Heart of the Matter (14 page)

“I’m going to see if I can find Fran Jenkins, one of the librarians here. She’s an old friend and—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kate interrupted. “You know everyone.” Ellen’s eyes danced. “Only the ones who are as into history as I am. Fran can get me access to original documents pertaining to the battle. They have some excellent diaries of locals who lived here at the time and recorded the events. You’re welcome to come along.”

“Thanks, but I’ve had a little too much history too fast. I wouldn’t want to wear my brain out this soon.”

“Suit yourself.” Ellen had been worried that Kate would be bored. The Civil War wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. If things didn’t work out, she could always take her home and come back on her own. But even with Kate’s lack of interest, she’d rather have her along than drive by herself.

She must have looked apprehensive, because Kate said, “Don’t worry. I brought my book and am going to sit here and indulge myself. If you need me for anything, just come get me.” Ellen shook her head. “You’ll be entering all my notes tonight.

Part of your bedtime routine, if you can stand it.” Kate regarded her with a stare so direct Ellen didn’t know where to look. “I’m open to any bedtime routine you want to suggest.” Surprised, Ellen didn’t know what to say. Was it an innocuous flirtatious comment, or was she trying to read more into Kate’s innuendo than was intended? Either way, her entire body trembled.

❖

Kate sat down at the small desk in her room and powered up the laptop. They’d checked into the Richard Johnston Inn, a quaint eighteenth-century hotel. After sharing a meal they ordered in, Kate claimed tiredness and excused herself. At first she’d expected to make slow progress inputting Ellen’s notes, but she soon became enthralled by the firsthand accounts of men and women who lived through the battle of Fredericksburg. Soldiers with families in the town had watched helplessly as their homes were burned and looted.

Women wrote of the anguish of canvassing the field the day after the battle and seeing the faces of the dead and dying. Before she knew it, Kate had stopped typing altogether and sat engrossed reading the notes instead. An hour later, ideas began pouring into her head about this aspect of Ellen’s research.

Driven by an odd impulse, she set up a separate Word document and made some notes of her own after she finished her work for Ellen. When she looked at the bedside clock it was nearly midnight, and she shut the computer off and undressed for bed. She reached for the book Ellen had given her and picked up where she had left off. After another hour of reading, she finally turned off the bedside lamp, but thoughts and ideas continued to race through her mind until she forced herself to think of something else.

Ellen. She had done so much and was still doing an enormous amount for her. And Kate had shown her very little appreciation.

She had taken for granted that Ellen would be there to shop for her and fulfill any need. Had she even thanked her? Not a simple thanks, but heartfelt gratitude for her selflessness. Kate was chagrined to admit that she hadn’t. But that was about to change. She’d be the best damned research assistant Ellen had ever had, and hopefully that would help make up for her ingratitude.

She closed her eyes and allowed the images to appear of Ellen standing on Marye’s Heights, the wind playing with her hair and blouse. The air had been slightly chilly and Ellen’s blouse had clung to her full breasts, her nipples evident through the fabric. A slight twinge in Kate’s groin surprised her since she hadn’t felt aroused in a while. Then self-doubt insinuated itself into her thoughts. Ellen was exquisite. Kate was damaged goods, jobless, and directionless.

What could they possibly have in common?

She was driving too fast and knew it, but she was late. The
truck in front of her was exasperatingly slow, and each time
she tried to pass, an oncoming car in the opposite lane forced her
back into her own. Her stomach knotted at the lateness of the hour
and, determined to make up time, she pushed the Porsche faster.

Finally, her patience all but exhausted, she committed to passing the
truck. As she swung around him, everything blurred. Suddenly she
was in the backseat of another car, someone else at the wheel, and
they were tumbling over and over into a ditch. She screamed. When
she came to, the little girl from the SUV lay beside her in the ditch,
her lifeless eyes staring blankly up at her.

Kate sat up in bed, her heart pounding. She couldn’t breathe at first and forced herself to calm down until she heard rapid-fire knocking on the door adjoining her room.

“Kate, it’s Ellen, are you all right?”

“Coming.” Kate slid out of bed and slipped on a T-shirt, still in a fog.

“I heard you call out.” Ellen peered at her closely when Kate opened the door.

“Sorry,” Kate mumbled, pushing a hand through her hair.

“What time is it?”

“Nearly eight.”

Kate realized Ellen was staring at her barely covered legs, exposed to mid-thigh by her T-shirt. A familiar tingling sensation spread from her stomach and radiated outward. Her nipples tightened in response. “Should I put something on or do you prefer me as is?”

“I thought you might want to grab breakfast before we checked out,” Ellen stammered.

Kate was amused by Ellen’s obvious discomfort. “Yeah, sure, let me hop in the shower. Go ahead and get a table and I’ll meet you in twenty minutes.”

Ellen waved as Kate entered the restaurant. Dressed in blue jeans and a form-fitting black tank top, she made heads turn as she approached. Ellen’s temperature rose and a familiar yearning pulled at her. Even though she had been spending more time with Kate, her body’s reaction each time she saw her still surprised her.

Kate sat down hurriedly. “Christ.”

“What?”

“Can we go somewhere else?” Kate dropped her head so her hair hung down in her face.

“Well, yes, sure, but why?”

“Because everyone is staring.”

Ellen scanned the room. All the diners appeared to be engrossed in their meals and conversations. “What do you mean, Kate? Nobody’s staring.”

Kate glanced up. “They were when I walked in, and when we’re not looking they’ll do it again.” Ellen gazed at her, then caught on. “Oh, Kate, they were staring at you because you’re beautiful.”

“Oh, please. No one thinks this thing is beautiful.” She pushed aside her hair and turned her face, exposing her scar to Ellen’s view.

A pang of regret seared Ellen’s heart, but she refused to let Kate pity herself. “Kate, you are still a very desirable woman. Both inside
and
out. And never let anyone tell you otherwise.” Kate winced. If Ellen felt sorry for her and was trying to make her feel better, she was failing miserably. She wanted to run and hide, to get away from this room full of prying eyes. But when she thought she might bolt, a waitress appeared to take their order. Ellen hesitated, obviously watching for her reaction, and Kate sighed.

“Coffee and toast.”

After waiting a few moments for Kate to continue ordering, Ellen realized she had finished. She wanted eggs and sausages, but knew for appearance’s sake she should order the fruit bowl. But fruit always left her hungry an hour later and she wound up making up for it by ordering something decadent for lunch. Her initial impulse won out. “That’s all you’re having?” she asked after the waitress left.

Kate shrugged. “I usually don’t eat breakfast. My stomach doesn’t wake up until noon.” She leaned toward Ellen. “Hey, I was thinking last night about your research.” Surprised, Ellen was nevertheless pleased at Kate’s interest.

“You’re going about it all wrong.”

Ellen stared at her. Grateful to the waitress for arriving and pouring coffee, she took the opportunity to collect herself. “Oh?”

“Yeah. Right now you’re gathering data about the different military strategies employed in the early stages of the Civil War, am I right?”

“Well, that’s just the initial—”

“Oh, could you make that rye toast, please?” Kate said to the waitress and put three packets of sugar in her coffee. “So, I was thinking. You’re looking at both sides of the conflict, but everybody loves the underdog. We all know who won the war. You need to focus on the South. What drove their strategy? What compelled a man to join up when the average soldier didn’t own slaves? What was his relationship with the elite ruling-class command?” As Kate spoke, she gestured enthusiastically, like a Hollywood screenwriter pitching a script. Ellen dug into her breakfast, letting Kate get her thoughts off her chest. Clearly she had done her homework, even if on a very basic level.

When Kate finally stopped speaking, Ellen wiped her mouth with her napkin and placed it back on her lap. “But, Kate, you’ve fundamentally changed the project that my funding is based on and that my publisher is expecting to receive.”

“But we’ll give them something so much better.” Kate grabbed Ellen’s wrist as though trying to infuse Ellen with her enthusiasm.

“You could blow them out of the water with a very intense, personal approach to the battles. What the participants thought, felt, believed, desired. It would be awesome.”

Ellen forced a smile. She didn’t have the heart to point out that what Kate was suggesting simply wasn’t possible, on so many levels, not the least of which was she’d be expected to return every cent she’d already spent if she submitted a manuscript anything like the one Kate envisioned. Her publisher was expecting a book based upon her proposal. Anything else would be unthinkable.

However, she warmed to Kate’s passion, thrilled to see her finally take an interest in something. Ellen’s research might pull Kate out of the depression, moodiness, anger, and self-pity she’d been lost in for weeks. She couldn’t remember Kate talking so animatedly before, and Kate’s lingering grip on her wrist was causing a fluttering sensation in her chest.

Ellen relented halfheartedly. “Well…I’ll think about it.” Kate beamed. “Excellent. This is going to be great.” When she removed her hand from Ellen’s wrist and picked up her coffee cup, Ellen instantly felt the loss. With her other hand, she rubbed the tingling spot Kate had left behind. She warmed to Kate’s enthusiasm and rationalized that once they were mired in the research, Kate would forget about her proposed change. The details and the sheer amount of data often bogged her down, so they would most certainly overwhelm Kate. She would let it go for now, but she had to be careful not to dampen Kate’s interest.

❖

“What’s next?” Kate asked when they had finished eating.

“On to Richmond.” Ellen chuckled at her private joke.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing, really. ‘On to Richmond’ was a phrase the North espoused from the early stages of the war—Richmond, the capital of the Confederacy, being the ultimate goal.”

Kate looked at her blankly. “And you think that’s funny?” Ellen shrugged sheepishly.

“Ellen, you need to get out more.”

Kate rose from the table while Ellen paid the bill and they drove out of town at a leisurely pace. Ellen flipped open her cell phone and pressed a speed dial key. “Hi, Kelly, it’s Ellen. Just checking in. How’s Beau?” She listened for quite a while, smiling at Kelly’s ebullient report.

Kate watched the countryside pass by, relaxing as the car headed south. Eventually Ellen said good-bye and hung up.

“Everything okay?”

Ellen nodded.

“Are you going to check in with Sandra, too?” Kate waggled her eyebrows. She meant it as a joke but was curious how things were going with Ellen’s friend. And if she was honest with herself, she was a little jealous.

The remnants of a still-lingering smile slid off like an ice cube on a hot griddle. Kate was unprepared for the look of pain that replaced it. The two of them had seemed to be getting rather cozy.

Obviously something had changed.

She had a powerful desire to strangle this Sandra woman for putting that look on Ellen’s face. Her anger was so intense the words burst out before she could censor herself. “What did she do?” Ellen was embarrassed and humiliated by her stupidity at having allowed Sandra to use her so patently. She didn’t want Kate to know what an idiot she could be.

“Oh, nothing. It’s just one of those things. Turns out we’re not as compatible as I’d thought. We went our separate ways, that’s all.”

Kate could see the tension in Ellen’s face belying her casual words. She also caught the shine in Ellen’s eyes even as Ellen pretended to look at traffic in her side-view mirror. Never good at subtlety, Kate plunged ahead.

“Well, she’s an idiot,” she said with more heat than she had intended. “The moment I met her I thought she was an idiot. She doesn’t deserve you and you’re lucky to be rid of her. I can’t figure out women sometimes. They find a good woman and don’t even realize it, then move on. Somebody needs to beat the shit out of them. Give me the word and I’d be happy to do it for you.” Ellen struggled to regain her composure. She was almost tempted to give Kate the go-ahead. Yet at the same time, a thought nagged her. Why did Kate assume Sandra had dumped
her
? Was it an automatic response anyone would have, knowing what Ellen looked like and how compelling Sandra was? Did people think a frumpy-looking woman had nothing to offer and someone like Sandra would naturally want a better catch?

“What makes you think Sandra moved on?” Ellen’s delivery was a little sharper than she intended, but she was ticked. “As a matter of fact,
I’m
the one who decided Sandra wasn’t my type. She was looking for more than I was prepared to give. I’m not ready to settle down—just wanting to have a good time.” Ellen’s admission startled Kate. For some reason, Ellen hadn’t seemed like that kind of woman. Slightly disappointed, Kate sat quietly, absorbing this contradictory information and trying to reconcile it with what she had believed about Ellen. The entire time Ellen had taken care of her, she had exuded a powerful sense of safety and compassion. Kate could be herself with Ellen. In fact, Ellen seemed to be someone a person could settle down and make a home with. Kate definitely did not get the impression that Ellen was out for one-night stands. That had always been her territory.