies in their wake.

“I feel like this is the end,” Blake said at last. “Like I’m watching the death throes of my band.”

Bands were funny things, though. They could survive a lot. And some ended up being replaced piecemeal. Who was even touring with the Smashing Pumpkins these days?

“It might be the death throes of this version of it,” Cal conceded. “But you survived losing me just fine. In fact, you thrived.”

Blake let out a short, flat laugh.

“Except losing you was up until that point the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

The words dug into Cal like hooks. He wanted to pin Blake down and kiss him everywhere and promise over and over that he was never leaving again. He’d learned his lesson. They’d both grown up. The time for that shit was over.

Instead, he just drew Blake close and sought out his mouth. He cupped Blake’s chin in his palm, leaning down and capturing his lips in a slow, soft kiss. There was no pressure, no insistence, no hurry this time. He just kissed Blake long and languorously, slowly gliding his tongue along Blake’s bottom lip.

“Whatever happens,” he murmured into Blake’s mouth. “You’ve got me. You can always come home.”

Their twenty minutes were almost up.

Cal let Blake go with extreme reluctance, the air of the aquarium unbearably cold once Blake’s body was no longer pressed up against his.

* * *

B
ack at the hotel
, Cal was eager to recapture that heat. Spring was edging out winter, but the combination of nerves and sitting in the cold aquarium had set a chill in his bones.

So naturally, he tore around his suite until he found the little packets of instant coffee and hot cocoa that came standard-issue in every American hotel room. The minibars had milk, so the cocoa ended up more luxurious than hotel cocoa had any right to be.

Mixing up two hot mugs, Cal invited Blake back to his room. They made no pretenses about utilizing other furniture and went straight to the bed. For the blankets, of course.

Cuddled up in a pile of hotel pillows, sipping their hot chocolates, they sat in silence. Blake still had that faraway look in his eye, the expression that Cal swore somehow made his eyes lighter. Greener. Cal studied him in profile, licking hot chocolate off his lips.

“This is uh, kind of a weird thing to say,” Cal started. “But I just wanted you to know. I’m proud of you. Regardless of what happens. You made all this. That’s something to be proud of.”

Blake hiked his shoulders up, big eyes peering at Cal over the rim of his hot chocolate. He took a long sip, then wiped his mouth on the back of his hands. He crawled closer over to Cal so that their thighs were touching beneath the bedcovers. Even though they were completely clothed, that sent a ripple of heat through Cal, a promise of further contact to come.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you,” Blake said, smiling almost timidly.

Cal stretched his arms out, finishing his drink and setting it aside on the nightstand. He flopped back onto the pile of pillows, folding his arms behind his head.

“Well of course not,” he said smugly, hoping to get a laugh out of Blake.

He didn’t quite get a laugh, but he got a smirk.

When Blake finished his mug, he set it aside with a clunk, then rolled over onto his side so that he was facing Cal. Mere inches apart, they lay like that in silence, just breathing together. Cal could see the worry in Blake’s eyes, the way his mouth clenched tighter than usual.

He hated that.

So he leaned forward and tried to kiss that tension away.

The kiss began as an easygoing brush of lips, but it didn’t take long for heat to rise under Cal’s skin. Accordingly, he deepened the kiss, pulling Blake closer against him. Blake obliged, eager, and twisted his tongue around Cal’s for a moment. Then he gave a gentle sucking motion, just a tug, his cheeks hollowing, and every nerve in Cal’s body awoke.

D
elirious
with the taste of Cal’s chocolatey kissing up and down his mouth, Blake had to struggle to breathe. Nestled up in bed, chasing the cold away, they took it nice and slow this time. On one hand, Blake loved it, the way their languid kissing reminded him of earlier years, that slow caution with which they first explored one another’s body.

On the other hand, his cock was straining in his pants already, and if Cal didn’t touch him soon, he was going to lose his mind.

Catching Cal’s bottom lip in his teeth, Blake tugged gently. At the same time, he leaned back into the pillows, rolling to one side and pulling Cal down atop him. Cal went along with it, though he could have easily stopped Blake if he wanted to. And then all of Cal’s weight was bearing down on him, claiming him, and Blake rocked his body up to meet him. That knot of upset in his stomach still hadn’t dissolved. Their kissing grew more heated, more intense, a crescendo with a base note of anxious desperation to it.

I don’t want you to leave,
Blake thought.
And I don’t want to leave you.

He knew it was only temporary. He knew he and Cal had fixed things. But the idea of jetting off to Nashville rather than clinging to Cal for comfort and solidarity felt like a rejection of everything important to him.

“Fuck all this,” Blake whimpered into Cal’s mouth. “Fuck the band, fuck Nashville. I just want to stay with you.”

Cal, fingers tracing the lines of Blake’s throat, laughed lowly. He dragged a hand down Blake’s torso, fingertips splaying over his stomach.

“You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re horny. Give me a few minutes and I’ll get you thinking clearer.”

At the implications behind those words, Blake’s dick went fully hard in his pants. He let out a soft, wordless gulp as Cal reached for his fly, his hands quick and nimble. They had a lot of experience stripping one another down, slowly and quickly, seductive and messy, awkward and delicious and everything in between. Their hands worked as one, synchronized, as if they could read one another’s thoughts. And in no time at all, both men had wriggled free from everything they wore.

“I thought we were trying to stay warm,” Cal murmured with a rough laugh. Then he eased his fully nude body down atop Blake’s, skin searing where it met naked skin. Blake gasped, clinging to Cal, fingers digging into his shoulders, lips parted to aid in his frantic breath. He needed to feel Cal against him more than he’d ever needed anything. Right now it wasn’t even about getting off. It wasn’t even about rekindling their relationship. He needed to feel Cal against him because as long as he could feel that, everything would be all right.

So slow, too slow, slow enough that Blake whined in protest, Cal began to grind his heavy body against Blake’s. Pressing into the mattress with his feet, Blake thrust up against Cal’s leg, the hardness of his cock nestled against Cal’s thigh. Cal let out a soft, aroused grunt and bent down, raking his teeth over one of Blake’s hard nipples.

Yes.
This was what he needed.

Without warning, Cal curled his strong fingers around the length of Blake’s cock. Blake let out a soft, muffled sound into the blankets, stilling as Cal began to work his fingers. Cal paid special attention to the leaking head, his tongue sliding into Blake’s mouth while his hand milked him. Blake shuddered, pleasure prickling all along his skin.

After a dizzying minute, Cal removed his hand from Blake’s cock, lowering it further below the covers. Blake hitched his hips up, allowing Cal access, and soon enough he felt the gentle press of one of Cal’s slick fingertips against his opening. Even just that tiny pressure was enough to cause a flutter in his heart, heat rising through his entire body. Blake reached down between them, picking up where Cal had left off. He wrapped his fingers partially around Cal’s cock, partially around his own, and began to slowly thrust his length against Cal’s.

Cal groaned, his fingers twitching, and he pressed in against Blake’s hole with greater force, his fingers slick with Blake’s own precum. Blake whimpered as Cal’s fingers explored him. He developed a slow, insistent rhythm, thrusting against his hand and Cal’s dick, each stroke sending shudders of pleasure through him.

He could tell he was having a similar effect on Cal, who tensed atop him, sweat beginning to shine on his features. Blake leaned up and licked a drop right off his cheek, leaving a sticky trail, and as he leaned back down, Cal pushed a finger entirely inside him.

At the high-pitched whimper that drew from Blake, Cal snickered breathily.

“You like that, don’t you,” he murmured.

“I like anything you do to me,” Blake said, candid and honest, opening his eyes to peer up into Cal’s. Cal stared down at him, the intense darkness of his eyes furthered by the darkness of the bedroom. Something about being pinned beneath that stare was just as erotic as being pinned beneath Cal’s body. Blake’s hips bucked, their cocks slickly thrusting together, and Cal began to work another finger into him.

Cal’s hot length throbbing against his, Blake buried his face in Cal’s shoulder, rocking his body hard, impaling himself further on the fingers pressing into him. Urgency building in him like pressure, his heart pounding against his ribs, Blake tried to hold on as long as he could, tried to prolong the pleasure and the contact. He wanted nothing more than to touch Cal forever, to spend whole days writhing beneath Cal’s body, and feeling like he had to give Cal up soon lent a frantic edge to his every action.

Soon, Blake recognized the tightness coiling in his stomach for what it was. He knew he was close. He picked up the pace of his hand, stroking Cal’s length hard and fast, squeezing the root of his shaft and dragging his fingers upward, the friction of Cal’s hot skin beneath and against him so,
so
good.

Cal ground his entire body down against Blake, pressing him into the bed, his fingers delving into Blake’s body even as the first contractions began in Blake’s muscles. Blake tightened around Cal’s hand, crying out, pleasure peaking through him in waves. He grabbed Cal’s cock, thrust his own against it over and over even as he began to come. That was all Cal needed. Soon, Cal’s shaft was thrusting erratically into Blake’s palm, their joined breath heavy with effort. He came with a groan of release, hot seed streaking over Blake’s stomach, both of them sweaty and sticky and messy and spent.

They collapsed into the bed, Cal still atop Blake. Blake wouldn’t have had it any other way. He wrapped his arms around Cal and held him there, uncaring of the mess they’d made. He needed Cal close. He needed Cal by his side. Their past hurts only made them stronger now that they were together again.

Minutes passed in silence, the room quiet and dark around them. Blake could tell Cal wasn’t quite asleep yet due to the rhythm of his breath. His own eyes half-closed, he trailed a fingertip along the lines of Cal’s finely-developed deltoids, admiring the muscle by touch rather than by sight.

“If you’re worried,” Cal murmured against him, “don’t be.”

The words warmed Blake. He made a little home for them inside his heart and kept them there.

“I was,” Blake admitted. “But I’m not now. Any separation, anything that comes between us, it’s temporary, right?”

“Mhm.” Cal murmured, pressing a sleepy kiss to the side of Blake’s neck. “Exactly.”

When Blake finally drifted to sleep, he did so with the fingers of one hand woven with Cal’s. That kept any anxious dreams at bay.