Heartland (45 page)

“No, Neil. I didn't.”

“I'll be back. You'll see.” The voice was as robotic as the arm that raised the glass to his lips. He almost gargled the words. “The show is gonna bomb without me. They'll crawl back, begging. You watch.”

JayJay felt like he'd left all his air out front. There was scarcely enough left to breathe. Certainly not enough to speak proper. Hardly enough to remember how to pray. “I got a cowboy's way with words. Short and choppy.”

The actor sneered at the pool and plied his drink again. “What, you think I'm gonna offer up my trade secrets?”

“What I mean is, I . . .” JayJay stopped then. He lowered his head so he examined the glaring white pavement at his feet. “Nah, this ain't right. I'm trying to take hold of the reins myself.”

He clenched his teeth together. And prayed. Or tried to.

JayJay lifted his gaze. Neil Townsend had returned his attention to the pool, almost as though he'd forgotten JayJay was there at all. The actor's features had ballooned out to where his face looked flattened by a frying pan. A big fleshy circle that pinched up around his sunglasses, poked his mouth into a constant pout, and spilled down over a chin that had all but disappeared. The only real sign of life was the hand that lifted and lowered the glass.

JayJay started over. “I ain't got no business being here at all.”

The ice tinkled as Neil tipped his glass. “You got that right.”

“What I thought early on, how the miracle was all about me showing up, I was wrong as wrong could be. The great miracle is
not
the act of breathing life into dust. God does that with every baby that cries. He does it each dawn. We open our eyes to a gift we don't deserve and haven't earned. Another day, another hour, another
breath.”

He watched Neil drink again, then set the glass on the table and almost miss the rim. Neil shifted his head another fraction, as though even that motion required too much effort. He used a pudgy finger to push the glass back a hair. “This got a point?”

JayJay kept talking because he knew, whether or not the actor was listening, his words were being heard. “The greatest miracle is taking the emptiness of life and filling it with eternal meaning. It's an
invitation
. The King of all lets us
choose
. We're given the miracle of life and told, do with this what you will.”

The actor tilted his sunglasses up and rubbed at one eye. He dropped his hand. The glasses remained skewed.

“That's what I came here to tell you,” JayJay said. “That if you ask, God will not only restore you to life. He will give you a reason to be joyful.”

The actor might have been asleep. His chest rose and fell. The fingers of one hand twitched. His angled glasses remained focused upon the empty pool.

JayJay rose to his feet. He looked down and saw not an actor, or not just an actor. There before him sat himself. JayJay asked, “You mind if I stop by again?”

The actor remained somnolent for a time, then muttered, “Whatever.”

JayJay settled his hand upon the other man's shoulder. “Good-bye, brother.”

When he reappeared, Kelly did not bother to ask how it went. Already she knew him well enough to see in his face that he needed time to sort through the whirlwind of emotions. So all she did was take his hand and say, “Come look at what I've found us.”

She led him back to where the cul-de-sac met the main road. There a path cut through a narrow park leading to the reservoir. On the lake's other side rose a tennis club and the sound of kids playing in a pool. JayJay started to remark on how it was interesting he could not hear anything inside the actor's home. Then decided he didn't want to bring any of those shadows out here with him.

They claimed an empty lakeside bench. They sat there beneath the twin oaks and watched the setting sun turn the lake to a cauldron of molten gold. JayJay had a lot he wanted to say. But his heart was still wounded by what had gone on inside. And what he wanted to tell this lady was so important it had to wait until he was whole.

So he said the only words that could not wait. “This is one cowboy that ain't riding off into no sunset.”

Kelly took that as the sign she had been waiting for. She closed the distance between them. She gripped his hand in both of hers and drew it around her shoulders. And spoke in a voice that managed to sing and whisper, all at the same time.

“My hero.”