Heart Song (8 page)

She glanced at the cover and then nodded slightly. I looked about the room. The other residents were back to doing their own things for the most part. Only one or two continued to gaze our way. I started to read, putting as much drama into it as I would if I were reading to a five- or six-year-old child. She relaxed and turned back to me to listen. I noticed Mrs. Greene move around the room, in front of us, to the side, and then behind us again, circling, spending some time with others, but always keeping within earshot. It didn't take long to read the children's story, and when I finished Grandma Belinda clapped.
"Isn't that a nice story?" she said. "I love stories with happy endings. Olivia says there are no happy endings, only endings."
"Has she been to see you?"
"She's too busy to see me. She's in high society now. She has rich people to entertain. Her nose is up here," she said tilting her head back like someone who had a nosebleed and pointing to her forehead. "I'm an embarrassment to her. That's what she says. She sounds like the big bad wolf when she says it," Grandma Belinda said, lowering her voice to make it gruff. "You're an embarrassment. Stay in your room."
She stared at me a long moment and then she smiled impishly again.
"But even if I'm in my room, they come to see me. They knock on the window. And . . . sometimes, I open the window and let him in."
"Who?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," she sang and laughed. I had to laugh, too. She was obviously confusing time, mixing in events that had occurred years and years ago with events that had occurred more recently.
"Don't you know anything about me?" I asked hopefully. "I'm Haille's daughter, Melody. You know who Haille is, don't you?"
She stopped smiling.
"Can't talk about her or she'll have them heave me out on the Street," she muttered.
"Is that what Olivia said?" I asked.
"Can't talk about her," she said and pretended she was zipping her lips shut.
"You can talk to me," I said. "I'm Haille's daughter. I'm your granddaughter."
She stared, her eyes blinking rapidly. Then she turned away and gazed out the window.
"Look how blue the sky is," she said. "I wish I could reach up and touch it. I bet it's soft."
Mrs. Greene was practically on top of us.
"Would you like to go for a walk? It's beautiful today," I said. Mrs. Greene's eyes widened. I looked up at her. "Can I take her for a walk?"
"Well, does she want to go out?"
"Would you like to go out, Grandma?"
"Yes," she said firmly, not even noticing I had called her Grandma. I got up to help her, but she didn't really need any assistance. She rose quickly, turned her head as if everyone were watching her every move, and started out.
"Just stay in the garden and walk on the pathway," Mrs. Greene said. "There are attendants if you need any help."
"She seems fine," I said. "You were right. She's being well taken care of," I added, but Mrs. Greene didn't smile at the compliment. She watched us with the eyes of a hawk as we left the room.
I took Grandma Belinda's arm into mine and started down the corridor to the door that led out to the gardens. She was spry, energetic. She wore a flowery scent that smelled refreshing.
"I like your perfume," I said.
"Do you? Nelson gave it to me."
"Nelson? He was here recently?"
"Just the day before yesterday or the day before that. He brings me a bottle of perfume whenever he comes and we sit and talk about old times. Nelson is still quite a handsome man, don't you think?"
"You mean Judge Childs?" I asked.
"Yes," she said, laughing. "Imagine, Nelson's a judge."
When we stepped out, she paused to squint at the sunlight.
"Oh, it's warmer than I thought," she said. "It should be my birthday," she added and laughed. "I always say that on nice days. Olivia thinks it's very silly. What a silly thing to say, I wish it was my birthday. Like you could pick your birthday, she says. Your head is full of cranberries, she says.'
I had to laugh at Grandma Belinda's imitation of her sister.
"Shall we go into the garden?" I asked.
"Oh yes. I love to smell the flowers."
We walked silently for a while and then she paused and looked back to see if anyone were near us. One of the attendants had come out and was watching us.
"You know why she says all those things and calls me all those names, don't you?" Grandma Belinda, asked in a deep whisper, snapping her head around to face me again. I shook my head. "Because she knows Daddy loves me more. Daddy buys me nice clothes. Daddy takes me places. Daddy is proud to introduce me to his friends. Daddy wants her to stay in her room." She smiled coyly. "Daddy told her to get married or else."
She leaned toward me again.
"I put my ear to the door and I heard him yelling at her. She was crying and he was yelling. But I felt more sorry for Samuel Logan than I did for her. He has to wake up every morning and see that grouchy face. I told him to sleep with his back to her so when he opened his eyes, he could see the sunshine and not Olivia with her puffed up eyes and her puffed up lips and her sour breath."
She started to walk again.
"You know he was here," she said softly.
"He was here? You mean, Samuel?"
She nodded. And then she stopped suddenly. "But don't you tell. Promise?"
"I promise. When was here?"
"Last night. He came to my window and knocked and I opened it and I said, Samuel Logan, what are you doing here at my window the night before your wedding?"
"Wedding?" I shook my head. "I don't--"
"'If you don't let me in,' he said, 'I'll kill myself.'"
"Last night?"
"Shh," she said looking around. She continued to walk, moving a little faster. The attendant followed. "People here tell Olivia things. She has her spies everywhere. Let's sit on this bench," she said.
It was under a spreading maple tree with a row of multicolored impatiens behind it. I sat next to her. She leaned back and waited as the attendant walked slowly by us, pausing only a half-dozen feet away.
Whispering again, Grandma Belinda continued. "I said, 'you won't kill yourself' and he said, 'I will. I will. I swear.' So I let him in."
"Let him in?"
"He crawled through the window and fell to the floor. It was quite a sight. `Shh,' I told him. 'Someone will hear and how will that look? You here the night before you marry my sister?' He lay there on the floor so I sat on the floor and he told me how sad he was and how terrible it was to be sad on the night before your wedding. He wanted me to make him feel better. So I did. If Olivia knew, she would have them put poison in my food."
"She wouldn't do that, Grandma."
"Oh yes, she would. She poisoned my song bird. I know she did, even though she says she didn't. Daddy bought it for me on my sixteenth birthday and she was jealous. Nelson bought me something nice too," she added, "and that made her more jealous. He bought me a gold locket with a red ruby at the center. It had his picture inside." She smiled and then she grimaced. "Do you know where the locket is?"
"No. Where is it?"
"Ask Olivia. She took it and buried it somewhere. I'm sure. One day, it wasn't in my jewelry cabinet and that was that. You can kill my birds, you can steal my jewelry, but you can't keep them from liking me more, I told her. She said she didn't care, they were all ugly philanderers. But that's like the story about the fox and the grapes, right?"
"The fox and the grapes?"
"The fox couldn't reach the grapes so he said they were sour. Yep, sour grapes. That's Olivia all right." She laughed and then took a deep breath.
"Look at the bluebird," she said pointing. "It's beautiful."
"Yes. I wouldn't mind being turned into a bird. When people get old, they should be turned into birds," she concluded. "I read a story like that once." She turned back to me. "Are you going to read another story?" she asked.
"If you want me to, I will when we go back inside."
"Of course I want you to. I want to hear happy endings, only happy endings, more happy endings," she chanted.
She wanted to walk some more and then she decided it was time to go back. When we stepped back into the building, she said she was tired, already forgetting that she had asked me to read another story.
"I'm not as young as I was. I get so tired so fast now. Thank you," she told me. I knew she thought I was just someone else who worked there.
"Grandma," I said pressing my hand into hers, "I'm your daughter Haille's daughter, Melody. I'm your granddaughter and I'm going to come back and visit you often. Would you like that?"
"Haille?" she said. She shook her head slightly. "I know someone named Haille. Nelson told me about her. She's very pretty, isn't she?"
"Yes," I said. There was no point in telling her all that had happened. She had taken in too much already, I thought. She was physically strong for her age, but mentally, she was very fragile, as fragile as a little girl, and I knew, from personal experience, how easy it was to shatter a little girl's heart.
"She should go for her nap before lunch," Mrs. Greene said, suddenly appearing in the corridor. "Yes, I was taking her to her room."
"I'll see to it she gets there," she said and nodded to the attendant who had been outside, hovering around us. He moved quickly to Grandma Belinda's side.
"I'll see you soon, Grandma. Have a good nap and then a good lunch," I said. I kissed her cheek and she touched it as if I had planted something very precious on her face. Then she turned and looked at me, blinking rapidly for a moment.
"You look like someone I know," she said. Then she smiled. "I remember. You look like me when I was your age." She leaned closer to whisper. "Don't give your heart away too quickly. They like to break hearts. That's what they like to do the most. Just ask Olivia," she said and laughed. "Ask her and tell her I told you to ask. What?" She looked at the attendant as if she had heard him say something. There was some mild chastisement in his expression and she straightened up. "Oh."
I stood watching them as the attendant led her down the hall.
"I'll show you the way out," Mrs. Greene said.
"I remember the way," I told her. "Thank you." I hurried down the corridor, through the lobby, and out the door, my heart thumping. Raymond sat up quickly the moment I appeared and then got out to open the door for me.
"Everything go all right?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "Just fine."
I sat back, locked within my own thoughts, feeling rather sad and vulnerable. I wasn't looking out the window, so I didn't realize he wasn't taking me directly home until I noticed the driveway of Grandma Olivia's house.
"Why are you taking me here?" I demanded.
"It's what Mrs. Logan told me to do," he said and drove up the driveway.
"What am I supposed to do now?" I asked. He shrugged.
"1 guess Mrs. Logan expects you."
"Be nice if she told me her plans for me," I snapped and got out.
She came to the door herself when I rang. "Raymond said you told him to bring me directly here after my visit," I said.
"Yes. Come into the living room." She led the way and took her high-backed seat, which, as usual, made her look like some sort of dowager queen. "Sit," she ordered as if I were Ulysses the dog.
"Why did you tell him to bring me here?"
"I'm not accustomed to people standing over me when we talk," she replied and sat back, waiting for me to obey her and sit on the settee. I did so quickly.
"Well?" I demanded.
"I thought it best you speak to me about your visit before you spoke to anyone else. Tell me how it went and don't leave out any details."
"I'm surprised you don't know everything already," I said.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"The way they were hovering around us, listening." "Ridiculous."
Maybe it was, I thought, but it was easy to become paranoid where this family was concerned. I took a deep breath and wondered what I should tell her. I didn't want Grandma Belinda to appear foolish just because she loved children's books and confused time and places now, and I remembered Grandpa Samuel telling me to come to him with any stories first.
"She's very sweet and I thought she looked very healthy. She's only a year or so younger than you?" I asked deliberately. Grandma Olivia stiffened.
"Never mind that. What nonsense did she tell you? I'm sure she rambled on and on about something silly."
I shrugged.
"She told me about her youth, how many boyfriends she had, one of them being the judge." Grandma Olivia's eyes narrowed into hateful slits. "He wasn't her boyfriend when she was younger.
That is just one of her fantasies. This is exactly the sort of nonsense I'm talking about," she said, her words biting and sharp. I suddenly saw how vulnerable and helpless Grandma Belinda must have been, growing up with Olivia.
"She said you were often jealous of her and you poisoned her song bird and stole a locket the judge gave her," I said in an accusatory tone.
"Oh." She shook her head and smiled as though I had uttered the most ridiculous things. "She tells that story to everyone. That bird died of natural causes and I don't know why she carries on and on about it. When it was alive, I was the one who had to take care of it. She never fed it or cleaned its cage, and as for a locket, it was a present I received from someone and she fantasized it was for her. Men never bought her things. They didn't have to," she added dryly. "Ali they had to do was turn a flirtatious face in her direction and she was theirs. What else did she say?"
"She said your marriage was forced on you," I blurted, unable to hide my anger at the way she diminished and criticized my real grandmother at every turn. Is this why she brought me here? Did she get some sadistic pleasure from it?
"It wasn't forced on me, but parents had a great deal more to say about whom their children married then. It was better that wiser minds prevail. Far fewer of those marriages ended in divorce, and if she had listened to my father, she wouldn't be in this predicament today."
"She said you forbade her to mention my mother. Is that true?"
"That," Grandma Olivia said, "is the first true thing she told you. Yes, of course I forbade her to mention Haille. What sort of a situation would we have had with her babbling about this embarrassing event? You think I wanted the gossip mongers clicking their tongues? It was bad enough that some servants knew and the doctor knew, but somehow, I managed to keep everyone from suffering. You sit here now with your eyes full of condemnation and accusation, but do you pause to think what I provided for your mother? No, you don't," she said, answering herself quickly. "Well, I'll tell you.
"Your mother was a child born out of wedlock, normally a disgrace, but I gave her a home and my name and the best of everything. She could have had a fine education, met the most distinguished men, had a real future, but she was contaminated by Belinda's bad blood."