Hear Me When the Sun Goes Down (30 page)

I rapped on Bishop’s door, more than a little worried by the late hour invitation.  Had Jakob said or done something because of my earlier insinuation that I still had unresolved feelings for him?  If I’d put Bishop in danger to shield Rob… I didn’t know what I’d do. 

Bishop pulled open the door and I rushed inside, half expecting to find Jakob there.  “I got your message, it sounded urgent.  What’s going on?”

“I spoke to Jakob and accepted his offer to take the position in Rome.”

“Oh… you have?”  His message had made it sound imperative that I drop everything and come over
, but I thought we’d already covered this at the office.  Still, I was glad he’d made it official before Jakob changed his mind.  “That’s great!  Oh, this is so exciting, we’ll have to put together a going away party for you to send you off in style.  Maybe at Nightshade, or the Hart?”  Maybe I could get Maggie to stop making a fuss over my birthday and focus on throwing him a big ol’ shindig to send him on his way.   

Only Bishop didn’t look at all in a partying mood.  “I’m leaving tonight.”   

“So soon?”

“I think it’s for the best.  The sooner I step in and take over for Volkov, the smoother things will be.  I can’t justify hanging around here when there’s so much work to be done.”

“Right, I can see that.”  Part of me was happy he’d taken such a serious interest in the new role, but I had to admit, part of me wasn’t ready for him to go yet.  Maybe I was the one who needed the party to say goodbye to him? 

“Unless you want me to stay?”

There was a note of hope behind his voice that I hated to crush, but he was right.  Dragging it out wouldn’t do anyone any good.  I didn’t need him to stay, the way he needed me to, even though I’d miss the friendship growing between us.  “No, I think you’re right about going sooner than later.”

Some of the light went out of his eyes, but he recovered swiftly enough, offering me a resigned smile.  “That’s what I thought.”

“So, this is goodbye then.”  It felt strange to think I wouldn’t be seeing him at the office anymore. I’d started to look forward to our talks, and somehow I didn’t think chatting about pirates versus ninjas over Skype would be the same.  “Do you need anything?  I could have the jet made available for you.”

“No, thanks.  I’ve already made all the arrangements.”

“Oh.  Then why did you need me to come over?”

Bishop’s smile recovered its sparkle.  “I have a gift for your birthday, I thought I’d give it to you tonight.” 

“My birthday’s not until next week.”

“Considering I won’t be here, I’d rather give it to you now, if you don’t mind.”

“That’s very sweet of you.  You didn’t have to buy me anything, you know.”

“I didn’t.  I made it.”  His smile turned mysterious as he grabbed my hand and pulled me deeper into the living room.  “Now, have a seat and close your eyes.”

“Why?  I don’t care if you didn’t have time to wrap it.”

“Close your eyes,” he ordered, showing a hint of the stern Bishop that made people quake in their boots, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him, closing them instead. 

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to get all grumpycakes about it.  They’re closed already.  Now give me my present.”  I held both hands out, fingers wiggling.

“So greedy,” he huffed, and I heard him walk away.  “Keep your shirt on, I’ll go get it.  Or actually, you can take your shirt off if you want, I won’t complain.”

“Now who’s greedy?” I snorted, a smile curving my lips as I waited in darkness for the gift.  I heard him moving around, and the scrape of a chair against the floor followed by a creaking sound.  All at once I realized what it was I heard.  It wasn’t a chair at all, but a piano bench. 

The music slid over me in the next instant, the melody hauntingly familiar, sending a ripple of electricity across my skin as I heard it made more than a fleeting memory.  It was
Anja’s Song
, fully fleshed out and completed, not the skeletal remains of Evan’s composition that survived my recollection.  There were subtle changes, but it was so beautiful… it… I still don’t have any words to describe how it touched me.  

I found myself by the edge of the piano with no conscious decision of having moved
, almost too afraid to speak for fear of breaking the spell, until Bishop looked up at me and smiled.  How could he possibly have known what it meant to me?  “Where did you…?”

“I heard you humming it before, and I finished it.”

“Just like that?”

“Not exactly,” he admitted.  “But it gave me peace, working on it for you.  Is it close enough to the music in your head?”

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’s almost as beautiful as you are.”

I closed my eyes again as tears surfaced.  This is what Evan would have wanted, what his work deserved, to be shared and remembered.  I kept them closed until the last notes hung in the air and I could breathe again. 

“Thank you.” I cleared my throat, my voice sounded entirely too choked up.  “I wish I had
a way to listen to it again.  Would you consider sending me a recording?”

Bishop stood, handing over a thumb drive.  “Already done.”  Placing it in my hand, he folded my fingers around it, and tugged me closer.  “Happy birthday, Anja.”  Leaning down, he kissed me softly.  I felt myself open up to him, too overcome with emotion to think about what I was doing, his kiss dredging up all manner of feelings I’d thought long gone.  It didn’t feel wrong at all, despite the fact that Rob waited for me down in the car, and
that
, more than anything else, scared me enough to pull away from his embrace.  What the hell was I doing?

“I have to go,” I said, putting some much needed space between us.  “Thank you for this, though.  I can’t tell you what it means to me.”

“I hope you think of me whenever you listen to it.”

Oh, I could guarantee that. 
The hope was back in his eyes again, and I didn’t know if I should say or do something to try and squash it back down again, or just get out of there before I ended up begging him not to go.  Instead I retreated to the door, feeling warm and flushed like I needed to feed.  Definitely a bad sign.

Bishop took up my hand again as I reached the door.  “I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back.  Maybe things will be clearer by the time we see each other again.”

If he kept kissing me like that it’d be as clear as mud.  We had a long time to sort things out between us, like he said before, forever is a long time.  Still… something Carter once told me came rushing back as I stood in the doorway. 
There is no forever, sunshine.  There’s just today, and I’m glad to have seen you in it.
  It might be a long time before I saw Bishop again.  I didn’t want to give him false hope, but in the world we lived in, anything could happen. 

Leaning up, I kissed him one last time, a light press of the lips in case it was our last.  “Take care of yourself, okay?  We have no idea how they’re going to receive these changes in Rome and across the world, so be safe.”

“Of course I will, I have something to live for now,” Bishop said with a lopsided grin. 

I didn’t want to go home after that.  There was still at least an hour before sunrise and I asked Gunnar to surprise me with our destination.  Rob asked me if I was
alright, but I couldn’t talk to him of all people about it, so I just nodded, managing a faint smile. 

We pulled up to the Bleeding Hart and despite the late hour, there were still a few people hanging out, including a table of Order members who greeted me with an enthusiastic salute.  I saluted them back and instructed Laveda to put the next round of drinks on my tab. 

Declining Rob’s offer to secure us a table and Jarrod’s offer to join him at his, I went to the scarred mahogany bar to talk to the pretty bartender, craving female companionship. 

“How’s it going?  I see you’re fitting in well here,” I observed as she handed over a mean looking zombie with extra fruit.  Her hair was
pulled into a high ponytail, the riot of curls spilling in every direction.  A Metallica t-shirt had been altered with a series of cuts and tied into a knot at the waist to reveal a taut midriff and a tattoo of a rising phoenix on the small of her back.

“Can’t complain,” she shrugged.  “Tips are good and I haven’t had to worry much about straying hands.  Pity that,” she winked.  “How’s about you?  You look like someone ran over your dog.”

Was it that obvious?  “I’m a little down tonight,” I admitted, not saying more with both Rob and Gunnar standing not two feet away. 

Laveda fixed me with a piercing stare, then drew two pints of beer, setting them on the bar in front of the guys.  “Go on, the pair of you.  Can’t you see we’re having a bit of a chinwag?” she said, making shooing motions with her hands. 

Not done yet, she dug into her pocket for a pair of quarters, sticking them in the ancient jukebox with a flourish. 
Whiskey in the Jar
by her shirt’s namesake came on and her grin stretched wide as she made her way back to the bar.  “I fucking love this song,” she crowed, pouring herself a beer behind the counter to join me.  “We can talk now.  So, what’s got you down in the dumps then?”

I thought about shrugging her off and smothering the way I was feeling in copious amounts of alcohol.  Then again, Laveda was one of the few people who knew about Rob and
me.  No one, not even Maggie or Jenessa could understand the predicament I found myself in better than her. 

Taking note that both Rob and Gunnar were engrossed in a deep discussion about rugby with Jarrod, I took a deep breath and plunged ahead.  “Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time?”

“It’s a good question, that,” she nodded, taking a sip of her beer then tucking it back behind the counter again.  “I think it’s possible to love two people, but not to be
in
love with the both of them.”

“I used to think so too.  I used to think I knew exactly who held my heart, but now…” I shook my head.  Damn Bishop anyway.  Why did he have to pick now to stop being an ass?  “It doesn’t help that the person I
wanted
to give it to can’t openly accept it,” I said a touch quieter.   

“Bishop made a move then?”

My brows came up.  “How did you guess?”

“Why else would he turn me down?” she shrugged a bare shoulder as her t-shirt drooped on one side. 

All of a sudden I started to think I’d brought my troubles to the wrong person.  “I’m sorry, is it weird to talk to you about this?”

“Nah, I don’t mind
.  We’re family, yeah?” 

“I wanted to be,” I said softly.  “But I’m starting to think that can’t happen.”

Laveda nodded sagely.  “It sounds like you have a decision to make.  And if it’s not who I think it is, I will personally kick your ass.”

I smiled at that.  “It’s complicated.”

“No it ain’t.  Love’s not complicated.  The crap around it can be, but love itself is the simplest thing of all.  What you choose to do about it – that’s another thing entirely.”

“You’re right, thanks, Laveda.  You’ve given me plenty to think about.”

“Glad to be of help.  Promise me this though.  No matter who you choose, would you have a care with the other one’s heart?  They’re both dear to me.”

“I will,” I promised.  “They’re dear to me too or I wouldn’t be in this pickle.”

Leaving the rest of my drink untouched, I collected my boys and headed for home, my mind bubbling with possibilities.  I made a beeline for the sanctity of my bedroom, locking the door so as not to be disturbed.  My methodical brain resorted to the same process I’d relied upon since I was in the third grade and I had to choose between the Barbie or Spiderman lunchbox. 

I made a list. 

Four columns, two for Rob and two for Bishop, pros and cons for each of them.  Rob’s columns were easy.  In the pro side I listed everything I loved about him.  That he’d always been there for me, supporting me, keeping me safe.  That he’d been content to love me from afar thinking I’d never return his love.  The gift of his rare smile.  His hands.  That I couldn’t compel him and it would never come between us.  That he’d live so much longer than a regular human.  The beat of his heart and the taste of him.  The rasp of his voice.  The playfulness he shared with his family and sometimes with me.  The way I felt when he kissed me – alive and free in a way I’d never felt before. 

Cons for Rob included the biggie – the fact that Jakob would kill one or both of us if he found out what we felt for each other.  His utter lack of remorse for killing when the situation called for it.  (I went ahead and added that one to Bishop’s con column as well.)  That he was basically bound in servitude to Jakob for God only knew how long.  That he was mortal and would eventually grow old and die.  That he wasn’t willing to stand up to Jakob and fight for me.  Not that I blamed him for that last, but it was a factor.  How could we have a future together if we were doomed from the start? 

I started in on the pro list for Bishop and I didn’t get any farther than his name. 
Bishop
.  Just saying his name… it did things to me.  I didn’t have to list his talent with music or the thrill of his kiss. 
Bishop
.  It was enough to have me staring off into space, losing utter track of what it was I was supposed to be accomplishing.