Heart's Desire (6 page)

And from that kiss
,
she’d know if there was any chance he could love her in return.

Her gaze returned to the beautiful mirror pendant.
There was no sign of the image she’d seen earlier.
Perhaps she’d imagined it.

Or perhaps it was a sign that her heart’s desire wasn’t as far out of reach as she’d thought.

CHAPTER THREE

“I must say, you’re looking extremely well, William,” shouted Aunt Olivia, eyeing him over a spoonful of the strawberry tarts they were enjoying for dessert after a savory meal of roasted chicken, mashed turnips, and buttery green beans. “Very fit and robust.”

William smiled across the dinner table at the cherub-faced matron.
From the moment he’d become a frequent visitor to Albright
C
ottage, she’d insisted he call her Aunt Olivia as he was “part of the family.”
Her presence in his life had helped fill the gaping void left by his mother’s death.

“Thank you, Aunt Olivia.
You’re looking very well yourself.”

She frowned and scooped up another spoonful of tart.
“Oh, yes, I had a will drawn up years ago.
It’s kept at my solicitor’s office.
No need to look for it.”

William and Callie exchanged a quick look, one filled with deep fondness for Aunt Olivia.
Then his heart ridiculously skipped a beat when Callie shot him the conspiratorial wink they’d always shared when Aunt Olivia’s conversation went astray
because of
her hearing affliction.
When he returned the gesture, Callie’s smile widened.

T
he ease with which they’d fallen into their old camaraderie shouldn’t have surprised him
,
as it had always been that way between him and Callie.
The meal had proven both fun and bittersweet
,
as the three of them had relived fond memories of times spent together.
Callie and Aunt Olivia had regaled him with tales of their travels
,
and he’d caught them up on the local happenings.
He couldn’t recall the last time he’d enjoyed a meal more.

Yet that enjoyment was marred by the knot of tension inside him.
The ache that urged him to consign convention to the devil.
To push back his chair, snatch Callie into his arms
,
and simply carry her off.
Lock them both in a room where nothing and no one, no social conventions or expectations or members of Society
,
could ever come between them.
A place where he could tell her and show her how much he wanted her.
Needed her.
Loved her.

Unfortunately
,
such a place did not exist.

With each laugh they’d shared, with each bite of food, the imaginary clock in his head ticked down, erasing another precious second of their time together.
Time that was simultaneously far too much and not nearly enough.

“He said
well
, Aunt Olivia, not will,” Callie shouted.

Aunt Olivia’s expression cleared and a pink flush stained her cheeks.
“Thank you, dear boy.
A result of all the marvelous sea air Callie and I enjoyed during our travels.
Now tell us, how is it such a healthy specimen as yourself remains unmarried?”

William’s fingers tightened on his spoon.
Because your niece is the only woman I’ve ever wanted
,
and she’s beyond my reach.
He arranged his features in a sheepish expression and heaved an exaggerated sigh.
“Alas, I fear no fair maiden will have me.
Must be all my chatter about antiques and the dust I’m forever dragging around behind me.”

“Or perhaps you simply haven’t given them the proper encouragement, dear boy.
Women aren’t mind readers
,
you know.”

William noted that Callie turned her head swiftly toward her aunt and shot her a surprised look.
Before he could decide what that was about, Aunt Olivia continued, “Well, I’m certain you’ll find the right young lady.
One who shares your passions and is intrepid enough not to be put off by a bit of dust.”
She spooned up the last bit of her tart.
“Delicious.
I shall make a point to tell Hayley she must serve tarts at your birthday party, Callie.
I only hope we’re all not too tired to enjoy the festivities.
After all, I’m certain the coronation will be most exhausting
,
and your birthday ball is the very next evening.”

William’s gaze bounced between Callie and Aunt Olivia.
“You’re attending Queen Victoria’s coronation?”
he asked, and instantly had to suppress the urge to smack his own head at the stupidity of the question.
Of course the duke and duchess and their family would be invited to the auspicious royal event.
He swallowed the humorless sound that rose in his throat.
With all the lighthearted banter this evening, he’d momentarily forgotten the massive social gulf that yawned between him and Callie, an abyss that could never be bridged.

Nothing like a casual mention of attending Queen Victoria’s coronation to slap him back to reality.

“We’re all attending,” Callie said.
Was that a note of
embarrassment he detected in her voice?
Surely not.
Surely she looked forward to the event.

“Apparently my invitation went astray,” he deadpanned.

Aunt Olivia chuckled.
“It will be a most regal occasion to be sure, but all that pomp and circumstance
—
it does tire one so.
Then the birthday festivities
…
” she shot a beaming smile at Callie.
“And soon after that, I suspect, will come an engagement announcement.”

Silence fell. William noted Callie’s sudden stiffness.
Twin flags of color bloomed on her cheeks
,
and she stared at her dessert plate, empty except for a few tiny crumbs.
A sick foreboding gripped William.
Warning bells jangled in his head
,
and icy dread slithered down his spine.

“Engagement announcement?”
he asked, wading into the silence that felt heavy and awkward.
“Who is getting engaged?”
Bloody hell, please don’t say Callie. Please don’t say
—

“Why
,
our own dear Callie,” Aunt Olivia chirped, her face wreathed in a bright smile.
“Did she not tell you?”

For several seconds
,
the entire room seemed to dim before William’s eyes, engulfing him in darkness.
Then his heart gave a painful lurch, one that continued to throb even as the rest of his body turned numb.

He blinked to clear his vision.
His gaze fastened on Callie.
The color staining her cheeks only moments ago had intensified to scarlet.
She was staring at her aunt
,
who appeared not to notice.

“No, she didn’t tell me,” he said, somehow forcing the words past the hard lump constricting his throat

“Because I’m not engaged,” Callie said in a rush.
“Nothing’s been decided.”

“Oh, but it’s only a matter of time,” Aunt Olivia said with a negligent wave of her hand.
“After all, you’re not getting any younger, my dear.
‘Tis high time you settled yourself and started a family.”
She leaned toward William as if imparting a secret.
“Callie
,
of course
,
has many admirers, but there’s one particular gentleman she favors.
And ‘tis obvious to anyone who sees them together that he favors her as well.”

“Aunt Olivia, please
…
” Callie gave a nervous
-
sounding laugh.
She turned to William.
Their gazes met.
For the space of one painful heartbeat
,
he allowed himself to look into her blue-green depths.
Then he quickly averted his eyes so she wouldn’t see the raw pain he knew he couldn’t disguise.

It required every ounce of fortitude he possessed to utter the words he’d selfishly hoped he’d never have to say to her.
“My best wishes to you and the fortunate gentleman.”

“You will
,
of course
,
come to the wedding,” continued Aunt Olivia, clearly
—and thankfully—
oblivious to the devastation he could practically feel oozing from his skin.
“It wouldn’t be the same without the presence of Callie’s dearest friend.”

Escape.
Christ Jesus
,
he had to escape.
Now.
Now
.
Before he humiliated himself.
They’d know something was amiss, but he didn’t care.
He had to get away.
He quickly pushed back his chair and stood. Muttered the first words that came into his numb brain.
Something about needing to rise extra early to pack a shipment.
The excuse sounded lame, the words rushed and hoarse, but it didn’t matter.
Nothing mattered.
Except getting the hell out.
He mumbled a hasty thank you for the meal and strode from the dining room as quickly as his unsteady legs could propel him.

“Good heavens, I hope the dear boy isn’t unwell,” Aunt Olivia’s booming declaration followed him into the corridor.
“He looked positively peaked.”

“Aunt Olivia,” came Callie’s raised voice, “why did you
—
?”

He exited the cottage, closing the door behind him, cutting off her words.

He briefly squeezed his eyes shut against the suffocating anguish.
Damn it, he’d known this day would come.
Had known it would hurt.
But the reality of it
…
actually hearing that another man loved her, that she cared for him in return, that an engagement was imminent
…
bloody hell, the pain simply stole his breath.
How was it possible to feel so gutted and empty, yet hurt so badly?

He didn’t know.
He only knew
that
this ache in his heart would worsen until it peaked on the day she married.

And then it would live with him for the rest of his life.

CHAPTER FOUR

The full moon cast a silvery glow on the path that wound through the gardens behind Albright
C
ottage.
Not that Callie required any light.
She could have navigated the acres of beloved trails with her eyes closed, using only her memory and sense of smell to guide her past the abundance of roses, lilacs, and the dozens of other plants and bushes that had flourished first under her mother’s loving hand, then Hayley’s, and now Pamela’s.

The garden normally filled her with a sense of peace, especially on nights like this, when a cool, flower-scented breeze caressed her skin and the calming silence was broken only by the occasional hoot of an owl.
But no peace infused her now.
Tonight
,
only self-reproach and despair filled her.

She’d completely failed in her mission to share a kiss with William, a bitter disappointment, especially since the evening had started with such promise.
All during dinner, as they’d reminisced and laughed and caught up with each other
’
s lives, she’d secretly counted the moments until the meal would end, when she could put her plan into action.
First a casual suggestion to stroll in the gardens, one she knew Aunt Olivia would beg off from as she disliked walking in the dark.
Then subtly steering them toward the path leading to the lake
,
where they were assured complete privacy.

Kissing William.

And finally,
finally
knowing how it felt for her lips to touch those of the man she loved.
Even if the moment ended in rejection, at least she’d have that one kiss.
And if the moment didn’t end in rejection
…
if the kiss were to ignite William’s passions
…

But then
,
to her utter horror
,
Aunt Olivia had brought up talk of an engagement.
And in a blink
,
the laughter had died along with her plans.
If she lived to be one hundred
,
she’d never forget William’s utterly blank expression after hearing
that
an engagement was imminent.
During those few seconds
when
their gazes had locked
,
she’d searched his dark brown depths for some indication of his feelings but saw only emptiness.
Then he’d turned away, as if he couldn’t bear to look at her, flooding her with despair.