Heartstrings (14 page)

Facing death has forced me to think about my life. I wish I’d done a lot of things differently. I’m dying with many regrets. Two of the most painful are what happened with your mother and how I treated you.

Regardless of what happened between your mother and me, I never stopped loving Suzie. Even when she betrayed me, I loved her. I still love her today. And I realize I should have let her follow her dreams.

I have no excuse for what happened between you and me except I was afraid you’d end up like your mother. It scared me to think you would turn to drugs and alcohol, especially if things got rough for you in the pursuit of your dream. I was wrong. You aren’t like her at all.

I’ve never been much of a father to you. Go after what you want, son. Go after her with everything you have. I know about Abby, and I know about the secret she’s kept. Ask her about it. Then the reason I didn’t leave you the ranch will make sense. And I hope you do the right thing.

I was too stubborn to admit you had to live your own life, and you were too stubborn to see I was just too proud to admit I was scared. You’ve always been like me in this respect. Stubborn and proud. I’m too much of both to know when to say I’m wrong and when to say I’m sorry.

But I am, Seth. I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know. I’m sorry for all the times I hit you, I’m sorry for the time I ran you off, and I’m sorry for all the mean words. None of this can be taken back, but I hope you know that, if I could, I would do so in a heartbeat.

I hope someday you can forgive me. I love you, Seth. I’m so damned proud of you.

Dad

He read the letter three times. His hands shook as he held the pages, and his vision blurred. He couldn’t hold the wash of silent tears back. The mild pain in his chest was now a deep ache stealing his breath. He read the last couple of lines again, and a sob tore loose from the tightness in his chest.

He hadn’t cried since he was nineteen, but back then it had been from the hurtful things his father had said and the disgust in his eyes as he’d run him off with a shotgun. Now, the tears formed from grief, regret and relief.

He’d made his father proud.

His father had loved him.

Looking up at the house in the moonlight, he knew exactly what he had to do.

“Oh, Dad, you’re wrong again. It does matter to me. It will always matter to me.” He pounded a fist on the top of the steering wheel and closed his eyes against the burning of bitter tears. Goodbye, Dad.

* * * *

Abby woke up to the sound of a banshee screaming in her ears. She groaned and flipped the pillow over her head. It didn’t help. The terrible ringing didn’t stop.

Ringing?

She jumped up and instantly wished she hadn’t. The bright sunlight coming through the gingham curtains knifed through her retinas like a surgeon’s laser. Squeezing her eyes closed, she fumbled for the telephone and blessedly silenced the banshee.

Holding her head with her free hand, she tried to swallow the cotton in her mouth, but it just stuck in her throat. “’Ello?”

“How you feeling this morning?”

She blinked, fell onto the bed and covered her head with the covers–phone and all. “Like I’ve been dragged twenty-five miles over rough ground. Then a whole herd of pregnant cows tap danced over me.”

Seth chuckled and the sound attacked her ear with razor sharp teeth. “That good?”

She held the phone away from her offended ear. “Oh, laugh it up, cowboy.”

“Hey, who ended up puking on whom–not once in her life but twice?”

“Dear God, are you never gonna let me live that down? I didn’t ruin your boots, did I? They looked expensive.”

“No, you didn’t ruin my boots. But I retired the jeans.”

Too, bad. You looked damned good in them.

He laughed again. Sweet mercy, she hadn’t said the words aloud, had she? Feeling a bit claustrophobic under the blankets, she flipped them away and squeezed her eyes closed against the light.

“I’ll assume you are still a bit inebriated.”

I am.
This time, she made sure she kept her lips closed. Taking a deep breath, she switched the phone to her other ear. “Thanks for getting me home last night.”

“Don’t mention it.” There was a pause on the other end of the line, but she knew he had more to say. “Hey, I was hoping you and Emily would go riding with me this afternoon. Maybe have dinner at Grandpa’s old hunting cabin.”

At the mention of Emily, she sat straight up in bed and quickly regretted the sudden move when her head swirled and her stomach flopped over. “What time is it?”

“A little before ten. C’mon, Abby, you know it’s foolish–”

“Damn, I need to pick up Emily from her friend’s in less than...” She squinted at the bedside clock. “Ten minutes.”

She got out of bed and groaned as the world tilted and spun. “Whoa.”

Sitting on the bed, she waited until the room stopped circling her.

“Abby, you okay?”

“No. I swear on everything holy I’ll never get drunk again.”

“Why don’t I pick Emily up and bring her home?”

She rubbed the back of her neck. “I should call Mike.”

But she hated to do that. Mike would get Emily tomorrow for the next week. Besides, the last thing she wanted to admit to her ex, friend or not, was that she was too hung-over to take care of her daughter. Bad enough he’d seen her last night.

“Why are you being so stubborn about this? Are you trying to punish me or something?”

Was she? Maybe she was. “I’m afraid that she’ll...”

“She’ll what? Like me? Become my friend? Realize I’m her father?”

She held her aching head and closed her eyes. “Yes,” she breathed out. “I’m afraid, if she finds out the truth, she’ll want to go to Nashville with you.”

“She wants to be a singer, doesn’t she?” he finally asked after a long pause.

She didn’t miss the husky quake in his voice. “She’s wanted to be a singer like you since she was four years old.”

“Abby, she’s my daughter.” He cleared his throat, but the heavy emotion weighed down his voice, making it even deeper than normal. “I only want to get to know her...”

His voice cracked, and with it, Abby’s resolve. “Okay. You pick her up, and after you bring her home, we’ll spend the day together.”

“Thank you.”

She gave him the address to Emily’s friend and hung up.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there. Had she been wrong to let Mike talk her into hiding Emily’s paternity? She’d been so sure then. Had been until she heard the pain in Seth’s voice.

Mike asked her not reveal the truth to Emily, and for right now, she agreed the time wasn’t right. Emily would never understand her reasons for not going with Seth and then marrying another man. Hell, she barely understood them herself.

She went to the closet and pulled a large shoebox from the top shelf. Slowly, she removed the lid and she stared at the crayon drawings, the duplicate photographs of the ones in her scrapbooks, and the copied DVDs. She’d told Mike when he left that he couldn’t have the things in the box because she’d collected them for Emily.

Now, she allowed herself to admit the truth.

She’d kept this stuff for Seth.

Chapter 7

Seth pulled up to the curb in front of the nondescript home of Emily’s friend. Across the street, live oaks and shrubs shrouded the elementary school. He glanced at his hat on the side seat, ran his hand through his hair, and then adjusted his sunglass. Maybe he’d be less recognizable without his hat and with the shades on.

He could hope.

As he got out of the SUV, he heard loud music coming from the back of the house. He followed the sound to the backyard. From a sound system, the Zack Brown Band finished singing about their toes in the sand, and the opening to his latest number one blared in his ears.

When Emily jumped off the lounge chair, he paused behind the shrub at the corner. She stood on the patio by the pool and broke into song. Her clear, strong voice crowded out his as she sang with him about drinking away a bad romance. Three other girls sat around in the shade of an overhang and laughed as Emily gyrated her hips to the fast beat of the beer-drinking song. She pretended her soda can was a microphone and threw her hand up as she hit the final line of the chorus. “
Havin’ one helluva time drinkin’ your memory away.
”

Her audience laughed and clapped while Emily bowed low. “Thank you,” she said, mimicking Elvis–of all people. “Thank you, very much.”

He laughed and blew his cover. She and the three girls gaped as he rounded the bush. The girls squealed and Emily stood there with her mouth open.

“Not bad. Not bad at all. But I hope it’s a long time before you really get the meaning of that song.”

“Seth?”

“You know him?” One of the girls whipped her head around to stare at her.

“Yeah, he’s friends with Mom and Dad.” Emily smiled and shrugged. “Seth and I have been hanging out. He’s really cool.”

“No way!” Three high-pitched voices sang out.

He rubbed his goatee. “Your mom asked me to pick you up.”

“Mom?” She narrowed her eyes. “You saw Mom this morning?”

“I talked to her on the phone. She wasn’t feeling well and asked me to come get you.” He took his Ray-Bans off and smiled at the other girls. “Ladies.”

They were too shocked to do much but gawk between him and Emily.

“Okay.” Emily set her can on the patio table then turned to her stunned friends and pointed at each girl in turn. “Seth, these are my BFFs. Lacy, Allie and Jasmine.” She flourished her hand toward him. “BFFs, meet the one and only, great Seth Kendall.”

Lacy somewhat recovered from being starstruck. “It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. Kendall.”

“It’s great to meet you too.”

Lacy’s mother came out the side door and insisted he have a glass of iced tea. The girls were further stunned by the fact he and she had sat next to each other in sixth grade and had his aunt as their teacher. He signed autographs for the girls and his old classmate, then he and Emily left for the ranch.

* * * *

Abby had finished packing a picnic lunch for later at the cabin, when someone pounded on the back door. She wiped her hands on a dishtowel and opened the kitchen door.

Mike stood in the opening, his expression hard and his brown eyes dark under the brim of his hat. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “We need to talk.”

She swallowed and allowed him to enter. “What’s going on?”

He took his hat off, tossed it on a hook by the door and faced her with a glare. “Is he still here?”

“Who?”

“Seth. He’s always been your weakness.” Mike walked around the kitchen before meeting her gaze again. “Are you sleeping with him?”

She’d been honest with Mike while they’d been married. He’d known she’d loved Seth in a way she hadn’t been able to love him, but he’d loved Tammy Jo. And he hadn’t always been honest with her. Abby hadn’t known about his two-year affair with Tammy Jo until she’d asked him if he was having one.

He had no right to jealousy. And more importantly, he had no right to question her. She had the divorce decree to prove it.

Her head still ached a little, and she wasn’t in a mood to deal with any of this–whatever this was. She crossed her arms and jutted her chin. “Even if I was sleeping with Seth Kendall, it wouldn’t be any of your damned business.”

“Maybe not, but what about our agreement concerning Emily?”

She dropped her arms. “What agreement?”

He strode toward her until he was in front of her. “Emily isn’t to learn the truth. And the only way to keep it from her is to keep him away from her.”

She sighed and turned toward the sink. As she stared out the window above it, she said, “I can’t do that anymore. He deserves to get to know her.”

He grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around. His face and eyes filled with black fury. “No. Damn it. In the eyes of the law, I’m her father. I don’t want her to have anything to do with him.”