Heart of Gold (A Gold Rush Romance) (13 page)

Alice soaked in his lengthy, strong body with her eyes. She was ready to make love to him, wanted it so badly she could think of nothing else beyond them and this moment together. Their lips met again, a deep lingering kiss, as he pressed her down with his body and slowly, agonizingly, buried himself in her. She cried out in bliss, and their bodies entwined. This was what she had craved, what she had hoped for as a young woman and never gotten. This was what a marriage should be.

As the pace increased, she could feel herself reaching the brink for the second time, but this time, as she went over the edge into bliss, she took him with her.

***

Alice looked at the square of darkening sky she could see through the window; it was nearing evening, and she would need to leave soon if she wanted to keep any semblance of respectability. Instead, she rested her head on Thomas’s warm chest and listened to his heartbeat, tightening her arm around him. She was happy, and felt no inclination to leave.

And did she truly need to, after all? For all she knew, her job had disappeared, dust in the wind, with no hope of recovery, so what did it matter if she stayed the entire night?

She sighed, knowing she was lying to herself. As much as she wanted to stay, it was time to go back. Even if the loss of her position with the school was all but confirmed, she had to at least try to reclaim it or she would never forgive herself. Thomas was important to her, far more important than any man she had ever met, but her students were important, too, and she couldn’t abandon them without at least attempting to stop it.

She tilted her head until she could see Thomas’s eyes, which had been looking at her for who knew how long. She grimaced. “I have to go.”

His lips quirked into a half-smile, an expression that sent shivers through her. “I was expecting you to say that. But do you? Why not stay?”

“I have to try to get my position at the school back. If I stay here for the night, that option will be gone forever.”

“Then let it go. We can go back to my farm in Missouri once we marry and you can take students at our home or something. Or not. You can do what you like.”

Two feelings battled inside her: the pure joy that he was talking about them as if they were already married, and the frustration that he did not understand her need, still, even after all this. She tried to be as clear as possible. “I am not going to Missouri, Thomas, and I will not leave Shasta if I can help it. These students need me, and I am going to work as hard as I can to stay with them. If I am forced out, I will find another town here in California. Teachers are rare around here, and these children need education.”

Thomas sighed in exasperation, and she felt like doing the same. She got up and started dressing, her movements quick and efficient.

He sat up and tried once more. “You don’t have to, you know. They will be fine without you.”

Anger boiled inside her. Why did such a lovely time have to be ruined by the reality outside this room? “Thomas,” she said, her voice unhappy and exhausted. “This was wonderful. Incredible. But you don’t seem to comprehend how important the school is to me. I should not have come here, but I talked myself into this when I felt discouraged. I realize, though, that I need to try, even if it is hopeless, and you seem to be unable to understand that. It would probably be best if we don’t see one another again. You can go back to your farm, but I am meant to be here.”

Before he could respond, she was out the door, twisting her hair back into a tight knot at the top of her head. Her heart ached inside her, insisting she turn around and go back to the warmth of the bed, but she knew she had to resist or she would never be able to leave him—she would be trapped in his sweet embrace. She felt awful for her unkind words, but it was best for them both if this ended immediately.

Outside, the air was cool and the breeze dried the tears she only then realized were falling down to her cheeks. She strode away from the looming house, moving with as much speed as she possibly could without breaking into a run. She needed to go to the schoolroom to retrieve her bonnet and shawl, close it up for the weekend, and then make her way to the Leach home.

She knew there would likely be questions and concern for her well-being when she got there, but she wanted to do nothing more than close herself up in her room alone and weep for what she was sacrificing. It was the right choice, but the price seemed much too high—almost unbearable—and it tore at her heart with sharp claws.

When she reached the house, she wiped away the tears and gathered the bits and pieces of herself into one makeshift whole. It might not stand up to much scrutiny, but hopefully it would be enough to get her through the house if she moved quickly.

One more deep breath, and then into the house she stole, as quiet as she could without appearing to sneak, lest she was caught. It took only a few seconds, however, for Mrs. Leach to come bustling into the hallway. Although Alice kept her face averted to hide the evidence of her emotions she knew she had been unable to completely cover, she could not fool the older woman.

Esther Leach walked up and tilted Alice’s chin, forcing her face up into the light. Sympathy filled the motherly eyes. “What is it, dear? What has happened?”

Alice knew she would be unable to lie to this kind woman, so she simply said, “I would rather not talk about it, Mrs. Leach. I would just like to go to my room, please. I will be fine.”

The final statement was more of a wish than an assurance, but it was enough. Mrs. Leach released her grasp on Alice’s face and shifted her body to allow Alice enough space to enter the house. Before she could steal up to her room, Mrs. Leach said, “I think of you as a daughter, Alice, so I have the same advice for you that I would give them. I have no idea what has happened, but my guess is it has something to do with Mr. Thomas Lancaster. I may be wrong, but if I’m not, just know that love can hurt, my dear. That does not mean you should hide from it or keep yourself from experiencing it.”

Alice dashed through the house, up the steps, and into the sanctuary of her room. She felt like her lungs were unable to gather enough air. Sitting down on the floor, her back to the door, she breathed heavily. She would behave appropriately and maturely tomorrow, but for now, she would let herself mourn.

The time with Thomas had been far too wonderful, and so much of her demanded she let herself be happy, consider her occupation as lost and fall into his arms. Allow him to protect her forever.

But she had to listen to that other voice, the one that reminded her of the excited fluttering in her heart before the first day of school in the fall, the joy when a student completed a task he believed he was incapable of doing, when a student turned his slate to her with pride as he presented his accomplishment. The students she loved so dearly.

Alice kicked off her boots and unbuttoned her dress, climbing into bed still mostly clothed. It was uncomfortable, but she ignored it and drifted off to sleep.

***

Alice spent the following morning preparing to meet with the school board. They had meetings on Saturdays twice a month, and she was sure to be the topic at this one. She would need to go and challenge the board, regardless of what Mr. Wilson might say to punish her. He was capable of slander, she was sure of it, and the trust the two female members put in him would likely overshadow anything she might say, but she needed to try. Conceding before she had done everything in her power was not an option.

The mirror reflected a grim but determined face which looked much older and wearier than it had only a few days before, but there was nothing to do about that. Her losses had settled deep in her bones during the night, aging her.

She held her chin high, took a few more steadying breaths, and left the safety of her room to brave the world, a soldier preparing for battle.

Downstairs was mercifully quiet, and the few family members who were awake did not disturb her as she marched out the door. The weather had turned in the night, leaving the morning gray and cool, with spring rain on the horizon. It would be another hour before the meeting began, so she wandered over to the schoolhouse, the place she felt most at home in the entire town.

Except perhaps Thomas Lancaster’s home, where she could settle into his strong arms and rest her head against his chest, hearing his heart, his good heart, beating.

The thought set her own heart to thumping heavily, but she tried to ignore it. Now was not the time for memories of Thomas. She needed to keep her mind clear if she planned to accomplish anything that morning.

Her steps brought her to the schoolhouse, and Alice looked at it with tears stinging her eyes. She did not enter the classroom she knew so well. Instead, she sat on the small fence that surrounded the building and studied the place she considered to be her sanctuary. A tiny, fragile construction, built when Shasta first grew from a few mining shanties and saloons into a true township. The paint was peeling, and it looked weathered in the dull morning light, but being there helped mend her heart a little. It was where she belonged.

The cool air seeped through her shawl and into her skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps along her arms, yet still she stayed in that spot, unwilling to move. She thought of the hundreds of tiny special moments she had experienced within its walls, and her breath hitched as she considered the possibility of never entering it again.

If she needed to, she would be strong and find a new place to teach, but leaving the profession altogether was simply not an option, as much as she wanted it to be. She stayed in that spot until she was chilled through and a cramp had begun in one of her legs. When she finally rose from her place on the fence, her body ached, but she felt stronger. The threat of tears had faded. It was time to face the board.

Although few townspeople ever attended the school board’s meetings, they were held in the large town hall with the doors thrown open to the public. When Alice entered, the two severe female board members were listening as Mr. Wilson finished saying something with such vehemence that she was sure it was about her.

Her assumption was confirmed when he turned toward the sound of her footsteps and grinned a dark, vengeful smile. He shook his head. “Here she is, ladies, the conniving woman herself.”

Alice was about to retort, to argue for her position, when he continued, “This Miss Crenshaw has lied to us all and should be made accountable for her actions.”

Anger burned in her stomach, warming her despite the chill. If he was going to try to use her secret teaching methods to get her kicked out, she would fight and argue until they understood how much it helped the students. “I teach—“

Again she was stopped. Mr. Wilson’s voice bowled over hers. “How dare you think you could hide your marriage from us? For years! Well, no longer. Do you deny that you are married to a Mr. Ben Longmont, a common thief who was jailed for his crimes?”

Her anger fled as Alice stared in stunned disbelief. How had he found out? “Yes, but—but—“ her voice and mind failed her, and she drifted into silence.

Mr. Wilson nodded, satisfied. “As you see ladies, she is not fit to teach here, or anywhere, for that matter. I move we dismiss this woman as the town educator and contact all nearby townships to ensure that they are not subjected to her sinful presence.”

She hardly heard his words, her thoughts turned inward as she attempted to comprehend what she had heard. There was only one person who knew about her marriage, and Thomas would never tell Wilson a thing like that… would he? He wanted her to go with him to Missouri, but was he desperate enough to orchestrate this just so she would give up her quest to continue teaching in the west?

She tried to invent alternatives. It was possible Wilson had overheard them talking somehow. But if he had, and he knew of her afternoon alone with Thomas, then he would have accused her of those improprieties as well, not just the marriage. Wilson must have gotten the information from somebody, and it had to be Thomas. There was no other option.

Everything clicked into place. She had hoped, prayed, that he would be a better man than Ben, but it was stupid to believe he would not manipulate her for his own ends. He probably felt he was helping her. Protecting her. That made it no more forgivable. Her heart, which she thought was already broken beyond reason, crashed apart as if made of glass.

She needed to get out of there. It was too much. As the two women before her agreed with the odious man and began discussing a replacement teacher, Alice turned and left the room, trudging to the Leach home, utterly defeated. This time, she made no attempt to walk quietly, but nobody bothered her. Mrs. Leach stepped into the entryway for only a moment, but did not speak as Alice walked past without looking at her.

In her room, Alice sat on the bed and stared out the window. She felt adrift, without any mooring or hope of rescue. What could she possibly do now?

Chapter Seven

It was Saturday afternoon before Thomas gave up hope that Alice would return that day. He was aware of the school board meeting, and that it must have long since ended, and yet there was still no sign of her. He had been running through their time together in his mind repeatedly, and he could sit and wait no longer. All day, his body had ached to take action, and now it was time at last.

Once decided, he left the house to saddle his horse Hamlet, and in mere minutes he was riding to town. The movement of the large animal under him was soothing, and the cool air helped clear his head, which had been a muddle the entire day. He wanted to be with her, and damn it all, he would make it happen no matter what the stubborn girl had said. He had seen in her eyes that their blissful afternoon was more than a single dalliance—he just needed to make her aware of it.