Heart of Courage (14 page)

Her stomach contracted. She was going to Thor. Corrie had provided the potion she needed and though nothing was completely foolproof, she could be fairly sure she wouldn't conceive Thor's child.

The notion was oddly disturbing. She loved children. She had always wanted a family, perhaps because she had never had much of one herself. It bothered her that she was going to great lengths to prevent the very thing she wanted most.

One day it would happen, she told herself. She would marry a steady, acceptable sort of man and bear him any number of children. Until then, she would take this time for herself.

As she climbed the stairs to her room, she thought of the night ahead. What if Thor wasn't there when she arrived? He had vowed to be absent, to spend the night in the arms of a woman at Madame Fortier's. Should he abandon her for one of them, it would be painful, but if he weren't there, at least he would never know she had come to him and she would never tell him.

She took a deep breath and went into her room. Once the household was asleep, she would leave. It wasn't far to Green Park and the neighborhood was safe enough.

Whatever happened, her decision was made. At midnight, she was going to Thor. Lindsey ignored a curl of heat that slipped into her stomach, along with a little knot of fear.

 

Thor tossed back the last of his ale and set the tankard down on the bar. He wasn't much of a man for drink, no more than an ale or two when the mood struck.

Tonight he had come to the Thistle and Rose, a tavern on the quay his crew of stevedores favored, determined to drink himself into a stupor. If he got drunk enough, mayhap he would not be tortured by images of Lindsey in his bed.

“Hey, Thor—how 'bout we head down to the Pig and Garter? Hear tell they got a couple o' fine new wenches. Maybe we can find ourselfs a bit o' entertainment.”

It was Johnson, a big strapping dockworker with bushy blond hair and a ready smile. Benders and Schofield were also there, keeping him company.

He tried to muster some enthusiasm for the idea, but wound up shaking his head. “Mayhap next time.” He had drunk more ale than he was used to but, unfortunately, still felt completely sober. He pulled the watch his brother had given him at Christmastime from the pocket of his trousers and checked the hour.

Twelve-thirty. If she had been insane enough to go to his flat, surely she would be back in her own bed by now.

The thought made his stomach tighten. He tossed a couple of coins on the bar, waved to his co-workers, and headed out the door. As he walked along the darkened street, he thought of Lindsey and the vow she had made. He knew how reckless she could be, but neither was she a fool.

Once she'd had time to consider the consequences, he was certain she would have come to her senses.

He raised his arm to hail a cab, more than ready to go home. He felt tired in a way he couldn't explain. Every step seemed a burden, every movement weighed him down. The thought of facing his empty bed seemed an impossible feat. He didn't want to be alone tonight. He didn't want to think of the woman he had turned away, no matter the reason he had done it.

You had no choice,
he told himself, and he knew it was true. He had done what was best for Lindsey, what was best for both of them.

A hansom pulled up in front of him. Wearily, he climbed into the seat, dreading the night ahead and the hours he would lie abed—thinking of Lindsey, unable to fall asleep.

I
t was well after midnight, the moon no more than a sliver in the sky, the stars obscured by the glow of lights in the city. Climbing out of the carriage she had hailed at the corner, Lindsey paid the driver and turned to make her way up the outside staircase leading to Thor's apartment.

Her heart was pounding, her hands clammy with perspiration. She thought of turning back but she had come this far and it seemed impossible to think of leaving. She lifted her hand to knock, then decided to try the latch. Perhaps he had left it open so that she could come in.

The door was indeed unlocked, a hopeful sign that he was expecting her. She entered the house on legs that wobbled only a little. It was dark, but the fingernail moon and the gas street lamp below the window gave her enough light to see. She glanced around, curious about the place Thor lived, saw that the parlor was clean but sparsely furnished, saw that he kept his quarters very neat.

There was a sofa and chair in front of a small coal-burning hearth. Next to it, a leather shield hung on the wall, and a huge sword leaned against the wall beneath it. She itched to examine the items more closely, but she was too nervous, too anxious to see Thor.

Praying he would be waiting for her in his bedroom, she crossed the parlor to the door, her heart hammering with a mixture of uncertainty and anticipation. Turning the knob, she quietly eased it open. The room was also neat and clean, the bed carefully made. Her heart squeezed hard as her worst fear was confirmed.

Thor was not there.

A sob caught in her throat. As he had vowed, he had gone to the Red Door. He would rather spend the night with a paid-for woman than make love to her. Tears gathered in her eyes. She was a fool. A complete and utter idiot. Thank God he wasn't there to witness her shame. Thank God he would never know the lengths she had gone to so that they could be together.

She had wanted him so badly, enough to humiliate herself by coming to a man who would rather make love to a whore.

Her heart twisted inside her. Perhaps that was how he saw her. A soiled woman, the doxy she had portrayed the night she had gone with him to Covent Garden. The tears in her eyes spilled onto her cheeks. Pulling her shawl a little closer around her, Lindsey turned and ran out of the bedroom. She had to escape before he returned, had to get away before he found her there and her shame would be complete.

She had almost made her escape when the front door swung open and Thor's massive silhouette appeared in the opening.

Dear God in heaven—he had returned from Madame Fortier's! He had taken his pleasure and now he would find her there in his rooms, just another of his foolish, besotted women. She ducked her head so he wouldn't see the tears on her cheeks and tried to rush past him.

Thor blocked her way. “By the gods—you came.”

“Let me pass,” she demanded, praying he wouldn't hear the tremor in her voice. “Get out of my way!”

But he didn't move and when she tried to squeeze past, he simply reached out and encircled her in his arms. “Lindsey…”

Humiliation washed over her. He had just left another woman's bed. She couldn't endure it. She simply could not.

“Get your hands off me!” She tried to twist out of his hold, managed to free one hand and swung at him. Thor ducked her useless effort and pulled her against his chest.

“Lindsey…sweetheart.”

She was crying in earnest now, making a complete and utter fool of herself. “Please let me go,” she whispered between ragged breaths. “I just want to go home.”

But instead, he lifted her into his arms and carried her over to the sofa, sat down and cradled her in his lap. “I am so sorry,” he said, pressing soft kisses against the side of her neck. “Forgive me for being a fool.”

“I am the fool.” Aching deep inside, hurting as she never had before, she shoved her hands against his chest in a futile effort to escape. “I thought I was special. I thought I meant something to you.”

Thor kissed her temple. “You mean everything to me. Do you not know?”

She looked at him through her tears. “If you care, why did you go? Why do you want them and not me?”

“I did not go to the Red Door.”

“I don't believe you.”

“I do not lie, Lindsey. This you know.”

She did know. In fact he was often too truthful. “I thought you wanted me.”

“I was trying to protect you.”

She glanced away, swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I want to go home.”

He traced a line down her cheek. “It is too late for that, sweetheart. It was too late the moment you stepped through that door.”

She felt his fingers beneath her chin, gently turning her to face him, then his mouth settled softly over hers. His kiss was warm and moist and tasted faintly of ale.
A tavern, then, not the Red Door.
The lump in her throat began to ease.

Thor deepened the kiss and her stomach contracted. Her heart was hammering, beating with wild anticipation.

Still she pulled away.

“I can't…can't do this.” She shook her head, a tightness building in her chest. “I thought I could, but I can't.”

“What is wrong?”

“You need a woman to ease your needs. I thought I could be that woman. Now I…I see that I can't be like the others, no matter what you make me feel.”

Thor's blue eyes burned into her. “You are nothing like the others. I have never met a woman like you. Day and night I think of you, ache for you. There is no other I want, Lindsey, only you.”

She looked at him, read the sincerity in his face. She meant more to him than just a woman to warm his bed. How much more she couldn't say, but for now it was enough.

“Thor…” Cupping his face in her hands, she brought her mouth to his for a trembling kiss. His lips claimed hers, swift and sure, moved over them with burning need, and desire rose up inside her.

She was the woman he wanted, she and no other.

And dear God, she wanted him.

Thor kissed her again, deeply, slowly, his tongue sliding in, tangling with hers, setting her body aflame. He nibbled and tasted, teased and coaxed until she was writhing on his lap, pressing herself against the thick ridge of his sex.

Thor groaned.

Lindsey kissed him again and Thor kissed her back, kissed her until her mind had turned numb and her body seemed to melt into his. One last kiss and he set her on her feet and slowly began to undress her. His hot blue gaze ran over every inch he exposed and her breath froze in her lungs. She trembled as he removed her bodice, loosened the tabs on her skirt and petticoats, and urged her to step from the fluffy folds.

Lindsey did as he bade, filled with a mixture of anxiety and longing, basking in the appreciation she read in his brilliant blue eyes. He reached up and drew the pins from her hair, laced his fingers in the honey brown curls and spread the heavy mass around her shoulders.

She held her breath as he untied her corset strings, removed the garment and tossed it away, turned her to face him in her chemise, drawers, garters and stockings.

“So sweet,” he said, “so much a woman. How could I not have seen?”

She didn't have time to consider his words before he was kissing her again, long deep kisses that had her stomach floating up beneath her ribs. He peeled down her chemise and filled his hands with her breasts, stroked the tips until they hardened and throbbed, then settled his mouth over an aching nipple.

Lindsey's head fell back, giving him better access. She clutched his head, slid her fingers into the silk of his thick dark hair. She moaned as he suckled and tasted, gently bit the rigid tip, circled the tight pink crest with his tongue. Pleasure washed through her, deep and pure, and heat and need and something else she could not name.

“Thor,” she whispered, wishing she could touch him as he was touching her.

As if he read her mind, he stepped away from her and stripped off his tailcoat, drew his full-sleeved shirt off over his head. Naked to the waist, he turned back to her, the most magnificent man she had ever seen.

She rested a shaky hand on his powerful chest, felt the muscles there contract. “I want to touch you,” she softly admitted. “I want to know the taste of your skin, feel the texture of your muscles. I want to kiss you as you kissed me.”

Bending her head, she pressed her lips to the place above his heart, circled a flat copper nipple with her tongue, felt the slide of liquid heat into her core. She inhaled the heat and masculine scent of him and desire made her legs go weak.

Thor lifted her into his arms and started striding toward his bedroom as if he couldn't wait a moment more. An instant later, she was naked and lying in his big four-poster bed. Thor kissed her fiercely, kissed her until she was mindless with need, aching for the pleasure he had shown her before.

He left her only long enough to remove the last of his clothes. Her cheeks burned as she watched him walk toward her, the male part of him long and thick, riding high and hard against his flat belly.

She thought of her own slight frame and how the two would join and though she had known a man before, he was nothing at all like Thor.

“Do not be frightened,” Thor said gently. “There is no need to hurry.” His hand found her wetness, began to stroke her. “I will not take you until you are ready.”

Her breath hitched, came faster. She remembered the pleasure he had given her that day in the carriage and closed her eyes, allowing him to take her to those same thrilling heights again. In moments, she was trembling, her skin hot and burning. She barely noticed when he joined her on the bed, when his hard length replaced his hand and he began to slide his thick shaft inside her.

He was long and heavy, so big she feared he would tear her in two.

“Thor…?”

“Easy, sweetheart. You were made for me. This I now know. We will find a way.” And then he kissed her and his big hands stroked her and she forgot the tightness, the stretching, forgot her fear.

Instead, she marveled at the feel of his massive chest against her breasts as he surged forward, the smooth muscles teasing her rigid nipples. She reveled at the warmth of his long legs rubbing against her calves, the weight of him pressing her down in the mattress.

Thor kissed her deeply, his tongue sliding in, his mouth hot and coaxing over hers. Through a haze of need, she realized his hard length was fully impaled inside her. She had expected the same pain as the first time, but there was only a delicious fullness, the glorious feeling of being one with him.

She wriggled a little beneath him, testing the weight and thickness, the unusual sensation of his body joined with hers.

Thor hissed in a breath. “Do not move.”

But Lindsey couldn't help herself. She liked the way he felt inside her, needed to move so badly she could not possibly stay still. Arching upward, she took him even deeper, and Thor softly cursed. Then he was driving hard, his hips pumping, moving in and out with deep penetrating strokes that sent wild ripples of pleasure spearing through her. Something tightened inside her, clenched with a need so strong she cried out.

Thor drove into her again and again, his heavy thrusts driving all conscious thought from her head. Pleasure engulfed her. Bright searing light and great waves of sweetness had her arching upward to receive his deep penetration, digging her nails into his broad, muscular back.

For long moments, they clung together as each of them spiraled down. Thor's dark head nestled against her shoulder, her arms round his powerful neck. It took a moment to realize the burning in her eyes was tears. For so many years she had fought them. With Thor, it seemed to happen without conscious thought. Still, she had cried enough this night and she blinked them away before he could see.

Thor kissed her softly, then eased himself from her body, lay down beside her and nestled her in his arms.

“I did not hurt you?”

Lindsey shook her head. “You were wonderful, Thor. Everything I imagined and more.”

The edge of his mouth faintly curved. “I am glad you are pleased.”

She rolled onto her side to face him, found his beautiful blue eyes on her face. “You don't have to worry about…you know…a baby. I went to see Coralee. Her husband's manservant is from India. He gave me a potion so that you would not get me with child.”

He glanced away. “I suppose that is best.”

But suddenly she wasn't so sure. She couldn't think of anything more wonderful than having Thor's baby. “I suppose.”

He said no more and neither did she. Perhaps tomorrow she would regret her decision to come here.

But tonight she was with Thor and it was the place she most wanted to be.

 

It would soon be dawn. Exhausted from the lovemaking that took up most of the night, Lindsey slept peacefully. Awake and watching her, Thor ran a finger along her bare shoulder, looked down at her and thought how beautiful she was. He had taken her thrice last night, and each time she had responded with innocent abandon. It was clear her single experience with a man had done nothing to further her education.