Heart of Ice (8 page)

He glanced at Kati then, his eyes sweeping over her pale jersey blouse and slacks possessively. “Are you an old-fashioned girl in that respect, at least?” he asked, but he didn’t sound so sarcastic as usual. “Do you drink and pop pills and smoke pot?”

“I drink cola,” she replied. “And I do take aspirin when my head hurts.” She watched him with wide eyes. “But I don’t think I’ve ever tried to smoke a pot. What kind of pot did you have in mind?”

He burst out laughing. It changed his entire face, erased some of the hard, leathery lines. He looked faintly attractive, despite that cragginess. “My, my, aren’t we sharp this morning?”

She lowered her eyes before he could read the embarrassment in them. “Eating improves my mind.”

“I know something better,” he remarked just as she lifted the coffee cup to her mouth.

“Don’t move!” Ada gasped as hot coffee went all over the table and into Kati’s lap. “I’ll get a towel!”

She disappeared, and Egan mopped at her legs with a napkin.

“That was damned poor timing on my part,” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to make you hurt yourself.”

She looked up into his silver eyes, astonished. “That’s a first,” she breathed.

He looked back, his gaze intent. The napkin rested on her thigh. “Did I tell you how lovely you are?” he asked under his breath. “Or what it did to me to touch you like that?”

She felt her lips part helplessly. “Egan, about…what happened—”

“I want it again,” he breathed, bending so that his mouth threatened hers. “I want you against me so close that I can feel your heart beating.”

“You don’t understand,” she whispered weakly.

“You want me,” he returned huskily. “That’s all I need to understand.”

It was true, but it wasn’t that uncomplicated. And before she could tell him how complicated it really was, Ada was back and the moment was lost. And she was trembling again.

She walked around like a zombie, going through the motions of helping Ada in the kitchen. They invited Marshal and Jack over for dinner the next
day, since neither of them was going to try to go home for Christmas. And getting everything ready was a job.

Egan watched television and paced. Finally he got his jacket and hat and went out, and Kati almost collapsed with relief. She ached every time she looked at him, until it was torment to be within seeing distance.

He came in just as the annual Christmas Eve specials were beginning on the public broadcasting station, and he tossed his hat onto the hall table and shed his jacket.

“Culture,” he murmured, watching the opera company perform.

“Go ahead, Mr. Winthrop, make some snide remark,” Kati dared, feeling young and full of life because her heart leaped up just at the sight of him.

He smiled at her, with no malice at all on his dark face. “I like opera.”

“You?”

“Well, there was a report awhile back on music and milk production,” he told her, dropping easily into his armchair, “and it seems that cows produce more milk when they’re listening to classical music.”

Kati smiled. “It must cost a lot.”

“What?”

“Having the orchestra come all the way out to the ranch.”

“You little torment,” he accused and reached out to tug a lock of her long hair playfully.

Ada, watching all this, just stared at them.

“Something wrong?” Egan asked her.

Ada shrugged. “Not a thing in this world, big brother.”

He grinned at her. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Begging for liberty on his knees,” she told Egan. She laughed. “If he gets it he’ll be here any minute.”

“I’d bet on him.” He glanced at Kati. “How about yours?” he asked tautly.

“Jack’s making calls to his family,” she said. “He won’t be over until tomorrow.”

He didn’t say anything, but he settled down in the chair to watch the programs with an oddly satisfied smile.

Marshal came a few minutes later, and Egan even joined in when they sang Christmas carols during the next program. They drank eggnog and ate cake, and Kati thought she’d never been so happy in her life.

Ada led Marshal under the mistletoe on his way out at midnight and kissed him lovingly, winking at Kati as the two of them moved out into the hallway.

“I’m going to walk Marshal to the elevator,” she called back. “Don’t wait up.”

“Don’t fall down the elevator shaft!” Kati called after her.

The door closed on a giggle. Which left Kati alone with Egan and trembling with new and frightening emotions.

He stood up, holding out his hand. She put hers
into it unhesitatingly and let him lead her to the mistletoe. His lean, strong hands caught her waist and brought her gently against the length of his hard body.

“I’ve waited all day for this,” he whispered, bending.

She stiffened, but his hands smoothed down over her hips and back and he nudged his face against hers gently.

“I know how you like it, baby,” he breathed. “I won’t hurt you this time, all right?”

She was beyond answering him. Her body throbbed. Throbbed! It was the most incredible physical reaction she’d ever had in her life, and she couldn’t control it.

His mouth opened and hers opened to meet it, inviting the new intimacy, and she drowned in the magic of the long, sweet kiss. She breathed him, the tangy fragrance of cologne and, closer, the minty hotness of his mouth.

“I want you,” he whispered, his voice shaking.

She drew back a little, trying to catch her breath and regain her sanity. It was impossible, but she couldn’t even speak. They were simply torturing each other with this kind of thing. But how could she explain it to him?

He rested his forehead on hers and his eyes closed on ragged breaths. Against her hips, his body was making an embarrassing statement about his
feelings, and she withdrew just enough to satisfy her modesty.

“Still playing games, Kati? You don’t have to put on any acts for me. That virginal withdrawal—”

“Egan, you have to listen to me,” she managed, looking up.

“I’ve got an apartment two streets over,” he said on a harsh breath. “One even Ada doesn’t know about. We could be there in fifteen minutes, and she’d never have to know.”

Her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were blazing with it, and she knew her own legs were trembling. For one wild second she looked up at him and knew how it would be between them. She could almost feel the length of him without clothes: the silken slide of skin on skin, the aching pleasure of being touched by those lean, expert hands…

“Come with me, Kati,” he said unsteadily. “We’re just torturing each other. I’ve got to have you.”

“I can’t,” she ground out. She lowered her chin so that her tormented eyes were on a level with his chest, and her trembling fingers pressed against his warm shirt.

His fingers tautened on her waist, moved to her hips and jerked them into his. “I ache,” he whispered. “You know what I’m feeling.”

Her eyes closed. She wasn’t stupid; she could imagine that it was ten times worse for him than it was for her. But she couldn’t undo all the years
of conditioning. Flings weren’t for her. She had too much conscience.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry, Egan, but I can’t.”

He drew in an angry breath, and she stiffened because she knew he was going to go right through the ceiling. She couldn’t even blame him; she should never have let him touch her.

But oddly enough, he didn’t say a word. He loosened his grip on her hips, allowing her to move away, and drew her gently into his arms. He held her, his head bending over her, his heartbeat shaking both of them, until his breathing was normal again.

Her hands felt the warm strength of his back even through his shirt, and she loved the protected feeling she got from being close like this. Her eyes closed and, just for a moment, she allowed herself the luxury of giving in completely, of pretending that he loved her.

“I could make you,” he whispered at her ear. “I could take the choice away.”

“Yes, I know,” she agreed softly. Her cheek nuzzled against his chest.

“This kind of passion is a gift,” he said quietly. “I could give you pleasure in ways you’ve never had it with another man. Not because I’m any damned prize in bed, but because we react to each other like dynamite going up.”

“I can’t,” she replied softly. “I want to, but I can’t.”

His hand smoothed her long hair gently. “Because of him?”

She drew in a steadying breath. She was going to have to tell him, and it wasn’t going to be easy.

The door opened, thank God, and Ada walked in, stopping dead when she saw the two of them wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Wrestling match?” she guessed. “Who’s winning?”

“Mistletoe,” Egan murmured, nodding upward. “Damned potent stuff. She’s got me on my knees.”

“That’ll be the day,” Ada grinned.

Kati pulled away, and he let her go with obvious reluctance. “And I didn’t poison you, either,” she murmured, trying to keep it light.

“Didn’t you?” he returned, but there was a difference in him now, a strangeness.

“No fighting,” Ada said. “It’s Christmas day.”

“So it is,” Egan said. “Where’s my present?”

“Not until morning,” Ada returned.

“Damn.” He looked down at Kati. “I like presents. What did you get me?”

“Not until morning,” she echoed Ada.

He lifted an eyebrow. “I hate waiting,” he murmured, and only Kati knew what he meant.

“All good things come to him who waits, though,” Ada interrupted; and then wondered why Kati blushed and Egan laughed.

The girls went in to bed, but Kati didn’t sleep. She wanted Egan. And there was more to it than
that. She was beginning to feel something she’d never expected. She thought ahead to the next day, when he’d leave for Wyoming, and the world went black. She couldn’t imagine a day going by without the sight of him. Just the sight of him.

She sat straight up in bed and stared at the wall. She hadn’t known that it could happen so quickly. Of course, it could be just physical attraction. She did want him very much, and it was the first time she’d wanted any man. She knew nothing about him really, except bits and pieces. So how, she asked herself, could she be in love with him?

“Love,” she whispered out loud. She licked her dry lips and put it into words. “I…love…Egan.” The sound of it made tingles all the way to her toes, and when she closed her eyes she could feel his mouth on hers; she could taste the minty warmth of his lips. Shivers went all over her like silvery caresses, and she caught her breath.

You have to forget all that, she told herself. Because what Egan wanted was the limited use of her body, to sate his own hunger. And once he’d had it, he’d be off to new conquests. Like Jennie. Her eyes clouded with bridled fury. Jennie! She’d like to rip the girl’s hair out.

She lay back down and closed her eyes. Well, that was his kind of woman, anyway. All she had to do was grit her teeth and bear it until he left. Then she
could pull her stupid self together and forget him. Her eyes opened. It was over an hour before she could close them in sleep.

Chapter Seven

T
he thought of the condominium bothered Kati. She couldn’t help remembering that Egan had said Ada didn’t know about it, which meant he kept it for only one reason. If he was willing to take Kati there, he must have taken other women too. In the cold light of morning, she was glad she’d had the sense to resist him. Egan only wanted her. Someday, with a little luck, there would be a man who’d love her.

But if she was inclined to be cool and collected, Egan wasn’t. He watched her covetously when she joined them for breakfast. His silver eyes roamed over the pretty red vest and skirt she was wearing with a long-sleeved white blouse, and he smiled appreciatively.

“Very Christmasy,” he murmured.

She smiled as coolly as possible. “Thank you.”

She allowed him to seat her, expecting Ada to plop down beside her as usual. But instead, Egan slid into Ada’s usual place, so close that his thigh touched hers when he moved.

“I can help,” Kati volunteered quickly.

“No,” Ada said as she dished up everything and carried it to the table. “Just sit. We’ll both have enough to do later.”

So she sat, nervously, hating the close contact because she could feel Egan as well as smell the warm, manly fragrance of his body. He was dressed up, too, in a navy pinstripe suit that made him look suave and sophisticated. And all the time she picked at her bacon and eggs, he watched her. It was as if he were launching a campaign, with her as the objective. And it was getting off to a rousing start.

Ada noticed the tension and smiled. Kati flushed at that smile, because she knew her friend’s mind so well.

It didn’t help that Ada finished early and announced that she just had to have a shower before she dressed.

“Afraid to be alone with me?” Egan teased gently when the door closed behind his sister.

“Oh, yes,” she admitted, looking up with fascinated eyes.

His own eyes seemed unusually kind and soft,
and he smiled. “Why?” he asked. “Because of last night?”

She lowered her eyes to his smooth chin, his chiseled mouth. She remembered the feel of it with startling clarity.

“Don’t hide.” He tilted her face back up to his and studied it quietly. “I can wait. At least, until you’ve had time to break it off with Asher.”

So that was what he thought! That was why he’d been so patient last night. He assumed that she was sleeping with Jack and had to end the affair before…

She caught her breath. “But I can’t—”

“Yes, you can,” he said. “Just tell him how it is. He doesn’t seem to be so unreasonable to me. In fact—” he laughed shortly “—he hardly touches you in public. A man who’s committed to a woman usually shows a little more warmth.”

“I don’t like that kind of thing, around people,” she murmured.

“Neither do I, for God’s sake,” he bit off. “But when people get involved, it happens sometimes. A look, a way of touching, a hand that can’t let go of another hand—there are signs. You and Asher don’t show them.”

“He’s…very reserved,” she returned.

“So are you. Even alone with me.” He leaned closer and brushed his mouth over hers like a breath. “Ada won’t be gone that long. And then we’ll be surrounded by people. And I won’t be able to do this to you….”