Heart Waves (15 page)

“Does she know?” Grace asked when Reece started the engine.

He looked at me and grinned, “Not yet.”

“Know what?”

“Where we’re going, silly?” Grace answered.

“Where are we going?”

“I told you she wouldn’t notice,” Mike snickered.

More than a week passed since I confronted Mike, and we hadn’t spoken since. I turned to snap at him and tell him to go jump off a roof, when I started to catch on. Mike had a Yankee Jersey on and Grace wore a Yankee hat. I looked at Reece in his favorite Derek Jeter tee shirt and it all came together.

“No way.”

“Don’t worry,” Mike teased, “we’ll explain so you can keep up.”

Reece gave my hand a squeeze. I think he just wanted to keep me from jumping in the back and pounding Mike’s face with my fist. I took it for what it was, a jab at my disinterest in sports.

“Ha
ha
.”
I answered. “Explain all you want, but I’ll be the one going home with a ball.”

“Yeah, right,” Mike rolled his eyes.

“You’ll see,” I teased and gave him my best evil smile.

Being at the new stadium was so exciting I didn’t mind being part of the Bleacher Creature. What the backless seats lacked in comfort, they made up for in fun: chanting the player names at the beginning of the game, starting the wave, and cheering louder than any other section of the ballpark.

The ultimate highlight happened late in the game. People started pushing, cramming closer in the already confined area. Hands flew in front of my face, I thought I might lose an eye, so I ducked, using my arms to shield my head. Reece fought through the onslaught and emerged from the frenzy with Robinson Cano’s game winning homerun ball. A punctuation mark on a perfect day!

Everything with Reece was perfect. A prickling sensation ran down my back each time that thought popped into my head, because of the one thing I knew about perfection. It’s an illusion.

*                       *                       *

I felt myself baking in the sun and rolled onto my stomach. Reece lie on his side, propped up on his elbow. He smiled at me as he reached over and brushed my arm lightly with his fingertips.

“You okay?” He asked, “You’re awfully quiet.”

“What are you trying to say, I talk a lot?” I joked.

“No. You seem preoccupied. I’m curious what you’re thinking,” he ran his fingers down the side of my face.

“I’m thinking this has been the best summer of my life. And it’s all because of you. I’m just wondering how I got so lucky.”

It was true. I’d never had such fun before in my life. Each day with Reece was an adventure.
Even the nights we stayed home and played board games or went swimming, or just got lost staring onto each other’s eyes.

Reece moved closer, he leaned over and wrapped his free arm around my waist. I felt my entire body tingle. I nestled my head in the crook of his arm and inhaled deeply. He smelled like a mixture of the ocean and sun block.
Heaven.

“I’m the lucky one,” his eyes bore into mine. “I’m honored you chose to be with me.”

“Like I had a choice,” I said losing myself in his large brown eyes. They were so warm and expressive. “I didn’t get the feeling you were going to give up.”  

“I wasn’t.” He stared at me with a peaceful look on his face. His eyes dropped to the sand like a shy little boy. “I do have to admit though, I’m a little nervous.”

“Why?” He piqued my interest.

“There’s something I want to say to you,” he moved his hand from my waist to the back of my neck.

Fear took over. From nowhere any icy chill ran through me. The most frustrating part, I couldn’t understand why. I moved up to meet his lips. I entwined my fingers in his hair and pulled him down with urgency. I needed to stop him from speaking.   

At first he gave in to the kiss, his hands on a voyage, his body pressing against mine. I felt him tense as he slowly broke
away ,breathing
heavy. He rested his forehead against mine and looked at me with smoldering eyes. “You’re not making this easy. You have no idea what that does to me,” he said in a deep throaty voice.

“Good.” I smiled back inviting him, daring him to show me. Again I leaned in.

“You trying to shut me up or something?”

I broke free of his embrace and sat up. “That’s ridiculous,” I said, hoping I could convince him.

He shook his head, “No. There’s something going on. I wish you would tell me.”

How could I tell him what I couldn’t put into words? What I couldn’t comprehend? I only knew I couldn’t let him tell me he loved me. Not until I figured out why when he wanted to say those
words.I
felt incredible pain in my chest.

I pressed my lips together into a thin line before I decided to speak again. “What happened with Rebecca?” I asked.

Talk about your mood killer.

He let go of me and sat up, his eyes went from friendly and playful to dark and stormy. “Jenna, where is this coming from?”

I hesitated before answering uncertain myself. I looked away, afraid to meet his eyes. “You never talk about her. You never even told me what happened.”

“Why would I talk about her?
Especially to you.”
He looked annoyed.

The question made sense. Part of me didn’t want to know. Hearing details of their relationship would certainly make me jealous or insecure, especially with him moving back on campus in a couple of weeks. But there was a pull, something that made me feel it was important to understand why they broke up. As if it would somehow affect me.

“I just . . .” I tried to find some reason he would deem acceptable, “You’ll be going back to school soon and I’m worried, I guess.”

Reece got up and walked away. He headed to the shore line. I didn’t move at first. I watched him stand there. He crossed his arms over his chest and I wondered what was going through his mind. I knew I should go to him, but what could I say? I wanted to know. What started as mild curiosity swelled into an all-out-
need.

The longer I sat and did nothing, the less likely I would get what I wanted. I didn’t like the feeling I got sitting by myself watching him, like this was a precursor of things to come. I felt very alone. I tried to shake it, to tell myself I imagined this strange feeling.

I knew I didn’t.

I jogged down to the hard sand where Reece had taken a seat. I kneeled down behind him and threw my arms around his chest. He didn’t move other than to place a hand on top of mine.

I kissed his shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

“Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?” he asked.

“For bringing up bad memories.
It obviously upset you.”

He took my arms off him and gently pulled me from behind him, around to his lap. I sat and wrapped my arms around his neck, finding nothing but sadness in his beautiful brown eyes.

“That’s what I thought.” He shook his head, “I’m not upset because I’m thinking about her.”

“You’re not?” I asked.

“No.” He smoothed the back of my hair. “I’m upset because you don’t trust me.”

“That’s not true. I trust you completely.”

“You still think I’m going to hurt you.

I leaned my forehead against his. I thought about denying it, but I knew he’d see through me. I pressed my lips against his.

“Just let me say it,” he sounded so sad. “Maybe then I could convince you.”

I shook my head. “It’s too soon. We’ve been together for what a month?”

“But I know what’s in my heart, how I feel about you. I’ve never felt this way.
About anyone.
Time won’t change that. It will only get stronger.”

I picked up one of his hands and entwined my fingers with his. “Not until you tell me about her, about what happened. Okay?”

“You’re giving me a condition?” His eyes flashed with anger, “Are you kidding? Do you know how many girls have wanted to hear what I have to say? Do you have any idea what
Becca
would’ve given for me to have said it to her? And you don’t want to hear it?”

“I do.” I answered quietly.
“Just not now.”
He didn’t get it.

My sudden need to know about their relationship had been driven by something coming together in my mind.
A vision.
I hear Rebecca’s name, Reece tells me he loves me, and then a flood of tears.
For both of us.
We are both heartbroken. If only I could keep him from telling me until I figure it all out, maybe we could avoid the pain.

Reece cleared his throat and pulled me off his lap. He stood and helped me up. We walked back to our towels, but nothing felt easy or tranquil. The serenity had been tossed away with the waves. Fear, anger and silence all were left in the wake of what started out as a beautiful day.

*                       *                       *

The drive home seemed to last forever. He didn’t reach for my hand or glance in my direction. We didn’t even talk.

At all.

I felt terrible. I hurt him. That was never my intention. I wished I could make him understand they were only words and they didn’t matter. And although he didn’t say it, I knew he loved me. I knew it like I knew my reflection. His actions, the way he looked at me and his touch. They spoke much louder than words ever could.

He parked in front of Mike’s house and walked me home. Neither of us looked at the other. Everything between us felt broken. He kissed me on my forehead before he turned to leave.  

“Reece, wait!” I called, afraid he’d continue on his way.

He turned back and looked at me with pain in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I ran forward and threw my arms around him. He accepted the embrace and after he let out a loud breath I felt him relax. “Try to understand, it’s a vision. I’ve never had one before. I’m just trying to figure it out.”

He nodded.

“Will you be back later?” I asked, afraid of the answer.

He shook his head, “I don’t know. I need to spend some time alone.
Thinking.”

I felt sick. I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t believe I ruined everything.

“Thinking?”
I felt certain he could see fear and panic in my eyes.  

Again he nodded. “I need to sort some stuff out.”

I felt like an inflated balloon someone let go of before tying it.

“Oh,” I said, looking down disheartened.

He lifted my chin with his index finger, “I’ll call you later. I promise.” He kissed me on top of my head and walked away.

I watched him walk back to Mike’s house, my arms crossed over my stomach, without moving, until Reece disappeared through the front door. I couldn’t lose him. I loved him too much.

I reminded myself people argue or fight, or whatever we did
,  and
the world doesn’t end. They work through it. I didn’t allow myself to consider Reece wouldn’t come back. I knew he would.

*                       *                       *

After dinner when I tossed in the last load of laundry, my third of the day, without being asked, my mother looked worried. Her forehead creased and her eyes narrowed.

“Okay, what’s going on?” she asked.

“Nothing.”
I couldn’t even look at her. Of course, she knew I lied.

“Did you and Reece have a fight?”

I let the tears stream down my face. “I messed everything up Mom. I feel like such an idiot.”

She put her arm around my shoulder for comfort. “Why don’t you tell me what happened. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think, and you’ll probably feel a lot better afterward.”

“Aren’t you happy? You don’t even like him.”

“Jenna,” she looked shocked I could say such a thing to her. “I would never be happy to see you hurt. And I do like him. I just don’t like that he has the ability to cause you so much pain.”

“He wanted to tell me he loved me but I wouldn’t let him.”

“Oh.” Mom said as if she expected to hear something all-together different. “It’s obvious he has very strong feelings for you.” She smiled. “I can see it when he looks at
you, how he listens when you speak. How he doesn’t seem to mind when your father and I are around.”

“I know.” I nodded. “That’s why he doesn’t need to tell me. I already know.”

Mom looked confused. “Do you not feel the same way? Did you feel obligated to say,”
she
cleared her throat, “or do something in return?”

I shook my head. “I love him more than I ever thought possible. And he’s never even tried to do more than kiss me.” I looked away, too nervous to meet her eyes. “He doesn’t expect sex in return.”

“Then what’s the problem?”