Healing Tides (9 page)

Why had it made Jared so sad?

“Two streets over they’re serving fresh mahimahi. Hawaii’s famous for it. Want to try?”

“Of course.”

When they were seated at a table for two with frosty glasses of fruit punch, Glory asked Jared if he knew any of the people in the pergola.

“I used to.” He leaned forward, elbows on the table as he rested his chin in his hands. “Nights are the worst time for them. I guess it’s the same for a lot of us.”

“What bothers you about the night?” A flash of surprise whisked across his face. Glory wondered if he’d tell her.

“I suppose it’s the loneliness,” he mused so softly she barely heard. “The feeling that you’re all alone.”

“You’re not.” She reached out, covered his hand with hers and held it for a moment. “You’re never alone.”

“God. Right.” He turned his palm up, threaded his fingers through hers and smiled. But his eyes looked haunted.

“How did you get to know street people?”

“I went looking for Viktor after Diana and Nicholas died.”

Jared’s face grew taut, pale. She knew he needed to say more.

“Did you find him?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me,” she whispered.

“After the funerals—” He stopped, closed his eyes and inhaled several quick breaths. “After that I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I’d see their bloodied faces, their frightened eyes begging me to help them.” He sucked a breath in between his teeth, hanging on to control. “The police knew Viktor had done it but they couldn’t find him.”

“So you decided to help them.”

“Not really.” A sad smile tugged at his mouth. “Sister Phil forced me to take a weekend off. I couldn’t stay at our house, didn’t want to see Kahlia or Pono. So I drove here, visited the zoo. We’d taken Nicholas the day before it happened.”

“Oh, Jared.” Horror filled her. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I never—”

“Don’t be sorry, Glory. He loved it there. I could almost hear his laugh today.” Jared fell silent while the server brought their food.

Torn between needing to know more and not wanting to reopen old wounds, Glory picked at her fish. After a while Jared spoke again, his voice harsh.

“I must have walked for miles. Eventually I ended up sprawled on the beach, in front of that pergola. I was empty, totally empty. Or I thought I was.”

Jared stabbed his fork into his fish and twisted the utensil, his eyes blazing.

“Just tell me,” she begged.

“The tide came in, soaked me. I got up to leave. That’s when I saw him, Viktor, sitting there, watching me.” He laid down the fork, flattened his palm against the tabletop. “I pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911. He never moved, not the entire time. He just sat, staring at me.”

His fingers curled, pulling the tablecloth into a knot as his hand fisted.

“I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him feel what I felt. But all I could hear was Nicholas’s voice asking me where Sam had gone.”

“They were friends?”

“They got to know each other when Diana brought our son to the ward one day. She had a meeting and I’d promised to take him swimming.” His lids drooped over his eyes. “I looked at Viktor and I hated him more than I’ve hated anyone ever. I wanted to kill him but I couldn’t move a muscle.”

Glory had wanted to know more, but now she almost wished she’d stayed home today.

“They took Viktor into custody, tried him and found him guilty.”

“But it wasn’t enough for you.” She could see the truth etched in his face, scribed in the lines fanning around his eyes.

“Of course not. How could it be?” He lifted tortured eyes to meet hers. “He stole my life, Glory. Everything I loved.”

“And now he’s paying for it.” She nodded to the server to take their dishes. “Isn’t that enough?”

Jared shook his head.

“Why?”

“No matter what you do, it can never make up for costing another person’s life,” he told her harshly. “I know that better than most.”

Because of Sam.

“The worst of it is that the God I trusted, the One I served, let him do it.” He pushed back from the table, bitterness blazing from his gaze. “Can we leave now?”

“Yes.” Glory followed him from the restaurant, walked beside him back to the car.

Now that she knew the truth she was even more attracted to Jared Steele.

And there was no future in that. There couldn’t be.

In a few months she’d leave paradise, and Jared, behind.

Why didn’t Glory say anything?

As Jared drove the sea road back to Agapé, the scent of rain blew off the water. Palms swayed against the incoming breeze. Oncoming car lights pinpointed them like startled cats.

He felt drained, embarrassed, a fool.

Glory was adept at getting other people to talk. She’d appeared so interested that he’d been hooked, ended up spilling far more than he ever imagined he’d say.

He’d never intended to talk about his doubts in God, or about his torturous self-doubts. Yet Glory inspired confidences.

Quiet peace shone out from her eyes. He longed to experience that peace himself.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, strung out by her silence.

“About what a wonderful day I’ve had. About my new dress. About bouncing around in those waves this afternoon.”

“About Viktor and his son?”

She glanced sideways at him, nodded.

“You’ve all been so terribly hurt. Two homes broken. Two families torn apart.”

Was that longing in her voice? But why? Her childhood had been rich, everyone at Agapé loved her. What did she know of losing your family?

A moment later Jared decided he’d imagined the inflection.

“I bought myself a floating bed while you were checking through the newspapers in that corner store.”

“A floating bed?” That explained the huge bag in the trunk.

“A lounger. I’ll blow it up and then float on the water, thus enhancing my tan and playing the part of mermaid. The Arctic mermaid. I’ll make up a story for my grandchildren about my time in Hawaii.”

“I didn’t know you were considering marriage.” The thought unsettled him.

“I’m not, not right now. But I’d like to be married sometime. Raise a family.”

He could envision her daughter, a serious bit of a girl with big eyes that took in the entire world and left it better. Children made you better, richer, fulfilled. Glory would be a wonderful mother.

Grief at what he could never have clutched his heart. Jared shoved it away.

“How many do you want?”

“As many as my husband will let me have. Eight, ten.”

“Brave man.”

She grinned. “Or dumb. Kids cost money. But wouldn’t it be an experience?”

“Yeah.” Jared couldn’t shake thoughts of Nicholas tonight.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Her fingers touched his hand, squeezed it. “I didn’t mean to be so thoughtless.”

Would he ever get used to that touch, the whisper-soft brush of a sympathetic hand that expressed so much and asked so little? Did he want to?

“Don’t be silly. Why shouldn’t you talk about your future?” He pulled off into a beach area, rammed the gearshift into Park and opened his door. “Thought you might like to walk on the beach.”

She didn’t need a walk, he did. Away from her, away from the inviting scent of her perfume, away from the danger of thinking about possibilities. Children and family weren’t for him. Not anymore.

“Shall I get the blanket? Do you want to sit on the beach?”

But Glory was already at the water’s edge, dipping in her toes, edging a little deeper until the hems of her knee-length pants barely grazed the black-silk surface.

He watched her stroll back and forth, dousing her fingers in the water and tossing the droplets up to be tossed back on her, wet diamonds carried by the wind, landing on her cheeks.

“You want to go in, don’t you?”

“I’d love to.” Her winsome smile flashed. A huge breaker chased her out of the water. “But swimming at night is probably not the smartest thing to do.”

“It’s one of the best experiences you’ll ever have,” he murmured. “But I don’t know this beach very well. It might be better to go somewhere familiar.”

“It’s probably past time to get back.” GloryAnn strolled beside him, sandals dangling from her fingertips. She bent to examine a bit of driftwood the sea had discarded.

With the twilight around her, Glory reminded him of a traditional Hawaiian story about a water sprite that only emerged from the depths at night. He’d never seen anything more lovely.

When she stopped in front of him, he reached out, touched the moonlit-gilded strands that flowed over her shoulders and down her back. His eyes grazed past her smooth forehead, down her tip-tilted nose to her wide parted lips.

Jared brushed the smooth column of her neck with his fingertips.

And then his phone rang and the trance he’d fallen into shattered.

He flipped it open. “Yes?”

The voice on the other end was a newspaper friend he’d known for three years, and his words killed the moment.

“Are you sure? But why?”

The answer did not appease.

“Okay. Thanks for calling.” Jared snapped the phone closed, squeezed his eyes tight and willed back the red tide of rage that threatened to consume him.

“Jared?” Glory touched his arm.

He opened his eyes, saw concern nestling in the corners of her jade gaze.

“Please tell me what’s wrong. Who was that?”

“A friend.”

“Is something wrong at Agapé?”

A laugh burst out of him, a sharp bark of mirthless rage. “Agapé’s fine.”

He wanted to go back to the sweet intensity of before. But Jared could no more keep silent than fish could stop swimming.

“He called to tell me that the parole board is meeting in a few weeks.”

“P-parole board?” Glory blinked.

“Apparently some bleeding heart has decided that Viktor’s mental condition makes him unsuitable for incarceration.” He kicked his toe into the sand, watched the spray startle some nesting pigeons. “They want to release him to some kind of halfway house where he’ll be under a psychiatrist’s care.”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” she whispered.

He shook off her touch, infuriated by the betrayal.

“No, Dr. Cranbrook, it is not for the best. The man killed two members of my family for revenge. He does not get to walk away without paying for his sins. I won’t allow it.”

“H-how can you stop it?”

The words snagged on his ragged nerves. He stomped around to her side of the car, yanked open the door and pointedly waited for her to get inside. But Glory didn’t meekly obey his unspoken order.

Instead she leaned one hip against the metal and studied him.

“You hate him.”

“Yes.”

“You want him locked up, to suffer, with no help?”

“Yes.” His jaw clenched.

“But hating him won’t help. Hating him won’t bring back Nicholas or Diana.” She cupped her hand to the side of his face. “Forcing him to stay locked up instead of receiving treatment won’t make you hurt any less.” Her voice trembled. She inhaled, let her hand fall away. “Hating isn’t the answer.”

“It’s the only thing I can do to get through the days and weeks without them.”

“No, Jared.” She pushed away from the fender. “It’s the only thing you want to do. Hate is the easiest choice.”

GloryAnn’s soft words whisked past him on the night breeze, carried away by a rush of reality.

Jared recoiled as if Glory had shoved him. But she hadn’t. She’d quietly taken her seat in the car, driftwood clutched in one hand.

He could almost pretend she hadn’t said it—if he hadn’t seen the pity in her eyes.

T
wo-twenty a.m.

The hours GloryAnn had spent in Honolulu with Jared yesterday seemed a distant memory as she sat by Sister Phil’s bedside monitoring the slow rasping respiration. When the gnarled fingers lying in hers suddenly gripped, she began praying.

Sister Phil was not due for medication for another three hours. To increase it this early was not an option.

“Tell me what you and Jared did?”

Glory obliged by painting word pictures of the day, hoping to take the older woman’s attention off her suffering.

“So in the end you never did get to wear your new dress.” Sister Phil’s sweet smile flickered to life. “Oh, well. You can wear it next time Jared takes you out.”

“I don’t think that will happen, Sister. I’m here to work.” It was ridiculous how much she wanted another afternoon with him.

“He’s a fine man, Glory. His heart is so big.”

“I know.”

“He thinks locking himself up here will make it easier to deal with his loss. But true healing only comes when you let go of the pain, reach beyond it to give of yourself.”

Silence stretched. Glory leaned back, let her eyes droop closed.

“You could help him see past his anger, GloryAnn.”

“No. I came to learn his grafting technique so I could practice it when I return home. Only, he won’t do it anymore. Not since that little boy died.”

“He blames himself.” Sister accepted a sip of water then lay back against the pillow, her frail body too weary to hold her up. “He’s lost so much.”

Emotions had twisted Glory’s heart ever since Jared had dropped her off at her cottage. Now they came pouring out.

“When he’s not pushing himself to exhaustion, he’s really fun. He loves the children, though he tries not to let them get behind his barriers. He works harder than anyone to make sure they get every opportunity they need, receive the best care he can give.”

“But?”

“But I can’t allow any personal feelings because in five months I’ll leave here, return to the Arctic, as I promised I would. That’s the calling God placed on my heart, why I have to focus on my patients.”

Sister Phil fought her way through a coughing fit, proof that her lungs were not functioning optimally. “What else?”

“Rest,” Glory ordered, worried by the pallor of her skin.

“No. Tell me—the rest.”

“Bennie. He has no family but—I feel like I’m his family. Like he’s my son. Isn’t that silly?” Tears tumbled over her cheeks. Glory ignored them. “I tried to stay away, to be strictly professional when I’m with him, but I can’t do it.”

Glory pulled her bag near, tugged out the things she’d bought.

“Look. We were in the market yesterday and all I could think was, ‘Bennie would love this. Wouldn’t Bennie get a kick out of playing with this?’” She shook her head. “I was going to give them to him tonight. I actually considered waking him just to see his eyes light up. Isn’t that crazy?”

“That’s love.”

“Of course I love him. But I can’t adopt Bennie. Even if I had time to care for him, I’m leaving. Anyway, he needs Jared’s procedure before he can fully heal. I’m already torn knowing I’ll leave him behind, knowing I’ll never see him or Jared again. How can I deal with that?”

Sister visibly gathered her strength. After several minutes she was able to speak, though only softly.

“God’s calling is a very precious thing. Make very sure it’s His voice you’re following and not something else.”

Sister closed her eyes, drifted off to sleep. Glory sat by her side as the pummel of waves rising and falling against the beach surrounded her. In the deepest recesses she heard her mother’s voice, begging her to return to the Arctic and minister to the Inuit. The challenge was as clear today as it had been all those years ago.

Glory would go home, set up her practice and keep her promise.

God had not changed His call on her life.

As darkest night gave way to dawn, her mind spun scenarios from her day with Jared.

God hadn’t changed his mind, but had she?

Jared paused in the doorway as Glory twirled in front of Bennie. The other children watched but it was Bennie’s approval she craved.

“Pretty,” he murmured as he reached out to touch her new dress.

“Thank you, darling.” She laughed a sweet light trill of pure joy before brushing her lips against his cheek. “I’m glad you like it. I’m going to a party but I’ll come and tuck you in when I return.”

While a nurse urged the others into bed, Bennie stretched up one thin arm. The other was probably too sore from the wound on his shoulder. Jared shoved the guilty pang away, watched the child lean into Glory’s hug, raise his chubby cheek for her kiss.

“Love you,” the husky voice murmured.

“I love you, too, Bennie.”

Anyone could see she did. Glory smiled, mossy-green eyes tender, her hand gentle as it brushed back his hair.

Though Jared had warned her many times, Glory had let herself grow too fond of this child. And that would mean trouble ahead. But for once, Jared didn’t care. For once he simply wanted to relax and Pono’s party offered the answer.

Glory tiptoed between the beds, her heels tapping against the floor despite her best efforts. She jerked to a halt when she saw him.

“Am I late?”

He shook his head, drew her from the room. “I’m early. And Bennie’s right. You do look beautiful.”

A rose-petal pink wash traveled up her throat at breakneck pace and suffused her face in a flush that only enhanced her beauty. “It’s the dress.”

Jared held her gaze. “It’s you. Shall we go?”

“Yes.”

She filled the drive to Pono’s with meaningless chatter. Jared put it down to nervousness. He was experiencing a little of the same. Maybe it
was
the dress.

“This is the most beautiful front yard I’ve ever seen,” she said as they reached their destination. “But since Pono loves to garden, I should have expected it to be.”

Jared parked in the driveway because there was nowhere else on the street to park.

“It looks like the whole neighborhood is here,” he muttered.

“Yes, it does.” Glory shifted in her seat, as if she could hardly wait for him to open her door. The green silk hissed and rustled a reminder they were slightly late.

They walked together up the driveway. Jared placed his hand on the doorknob, then paused.

“You look very beautiful.”

“You said that already.”

“It was worth repeating.” He twisted the knob, smiled at her surprise as the big koa-wood door swung in. “Nobody knocks at Kahlia’s parties. She wouldn’t expect it.”

“Oh.”

Maybe it should feel odd to take her to his in-laws’ party, but Glory didn’t look the least bit uncomfortable. She claimed that Kahlia’s warmth and generosity of spirit reminded her of the Inuit back home. Jared introduced Glory to the birthday boy, who placed a gorgeous white lei around her neck, then enveloped her with the same warmth as his wife as he teased Jared about hiding such a beautiful woman at Agapé.

“Thank you for inviting me. I wish you many happy years, Pono.”

“It is I who must thank you both for giving Kahlia a job.” Pono leaned toward Jared. His brown eyes shone. “She’s been so lonely. Helping out lifts her spirits.”

“Credit Glory, Pono. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t think of the idea,” Jared admitted. “Dr. Cranbrook has been shaking up the place. I guess we all needed it.”

Glory frowned as if unsure he was offering an endorsement of her approach or a criticism.

“I understand you grow orchids,” she said. “I don’t suppose you’d be able to help the kids with a small garden project, would you?”

Pono’s face went from surprise to excitement in a second.

“I would be honored.” Then a worried expression flitted across his face. “It’s okay with you?” he asked, studying Jared.

“I would be delighted.” Jared thought he’d schooled his expression quickly, but Glory’s troubled look proclaimed otherwise. “She hasn’t told me what the project is yet, but better you than me. You know how awful I am with plants.”

“Yes, I do. You forget them and they die. I will come.” Pono patted Glory’s cheek. “Now go, find some food. Enjoy the luau.”

The house brimmed with people who seemed surprised to see him there. Jared chatted with them, introduced Glory and watched the speculation begin. Same old, same old. A while later he steered Glory to the garden where Kahlia had a long buffet table stacked with delicious food.

“Is that—a pig?” Glory clutched his arm.

“Don’t worry, it’s not alive. Roast pig is a traditional luau favorite. They cook it in an underground pit.”

“With the head on?” Her wrinkled nose showing her feelings.

“Yes.” He lifted her fingers from his sleeve, snuggled them in his hand. “Aren’t you the woman who wanted to go to a luau? And didn’t you, Dr. Cranbrook, remove a gecko from a table outside the cafeteria just this morning?”

“That was different.”

“So is this.” He set a plate in her hands. “Try some. I promise you’ll like it.”

She pointed to a big platter.

“
Mano.
Shark.”

Glory shuddered, ignored his amusement and moved down the table toward the fruit. With their plates filled, they found two chairs and a secluded table near the rear of the garden. Tiki lights lit up the garden, flickering in the breeze so the shadows danced over the burgeoning orchids.

“It’s beautiful.” She closed her eyes and inhaled. “I can’t believe I really live here. If only for six months.”

He couldn’t believe he’d come back to this house.

“What are you thinking about?” When he didn’t answer, she leaned forward. “Please tell me.”

“I was thinking of Nicholas. My son.” He lifted his shoulders, sighed. “He used to love jumping off that rock into the pool. You had to watch him every minute.”

“Which wasn’t a hardship.” Glory’s voice brimmed with yearning tenderness.

“No, it wasn’t.” He grimaced, pushed away his plate. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get maudlin.”

“It’s not maudlin to remember your loved ones. I often do it myself.”

“Who do you remember?”

“My parents. My memories of my mom are fainter now, but I can still hear her voice telling me she loved me. I hope I’ll never forget that.” Kahlia interrupted, asking everyone to gather round while Pono opened his gifts.

“I do not need gifts when I have friends like these,” he announced, but his wife would not be swayed.

None of the gifts were lavish or expensive but rather a teasing combination of pranks and puzzles that made everyone laugh, including the one Glory had helped Jared choose.

“Mahalo, all of you. This is a wonderful birthday. I am blessed to have so many friends.” His speech was cut short by Kahlia’s entrance. She bore a huge cake with many lit candles. “I cannot be so old,” Pono complained.

Accompanied by the cheers of the group, he blew out the candles then began passing around pieces of the cake. He declared Kahlia the best baker he’d ever met.

“They seem very happy together.” Glory’s gaze dug past his facade. “You don’t think it was a mistake to involve them at Agapé?”

“I think it was an inspired idea. Kahlia’s been at a loss ever since Diana died. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve tried to push her away.”

“Why?”

Jared sighed. “I guess I wanted to bury some of the pain. Her presence and her constant reference to them kept reminding me of what I’d lost. I would have moved away if it weren’t for Viktor.”

Glory frowned. Jared rushed to explain.

“Maybe it’s a cop-out, but it would be so much easier to escape the memories and the reminders away from here. Kahlia phones me on their birthdays. We have to go to the cemetery and put flowers on Diana’s grave, balloons on Nicholas’s.”

“I’m sure she means well.”

“I know that. But it’s meaningless. I don’t need to go through the motions.” A wash of bitterness hit hard. “Believe me, I’ll never forget those dates.”

He was still in love with his wife.

Glory gulped as the knowledge washed through her heart. She covered quickly when Kahlia and Pono begged them to stay after their other guests had departed. She smiled politely, answered questions and pretended nothing was wrong.

But it was a relief to finally get into the darkness of the car interior and leave.

“Do you mind if we stop by Sister Phil’s for a minute? Her doctor prescribed new meds. I want to see how she’s accepting them.” Jared glanced at her before returning his attention to the road. “Besides, I’m sure she’d like to see you in your new dress.”

“I don’t mind stopping.” Glory didn’t know what else to say, couldn’t think of another topic to while away the time, so she remained silent.

“Was it too much?” He pushed a CD into the player and leaned back as Handel’s “Water Music” played in the background. “I know they can be pushy and—”

“They aren’t pushy at all,” she told him sincerely. “I enjoyed the party. I’m looking forward to seeing more of them at Agapé.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

She could hardly say she was surprised that he loved his wife. Jared suddenly pulled off the road.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Something’s bothering you. I want to know what.” He must have realized he sounded like a drill sergeant. “Please tell me.”

Glory scrambled for a topic, something that would appease him, or better yet, get him back on the road. She did not want this intimacy.

“I’m worried about Bennie.”

“Bennie?” He frowned. “He seemed fine earlier.”

“Physically, for now, maybe. But what happens when he leaves?” This was something she could talk about. “Why can’t you do the operation on him, Jared? There aren’t any medical reasons he shouldn’t do well in surgery.”

“I told you, I don’t do the procedure anymore.”

“Yes, I heard you. I just can’t believe you’d waste an opportunity to help a child. He doesn’t have to remain physically scarred.”

“Stop it.” His voice brooked no argument. He revved the engine, veered back onto the road and took the turn to Sister Phil’s. Once they pulled up in front of her little cottage he got out, opened Glory’s door then took her arm when she stumbled over the uneven ground.