Heartbreak Ranch (17 page)

She wouldn't have to wonder long. Harley was speaking again, expansive after satisfying his appetite. “I heard from your ex-husband, did I tell you that?”

Her attention snapped back to him. “Andrew? When? Why?”

He wrinkled his brow. “Oh, it must have been a couple of weeks ago. Called me up and asked for money, of all things.”

Something twisted in her stomach then, a quick, nauseating turn. “He called me, too. When I turned him down, he must have been desperate.”

Harley snorted. “Desperate is right. Never did care much for the boy and I told him so. As if I'd give him the time of day after what he did.”

“Well.” She drew in a deep breath. “I'm glad you
didn't agree to help him. Andrew is going to have to make some hard decisions and pay for the mistakes he's made.”

His hand slipped inside his pocket and he withdrew a slim cheroot. Putting it to his lips and lighting it, he inquired, “Can you get me an ashtray?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Annie still doesn't like people smoking in the house.”

He aimed a winning smile at her and blew out a stream of smoke. “Let's not tell her, then.”

A laugh gusted out of her. He was incorrigible, always would be. The rules had never applied to Harley Buchanan. She'd passed the time when she believed they ever would. She rose and took out a small bowl to place in front of him. He reached for it, running a finger around the rim in a quick, restless motion that spoke of nerves or boredom. Since he hadn't been here long enough to max out even his attention span, she had to assume it was the former. Her eyes narrowed.

“Something on your mind, Harley?”

His gaze was startled, a bit guilty. “Me? No. I do have something to tell you, though.” He set the bowl twirling in a dizzying motion. “I got myself married again.”

Of all the things he could have said, she thought this one was the most unexpected. Clutching the back of a chair, she said weakly, “Married? When?”

“Last week. Mona—I mentioned her the last time we talked, didn't I?—she said let's do it, and I thought, why not.” He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “I've been alone a long time. We enjoy the same things.” He inhaled and expelled a line of smoke. “That's why I have to hurry back. We're going on a honeymoon in a few days.”

Comprehension filtered belatedly through her shock. Mona must have been the bodacious babe he'd had to get
back to, cutting short their last phone conversation. “Congratulations. When am I going to meet her?”

“Oh, soon,” he said vaguely. “Since this was going to be such a quick trip there wasn't really time for her to prepare to come. And she's busy selling her business so she can travel with me. She has a liquor supply company. That's how I met her, at the Flamingo in Vegas.”

“Well.” Julianne sat down and took a deep breath. “I hope this works out for you. I want you to be happy.” Sincerity laced her words. Harley had been searching for something for as long as she could remember. She hoped for his sake that he'd found it.

He looked relieved and reached over to pat her hand. “Exactly what I've always wanted for you. Now, why don't you tell me what your plans are. You're not going to hole up on the ranch indefinitely, are you?”

A sudden thought struck her then. “Why? Are you and Mona thinking of living here?”

“Us?” He looked amazed. “No. Of course not.”

Of course not. She shook her head slightly to clear it.

“I've decided that I'll be going back to the university to finish my degree. Then I guess I'll get a job.”

“Well, that's fine then.” He beamed at her, as pleased as if he'd made the decision himself. “You landed on your feet just like I knew you would. You'll do well in whatever you try. You're smart,” he said, pointing the cheroot at her. “And you're lucky, too. That's a damn near unbeatable combination.” He put the cigar back in his mouth and puffed furiously. “I told Jed he was worrying for nothing, but he insisted I tell you about the deal.” Shaking his head, he leaned over and tapped the cigar's ashes into the bowl.

Something in the word made her go still. “The…deal?”

“To sell the ranch.” He managed to look both abashed and charming. “I kind of had a slump for a while. Oh, I
won some, but it just seemed like I lost it faster than I could win it back.” He shook his head reflectively. “I haven't had a streak that sour for years. Hope I never do again.”

His ruminations failed to penetrate her shell-shocked brain. She couldn't focus on any words beyond the first ones. Dimly she realized that Jed had stepped into the room, but her attention was focused on her father. “You're…” Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat before trying again. “You're selling the ranch?”

His gaze searched the room, couldn't seem to find a place to land. “The fact is, Julianne…I've already sold it.”

His words punched through her with the force of a fist, sending her senses reeling. Her lungs constricted, couldn't seem to draw in oxygen.

“You promised.” The words were strangled, all but inaudible. Certainly Harley didn't seem to hear them.

“I was in a real bad way, honey. And the fact was, I wasn't ever going to live on the ranch again. It was a business decision. You understand.”

She stared at him with no acknowledgment of his wheedling tone.
You understand.
The words could have been echoes from the past, back to haunt her.

“I know I promised I'd be back for your play, baby, but something's come up…I can't make it to your concert after all…I'm just not going to get back in time for your graduation, honey…you understand….”

“Who?” She barely recognized the dull voice as her own. “Who did you sell it to?”

For the first time Jed spoke, and his words completed her descent into utter despair.

“He sold it to me.”

T
he only sound in the awful stillness of the room was the nervous tapping of Harley's fingers against the stoneware bowl. Julianne stared at Jed for long moments. His face was a hard, grim mask. There was no doubting the truth of his words. And no denying the rush of bitterness that nearly swamped her.

“When?” Her gaze swung back to pin Harley's, and he shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the emotional-laden question. “Not long ago. Before the divorce, wasn't it, Jed?” He lobbed the ball neatly back into the other man's court and breathed a distinct sigh of relief when his daughter's attention shifted away from him.

“It was a few weeks before Andrew's arrest,” Jed affirmed. His eyes were steady on hers, and she could read nothing in their gray depths. “Harley called and told me he was planning to list the ranch with a Realtor.” His voice carefully blank, he added, “He took me by surprise.”

Julianne pressed a hand to her stomach, hoping to quiet the nerves grinding there. “Yes. He's good at that.” She made no attempt to mask her resentment. She doubted she could have done so, at any rate. It bubbled and churned inside her with violent intensity.

She looked down at the table and struggled to keep her voice level. “If you were that desperate for money, Harley, why didn't you come to me?”

“Now, Julianne.” His voice was too hearty, too sincere.

“What were you going to do about it? I didn't need a loan, I needed cash. A lot of it. And the truth is, I knew you wouldn't be able to get your hands on it. Andrew was losing it faster than I was at the time.” He lifted a shoulder. “Word travels in my circle, especially about that kind of money.”

Yes, no one knew better than she that word did, indeed, travel quickly. The fact that her father had heard before she had about the speed with which her ex-husband had spiraled out of control brought one more stab of pain in her chest.

“So you decided to put the ranch on the market.”

He nodded, obviously pleased at her composure. “I was ready to do what had to be done, but Jed here was having none of it.” He slid a quick, wary glance at the silent man.

“He made me an offer I couldn't refuse.”

“Yes, I'll just bet he did.” The words tasted as bitter as they sounded. Once Harley had stated his decision to sell, Jed would have made sure he'd be the only buyer considered. His inheritance must have been sizable. The down payment alone on a place this size would have been a fortune. And she already knew how important the ranch was to him, didn't she? Her gaze traveled to the man watching her silently. It hurt to look at him. The shock of
her father's announcement had settled into a throbbing wound that threatened to tear at any instant.

Harley slipped unnoticed from the room. “You should have told me.” Her words were flat, cold.

“It was your father's decision,” Jed said evenly. “I figured he should tell you himself. He owed you that much.”

“How incredibly noble.” Propelled to move, she rose from the chair and circled the table. “As if it would make a difference who I heard it from. It doesn't matter. The ranch is
gone.
” She propped her hands flat on the table to steady legs that had suddenly gone weak. The deep breath she took seemed to rasp through her lungs. “It's gone. After all his promises, all this time…” She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to keep the dangerous emotion caged inside.

“I told Harley you'd take it hard.”

Her spine stiffened at the rough edge of sympathy in his words. Her eyes opened to flash at him. “You let me babble on like an idiot about Harley coming back here to live, and you never said a word about it. I should have guessed, I suppose, when you explained all the money you were putting into the ranch, but you said you'd taken care of it with Harley, and I thought…” She broke off then. What she'd thought, hoped, was that Jed had worked some magic on her father and found a way to keep the ranch safe. And in Jed's mind, maybe that's exactly what he had done. At least he'd kept it safe for himself.

Tears scalded her eyes and she longed to scream, to smash something. No doubt that was exactly what Harley had feared when he'd made his surreptitious exit. Never one to face the unpleasantries of life, he'd made his escape when he could.

Jed reached for her then, a gesture she avoided. She felt
as fragile as century-old glass, afraid she'd shatter at a touch. He seemed to be searching for words. “I know it's a shock.”

She gave a slow nod. “I'll just bet you do. It came as a shock to you when he started selling off land, didn't it? Kind of shook that nice, secure little niche you have in the world.” She saw his eyes narrow and was fiercely satisfied to have forced a reaction. “How convenient that he decided to sell after you'd come in to a substantial amount of money. Convenient for you, anyway.”

The ice in his voice matched the chill in his eyes. “If you're suggesting that I pushed him to the idea, you're way off base.”

“Am I?” she asked recklessly. The disappointment and bitterness frothed and crashed like white water within her.

“Do you honestly expect me to believe that you're unhappy with the way things turned out? Now you have everything you've always wanted.” She turned a blinding smile on him, all the more bright for being completely detached. “The whole place is yours now, and yours alone. If I'm not mistaken, that's precisely the way you like things.”

 

Dawn was spilling soft pastels across the Montana sky. Julianne sipped her third cup of coffee, watching the hues bloom above the horizon. With a mental click she freeze-framed the image, storing the memory away, for a time when memories were all she had left of the H/B.

The thought sent sudden pain piercing the dull ache in her chest. Sleep had been impossible, so she'd had plenty of time to think last night. Plenty of time for regrets.

The hostility between Jed and Andrew had kept her from returning with her husband for another visit after that first disastrous one. She'd never trusted Andrew alone
enough to chance a trip back by herself. But she'd always known the ranch was here for her. There had been comfort in that. Now even that was to be denied her.

She heard Harley's stealthy steps before she saw him. She let him reach for a coffee mug, pour it full before she spoke.

“You're up early, Dad.”

He jolted, splashing the coffee over the rim of the mug he'd lifted halfway to his lips. “Julianne.” Dismay was evident in his voice. “I didn't expect to see you up.”

“I'm sure you didn't.”

He wrapped both big hands around the mug and trained his gaze on it. “You didn't used to get up until full morning.”

She didn't bother to remind him that he was no expert on her habits. They hadn't spent any amount of time in the same house for more than a decade. “I didn't sleep last night.”

He peered at her. “And you look exhausted. Why don't you head on upstairs? Get yourself a nap.”

She nodded toward the bag he'd dropped to the floor beside him. “Planning on leaving soon?” She already knew the answer to her question. He'd planned on sneaking out like a thief in the night. But unlike a thief, who would have only relieved them of their possessions, he'd stripped her of the one remaining illusion she'd still had about him.

Forced heartiness in his voice, he replied, “Got an early flight. Didn't want to bother anyone. I'll drive myself back to the airport. Next time we'll have us a nice long visit. Maybe you can come and stay with me and Mona for a while sometime.”

Julianne traced the edge of her mug with a fingertip.
Her tone polite, she asked, “When, Dad? When should I come?”

“When?” Surprise filtered the word. “Well, sometime after the honeymoon, maybe. Of course, we don't really have us a place yet. Maybe when we get settled.” His voice grew smoother. “I'll let you know. We'll have us a real good visit soon, though.” He drained his coffee and stood up, reaching for his bag. “But right now I better run if I'm going to catch that flight.”

Her words were level, but there was no mistaking their command. “Sit down.”

His face went slack with surprise. “What?”

“I said sit down. I'm not going to make it easy for you this time.”

Harley set his bag down again, but then didn't seem to know what to do with his hands. They opened and closed reflexively, before he wiped them down his pant legs. Slowly, gingerly, he reseated himself. “What's this all about, Julianne?”

She surveyed him with clear eyes and a heavy heart. This man was her father, although the occasions he'd acted like one were rare. He'd relinquished his parenting responsibilities so he could follow wherever his addiction had taken him. Yet, she knew he cared about her, in his own way. He'd always failed miserably at showing it.

“I love you.” She watched the unease flicker on his face and felt an overwhelming sadness, for both of them.

“I don't remember the last time I told you that. The last time I had a chance to.”

He reached over awkwardly and patted her hand. “I know. I feel the same way. We don't need to talk about these things.”

“Yes, I think we do.” Fatigue was beginning to make itself known, but it was an exhaustion of the spirit and the
mind, owing nothing to the physical. “I think we haven't talked about these things for too long now.”

Squirming on the chair, he said, “Julianne, let's wait and do this another time. Sometime when you're not so tired.”

She looked down. “You mean sometime when I wouldn't make the kind of scene you hate.” She raised her gaze to meet his. “I don't think so. I've spent my whole life keeping my feelings from you, because emotions make you uncomfortable. I thought shielding you from them would draw you closer. It never did.”

As if he finally realized he wasn't going to escape this time, his big body slumped a little in his chair. “You always wanted so much, Julianne. I could never give you enough. You always wanted more.”

She'd thought there was no more room for hurt to spread through her. She'd been wrong. “Too much what? Too much love, too much attention? You made me feel that way. Don't make demands, don't make any unpleasant scenes. I think that's why I asked for so little in my life, from myself and from my marriage.”

He raised his head. “You can't blame me for that.”

“Yes, Dad, as a matter of fact, I can.” The three cups of coffee weren't quite enough fortification for her to get through this. It took all the inner strength she had to continue. She knew if she didn't now, she never would. “I was so used to settling for the crumbs you could spare me, I got to where I didn't think I could ask for more. Well, that was wrong.
You
were wrong. It's not greedy for me to want to be loved unconditionally. We all deserve that.”

She let her gaze drift away. If she had to look at him, she knew she couldn't finish. And if she didn't finish this, they could never start over. “You've disappointed me over the years. Time and again, when you'd put a game or a
race ahead of me. But nothing has ever hurt me as badly as your selling the ranch. It was the one promise you'd made to me that you'd kept. Until now.”

There was a shake in his voice that reminded her that he was no longer a young man. “Baby, I explained that. I had to have the money. You were a little girl when I made that promise. How was I to know you'd feel the same way now?”

“You couldn't.” Tears burned behind her eyes, but she refused to shed them. “Because you never asked. Don't pretend that you even considered my feelings. I know you too well. All you thought of was what you needed…your addiction.” She drew an unsteady breath, glad this was almost at an end. “But you can't hurt me anymore, Harley. The one advantage of hitting rock bottom is that there's nowhere left to fall. You can't disappoint me anymore because there are no more promises left to break.” Her smile was wavery. “That should be a relief for both of us.”

She didn't say anything else; she couldn't. She watched as her father rose, as if suddenly old, and hesitate. Finally, without another word, he reached for his bag and walked out the door.

The cloud of dust from his departure still lingered in the air when Jed stepped into the room.

“Was that Harley leaving?”

Julianne swallowed around the hard knot in her throat and nodded.

He poured himself some coffee and sipped at it, his gray gaze surveying her over the rim. “He didn't stay long.”

A humorless laugh escaped from her. “Did you expect any differently? He put this scene off as long as he possibly could. It will be months before I hear from him again.”

He sat down opposite her. “I take it you gave him an earful.”

There was no stopping the tears now. A weighty knot of remorse lingered in her stomach. “I shouldn't have said what I did to him. What difference does it make, anyway? It doesn't change anything.” Her breath hitched once, then she reached up and swiped the tears away with a furious motion. “Nothing will change what's been done.”

He made a move toward her, then checked himself, as if knowing his touch would be unwelcome. One large hand clenched into a fist. “I didn't do it to hurt you, Julianne.”

“I believe you.”

He raised his gaze, met hers. “Really?”

She refused to consider the hopefulness tracing through the word. “Of course. You never considered how I'd feel about you buying the ranch, because you never considered me for a second when Harley approached you. Just as he didn't. All either of you concentrated on was what you needed.” She felt purged, empty, as if the quick bout of scalding tears had flooded away all feeling. She welcomed the numbness. It was a relief from the jangle of emotion that had gripped her for the last twelve hours. She knew it wouldn't last. Nothing ever did.