Heartfelt Sounds (14 page)
At the end of the corridor, sits a room with a wide door that's painted just like the others—waves crashing. Birds soaring. Sour eyes tugs at the high collar of Rin's tunic and Rin raises a hand that turns into a fist. It knocks upon the door, tenderly, before his knock becomes a crashing slam.
“Kokoros?”
“Behind us, sir.” Sour eyes replies as Rin turns towards me. Beckons me with a quick arm as he holds my rolled up mat in the other. “Would you like his things?”
“Leave me. Take it, burn it, I don't care. Leave. Let the Kokoros boy stay.”
And the men turn on their heels without another word. Their pace is fast as they leave, rushing down the beautifully painted hallway with long hair floating behind them like capes.
“Kokoros?”
the voice says behind the door.
“They're gone, sir.” I tell him and the door cracks open slightly. A head pops out before a hand follows. It grabs me, pulls me inside. Brings me into a hug.
“Naia…” Hana's voice and she's crying as I freeze. As she lays her cheek upon my shoulder and holds me tightly—tears falling from her eyes. Dampening the sleeve of my threadbare tunic as she cries. As she holds me tighter and I find my arms circling around her. Embracing her as I lay my chin upon her trembling shoulder. As I listen to her sobs. To her choking cries.
A chilling wind kicks me and my eyes rove to the far end of her room as she holds me. I see two sliding doors have been pushed open to let in the cold. A wooden lip juts out and snow blows in.
Hana pulls me away.
“You're safe now.” she tells me, weary eyes smiling. “I've finally done it—gotten the paperwork through and moved you. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry you were down there for so long—you probably thought I had forgotten about you. That I hated you—
oh, Naia!
I've missed you. I thought everyone was dead, and ever since that night…”
I look at her. New lines have appeared on a face that was once young. Frown lines. Lines wrought in stress and pain. “Hana, I'm fine.” I tell her. “Truly and…” my strength dissolves, the tears come but I fight through them. My voice becomes wobbly, but I fight. “…I thought—maybe you wanted nothing to do with me and the past and the
Orthella—,”
“Oh—don't even speak about that place! Gosh, Naia. It's gone. Everything and everyone is
gone.
It's just us, now. It's just us.” and she embraces me again—tighter. Her voice hollow as she whispers into my ear. “I told you that I'd bring you back, and I lied. I told you the Orthella would always be your home, and I lied. But now—now that you're here and I've got some power, I'll never let you go again. You were right—
I should have saved you.
But now I can, Naia. Now I
can.”
And she pulls me away, looks at me. Hana's smile is broken, cracked. “I'll never let anyone take you from me again.
Never.
You will be my shadow in
everything.
And—by the Fates—I will
never
let anyone take you away from me, Naia.
I swear it
.”
I am exhausted. Spent. And Hana leads me towards her bed of white linen stuffed with comfy goose down when she notices my tiredness. My inability to keep my eyelids open. The bed is a cloud when I lay upon it. A cloud that swallows me. Comforts me. And when Hana moves to close the open doors to her balcony, my eyes are already fluttering downwards. Closing. My breathing stills when I feel a cool palm lay itself upon my forehead. When I feel gentle lips kiss me.
“I have appearances to keep up.” Hana tells me, murmurs to me. Her lips barely moving as I fight sleep. “You may call for a bath—food—anything you like. You are in my care now, Naia, and I shall make sure the whole of Tsubame knows this. From now on, you are under my protection.” and she kisses my forehead again, brushes her lips against my skin. “Sleep well, child.”
She leaves before I can reply. Before I can whisper a slurred, “
Thank you.”
This is like being home again, being coddled to sleep by a bed that engulfs me. By warmth and the beauty that surrounds me. I imagine that we are songstresses again and I am sleeping the day away as I often did after an exhausting performance. I imagine that my hair is back and that my zither is whole. I imagine that I never met Akane and the others—and suddenly, tears spring to my eyes.
Meeting them was a gift. A joy I shall never relive again, but a gift all the same. They were a part of me—
are
a part of me, I realize. Akane—she is my strength. Shanti, my patience. Chima is my happiness and Nyx—she is my friendliness. Together, they have changed me. Made me who I am now—made it possible for me to move through horrible things and come out as I am. Whole. I am whole and at peace because of them.
And I would not change that—despite what has happened, despite them leaving this world and going on to the next—I would never change that. I must never forget them. Never.
You focus on the bad, but now you must revel in the good.
And so much good has happened to you.
So
much.
Rejoice in it.
And I do. With my head to the stuffed linen pillow, I smile.
I smile, because I am new.
…
I wake to the noontime sun spilling over the dark wooden floorboards. Hana has yet to return and I breathe with a start. A sharp gasp. I think I'm a scullion again and that I've woken up too early—
again, again—I need to sleep!
But the anxiety creeps away. Curls away from me, and I realize where I am. I realize who keeps me.
I move to the edge of the bed and find three wooden blocks lined up near the pillow. Water, steam unfurling from a round bowl of blue, is carved into one block. A porcelain bowl of rice in the other. In the third, I see fire and immediately swipe that one away. It skids across the floor with a hiss. Rams into the far wall with a
clack
and stops. Stills as I shimmer at it. As I stare.
I take the water block to the room's entrance. With a grunt, I pull at the door's handle but it doesn't budge. I think Hana has locked me in until I notice a wooden latch reaches out and clasps onto an indent in the door's archway. I undo the latch and slide open the door with the block in my hand. When I place it to the floor, a pale hand quickly scoops it up.
I look up into Rin's young face. “We'll bring you clothing as well, sir.” and he bows. Turns on his heel. Floats down the painted corridor like a ghost.
The bed at my back calls to me and I find myself lazing in it once again. I wonder what Hue's up to. Around this time we'd break for his little hideaway at the top of the castle. We'd think and we'd enjoy the silence—but he broke it, I remember. And I blink. I remember his words. His hatred for Lord Hinata and his nightingale.
Is Lord Hinata the man whose returning? Or does the Dawnlord lay claim to this castle?
Could they be one? Are they the same person?
I shake my head at the thought—
no. Hue was clear that they were two different entities. Two equally evil people.
My hair bristles at the thought—at the thought of meeting
either
of those evil men.
They were the ones who took your home. Who took your sisters.
But who was I to swear vengeance? Would Akane want that? Would Shanti?
No—
and I shake my head as the large door at my back is thrown open. As water sloshes from a large silver basin held by two servants who amble in. Rin stalks behind them, following. His arms are curved around expensive silky garments meant for someone worth more than me. Meant for a noble. A king. But he places them at my feet as I bring myself up to standing near the bed. He places them at my feet and bows deeply, his forehead almost touching the floor. “Please, take these.” and he whips thick white bandages from a pocket in his drop sleeve. I hold my hands out and he layers them upon me. “B-by order of the seneschal.”
I look at the collection of linen strips and raise an eyebrow as I bring my gaze back to Rin.
Who blushes.
“B-bindings.”
he whispers. His voice hoarse.
“For your…”
his eyes fall to my chest.
He knew?
My eyes widen.
Rin lowers his head once more. Whispers:
“Your secrets are safe with the seneschal's aides.”
And leaves. Towing the servants along with him after they drop the silver basin at the head of my bed.
Who else?
My mind screams.
Who else knows?
But I undress. I slip into the water and my worries fade away.
Did it matter? Did anything matter anymore?
My answer is as uncertain as the water filling around me as I wash. As I cleanse myself with soap the color of ginger and wince as the slippery bar bites at the emblem on my forearm. The water hisses when I drop my arms back into its darkening body. When I relax, I look up.
I was lucky. My chest never fully came in—it was easy to hide. To bunch my tunics up at the torso and hide what nature's given me.
But my face.
I remember Hue's remarks—his joking words,
Keep giving the guys eyes like that and we'll really begin to wonder.
Did he know? Did Hue simply ignore it?
Hue was a friend. A good friend. But the others—could they have guessed?
Yes,
comes my answer.
They certainly could have.
But you have been lucky.
I have. Haven't I?
And I relax into the water until the sun moves across the floorboards, marking the time. Warning me of the encroaching evening. I pull myself from the basin, then. My skin pruny, but clean. Fresh and renewed.
New—I feel new.
And I move to the bindings I left near my clothing. Wrap them around my chest. Once. Twice. I tighten them and the air rushes from me—it's like I'm wearing a corset—and I wince at the memory of Yarne introducing them to the girls of the Orthella. I smile at how quickly they fell out of style.
The girls like obis,
I remember her shrugging.
They're corsets in every right,
I told her,
except obi's are filled with beauty.
I smile when I remember her smirk. Her crossed arms and cocked head.
You're a wise one,
she told me,
and a child in every way.
I laughed. I laugh now and feel a sharp pain in my chest when I pull the bindings tighter, tying them in a small knot near the back of my midsection. I move to the clothing and slip on a long tunic of rushing silk and loose breeches of twinkling gold. A phoenix plays on the collar of the tunic, wrapping its wings down the breeches and soaring it's way near my ankles. When I slip on a robe of white, I feel warm. When my feet find black slippers, I feel like I should leave. Like I should move around.
I think to find Hue, and I leave the room. The wide painted corridor rushes by me as people bow to me. As officials make haste to move out of my way. I blush at the sudden importance my aura brings. At the sudden reverence and respect the people of Tsubame show to me, when just a day ago I was the lowest of the low—a scullion—and they couldn't have cared less. They couldn't have thought less of me.
Do they remember that person? Kokoros, the scullion? Do they remember who I was?
I meet confused glances as others bow low. I meet shocked eyes and twisted lips, but they too bow. They too accept the newfound importance of my station—whatever it may be. And I give them curt nods in passing as I find my way to the highest level of the castle in search of Hue's hideaway. I pass the eastwing kitchens and almost trip over a yellow haired cook who springs to standing, hands at his sides.
“Apologies, sir!” and his eyes narrow. A brow raises. “…scullion?”
I find myself shrugging. Rushing past him as if I am embarrassed at my sudden change of station. I find the dead-end hallway and search for the string Hue always pulls that's somewhat invisible. My fingers slide down what feels like harsh silk before I find it. Before I pull and a ladder opens up for me. Slides towards me and I pull myself up the wooden rugs. When my hands touch stone, I pull myself up and bring the ladder with me, closing the hole beneath me.
I look towards the wide archway and am met by two harsh stares.
Sharp yellow eyes narrow. “Is that you…Kokoros..?”
I brush the dust from my breeches. I meet his gaze and cross my arms as Hue stares. “Yes.” the reply is strange to me. My body wants to come to attention, but I don't let it.
“And what have
you
become?”
“Isn't it
obvious?”
Hue hisses. Averts his eyes and stares down. “The seneschal has taken him in—look! He's wearing his colors!”
“Oboro?” and Badger spits. Hawks a wad of green phlegm off the side of the building. “Bet you're sleeping in his bed, aren't you Kokoros? He's a boy lover, that one. Probably saw you and thought he's finally found one who'll never grow old.”
“You know those are only rumors—but…” Hue looks at me, lowers his gaze and shakes his head. “…did Oboro really take you, Kokoros? Has he…”
I clench my jaw—unable to say anything.
“Kokoros probably
likes it—,”
My gaze snaps to Badger. “Oboro?”
Hue sighs. “The seneschal. The man who probably took you from us. You're wearing his colors—did you meet him this morning, Kokoros? Remember the man you choked in the stalls?”
Badger guffaws. “Bet he's into that stuff!”
Hana—Oboro. Of course.
“Yes, I did. Oboro is an…old friend.” and my shoulders relax as Badger chokes out a laugh. “I knew him in Felicity.”
“Talk about luck.” Badger's voice as he approaches me. As he swats me out of the way and moves to let the ladder free again. “Kokoros.” Badger gives me a curt nod before moving his gaze to Hue, “Look out for those damned starlings,” he grunts. I watch Hue freeze, “they're flying pretty low tonight.” Both men exchange a nod.
Badger lets himself out. Closes the floor and leaves us.
Silence pervades. It's like Hue's forgotten who I am as he hangs his head.
“How are things?” I try, knowing it's barely been a day. “Are you two bird watching tonight?” I tease.
Hue moves to sit. Hangs his legs off the edge of the stone lip like he's always done, though he makes no move to speak. I sigh and find myself sitting near him, swaying my legs off the edge of the stone. Peering up into a sky that's gone gray and always hanging over us. Warning us of rain. Of snow. Below, snow still coats sections of the roof but most of it's been wiped away by the sun. Burnt away by heat that's gone now. Ducked behind a barrier of overwhelming clouds.
