Heart's Surrender (22 page)

“Good answer.” Sam’s fingers returned to the needy spot, playing around her clit, driving her crazy. Good crazy, but crazy nevertheless.

Her hands clenched the sheet when Sam’s finger slid inside her vagina. This felt so damn good. Soon Sam followed with a second finger, hitting sensitive spots in deliberate teasing. Just when Gillian got used to the sensation and wanted to get lost in the wild feelings, Sam withdrew both fingers.

A whimper of disappointment escaped Gillian. “No.”

“Oh, baby, we’re just getting started.” Sam planted a soft kiss on her clit, followed by a gentle lick that made Gillian jump. “I want to take my time tonight. I’m just not sure if I can.” Sam took the harness and attached the blue dildo. With experienced movements, she strapped it on.

The sight was…weird. Gillian swallowed, suddenly not so sure if using an artificial blue penis was something she would enjoy.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I…Yes.” But she couldn’t draw her eyes away from the blue “thing” dangling from Sam. “Well, maybe…”

“We don’t need to do this. Honestly.” Sam put her hand on the dildo.

“No. Wait.” Gillian bit her lip. As much as this was starting to freak her out—the knowledge that this was what Sam wanted stopped her from shying away from a new experience. “It’s just…I need time to get used to it.” She stared at the dildo. “This.”

“All right.” She frowned. “You sure? I don’t mind if we don’t go through with it.”

“Yes. Just give me a few minutes. Please.”

Sam’s hand stroked lightly over Gillian’s cheek. “Take all the time you need, honey.” Her tone was as soft as the smile on her face. She took a step back and opened the drawer on the nightstand. “Maybe you would like to help me?” She took a condom out of the drawer and held it in her hand.

Gillian nodded and took the condom with shaking hands. This she had done before. “I’ve never touched one.”

“A dildo?”

“Yes.”

A small smile tugged on Sam’s lips. “So, you’re a virgin?”

“Only a dildo virgin.” Gillian took the condom out and slowly rolled it over the dildo. She put some pressure on the toy.

Sam’s hissed.

Gillian let go of the dildo. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No. That was…wow. Nice.”

“Oh.” Encouraged by those words Gillian took the dildo in her hand again and pushed the base a bit more firmly before releasing the pressure again.

A gentle hand cupped hers. “You want to be careful here.” Sam gasped. “I
wanna
make you come first. Lie back.”

And with those words all fears vanished into thin air. She lay down.

Soon tender fingers ran through her pubic hair and reached her clit. Fingertips were teasing hot, slick warmth. For a second, Gillian tensed, holding her breath.

“Relax. Trust me.” Sam slowly began a rubbing motion on the side of Gillian’s clitoral shaft.

Gillian moaned. She closed her eyes. This was a stimulation she deeply enjoyed. Waves of pleasure began to build inside her.

“You’re so wet.”

“Yes.” The touch…Sam’s touch…was driving her mad.

“Open your eyes, baby.”

She did, instantly captured by eyes that were almost black with arousal. The connection between them was something Gillian had never experienced before. This here, between them, was so much more than sex. It was a connection that made her feel loved, cherished, and…wet.

“Could you?” Sam took hold of the bottle of lube.

With trembling fingers Gillian took the bottle. Where moments ago she had been nervous and unsure…now her head and heart were filled with only one thing—anticipation. With a pleasant shiver, she applied plenty of lube around the dildo’s head. She swallowed around a lump in her throat. “I’m not afraid anymore.”

“No?”

“No!”

“Good.” Sam’s fingers went back to what they were doing before, driving all coherent thoughts out of Gillian’s head.

She let the bottle fall next to the bed.

The smooth head of the dildo slid through her wetness, making her gasp. Through heavy-lidded eyes, she watched Sam use her hand to guide the dildo slowly inside.

This was so good. A moan escaped her throat.

Sam took her time and drew it out again.

Gillian nearly cried out from the sensation of loss. “Please.”

“I’m right here. I’m right here with you,” Sam promised in a whisper, this time pushing steadily forward until the dildo was buried inside Gillian. It filled her, stretched her, then Sam slowly began to thrust. With each stroke, a new wave of pleasure sizzled through Gillian.

“You feel so damned hot.” Sam’s voice, almost a growl, penetrated Gillian’s fog of bliss.

She hissed when Sam hit an especially sensitive spot, a pleasure that only increased when Sam slowly rotated her hips during her thrusts. Gillian trembled. This wouldn’t take long. She was already tumbling toward the edge.

Throughout it all, Sam’s gaze never left hers. At each new stroke, Gillian had to fight against the urge to close her eyes. The muscles of Sam’s back and shoulders quivered under her hands. Soon she found a rhythm, anticipating each stroke, longing for it, grinding against the dildo as Sam thrust into her. Soon the familiar fluttering in her belly began. An ocean of sensation emerged within her, overwhelmed her.

Clinging to Sam’s shoulders, she couldn’t delay it any longer. Fire surged, shooting like lightning through her body, wave after wave after wave until her bones and muscles seemed totally liquefied. At last, vaguely aware of Sam stopping her thrusts and withdrawing the toy, she let out her breath in a deep sigh. “Oh, dear Lord.”

Sam’s laugh was gentle. “Nope, not exactly.”

Her vision hazy, Gillian watched Sam get rid of the toy and the harness before joining her on the bed again.

“You’re so beautiful, so vulnerable when you come. I love watching you.” Sam pushed some hair away from Gillian’s face and kissed her slowly. “You okay?”

“Yes. More than okay.” Gillian ran her thumb over Sam’s lips, her whole body sluggish and relaxed. A grin spread across her face when Sam took the thumb into her mouth and started to suck on it. “Come here.” She didn’t have to ask twice and soon was snuggled against Sam, who was stretched out full-length beside her. “I need a moment. That was…phenomenal. Thank you.”

“Mm…phenomenal indeed. That was unbelievable. I felt so close to you.”

For a moment, no more words were spoken. Gillian lightly caressed Sam’s skin, tracing the tendons in her arm, the small scars around her wrist, and the calluses on her hand. “I love touching you.” She took the hand and kissed every finger. “I love being with you.” She turned and looked into Sam’s eyes, a thought forming in her brain. “Tell me, is this harness a ‘one size fits all’ thing?”

Gillian slowly drifted awake. Reveling in the warmth and comfort of Sam’s body tucked next to hers was like floating in warmth. Last night had been perfect. And, boy, had she rocked Sam’s world with their little role reversal. Gillian felt her face get hot thinking about all the different ways they had each other, kissed each other, loved each other until the early hours of the morning.

“You awake?” Sam asked, her voice rough from sleep.

Gillian chuckled. “No. I think I’m still dreaming. Reality can’t be this good.”

“Then don’t wake me. I’m still floating in some kind of unbelievable bliss.” Sam closed her eyes again.

Gillian ran her fingers up and down Sam’s back until goosebumps followed her path. As much as she wanted to stay like this for the rest of the day or even better, the rest of her life, she couldn’t. A glance at the alarm clock showed that it was already late morning. No wonder she was tired; sleep hadn’t come for either of them until just a few hours ago. “Sam?”

“Mm? Just keep going.”

“I’m sorry, honey, but I have to leave in two hours, and I thought…well, maybe you’d like to have breakfast together.” She held her breath, still unsure how much reality Sam was willing to accept. Instead of having another marathon sex session or at least spending the day together, they would have to work around Gillian’s schedule and her kids’ demands.

Sam gazed at her, a grin on her face. “Well, we could risk a look into my fridge.”

“Yes, we could.” Gillian grimaced. “But I’m not really that fond of pickled eggs.”

“O ye of little faith. That was before I did some major shopping for my favorite girl.” Sam yawned heartily. “Good sex always leaves me starving the next morning. And I had some mind-blowing sex last night, let me tell ya.”

Gillian kissed her gently. “Yeah, me too. And the funny thing is…you were there, too.” She rolled away from Sam’s pinching fingers until she nearly fell out of bed. Laughter filled the room. “Stop it. I need to use the bathroom.”

Sam slowly stretched her glorious body. “All right, I’ll make coffee in the meantime.”

“Thank you.” Gillian got up from the bed, feeling slightly sore, but every little pain she felt was worth the love she had found. For the first time she was really, truly positive that being with Sam would work out, and the thought was a damn good one.

CHAPTER 21

White flakes floated down to the frozen ground. Sam leaned her forehead against the cool glass and gazed out into the garden. Everything was covered in a light blanket of white, untouched and pristine. Only a cat’s footprints were disturbing the frost and snow that covered the grass. Sam sighed. Living in the suburbs really had its advantages. Downtown Springfield sure wouldn’t look like something out of a winter dream and more like the marriage between a mud hole and some abused snow.

“Hey, Sam. Do you want your eggs scrambled or fried?” Tilde’s voice intruded on her thoughts.

“Fried,” she shouted back, causing the glass in front of her to fog up.

“Sunny side up or down?”

“Down.”

“All right.”

If the white fluffy stuff continued to come down like this…maybe she could build a snowman with the children later on. Well, with Michael. Angela was probably too old for that kind of stuff.

She saw Gillian’s reflection in the glass before arms found their way around Sam’s waist. A soft kiss landed on her neck.

“Good morning.” Gillian’s breath tickled her skin. “What an amazing sight to wake up to.”

Sam laid her hands over Gillian’s. “Yeah. It’s going to be a bitch driving home later today. But it sure looks nice.”

“Yes, the winter wonderland outside is a nice view as well…but I meant you, being in my home in the morning.” Another kiss found its way to Sam’s sensitive skin. “Only seeing you in my bed waking up could have topped this.”

Sam pressed her body into Gillian’s, enjoying the warmth, comfort, and thrill that coursed through her every single time she touched her girlfriend. “I like being here. With you.”

“I like having you here.”

Sam turned around. “The view from here is even better.”

“You sweet talker you.” Gillian’s eyes sparkled like sapphires.

Sam put a kiss on Gillian’s nose. “Just telling the truth as I see it.”

“Is that it?” she frowned.

“I bet that the children will run into this room at the exact moment my lips touch yours.”

Gillian grimaced. “All right. You have a point.”

They had agreed to take it slow. After Thanksgiving, Gillian had told her children that Sam was not only a girlfriend but her ‘girlfriend.’ They had spent more time together and last night had been the first sleepover—with Sam staying in the guestroom and waking up alone in a huge bed and a strange room.

“Breakfast is ready.”

“Having a maid is not half bad.”

Gillian pinched Sam’s waist. “She’s no maid. She’s an au pair.”

“Yeah, well. Same difference. But she sure comes in handy.”

“That she does.” Gillian took Sam’s hand. “Come on. Let’s sit down.”

They crossed the hall, holding hands. When Sam wanted to withdraw hers before stepping into the kitchen Gillian didn’t let go but gave her a squeeze.

Three pairs of eyes welcomed them—one with kindness, one with childlike joy, and one with caution. Sam sighed. Angela had a harder time accepting what was happening than Michael. She restrained herself around Sam, not trusting her. At least she wasn’t openly hostile. She tried to imagine what would melt Chloe if Victoria showed up with a new prospective partner. Patience and kind perseverance with a healthy dose of humor would probably be the key.
It’s worth it. She’s worth it.
“Good morning.”

Gillian gave her hand one last squeeze before letting go and sitting down at the table.

Sam took a deep breath before seeking Angela’s gaze. “Hey, is it okay if I sit here?” She pointed at the empty chair next to the girl.

A polite smile appeared on Angela’s face. “Sure, if you want to.”

“Thanks.” Sam sat down, smiling at the wink she received from Gillian.

Tilde put a plate with two fried eggs in front of Sam before sitting down as well.
“Smaklig m
å
ltid!”

“That is Swedish and means ‘enjoy your meal’”, Angela explained.

“Thanks.” Sam’s gaze wandered over the table. She whistled through her teeth. Amazing. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen a breakfast table that held such a variety of food. She usually had a cup of coffee more or less on the go and maybe a sandwich that she picked up somewhere. But this…wow. There was everything from scrambled eggs to bacon to cheese and fresh fruits as well as cereal…it was more like having brunch in a hotel. “Do you always feast like this in the mornings?”

Angela shook her head. “Nope. Only on Sundays.” She dumped some cereal in a bowl and filled it up with milk.

“Sam?” Michael’s smile was sweet. Very sweet.

“Yes.”

“Do you like snow?”

Oh, he’s good.
“I do.”

A grin appeared on Gillian’s face but she kept her eyes glued to her plate.

“I do too.”

“Well, then you’re one lucky boy. I don’t think it will stop snowing anytime soon.”

Michael bit his lip. “Would you like to go outside after breakfast?”

“Outside?” Sam tried her best to act innocent even though she was pretty sure she knew what he was up to.

He nodded “Yes.”

“I bet he wants to build a snowman. All kids do.” Angela spit out, her distaste for childish activities obvious.

“I didn’t.”

“Sure, you do.”

“Actually, I’d love to build a snowman.” Sam turned to Angela. “And maybe you could help us?”

There was no spark of interest in her eyes. “I’m not a child anymore.”

I hate puberty.
Maybe a different approach…“I saw your drawings yesterday. You’re really creative. And I think it would be cool if our snowman was different from the rest of the neighborhood. They’ll all be jealous because ours will be so much cooler.”

Angela tilted her head a bit. “How different?”

“Well, I don’t know. I’m not the creative genius here.” Sam put her fork down. “What do you think?”

The ringing of the phone stopped whatever Angela wanted to say.

“I’ll get it.” Gillian got up.

“Good morning, Margret.” Her voice definitely sounded more businesslike than usually.

“Grandma.” Angela groaned.

Tilde grimaced.

There was no way in hell that Sam would comment. Her dislike for the woman she hadn’t even met was huge but she’d keep her opinion to herself.

“No, we can’t.” Gillian shook her head. “I told you that we’ll be spending Christmas Eve and the following day at home.”

Oh. That isn’t going to go over well with the dragon lady. She kept her eyes on Gillian.

“No, Margret. We spent Thanksgiving with you. And I told you then that we’re not going to celebrate Christmas with you.”

Gillian rolled her eyes. “We’re not alone. Tilde will stay over Christmas and Sam is here.”

The voice on the other side of the phone was so loud that even Michael looked up.

Sam winced.

Angela poked her with the elbow. “Maybe we could build a snowwoman instead of a snowman.”

“That’s an interesting idea.” Maybe they could build two snowwomen who were kissing each other. Then Gillian wouldn’t need to worry about how to come out to the neighborhood. “But what about building something that—”

Gillian’s voice was louder and held a cutting edge. “Well, Margret. I’m sorry for destroying your Christmas but I won’t change our plans. The children will spend two days with you if you still want that but we’ll spend the rest of the time here as a family.”

Oh shit.
That was not going well. Sam held her breath. As much as she had been looking forward to spending Christmas here…

Gillian’s face reddened. “The children and Sam are my family and Tilde is a part of it as well.”

Sam wondered if it would help or make things worse if she got up and—

“You will have to get used to me being in a relationship with a woman. That is not going to change.” She slammed the receiver down, her breathing heavy.

Sam got up and went over to where she stood with a trembling chin. “Hey, come here.” She opened her arms and Gillian took the offer, nearly burying herself into Sam.

For a moment no one said anything. Not a sound came from the table and Sam had no idea what to say with the children in the same room.

“Hey,” Michael broke the silence. “You’re under the mistletoe. You have to kiss each other.”

Sam looked up. He was right. Well, not exactly. They stood around half a foot away from one of the sprigs Tilde has distributed throughout the house.

Gillian’s chuckle sounded a bit strained. “I don’t even want to know how my six-year old son knows about mistletoes and kissing.”

“I bet you don’t want to know what else he knows.” Sam planted a kiss on her head. “And I’m not kissing you with Angela’s eyes drilling holes in my back.”

Gillian looked up into her eyes. “I…”

Even though it hurt to form the words, she had to say it, “If it’s easier for you then I’m fine if you spend Christmas—”

“No,” Gillian tightened her jaw. “It’s not easier. I want to spend Christmas with you.”

“All right.” She smiled. “I’d love to spend Christmas here.”

Gillian took a deep breath and stepped out of the embrace. “Good. That’s settled then.” She took Sam’s hand. “Let’s finish breakfast and enjoy the day.”

“Fine with me. Let’s talk later.” Sam turned around.

Angela beamed at her. “So, about the snowwomen. What about building a movie scene? Like something out of Harry Potter?”

Michael jumped up from his chair. “Yes!”

“Cold, cold, cold.” Gillian rubbed her hands together against the chill that was invading her clothes. They had really pulled it off. A Harry Potter snowman stood next to Hermione and Dumbledore, three sticks protruding from where their arms where and pointing at a creature that could be interpreted as a cat, a dog, or a shrunken Death Eater. They had been running out of snow toward the end.

“Look at that.” Sam’s nose was as red as Michael’s and her grin matched his as well.

Tilde and Angela were putting the finishing touches on the Death Eater.

Gillian couldn’t remember the last time they had had so much fun together. “All right.” She clapped her hands. “Tilde, you take the pictures while I go and prepare the hot cocoa for us.”

“I’ll help you.” Sam followed her inside.

A few minutes later, the milk was simmering on the stove while Sam prepared coffee for Tilde and herself.

“Oh, nice and warm.” Gillian put her hands over the pot that held the milk. “I thought my hands were going to fall off.”

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, that is absolutely the most ambitious thing I’ve ever built out of snow.” She closed the distance between them, took Gillian’s hands in hers, and rubbed them gently. “How are you doing?”

There was caution in her brown eyes. Caution linked with a fear that Gillian hoped would disappear with time. “I’m doing good.” She leaned forward and put a gentle kiss on Sam’s lips, lingering for a moment. “And if I have to choose between you and someone else, something else…I’ll always choose the children and you. Always.”

“But it hurts you—the way you have to fight?”

Gillian sighed. “I’m not a fighter but I’ll never back down when it comes to you. I’ll always fight for my family.”

“I’m family?” Tears were forming in Sam’s eyes.

Gillian reached out and cupped Sam’s cheek. “Yes, you are part of the family. My family. Our family. Got it?”

“Got it.”

A touch of caution remained in Sam’s eyes. Gillian knew it would take time to build trust and prove to her that those words were not empty promises but, luckily for them, they had all the time in the world.