Heart of the Family (10 page)

Tomorrow she needed to go to her brother’s grave and put an end to any lingering guilt. And tonight she needed to call her mother and tell her about Jacob Hartman’s involvement in the refuge. She wanted to move on with her life.

Hannah made her way to her room and sat on her bed, reaching for the phone on the table nearby. Her hand quivered as she lifted the receiver and punched in her mother’s number. She hadn’t really talked to her in over a month. On Thanksgiving, her mother had been working and hadn’t stayed on the phone for more than a minute.

“Mom, how’s everything going?” Hannah asked when her mother picked up.

“Busy. Busy. You know how this time of year people seem to get sicker. My floor at the hospital has been packed this past week.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Her palms sweaty, Hannah shifted the receiver to the other ear. She didn’t know how to tell her mother about Jacob. This was really something she needed to do in person. She thought about ending the conversation quickly and waiting until she could see her.

“It’s late, honey. Is something wrong?”

Yes, I’m falling in love with a man you hate.
“Since I didn’t get to talk to you for long on Thanksgiving, I thought I would check in and see how things were going.”

“Hannah, what are you not telling me? Something’s wrong. I hear it in your voice.”

Chewing on her lip, Hannah wiped one of her palms on her slacks. “Are you coming to see me at Christmas?”

There was a long pause, then her mother answered, “I don’t know. It will depend on when I have to work. Why?”

“Because I want to see you.”
Because I’m stalling.
She rubbed the other hand down her thigh. “Jacob Hartman is a doctor who lives in Cimarron City.” Before she lost her nerve, she rushed on, “He’s the doctor for the refuge, so I’ve seen him quite a bit.”

“Jacob Hartman, the boy who killed Kevin?”

“Yes, Mom. I—”

“I can’t believe it. I—” Her mother’s voice roughened. “I—I…”

The line went dead. Hannah stared at the receiver for a few seconds, then called her mother back. She let it ring fifteen times before she finally hung up. She hadn’t handled it well. She should have waited until she’d seen her mother. This news was the kind that should be given to someone face-to-face, the news that she was falling in love with the enemy.

After quizzing the groundskeeper about who was putting flowers at her brother’s grave, Hannah hiked across the cemetery, enjoying the cold, crisp day. Several inches of snow had fallen overnight, but the place looked tranquil, as though the world was at peace. The quiet soothed her, especially after the night spent tossing and turning, going over and over in her head the abrupt conversation she’d had with her mother.

Near her brother’s grave site, she saw a car—Jacob’s new one. Since the groundskeeper had told her Dr. Hartman came once a week to change the flowers, she wasn’t really surprised to see him. She stopped by a large oak and waited for him to leave.

She didn’t want him to see her. The night before she had come to a decision. She needed to tell Jacob who she was, but she wanted to pick the right moment. This wasn’t it. She hadn’t prepared what to say to him. And because it was so important she had to consider carefully how she told him she was Kevin’s younger sister, especially after messing up the phone conversation with her mother the night before.

After removing the old flowers, Jacob filled the vase with the new ones, paused for a moment, his head bowed, then pivoted away and sloshed to his car.

She waited until it had disappeared from view before she trudged to her brother’s tombstone. The bright red roses, stark against the white blanket of snow, were silk. She stooped to finger the petals.

“Kevin, where do I begin?” She fortified herself with a deep gulp of the chilly air. “For so many years I was mad at Jacob Hartman for taking you away from us. I believed he had gone on with his life as though nothing had happened, living happily and unaffected by the wreck. Now I don’t think that.”

She reached out and traced her brother’s name, chiseled in the cold marble. The dates carved into the stone were a permanent reminder of his death at a young age. She rose.

“The groundskeeper said he comes every week. That isn’t the action of a man who has moved on. Occasionally I’ve caught a vulnerability in him that has stunned me. He’s good at hiding it, but it’s there. Is it a coincidence he became a doctor? Was it because he wanted to or because that had been your dream?”

Her throat closed around her last word. The cold burrowed into her. She hugged her coat to her. “I think the Lord brought me back to Cimarron City to help Jacob. It was time to let go of my anger and forgive Jacob. I have. For the longest time I’d forgotten what kind of person you were. You would have wanted me to forgive him long ago. Better late than never.” She smiled. “You know how stubborn I can be.”

Hannah touched the tombstone again, comforted by her visits to Kevin’s grave. Was Jacob? She hoped so because after twenty-one years she finally felt she had said her goodbyes to her brother and he didn’t blame her for telling on him that last day. Kevin had never held a grudge; she had forgotten that. “I love you. I love him. I will find a way to help him heal, and I will make Mom understand. I know that’s what you would want me to do.”

“I like your new old car,” Hannah said as she took a bite of her pepperoni pizza early Wednesday afternoon. “How come you didn’t get a brand-new one? I thought you would after that piece of jun—”

“Hold it right there,” Jacob interrupted her. “You’re speaking about a vehicle that served me well for years.”

“And years.”

His chuckles vied with the lunch crowd noise in the restaurant. “Okay. I get the point. It was an old rattletrap.”

“There. That wasn’t too hard to admit, was it?”

He snagged her look. “Yes. I thought I was being frugal.”

“Is that why you didn’t buy a new one?”

“It’s hard to break a habit. I’ve been so used to saving to pay off my loans that I just automatically do it.”

“You’ve got to enjoy some of the fruits of your hard work. Have a little fun.”

“Are you telling me I don’t know how to have fun?”

“Well, no, not exactly, but what do you do for fun?”

“Bicycling?”

“That’s recent.”

“Let me see.” He peered up at the ceiling and tapped his finger against his chin.

“Just as I suspected. You work too much and play too little.”

A twinkle glinted in his dark eyes. “And what do you suggest I do about that?”

“Why, of course, play more. I think you should join us in decorating the cottage for Christmas.”

“Sounds like work to me.” Jacob finished the last slice of pizza.

“Decorating is fun.”

“You’re a woman.”

“I’m glad you noticed,” Hannah said with a laugh.

“It’s in your genes.”

“The kids wanted me to ask you.”

“Oh, in that case I’ll be there. What time?”

“Hold it right there. I think I’m offended. You wouldn’t come when I asked, but I say something about the children and you’re wanting to know what time to be there.” She exaggerated a pout.

“I was going to come. I was just playing with you. Didn’t you tell me I needed to play more?”

The mischief in his gaze riveted her. “I do believe you might be easy to train—I mean, teach.”

His laughter filled the space between them, linking them in a shared moment. All of sudden the noise, the crowd faded from her awareness as she stared at Jacob, relaxed, almost carefree.

“Hannah, Dr. Hartman, it’s good to see you two.”

Reluctantly, Hannah looked away from Jacob. “It’s nice seeing you, Lisa. How’s the job?” Lisa had been the reason she had insisted on coming to the Pizzeria to eat before they went to see Nancy’s mother.

“It’s only my third day, but I like it. I saw ya from the back and wanted to say hi.”

Jacob wiped his mouth with the paper napkin. “Noah told me he hired you to fill in where needed.”

“Yeah, I’m learnin’ all the jobs.” She squared her shoulders, standing a little taller. “There’s quite a few I hafta learn, but I can do it.”

“Great! I was just asking Jacob to come out on Saturday afternoon to help decorate the cottage for Christmas. If you aren’t working, I’d love for you to join us, too.”

“I hafta be here at five that evening.”

“I can bring you back into town in time for your shift.” Jacob picked up the check. “And I’ll give you a ride to the farm. I can pick you up at one on Saturday.”

“I’ll be ready.” Lisa glanced back at the counter. “I’d better get back to work.”

“I know how you feel about Lisa being in Andy’s life. That was so sweet of you,” Hannah said around the lump in her throat.

“Believe it or not, I would love for this to work out for Lisa and Andy.”

“But you still don’t think it will?”

“I just don’t see it through rose-colored glasses.”

“And I do?”

He looked her directly in the eye. “Yes, and I’m afraid you’ll be hurt when it doesn’t work out.”

Hannah rose. “I’m not wrong about Lisa. Did you see her at church on Sunday?”

“She was like a deer caught in headlights.”

“I realize it was all new to her. But God has His ways.” She could still remember when she’d pledged her heart to the Lord. The transformation, a work in progress, was life altering.

Jacob removed his wallet and laid some money on the table. “Only time will tell.” At the door he held it open for her. “C’mon, let’s get this over with.”

“I know Nancy’s mother is a long shot, but I’ve got to try.”

“Are you going to do this with every situation?”

She slid into the passenger seat in his car. “I will examine and evaluate every one to see if there’s a way.”

He gave her a skeptical look as he started the engine. “I hope you don’t end up with your heart broken.”

She was beginning to realize he was the only one who could do that. “Don’t worry about me.”

“But I do.”

“That’s sweet, but I’m tough.”

“Yeah, right. You’re like Nancy. You wear your heart on your sleeve.”

She shifted, sitting up straight. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“As long as things work out.”

“Like at the family meeting Sunday night?”

“Exactly.” Jacob turned onto the highway that led to Deerfield. “You’re blessed with the fact the kids in the cottage care about each other.”

Hannah remembered the happiness on Nancy’s face when the children voted for Abby to be their pet. “Like a family.”

“Not any family I’ve been in.”

The vulnerability, always below the surface, trickled into his words and pricked her heart.

J
acob pulled onto the dirt road. “I don’t like the looks of this.”

Hannah scanned the yard of the address she had for Nancy’s mother. Trash littered the porch and literally poured out of a refrigerator without its door. Two old cars in various stages of rusting decomposition flanked the detached garage. The structure leaned to the side, threatening to crash down on the vehicle minus its engine.

“I’m glad you came with me.” Hannah pushed her purse under the seat.

“Are you sure you want to do this? We can always leave.” Jacob parked in front but left the engine running.

She studied the dirty windows facing them and thought she saw someone looking out. The curtain fell back in place. “No, we came this far. I need to finish this.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Haven’t you noticed how reserved and hesitant Nancy is when Andy’s mother is visiting? When I try to talk to her, she won’t say anything. She sucks her thumb and holds her blanket.”

“As much as you’d love to fix every relationship between the children at the refuge and their parents, you won’t be able to. Not every mother has maternal instincts.”

“Like yours?”

“Exactly.” A nerve ticked in his jaw. “I’m glad no one tried.”

“You need to forgive your mother,” she said, knowing firsthand how important it was to do that if you wanted to move on.

His hard gaze drilled into her, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white. “Why would I want to do that?”

“Because she’s still affecting your life and will until you let go of the anger.”

“I don’t think I can. The things she did…”

“The Lord said in Matthew, ‘For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.’”

“I can’t. I…” His voice came to a shaky halt. He drew in a breath and stared at the small house. “Someone’s opening the door. Let’s get this over with.”

The finality in his tone ended the conversation. Hannah climbed from the car at the same time Jacob did, his expression totally void of any emotion. But waves of underlying tension came off him as he approached the house.

A woman in her midtwenties, dressed in torn, ragged jeans and a sweatshirt pushed the screen open and stepped out onto the porch. “We don’t want any. Git off my land.”

A medium-sized man with a beard appeared in the entrance. Hannah’s gaze fixed upon the shotgun cradled in his arms, then bounced to his face, set in a scowl that chilled her.

“Ya heard her. Git. Now.” The man gestured with a nod toward the road behind Jacob and Hannah.

Jacob edged to her side and grasped her hand. “Let’s do as they say.”

Hannah started to move back toward the passenger door when she remembered finding Nancy crying last weekend for her mama. The sight had wrenched her heart. She halted. “Are you Abby Simons?”

The woman stiffened, still between them and the man behind her. “Who’s askin’?”

A stench—a myriad of odors she couldn’t even begin to identify—accosted Hannah’s nostrils. “I’m Hannah Smith. I run the place that Nancy is at.”

“So? What’s she gone and done wrong now?” Abby planted one hand on her hip, her eyes pinpoints.

“Nothing. She’s a delight to have at the house.”

Abby snorted. “That’s your opinion. I have nothin’ to say to ya.” She turned to go back inside.

“You don’t want to see her?” Her stomach roiled. Hannah resisted the urge to cover her mouth and nose to block the smells coming from the house and the couple.

A curse exploded from the woman’s lips. “I say good riddance. All she did was whine.” She shoved past the man with the weapon.

He glared at Jacob and Hannah. “What’s keepin’ ya?” He adjusted the gun in the crook of his arms.

Jacob squeezed her hand and tugged her back. “We’re going.” He jerked open the passenger door and gently pushed Hannah into the car, then rounded the back and climbed in behind the wheel, his gaze never leaving the man holding the weapon.

Fifteen seconds later dust billowed behind his car as he raced toward the highway. He threw her a look of relief. “We could have been killed. I think they’re running a meth lab.”

“You do?”

“You didn’t smell it?”

“I don’t know how one smells.”

“When we get back to Stone’s Refuge, I’m calling the sheriff, although I doubt there will be any evidence left when he arrives.” Jacob pressed his foot on the accelerator.

Hannah waited for him to tell her he had told her so, but he didn’t. Quiet reigned as the landscape flew past them.

She’d gone into social work to help others. But perhaps Jacob was right. She was too naive. She had a lot to learn. Even if Nancy was never adopted, she was better off where she was than with her mother.

“I was wrong,” Hannah finally murmured in the silence.

“About Nancy, yes. The verdict on Andy’s situation is still out.”

“You think there’s a chance it will work?” At the moment she needed validation she wasn’t totally off-the-wall about trying to reunite children with their parents, if possible.

He slanted a quick look toward her, warmth in his eyes. “His mother completed her drug-rehab program. That’s a start. As well as getting a job. She’s living at the halfway house for the time being, and they’re wonderful support for people who are trying to get back on their feet.” His gaze found hers again. “Yes, I think there’s a chance.”

His words made her beam from ear to ear. She felt as though she were shining like a thousand-watt bulb.

“Time will tell and don’t be surprised if Lisa backslides. I remember when I quit smoking. I must have tried four or five times before I finally managed to.”

“You smoked?”

“Yeah. I started when I was thirteen. I finally stopped when I was eighteen. But it was one of the hardest things I ever did. And staying off drugs will be the hardest thing Lisa does.”

“Did you have help?”

He nodded. “Alice and Paul Henderson.”

“I’ll be there for Lisa.”

“
We’ll
be there for her.”

Like a team.
More and more she felt they were.

“I’m glad Peter suggested we cut down one of the pines on his property to use as a tree this year. Until he married Laura, I didn’t do much at Christmas other than participate in some of the church functions.” Jacob led one of the horses across the snow-covered meadow.

“So you don’t mind doing this?” Carrying the ax, Hannah checked around her to make sure the children were keeping up with them.

“Mind? No. It’s a good reason to leave work a little early this afternoon.”

“This from a man who works all the time!”

“It was a little slow with the snow last night and this morning. Not too many people wanted to get out unless it was an emergency. I noticed the snow fort and snow figures out in front of the cottages. You all were busy today.”

She laughed. “We had to do something with the kids home from school. I had a hard time keeping them away from the unfinished house.”

“I imagine the kids are intrigued with it.”

“You can say that again. I’m glad you don’t mind driving in this weather. I haven’t had much practice in snow.”

At the edge of a grove of pines Jacob stopped and surveyed the prospective Christmas trees. “Okay, guys, which one do you want me to cut down?”

Every child with Jacob and Hannah pointed at a different one. Nancy selected a pine that was at least fifteen feet tall.

Hannah set her hands on the little girl’s shoulders. “I like your vision, but that one won’t fit into the living room.” Then to the whole group she added, “We need a tree that is about six or seven feet tall.”

“How about this?” Susie pointed to one near her.

“No, this is better.” Andy went to stand by a pine off to the side.

While Terry started toward another, Hannah quickly said, “Hold it. Let’s take a vote on these three. They’re the only ones the right size.” She waved her hand toward Susie’s and two others.

Andy spun toward his. “What’s wrong with mine?”

“It needs to grow a few more years.” Jacob took the ax from Hannah and gave her the reins of the horse.

“Who wants Susie’s?” Hannah called out, the wind beginning to pick up.

All the children raised their hands with Andy reluctantly the last one.

“Well, let’s get the show on the road.” Jacob approached the chosen one and began to chop it down.

The sound of the ax striking the wood echoed through the grove. The smell of snow hung in the air as clouds rolled in.

Terry bent down and scooped up a handful of the white stuff and packed it into a ball, then lobbed it toward Susie. That was the beginning of a small war held at the edge of the grove.

Hannah scurried toward Jacob to avoid being hit. “Do you want a break?”

He glanced up at the sky. “Nope. Not much time. I think it’ll start snowing again soon. When that happens, I’d rather be back at the cottage sipping hot chocolate in front of the fireplace.”

“We don’t have one.”

He paused and stared at her with a look that went straight to her heart. “Then we’ll just have to use our imaginations. You do have hot chocolate?”

“Of course, with eight children in the house that’s a necessity.”

“We have marshmallows, too.” Nancy came up to stand next to Hannah while Jacob went back to work on the seven-foot tree.

“Mmm. I love marshmallows. I guess I’d better hurry if I want a cup.”

A snowball whizzed by Hannah’s head. She pivoted in the direction it came. Suddenly she noticed the quiet and the reason for it. All the children were lined up a few feet from her with ammunition in their hands.

“Duck,” Hannah shouted, and pulled Nancy with her behind a tree.

Jacob, in midswing, couldn’t react fast enough. A barrage of snowballs pelted him from all angles. When he turned toward the crowd of kids, he was covered in white from head to toe. He shook off some of the powder, gave the ax to Hannah, then patiently walked a couple of feet toward the children with a huge grin on his face. The kids stood like frozen statues, not sure what to do.

Suddenly Jacob swooped down, made a ball and threw it before the first child could run. Another snowball ensued then several more after it. Kids scattered in all directions. Jacob shot to his feet and raced after the nearest boy, tackling Terry. As they playfully rolled on the ground, several boys joined them and it became a free-for-all.

Hannah, with Nancy beside her, watched by their chosen tree. The sound of laughter resonated through the meadow with the girls cheering on the boys in their endeavor to overpower Jacob. Although outnumbered, the good doctor was having the time of his life if the expression of joy on his face was any clue. She knew he wanted a family. He should be a father.

And you want a family. You want to be a mother. What are you doing about that?

When a snowflake fell, followed by several more, Hannah peered up at the sky. Another hit her cheek and instantly melted. She put two fingers into her mouth and let out a loud, shrill whistle that immediately called a halt to the melee on the ground.

“In case you don’t know, it’s snowing again. We need to cut down our tree and get back to the cottage. Playtime is over, boys.”

Amidst a few grumbles Jacob pushed to his feet, drenched from his tumble in the snow. He shoved his wet hair out of his eyes and strode to the ax Hannah held out for him.

In five minutes he yelled, “Timber,” and the tree toppled to the ground. “I always wanted to do that.”

Having tied the horse’s reins to one of the branches of a nearby pine, Hannah moved toward it, calling to the children. “Help Dr. Jacob with our Christmas tree.”

After quickly securing the pine with some rope, Jacob guided the horse toward the cottage with their tree gliding over the snow behind the animal. Snow came down faster as they reached the porch.

“I’ll take the horse back to the barn,” Terry said when Jacob untied the pine.

“Come right back. It’ll be getting dark soon.” Hannah helped Jacob drag the tree up the steps and placed it to the side of the front door. “Who’s up for hot chocolate?”

Hands flew into the air.

“While I’m fixing it, change out of those wet clothes then come into the kitchen.” Hannah opened the door and went into the house.

Footsteps pounded down the hallway toward the various bedrooms.

“That’ll give us a few minutes of quiet.” Hannah’s gaze moved down Jacob’s length. “I wish I had something for you to change into. Your jeans are soaking wet.”

He started to remove his coat, but stopped. “I’ve got some sweats in my trunk. Can I use your bedroom to change in?”

Her step faltered. “Sure,” she answered, trying not to imagine him in her room.

As he jogged to his car, she waved her hand in front of her face and thought about turning down the heater. Memories of his kiss swamped her. She wanted him to kiss her again. Oh, my. She was in deep.

As she prepared the hot chocolate and a plate of cookies under the disapproving eye of Meg, the children flooded the kitchen. They snatched a mug and one cookie then fled the room, nearly knocking Jacob down in their haste.

“Whoa. What was that?” He entered as the last boy zipped past him.

“Those cookies are gonna spoil their dinner,” Meg grumbled while she stirred a large pot on the stove.

“Mmm. Is that your stew?” Jacob took the last mug sitting on the counter.

Still frowning, Meg nodded.

“Then you don’t have a worry. The kids love it. There won’t be a drop left at the end of the meal, especially if a wonderful cook invites a certain doctor to dinner.” Jacob winked at Hannah right before he took a sip of his drink.

“Not my call.” The beginnings of a grin tempered Meg’s unyielding expression as she swung her gaze from Jacob to Hannah.

He turned a pleading look on Hannah. “I worked up quite an appetite chopping down
your
tree.”

She took a cookie off the plate. “Here. This ought to tide you over until you can eat.”

His fingers grazed hers as he grasped the treat. “The important question is where will I be eating dinner?”