Heart of Texas Vol. 2 (15 page)

“Can't or won't, Frank?”

He didn't answer and she knew why.

“I love you, Dovie.” The words were a low purr.

“You
say
you love me, but you won't do anything to prove it,” she spit, folding her arms and refusing to look at him.

“I can't tell you how sorry I am. I always thought…I believed one day I'd be able to…to take the plunge. But I realize now that marriage would never work for someone like me.”

“Then we're at an impasse. I guess the reality is that you won't marry me. Not now and not ever.”

“But it's not because I don't love you!”

“So either I accept you the way you are or—”

“Our arrangement has worked so far, hasn't it, my love?” he asked, his eyes pleading.

“Or I break off this dead-end relationship,” she continued, ignoring his words.

Frank went pale. “Oh, Dovie, you wouldn't do that.”

Dovie drew a deep breath and the anger vanished. A peace of sorts came over her, a calmness. “I have to, Frank—for my own self-respect, if nothing else.”

He stared at her as though he didn't understand.

It hurt to say the words, but either she did this or she'd never be able to face herself in the mirror again. Squaring her shoulders, she smiled sadly and said, “It'd be best if we didn't see each other anymore.”

The sheriff's mouth dropped open. “Dovie, please! Be reasonable about this.”

“It's over, Frank.” She straightened and looked him straight in the eye.

“Okay,” he agreed, unmistakable regret in his voice. “If that's the way you want it.”

Dovie's hand gripped the door handle. “Goodbye, Frank,” she said.

“Good night, Dovie.” As though in a daze, he turned and left.

Tears clouded her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She'd loved Frank for ten years, and it would be a major adjustment to untangle her life from his, but she'd do it and be a stronger woman for it.

A loud knock on the windowpane of her back door made her jump. Dovie answered it to find a bewildered-looking Frank standing on the other side.

“I just want to be sure we understand each other,” he said, holding his hat in both hands. “Are you saying you don't want me stopping by on Wednesday and Saturday nights anymore?”

She rolled her eyes. “That's exactly what I'm saying.”

“I see.” He seemed to ponder her words for a moment. “What about dinners on Sunday?”

“I think we should put an end to that, as well.”

“Afternoon tea at your shop?”

“You can find some other woman to spend your afternoon break with,” she suggested, even though the thought of him seeing anyone else nearly destroyed her.

“There isn't another woman in the world I'd rather be with than you.”

A slow smile eased up the corners of her mouth. “Then the answer is simple. Marry me the way you promised.”

Frank ground his teeth. “I can't, Dovie. I wish to hell I could, but it's impossible. I just can't do it.”

“There are certain things I can't do, either, Frank.” She softly closed the door.

 

C
AROLINE KNEW THIS DINNER
was different the minute Grady phoned to invite her. He was formal and polite—as if he was planning something other than a casual evening out.

“He's going to ask you,” Savannah insisted. “I'm sure of it.” It'd been a week since Ellie and Glen's wedding, and the topic of love and marriage hadn't strayed far from her best friend's mind.

“Have you thought about how you'll respond when he does?”

Caroline had thought of little else for an entire week. Not her response, should he bring up the question of marriage, but
his
response once she told him the truth about Maggie. The conversation lay before her like a stretch of deep treacherous water. They'd need to get through that before she'd be able to consider her reply.

She figured he'd introduce the matter of marriage over dinner. Everything pointed to that. Rumor had it that he'd
been seen in the jewelry store earlier in the week. In fact, he'd made a number of trips into town.

He'd stopped by the post office three times, which was highly unusual. If she saw him in town even once a week that was a surprise; three times was almost unheard of.

Maggie was spending the night at Dovie's, so Caroline had the luxury of a free afternoon in which to indulge herself without the constant interruptions of a six-year-old. She soaked in a perfume-scented tub, painted her toenails and curled her hair with a hot iron, all the while praying everything would go smoothly.

This was supposed to be the night of her dreams. But by the time Grady arrived to pick her up, she was a nervous wreck. The hours of anticipating his reaction had left her tense and jittery. Not knowing how he'd feel, what he'd say, was almost more than she could take.

The doorbell rang precisely at six, reminding her that even in small things, Grady Weston was reliable, a man who kept his word. His eyes widened with appreciation when he saw her, and she realized every minute she'd spent in front of the mirror had been worth it.

“I didn't think it was possible for you to look more beautiful than you did at Ellie's wedding,” he said with the sincerity of a man not accustomed to giving compliments.

“Thank you.” She twirled around to give him a full view of her new dress. “Do you like it?”

“Oh-h-h, yes. Where's Maggie?” he asked, glancing around.

“With Dovie. She's spending the night.”

He handed her a bottle of wine as if he'd suddenly remembered it was in his hands.

“Shall I open it now?” she asked.

“Sure. If you want.”

He followed her into the kitchen, and as she searched for a cork screw, she saw him pacing the room, his lips moving.

“Grady?”

His head shot up and he looked startled.

“Did you say something?”

He shook his head in quick denial.

She found the cork screw and gave it to him. While he wrestled with the cork, Caroline took out two wine glasses.

“This isn't going to work,” he announced and set the bottle down on the countertop, the cork half-out.

“That's the only cork screw I have,” she said.

“I'm not talking about the wine.” He pulled out a kitchen chair and with both hands on her shoulders urged her to sit. Then he finished opening the wine, a white zinfandel, and poured them each a glass.

He drank down the first one in three gulps; after that, he immediately refilled his glass.

“If your parents were alive, I'd talk to them…but it's just you and me. So—I'll say what I have to say.”

“What you have to say?” she repeated, her eyebrows arched. Despite her own anxiety, she couldn't help enjoying his discomfort. Just a little.

He pointed his finger at her as he struggled with the words. “I have to do this now. If I wait any longer, I'll say or do something stupid, and the entire evening will be ruined.” His eyes were warm, openly revealing his love. “And that isn't what I want.”

“What
do
you want, Grady?” she asked in a soft voice.

He reached for his wine and took a deep swallow.

“Wine is usually sipped,” she murmured.

“I know,” he said, “but I need the fortification.”

Caroline's heart swelled with emotion. “Oh, Grady, I love you so much.”

He stared at her for a long wonder-filled moment. “I love you, too.” He smiled then, sweetly. “I practiced this proposal a dozen times on the drive into town, and now I find myself completely at a loss. I don't know where the hell to start.”

“The fact that you love me is a good opening.”

“But I have to tell you so much more.”

“Love is only the beginning…” This was where she needed to explain the past, but she couldn't. Not now, in the most wonderfully romantic moment of her life. Not when the man she loved with all her heart was about to ask her to share his life.

“I'm free to love you,” he said.

“Free?” she repeated, not understanding. “Richard's gone.”

She frowned and felt a sudden chill race down her bare arms. “What does Richard have to do with this?”

“Everything.” She could feel the anger coming from him. She swallowed, waiting for him to elaborate.

“Richard has been a thorn in my side for six long years. He's my brother, and for that reason alone, a part of me will always love him. But I refuse to allow him to dictate my life a minute longer than he already has.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“I'm finished dealing with the problems my brother created. I refuse to pick up any more of the pieces, or accept any further responsibility for the disasters he's left in his wake. I'm not paying another debt of his. Every minute of the last six years has been spent struggling to regain ground Richard stole from me. I resent every one of those wasted minutes, and I refuse to deal with his mistakes anymore.”

Caroline wasn't sure how she could remain upright in her chair, why she didn't pitch to the ground.

The harshness left Grady's eyes as he looked at her. “As I
said, I'm no longer tied to Richard or his troubles, so I can tell you how much I love you. Maggie, too.” The anger dissipated and his features softened with love. “I'm free to ask you to share my life, Caroline, if you'll have me.”

He hesitated, and when she didn't immediately respond, he said gently, “I'm asking you to marry me.”

The choking in her throat made it impossible to respond.

“Is the decision that difficult?” He sounded a little hurt.

“No…”

“I did it all wrong, didn't I?” he muttered. He thrust a hand into his coat pocket and produced a velvet ring case. “Give me another chance to do this the way you deserve.”

“Grady—”

“No, don't say anything. Not yet.” Then he opened the small velvet box. “It took me thirty-six years to find the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life, and that woman is you, Caroline Daniels.”

She pressed both hands over her mouth, her eyes filled with tears.

“Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She tried to speak and found that she couldn't.

“Just nod,” he suggested.

“I can't,” she finally managed, her voice cracking. “Can't nod?”

“I can't marry you…” She stood up, then walked to the sink and stared out the window. This was the most difficult thing she'd ever done, outside of burying her mother. Only now she felt as if it was her heart she was laying to rest. Her heart. And her future.

“You're saying no?” He was clearly shocked.

“I can't because…” She stopped, unable to continue. “You
can't
marry me?”

“No.”

“Is that your final answer?”

She dared not turn around and look at him. “That's my final answer,” she said in a monotone.

She heard him retreat, his heavy steps taking him as far as the living room. Without warning, he rushed back into the kitchen.

“Just one damn minute,” he shouted. “I don't accept that. You just finished telling me how much you love me!”

She couldn't deny it and so she said nothing.

“If you're going to reject my proposal, then at least have the decency to look me in the eye when you do it.”

Slowly, her heart breaking, she turned toward him.

“Tell me to my face that you don't want to marry me,” he demanded.

Her chin came up. “I won't marry you.”

Grady's jaw was clenched.
“Why not?”
The two words were like knives.

“Because if you married me…” she began, gazing straight ahead. She couldn't go on.

“I'm not good enough for you, is that it?”

“No!”
This was said with all the conviction of her soul.

“Then say it,” he yelled. “Just say it.”

“Because if you married me,” she started again, “you'd be left to deal with yet another one of Richard's mistakes.”

He frowned darkly. Then he understood, and a look of horrified disbelief came over him. “Are you saying that
Richard
is Maggie's father?”

Caroline hung her head and nodded.

R
ICHARD WAS
M
AGGIE'S FATHER.
Nothing Caroline could have told him would have shocked Grady more. The news went through him like a bolt of lightning. He was speechless with surprise, then numb with disbelief. Richard? His no-good, cheating, irresponsible brother was the father of Caroline's child? It was more than he could take in. More than he could accept.

Once his mind had cleared enough to let him respond, he asked the obvious questions. “When were you lovers? I don't remember the two of you so much as dating.”

“We didn't, not in the normal sense.” She reached for her wine. “I was in San Antonio in college, my senior year,” she said, her voice low. “It was finals week. Knowing how crucial it was for me to do well, my mother didn't tell me what'd happened to your parents until after the exams. I felt horrible, sick to my stomach the moment she told me. I was furious with her for not letting me know. I'd always loved your mother. Your father, too.” She inhaled deeply.

“You weren't at the funeral, were you?”

“No—because I didn't hear about it in time.”

“Then how does Richard play into this?” He realized he sounded irritated; he couldn't help it. Damn it all, he was furious. Exasperated, too. The numbness was wearing off, and in its stead, a slow-burning anger began to build. Once again his brother had found a way to cheat him. Nothing in his life,
nothing,
was un tainted by that bastard and his fiascos.

“San Antonio was his first stop after he took the money,” Caroline continued.

Grady's eyes narrowed. “So you know about that? The theft?”

She nodded. “Savannah told me,” she said. “Years later.”

Grady pulled out a chair and sat down. He didn't think his knees would support him much longer.

“It was one of those flukes,” Caroline went on. “I was gas sing up at a service station and Richard pulled in. He didn't recognize me at first, but I told him how sorry I was about his parents.” She looked away and took another steadying breath. “He seemed broken up about it.”

“Broken up enough to walk away with the forty thousand dollars that was our inheritance,” Grady mumbled.

“We had coffee together and he told me how he'd found your mother's and father's bodies.”

“That's a lie!” Grady cried, knotting his fists in outrage. “Frank Hennessey found them and came and told us.” How like Richard to seek all the sympathy!

“I know it's a lie now,” she whispered, “but at the time I didn't have any reason not to believe him.”

Grady vowed to stay quiet, seeing as every time he spoke, it interrupted the story, and this was one he very much wanted to hear.

“He broke into sobs and…and said he hadn't been able to bear the pain and after the funeral had blindly driven off,
not knowing where he was going or how he'd gotten to San Antonio. He said he hadn't eaten or slept in days.”

“And you believed him?” Grady shouted.

“He'd suffered a terrible loss.” She raised her voice. “So, yes, I believed him.”

Grady wiped a hand down his face. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.”

“I…I didn't, either.”

Despite the apology, he struggled with his temper. “It's something of a shock to learn that the woman I love has slept with my brother.”

She didn't respond, but Grady could see that his words had hit their mark. He didn't want to hurt her, but he felt a sick ache in every part of his being, and lashing out was a natural response. Even when he knew he was being cruel and unfair. He hated himself for it, but couldn't seem to hold back.

To Caroline's credit she didn't retaliate or ask him to leave. He admired her restraint and wished his own response had been more generous, more forgiving. In time, perhaps, he could be, but not now. Definitely not now.

After a silence Caroline picked up her story. “He was an emotional mess and I took him home with me. We weren't in the house five minutes when he fell asleep on the sofa. I phoned my home and my mother con firmed that Richard had disappeared the afternoon of the funeral. I…I didn't tell her he was with me. I should have. I realized that too late, but my sympathies were with Richard. He'd received a terrible shock and—”

“No less terrible than what Savannah and I suffered.”

“I know, but he was with me and you were here in Promise.” She clenched her hands in her lap. “Don't you think I've gone over this a million times since? Don't you think I have my regrets, too?”

He nodded, hating himself for being angry and unable to keep his emotions under control. Every time he thought about Richard being Maggie's father, a fierce kind of outrage gripped him.

“Do…do you want me to continue?”

“Yes,” he replied, mentally preparing himself for what was to follow.

“According to Richard, he was overcome with grief, running from his pain and…and he'd found me.”

“It was fate, right?” Grady's sarcasm was heavy.

“Yes…”

“He spent the night?”

“Yes.” Her voice grew small. “I made up a bed in the living room for him, but in the middle of the night he came into my bedroom and said he needed someone to hold.”

“And you let him?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose he felt all better in the morning, then?”

“Grady, it wasn't like that.”

Her voice grew strong, then defiant. He stared at her, and for a moment almost hated her. But it wasn't possible; he loved her too much. No one else possessed the power to hurt him like this. Loving Caroline and Maggie had brought him such joy, but it made him vulnerable, too. Vulnerable to pain and to anger. Vulnerable to a lot of emotions that were unfamiliar to him. Uncomfortable emotions.

He wasn't sure he wanted to experience them again, not if it made him feel like this.

All at once sitting became in tolerable and he jumped to his feet. “Was it rape?”

She took a long time answering. “No. That's not Richard's way. But I was in experienced and he…he used my naïveté.”

It came to Grady, then, what she was telling him. “He seduced you, didn't he?”

“I was young and a virgin. I thought he was the most hand some man in the world. He was hurting—both his parents had died in a tragic accident—and he'd turned to me for comfort. I didn't mean to let him make love to me, but he was so convincing, and before I realized what was happening, he was in bed with me, kissing me, telling me how much he needed me to take away this terrible pain. I tried to tell him I couldn't do that, but he wouldn't listen and then…he climbed on top of me and—”

“How long did he stay at your place?” Grady asked, thinking how desperately he and Savannah had searched for Richard. His sister had been close to a nervous collapse those first few days following the funeral.

“I woke up alone the next morning.” She swallowed and wrapped her arms around her waist as if warding off a sudden chill. “He was gone. Without a word, without a note. Gone.”

“When did you realize you were pregnant?”

“Six weeks later. I didn't know what to do. I was in denial and then in shock. It was horrible enough knowing I'd slept with a man who didn't care about me, who'd used me for his own purpose. Later, after a doctor con firmed the pregnancy, I had no way of contacting him to let him know.”

“Did you think he'd leap up and offer to marry you?” Grady knew he sounded sarcastic but couldn't restrain himself.

“No…but I thought he should know.”

Grady said nothing, not wanting to ask the obvious question, and then he found it impossible to keep silent. “Does he know now? Is that why he took Maggie? Because he learned he had a child?”

“No!” she cried. “He knows nothing. I didn't even put his name on the birth certificate.”

“Why'd he bring her back, then?”

“How should I know? But I'm grateful, terribly grateful, that he did.”

So was Grady.

“Maggie's
my
child,” Caroline said with open defiance. “There's none of her father in her.”

Grady wanted to believe that. Now that he knew the truth though, it was obvious Maggie was his brother's child. Biologically, at any rate. Maggie had Richard's eyes and his dark hair.

“When he came back, did he try to pick up where you'd left off?” This was another one of those questions it hurt to ask because he feared the answer. And, he saw, another one of those questions that cut Caroline to the quick.

“No,” she whispered. “When Richard first returned, I was terrified he'd figure out Maggie was his daughter and try to take her away from me. Don't you remember how I avoided the ranch after he first got home?” Her voice grew tight with remembered anxiety. “In the be ginning I invented one excuse after another not to stop by. Every time I was near him I was afraid he'd say something about that night, and then I realized…” She paused, then covered her mouth with one hand and closed her eyes.

Grady's arms ached to hold her, but he remained where he was, steeling himself against her. “Realized what?”

“That…that he didn't even remember. I was just another face, another body. He'd used me the same way he'd used people his whole life. He might have suspected he'd…he'd been to bed with me, but he couldn't be sure, so he kept quiet.”

“You're positive about that?”

“With Richard how can anyone be positive about anything? But it was just that one time and it was so long ago. I'm sure there've been a hundred women since.”

They were silent for several moments before Grady spoke again. “Does anyone else know?”

She shook her head.

“Savannah?”

“I think she might have guessed, but we've never discussed the subject, and I've never come right out and told her.”

“Then what makes you think Savannah's guessed?”

“I saw her look at Maggie once and then at Richard. Later I saw Richard's baby book in the kitchen and I knew she'd been comparing photographs.”

So his sister knew, which left Grady to wonder how many other people in Promise suspected. How many others were laughing at him behind his back?

Grady decided it was time to leave. He'd heard everything he could bear to listen to for one evening.

“Thank you for telling me. I know this wasn't easy—and I appreciate your honesty. You needn't worry—your secret is safe with me.”

“It wouldn't work, Grady,” she said sadly, her eyes full of tears. “I can see that now. It just wouldn't work with you and me.”

Then, weighed down by a sadness that seemed to en compass all the grief and despair he'd ever felt, he walked out the door. He had her answer. He loved her, had asked her to be his wife and she'd rejected him. Now he understood why.

 

“M
OMMY,”
M
AGGIE WHISPERED
as Caroline lay on the living-room sofa, “are you sick?”

“I'm fine, honey.”

“Then how come you're crying?”

“I'm sad, that's all,” she said, discounting her pain for her daughter's sake.

“Why are you sad?” Maggie pressed.

“There's a pain deep inside here,” she said, flattening her hands over her heart.

“It's not going to bleed, is it?”

“No.” Although a physical wound would be easier to endure.

In two days she hadn't heard from Grady, but then, she hadn't expected to. Twice Savannah had phoned, but Caroline had let her answering machine take the calls. She wasn't up to talking, even to her best friend.

“Are you going to bleed?” Maggie asked her again, her small face stiff with fear.

“No, Maggie. What makes you ask?”

The child didn't answer and Caroline slid over on the couch to give her room to sit down. The little girl curled up with her, and Caroline held her tight. It took a long time for the tension to leave Maggie's body. Eventually she drifted off to sleep and that, in Caroline's eyes, was a blessing.

Such a release didn't come for her, but she longed for it. At least when she was asleep, Grady's face wasn't there to haunt her. Awake, though, she couldn't escape the image of his shocked expression when he'd learned the truth.

The accusation, the blame, the disgust. By the time he left, he could barely tolerate being in the same room with her.

Caroline hugged Maggie, and to her amazement soon found herself drifting off. She must have slept because the next thing she knew, Maggie was shaking her shoulder with one hand and holding the portable telephone with the other.

“It's Savannah,” she said.

Caroline could see it would be impossible to delay talking
to her friend any longer. She sat up and took the receiver. “Hi,” she said, still groggy and slightly confused.

“It's Savannah. Are you all right?”

“I'm fine,” she lied.

“If that's the case, why haven't you returned my calls?”

“I'm sorry, but I just didn't feel like talking.”

Savannah hesitated, then blurted, “Good grief, what's the matter with you two? You sound as miserable as Grady.”

Caroline had nothing to add to that.

“I'm coming over,” her friend announced.

“Savannah, no! Please.” But the line had already been disconnected and Caroline realized there was no help for it. Savannah Smith was a woman on a mission, and she wouldn't rest until she'd done whatever she could to straighten things out between these two people she loved. Two people who loved each other, according to Savannah. Well, she was right. Caroline did love Grady and was confident he loved her. Just not enough.

Knowing Grady's sister was coming to visit, Caroline washed her face and applied fresh makeup. The last thing she needed was for Savannah to return to the ranch with tales of Caroline pining away for want of Grady—however true that might be. She changed into a fresh shirt and jeans, then ran a comb through her hair.