Heart of Rockies 03 - More Than a Feeling (3 page)

E
very time Sawyer walked through the doors to the Walker Mountain Ranch office, it hit like a sucker punch to the gut. It wasn’t the décor. Bryce and Avery had gone all out in that department. Massive log beams held up the vaulted ceiling. Custom prints by John Fields decked out the walls. To the right there was a black granite countertop set on pecan cabinetry—he should know; he’d helped Bryce build the damn thing. Then on the opposite side of the room leather couches sat near the solid black pub tables next to the coffee counter, complete with an espresso machine and Aunt Elsie’s famous baked goods case. The place looked like something out of that
Million Dollar Log Homes
magazine he’d seen lying around at the station.

As posh as it was, walking into the place still got to him. Mostly because Kaylee used to work there. She’d stand at that very counter, taking reservations, checking in the guests. Damn, would that ever stop bugging him? Would he ever be able to walk in here and not think about her? Or maybe not so much her, but about the baby?

Now the reception area sat empty. They’d been looking to hire someone new since Kaylee’d cheated on him and quit, but they hadn’t found anyone yet. For the time being, Avery was filling in.

Speaking of…she rushed out from one of the back storage rooms. “Oh, hey, Sawyer.” A tired smile didn’t meet her eyes. She always seemed tired these days. Not surprising, given the fact that she had a new baby.

“Morning.” He made it to the counter and peered over at Lily, who slept contentedly in her bassinette behind the counter.

God, she was tiny. His baby boy would’ve been almost two by now. He would’ve been walking, talking, laughing, tossing the football…

“Everything okay?” Avery asked, breaking through the fog of memories.

He tore his gaze away from Lily. “Uh. Yeah. Everything’s great.” Forcing a smile, he attempted to loosen the tangle of grief that’d snagged in his chest. “Just wanted to talk to the boss before I head back to my cabin.”

“He’s in his office.” She gestured to a door off to the left. “But beware, he’s trying to figure out something on the computer. You know how that usually goes.” Her grin poked fun at her husband. Those two were always doing that with each other. Teasing, flirting, touching. God, he couldn’t wait to get out of here. Start over someplace else. While he was happy for them, it hadn’t been easy to be around those two for the past year while he watched his own marriage disintegrate into nothing.

“Thanks, Avery,” he said, then nodded toward the baby because he wasn’t a complete dick. “She’s growing fast.”

“I know.” Avery sighed. “Too fast. Sometimes at night I hold her extra long so I’ll always remember how tiny she was.”

A dull ache tugged at his ribs. Before Kaylee’s miscarriage he’d imagined what it would be like to hold his child, and even though the baby hadn’t yet been born, blood would flow through his arms, warm and thick. It would slowly seep into his body, like a craving about to be satisfied. He’d imagined a lot. He’d pictured doing all the things his own father had done with him—the horsey rides, the tackle football games in the living room, much to his mother’s horror. Sawyer had idolized his father. Always had, always would, and he’d imagined he’d have that same bond with his son.

God, his son. For a long time he’d been able to ignore what he’d lost. But since Lily had been born, it’d gotten harder for him. Seeing her tiny face, the blond fluff on her head, those round blue innocent eyes…it made him wonder what his own child would’ve looked like. Would he have had blue eyes like his? Or dark, exotic eyes like Kaylee’s?

“You want me to get Bryce for you?” Avery asked with obvious concern.

“Nah.” He stuffed that grief down deep, where it belonged. “I’ll stop in his office.” Keeping his gaze safely off the baby, he walked away from the counter and pushed open Bryce’s door. “Hey, Chief.”

Bryce was three months older than Sawyer, and he never let him forget it. Now it’d turned into a joke. He always addressed his cousin with some superior phrase.

“What’s the latest on Thomas?” During his shift Bryce had called him to ask if he could give Thomas a ride to the hospital, seeing as how the man refused an ambulance. Not that Sawyer blamed him. He probably would’ve done the same thing. Not like he’d been busy, anyway. Pretty slow day around Aspen. But that was spring for you. The shoulder season between skiing and summer hiking. Not many tourists. And hell, at least he’d gotten to use his siren for once. It’d been a while.

“We’re still waiting to hear,” Bryce said, kneading his forehead like it’d been a hell of a day. “Apparently some trauma victim came into the ER.”

Yeah, Sawyer had heard there’d been some accident on Independence Pass, but he hadn’t been put on the call.

“They’ve had Thomas waiting in a room all afternoon. At least Paige is with him. She’ll keep on the doctors.”

Typical day at the Aspen ER. “Sure looked broken to me,” Sawyer said. He’d seen enough broken bones to spot one.

“Yeah. Which means I’ll have to find someone else to help out the rest of the week. We’ve still got the ropes course and zipline coming up. And I wanted to take them to the rec center tomorrow night. A couple of them mentioned they’d never been swimming, so I thought we could teach them the basics before we open up the pool here.”

“Sure. I can help out.” Seeing as how he’d been on the high school swim team that’d be no problem. He might be rusty, but he could brush up.

“I’d ask Paige to step in, but she’s already taking them horseback riding and Ben needs her at the ranch. Ruby’s helping out, too, but Mom’ll still need her in the kitchen sometimes.”

Huh.
Sawyer stepped into the office. Ruby was helping out, too. What luck. That might be the perfect opportunity for him to figure her out. “I should be able to get a few days off.” He had plenty of vacation time to burn before his last day. “Just let me know when.”

Relief eased the tension on his cousin’s face. “Thanks. That’d be great.” Bryce’s gaze drifted back to the computer screen in front of him. He clicked the mouse a few times.

He looked busy, but Sawyer had more on the agenda. “I got those shelves installed this morning.” Not that he had to give Bryce a report, but it’d be the perfect opportunity to bring up a certain baker and the weird exchange he’d had with her before his shift.

“Nice.” Bryce picked up a coffee mug and drank it like he was having a hard time staying awake. Which he probably was, considering he’d just been on a four-day backpacking trip with a bunch of kids.

“Thanks, man,” he said. “Mom’ll pay you with an apple pie.”

“No need. Think of it as room and board.” When he’d asked Bryce if he could stay at the ranch, his cousin wouldn’t even consider taking rent. That was just the kind of guy Bryce was.

Thoughts of Ruby flitted back into his mind. Bryce was also the kind of guy who hired employees without doing background checks when someone desperately needed a job. And, while he wished he had Bryce’s faith in people, he’d learned that when someone looked suspicious, there was usually a reason. Hence his increasing desire to figure out Ruby before something went wrong.

After a second of hesitation, he walked into the office and sat himself down in the chair across from Bryce. “Thanks for letting me hang here while I wrap things up.”

Bryce turned away from the computer and leaned back in his chair, his eyes narrowed on him. “You sure about all this? Leaving town? Life in the big city?”

They’d had this conversation at least five times since Sawyer’d put the house on the market last month. It wasn’t ideal, but Denver was the only place he’d found a job. And he couldn’t stay in Aspen. Not when the memories of Kaylee were everywhere. Their first kiss had been on the ski slopes. Elevation 8000 was where he’d proposed. And don’t get him started on the ranch. Last Christmas, hanging around for all the holiday activities alone almost killed him.

“I need to get away for a while.” Someplace where everyone didn’t know what had happened. Someplace where five people didn’t stop him to ask how he was “holding up” in one morning at the grocery store. He’d had enough of the “poor betrayed Sawyer” routine.

“I get it.” A sigh contradicted Bryce’s words. “Sorry things didn’t work out for you and Kaylee.”

Everyone was sorry. No one more than him. “Yeah.” There wasn’t much more to say.

But that didn’t stop most people from trying, including Bryce.
Wait for it…

“You want to talk about it?”

“Nope.” He didn’t worry about his cousin taking that the wrong way. After Bryce’s first wife had died, neither one of them had said much. Hell, they’d sit across the table from each other drinking beer after beer, neither one of them saying a damn thing.

Unfortunately since Bryce had married Avery, who
never
quit talking, he didn’t seem to take the hint.

“After Yvonne, I never thought I’d get married again,” Bryce said. “Hell, I didn’t think I’d ever look at anyone again.” He leaned into the desk. “Kaylee did a shitty thing, Sawyer, but not all women are like that.”

He hesitated. Everyone assumed the same thing. That he’d been screwed over…the devoted husband who’d been blindsided. But there was a hell of a lot more to the story than that. Now that the divorce was official, he’d had plenty of time to analyze it, and he couldn’t let everyone believe it was all her fault. Fact was, he’d played a part, too. And it was time he faced it. “I don’t blame her for ending up in Jace’s bed.”

Bryce’s jaw dropped. “I sure as hell do. She knew what she was doing. ”

Course she knew. But she had her reasons. And it was time to tell his cousin that. They’d been through hell together. If anyone would understand, it was Bryce. Sawyer’s fists knotted, but he stared the man in the face. “Kaylee had a miscarriage a while back. At five months.”

Bryce’s hand let go of the computer mouse.

Yeah, he’d gotten his full attention.

“Damn, Sawyer. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Again, not much to say. Not like sorry changed anything. “Yeah. Me too.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded. “Man, five months. You lost a baby. We could’ve done a service or something.”

That’s why he hadn’t told anyone. Kaylee didn’t want to make it a big deal. “She didn’t want anyone to know. It didn’t seem to get to her as much.” Pain worked its way up his body until it felt like someone had shoved his stomach up into his chest. “She didn’t know if she ever wanted kids, anyway.” At least that’s what she said before they’d gotten married.
Let’s not rush it, Sawyer. If it happens, it happens.
But apparently she hadn’t thought it would happen. He glanced at Bryce. “I talked about doing a service. I mean, we saw him on the ultrasound.” He’d had tiny little hands and feet. A beautiful face. He was their baby boy. At least, that was how he’d thought of him. They’d even talked about naming him Matthew, after Dad. “But she wouldn’t consider it. I was mad as hell.” That night they had the worst fight they’d ever had. She was screaming at him to get over it.
Just get over it, Sawyer. Move on. There’s no baby.
Then…“I asked her why she’d miscarried, if it was something she did.” Shame covered his face, hot and dry.

“Holy shit.” Bryce’s head tipped back with disbelief. “She wouldn’t have done it on purpose. Those things just happen.”

“I know. I lost my head. Wasn’t thinking straight.” Truth was, it was easier for him to get mad, to blame her. For a while it curbed the pain, the empty feeling left behind by loss. “A few days later, I told her I was sorry, but things went south from there. She never looked at me the same. And good ol’ Jace was waiting in the wings.” Damn, the power of words. Those words he’d said to her had broken something in both of them. That was on him. He’d made a mistake that’d ruined his marriage, and he had to own it.

“That’s why you’re leaving,” Bryce said slowly, as if putting the pieces together.

If anyone had earned the right to call him out on that, it was Bryce. But the words still stabbed at him. Did he even have a right to grieve? How could he grieve something he’d never had? “I need a new start.” A new place. New memories. A new focus.

“We’ll miss you around here,” Bryce said, but at least he didn’t try to talk him out of it again. “Don’t know who the hell is gonna keep an eye on the place with you gone.” He said it like a joke, but there was some truth to it. Sawyer has consulted for him on the security system for the ranch. He’d evaluated all their risk protocols.

Speaking of…

“Hey, what d’you know about Ruby James?”

“Not…
much
,” Bryce said slowly, as though thrown off by the fast change of subject.

But Sawyer had to plow ahead. Best to start his mission now or he wouldn’t have time to complete it before he left. “Doesn’t that concern you?”

Bryce waved him off. “Nah. Mom trusts her.”

He gave his cousin a stern look. “She trusts everyone.”

“She’s got good intuition.”

Yeah. Intuition never solved any crimes. Facts. Evidence. Those were the only sure bets. This whole thing with Ruby was simply highlighting a larger issue at the Walker Mountain Ranch. You couldn’t just let some random person come and work for you. No wonder things had been disappearing. Last week about three hundred dollars had gone missing from the office. Then there was a diamond bracelet Avery couldn’t seem to find. Bryce had chalked it up to them misplacing things, but Sawyer wasn’t so sure. “Has Avery found her bracelet?” he asked nonchalantly.

“No. She thought she left it in the kitchen, but we’ve looked everywhere.”

In the kitchen, huh?
He didn’t say it. “What about the cash?”

His cousin shook his head in frustration. “I can’t figure out what I did with it. I swear it was in the bank bag, but…”

It had disappeared, too.

“You think someone took it?” he asked, hoping to plant the idea in Bryce’s head. Because it was pretty obvious to him that someone had been stealing from his cousin.

“The thought’s crossed my mind,” he admitted, albeit grudgingly. Bryce, like Aunt Elsie, tended to see only the best in people.