Heart Fate (38 page)

Strother leapt off the bed and stood watching her.
My Family is dead. They died the night I was crippled in the accident.

The red mist coalescing before her vision disappeared. She felt tired. “Oh.”

“What kind of accident?”

Lahsin squeaked. She couldn't imagine a thing. “Was the house a Residence?” Suddenly she was grateful for even the irascible BalmHeal Residence.

The shaggy hair over his eyes lowered in consideration.
It was not a house. One of the small warehouses near here.

She stared at his ugly face, his large form. “Tinne said you were a wolfhound.” She reached out and rubbed his head, he rumbled approval. “I've never seen a dog like you. Not that I've seen many.” She moved her hand to stroke his floppy ears.

I do not know where I come from
, Strother said.
I only remember the three men. I think they found me south of Druida.
He nudged her with his nose, and she rubbed his head again.

“You are awake. It's about time,” the Residence said. “I've moved some additional breakfasts from the long-term-storage no-time to the kitchen no-time. Can we get back onto a schedule? It is three days before Yule, and I want my holiday lights bespelled and more decoration on my banisters.”

Lahsin wrinkled her nose. “I smell bad again.” She didn't want to remember the fading details of her Passage, only recalled that it was scary. That was warning enough.

You smell like Lahsin after an ordeal. That is only right.
Strother sighed and rubbed the underside of his muzzle on the bed, closed his eyes. Pleasure welled in Lahsin. He trusted her.
I am sorry that I was not here for your dreamquest.
He hesitated.
I felt some of it. Felt odd. Didn't know what happened until I was back inside. We are Fam companions.

“Yes, we are.” She wet her lips. “I wasn't alone.”

Tinne Holly brought you to your room
, Strother said.

Lahsin blinked, lifted her hand to rub her temples. It smelled doggy. “I remember I was in the stillroom.” She grimaced. “The decoction is spoiled by now. At least there is a fail-safe spell on the still.” More work to redo, and the Residence hadn't given another snide prompting, though she thought the atmosphere seethed with impatience.

“I'll have to thank Tinne again.”

All that Holly cat talks about is Yule gift from her FamMan.
Strother lifted his head in a proud gesture.
I do not need a Yule gift from my FamWoman. Caring is enough.

Lahsin's eyes stung, she swallowed. Once again her emotions were more on the surface after Passage. She petted him. “Thank you, but I can manage a gift for you, and I
do
care for you.”

I know, I can feel it.
As she swung her legs over the bed, he moved aside for her. She wobbled to the window, lifted a curtain, and peeked out. “Sunny.”

“No, that can wait until this evening after my lessons.” That perked her up. She was learning to control her body better physically, surely that would be a good basis for harnessing her emotions during her last Passage fugue. She grinned. “It looks like Yule. I want a wreath for the door.”

“About time,” the Residence said.

Lahsin ignored it and headed for the waterfall, singing a holiday tune.

 
 
In the last couple of days before Yule, Tinne kept his relations with
Lahsin casual and easy, making sure she didn't associate him with her HeartMate. He'd been surly during Passage, and now he increased his charm. Only one small situation occurred that had to be handled delicately.

On the night before Yule, he “attacked” her from behind, pulling her roughly to him. Instead of falling back and making him lose his balance, then following with the counter they'd practiced many times before, she froze.

She'd felt his arousal.

He'd known it would be only a matter of time before his body reacted to her during their sessions. Spending the night surviving Passage with her had brought them closer than before, physically as well as emotionally. He was aware of her. His body wanted her urgently, also expected after a long celibacy.

But it was awkward.

He dropped his arms and sighed. “You froze, you internalized your fear instead of using it to fight and escape.”

She remained silent.

He came to face her. Her eyes widened, and her gaze dropped as she stared at the front of his trous. He clenched his jaw as his arousal became more intense. She looked back up, and he saw fear in her eyes. She tensed, shifted for flight.

“Don't run.”

Keeping her gaze on him, she inhaled, scowled as she fought her own fearful reactions.

“You're younger and faster than T'Yew,” she said.

“I should hope so.”

“Harder.”

That pulled a laugh from him.

She frowned, her cheeks flushed to the color of a ripe peach. “Your sex is bigger than T'Yew's—”

“I should hope so.”

“—and though you aren't as tall or as bulky, your muscles are harder.” She looked away and began to quiver.

His humor vanished. “I could hurt you more, you mean.”

She nodded.

“Lahsin.” He kept his voice gentle. When he touched her chin, she flinched. “Look into my eyes, Lahsin. Yes, I'm aroused. I'm a young man, and you're an attractive young woman. My body reacts naturally around you. But, Lahsin, a man isn't only a cock. And a smart man doesn't let his cock rule him.”

Her mouth dropped open.

“I control my body, it does not master me.”

She met his gaze, her stance eased a little. “Of course not.” Her voice was too high.

He raised both hands, palms out. “I will never force myself on you, Lahsin.
Never
.”

“Of course you wouldn't.” More deep breaths. “You can have any woman you want.”

His turn to flinch. “I'd rather you believe in my honor and my word and my self-control.”

“I do.” She sighed long, and her muscles loosed with it. Tinne knew that she'd overcome her fear and wouldn't run. “You'd never want an unwilling partner.”

“No.” He hesitated, but the words had to be said. “T'Yew is a powerful FirstFamily GrandLord, accustomed to getting what he wants.” Like Tinne's father, but so much worse, and Lord and Lady knew, Tinne had paid dearly for T'Holly's arrogance. Tinne hoped the fates would call payment due on T'Yew. “And T'Yew's sexual proclivities are not that of any normal man.” Deep breaths. Her gaze was steady, and that was good. “He's twisted, Lahsin, to want a wife so much younger than he.”

The sadness in her eyes hurt Tinne's heart.

“He married me on my fourteenth Nameday. The youngest legal age.” Her lips firmed, then she said, “He wanted a son.”

“Well, he didn't get one, did he?” Tinne tried to be brisk but failed.

“No.”

He looked away, he should reveal a vulnerability, her fingers still trembled. “I haven't had sex in . . . months.” His voice was rougher than anticipated. “My reaction's natural.” That was much more difficult to say than he'd thought, and he regretted it.

Her eyes turned curious, but all she said was, “What do you do when teaching women at your salon?”

“I usually wear a groin-guard. No one can tell whether I'm hard or not. Since we'll be progressing to strikes against the groin in the next lesson, I'll bring one.”

She nodded. “All right.” She straightened. “Let's try an attack again. I
will
unbalance you. I
will
follow through.”

“Yes,” Tinne said. “I'm proud of you, Lahsin. You overcame your fear and stood your ground, were calm enough to listen. I respect you.” He bowed twice. First a formal bow of Nobleman to Noblewoman, then he changed his stance and bowed as they both did before a training session.

She bowed back, watching him. “I want to learn more than self-defense,” she said. “I want to learn fighting.”

A lump formed in his throat. He nodded, then he walked behind her to attack her again.

A half septhour later, Lahsin was smiling, appearing pleased with herself. She'd solidly mastered the defense for a grab from behind. She wasn't vulnerable to that attack any longer. Satisfaction filled Tinne, more than he'd had since he'd begun teaching. Usually other members of the Holly Family taught grovestudy groups self-defense, but maybe he could work a class into his schedule. Maybe bring the group into the Green Knight to train as some might want to continue, like Lahsin. It never hurt to have more business.

Tinne soaked opposite her in the Healing pool. They'd 'ported to the pool after the lesson, and Tinne noted she'd become proficient in that skill, too. The pool itself was warm, and the snow around it was white with no tracks.

He watched her from under lowered lids. They didn't speak. There'd be no more shared rubbing of salve, not when he was so aware of her sexually and she knew of his desire. He wouldn't embarrass either of them but he'd miss the tending.

When he'd gotten the maximum benefit from the pool, he rose, dried, and dressed, keeping his movements unhurried.

Once again he bowed to her, keeping his eyes on her face. “Merry meet.” He hesitated. “I don't know if I'll be here tomorrow night . . .” He realized he wanted to be, very badly.

She nodded. “Yule with the Family is important.”

“. . . but if I can come, I will.”

“I'm not celebrating the ritual at sunset but at midnight, if that makes a difference,” she said. He sensed she was crafting her own ways different than the Yews and the Burdocks.

“Thank you,” he replied gravely. “I will come then.”

Hunching a shoulder, she said, “If you want. Blessings of the holiday.” She was having trouble keeping her own gaze on his face, had peeked at more than his ass when he'd gotten out of the pool. He lifted a hand and teleported to the Turquoise House, considering her expression. It appeared to be a yearning—for Family to celebrate the Yule with?

For him? He'd like that. Too much. Shouldn't think of that.

Twenty-eight

The Green Knight closed at noon the next day for the winter sol
stice, Yule. Classes had been light, especially thin of women, who continued to be those who managed holidays. Tinne hadn't seen his Mamá or his sister-in-law, Lark, for days.

He had held a small Yule ritual in the Turquoise House and anticipated two more with his Family and Lahsin.

Dressed in his most flamboyant clothes of red and green silkeen with gold trim, Tinne arrived at T'Holly Residence a full septhour before the early sunset. Ilexa was already there, showing off the emerald collar he'd given her to the other Fams.

He went to his rooms in T'Holly Residence only for as long as it took him to snag his best ceremonial drum. The body was deep reddwood, the skin excellent, accented with gold tassels. He'd stenciled holly leaves and berries along with mistletoe around the top and bottom.

His rooms looked appropriate for the season, but he still didn't want to live in them, wanted to remain in the Turquoise House with little pressure. He had begun to like living alone. It was improving his temper and maybe his character. A good experience, being away a while from his overprotective Family.

He set his drum in the large gathering room that would host the Family after the ritual. To his surprise, his father had decided the ritual should take place outside in the sacred grove. T'Holly had gone to great lengths to clear the snow and erect a weathershield—a minimal weathershield so the Family would experience the touch of winter. Tinne got the impression that his father had used his own great Flair for these arrangements, but Tinne was glad he'd brought his heavy llamawool cape.

He let himself be absorbed into the bustle of preparations by his Mamá after her absent kiss. He dressed long tables and sideboards in holiday linens ready for great platters of food.

Then it was time, and they trooped to the grove. Tinne stood between his brother and Tab, linked hands with them as the whole circle was doing and felt the sweet surge of Family Flair. They stood and let the winter silence envelop them as the sun died.

He thought he'd suffer through the Yule ritual with his Family, but it went well. The pervasive love was there as always, but his father showed more humility as he officiated as priest, more of a willingness to allow the spirit of the Lord to move through him. T'Holly was more clear-eyed regarding fate, looking to a future that would never hold what he'd wanted all his life—years of the Captaincy of the FirstFamilies Council and thus all the Celton Councils. Tinne was impressed. And touched even more when his mother went through the ceremony as the Lady with a bright gaze and soft expression.

His father had changed, and in doing so, the relationship between his parents had changed, and his Mamá welcomed that, too.

Everyone
felt
the change when the energy from T'Holly and D'Holly cycled through them. There was less fierce determination in obtaining his own goals from T'Holly and more openness.

Instead of asking the Lady and Lord to fulfill his wishes, T'Holly asked to be led to the right destiny.

The Flair that flowed through the circle was finally free of any taint. The party afterward was as loud and raucous and joyous as those Tinne recalled from his childhood.

When most of the Family had retired to their bedchambers to celebrate privately or to rest, Tinne went upstairs to his old rooms. There he stashed his drum and got a sturdy bag and put his gifts into it. He sauntered to the teleportation room and 'ported to BalmHeal Residence, glad Lahsin continued to keep this opening in the house's spellshields for him.