Healing Love (Love to the Extreme) (16 page)

Surprise flickered across his face. She was shocked she was telling him, too, but if things headed in the direction she wanted, he needed to know everything. “The answers have always been there, Lance. You’ve pinpointed each and every one. You just haven’t put them together.”

“You’re talking in riddles, Kelsey.”

“Ella.” She sent him a strained smile. “My name is Ella.”

Tensed, she remained silent as she let him absorb that information. The confusion contorting his face twisted her heart. When he pulled away from her, putting distance between them, cool air replacing his warmth, she felt utterly alone. Wrapping her arms around herself, she turned her attention to the skyline as they crested the top of wheel. Tears threatened the back of her eyes.

Never show weakness. Never allow intimidation. Always exude confidence.

Desperate to get her emotions in check, she repeated her mantra. The burning only intensified as the view before her blurred. Damn it. She wouldn’t cry.

“Why the hell are you going by a fake name?”

The anger shaking his voice made her flinch. A tear escaped and slid down her check. She quickly dashed it away, refusing to let Lance see the weakness. “Because I’m hiding.”

“From who?”

“M-my ex-boyfriend,” she managed in a shaky whisper.

A long, uncomfortable silence greeted her words. She shot a side-glance at him and witnessed the precise second everything clicked in his head—witnessed the horrified dismay replacing the anger. Humiliation washed over her. She cursed the feeling. Someone she’d trusted had betrayed her in the worst possible way. She had
nothing
to be ashamed of, and yet she was. She hated voicing the terror she still carried years later, a fear so strong she had run from her life, changed her name. She hated admitting how one night had changed her.

“The obsessive training,” he muttered. “The weight difference. The fucking panic I’ve seen.”

The sting returned to her eyes, and she squeezed them closed. The fact that Lance had picked
obsessive
and
panic
to describe her behavior only made her feel more ashamed.

He slammed his palm on the back of bench. “What the fuck did he do?”

The display of fury had fresh tears pooling in her eyes, and she shot her gaze to him. There was no holding the tears back now. They ran freely, and she smothered a sob. He was so angry—for her.

“Jesus. I shouldn’t have—” He cupped her face and thumbed away the tears on one of her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

She leaned into his touch, holding his gaze, needing him to understand that her reaction had nothing to do with his show of anger. “I’m not afraid of you, Lance.”

That was a huge admission, coming from her. But she wasn’t. Somehow this large man had mended the trust that another large man had shattered. She wasn’t completely sure how. Maybe it’d been the patience he had with her as they trained, or the love he had for his daughter, or his vow to protect her, but she trusted that Lance would never physically harm her. Emotionally was a different story.

“Tell me,” he urged.

“It was a long time ago,” she whispered, pulling away from him then studying her clasped hands in her lap. As much as his touch comforted her, she needed to find the strength to share her story on her own.

“How long?”

Unsure if she could go through with this conversation, she took a few calming breaths. Shame still burned deep in her gut. She didn’t want to look at him while she spoke of the past. She wanted to get off this ride and run. The instinct to hide angered her. She’d done enough of that. The fear Randy had instilled in her had taken enough of her life. She lifted her gaze and met his. “Four years,” she said, feeling her emotional strength returning.

“Have you been hiding the entire time?”

“No.”

“Why now?”

She had a hard time grasping her reasoning sometimes. Irrational behavior was just that—irrational.

“He was sentenced to five years in prison. I tried to move on—thought I had—then he was approved for early release. I was supposed to have a couple more years with him behind bars. It’s amazing how quickly the feeling of being safe can change. For me, all it took was one phone call from my lawyer. All I heard was Randy vowing to finish me off. After that, terror drove me. It’s as simple as that.” She shrugged. “I quit my job, packed a suitcase, got a fake ID, and left.”

“Jesus. How long were you together?” he asked softly.

“Two years. I was never, not once, scared of him. Until the night he turned on me.”

“Was he on drugs?”

She wished that had been the case. Some foreign substances changing a person’s behavior, making them erratic and dangerous—that she could grasp a little easier.

“No. He had a temper. Got in a few fights with guys. When we’d get into a screaming match, he’d hit the wall or throw something sometimes, but it was never physically directed at me. Though, he did grab me a few times when things really got heated between us, but he would immediately release me and walk across the room. I thought he had control over his anger.”

“But he didn’t.”

“Not that night. He believed I was cheating on him with an intern at the hospital. I wasn’t, but nothing I said would convince him otherwise, and he just snapped. One minute we were in a heated argument, like we had been many times before, the next he backhanded me into the wall…and didn’t stop.”

A muscle ticked in his cheek from the pressure of his clenched jaw. Raw rage exuded from him. She didn’t feel an ounce of trepidation at his reaction.

“Any man who lays a hand on a woman is dog shit. I fucking hate that you went through that.”

Again she was comforted by his reaction. She didn’t feel judged or pitied.

“The physical wounds healed,” she continued. “It’s the emotional ones I’m still dealing with. The reason I pushed you the other night was because that was the first time since that night I had relaxed that way with a man.” She swallowed, worried that maybe she’d revealed too much, was putting pressure on him again. But if she was going to allow him in, share her story, she saw no reason to gloss over uncomfortable truths. “It meant a lot to me.”

His entire body froze. “You haven’t been with a man since your ex?”

“No.”

He worked his head back and forth as he cracked his knuckles. His agitation worried her even more.

“Did he—”

Seeing where his mind had gone, she was quick to relieve him of that thought. “No,” she said the word forcefully. “No. But you know how I was when you met me. I keep walls around me. Have a hard time letting them down.” She studied the man beside her. “For some reason, I am able to with you.”

As he stared at her, agitation started to get the best of her. Tilting her chin, she held his gaze, refusing to shut him out, though she wanted nothing more than to hide behind those walls again. She’d just left herself completely exposed to this man. Had truly let someone new in. She would not regret it. She would embrace this moment, allow herself to be vulnerable without fighting or running away.

“What’s the goal here, Kel—” He shook his head. “I mean, Ella?”

“Kelsey. Until I’m no longer running, until I return home, Kelsey is who I will stay.”

A sad smile she didn’t understand came to his lips. “Is going home what you want?”

“More than anything, because when I do, I’ll have reclaimed my life. Randy will no longer have any control over me.”

A long silence followed her declaration, then he reached for that lock of hair, running it between his fingers. “Then we’re going to reclaim your life, Kelsey.”

…

Lance watched Kelsey aim a dart at a wall covered in balloons and throw. Somehow the arrow missed every single inflatable and lodged in the corkboard backing. She threw back her head as she groaned in good-natured disappointment.

His emotions had been all over the fucking map ever since she’d confided in him, but mostly he felt fury at the motherfucker who’d dared to lay his hands on her, who made her so terrified she’d changed her name to hide from him.

Ella.
Her name was Ella, and she let her walls down with him.

The confession had continuously whispered through his mind as the night passed. Over two hours ago, they’d climbed off the Ferris wheel with him having a whole new set of responsibilities toward this woman. For the last week, he’d tried to do right by her, had kept his distance. As he suspected, it hadn’t taken the McNealys long to figure out he’d told Piper the truth, and they’d had a fucking conniption at having their leverage taken from them—though they’d calmed after he shared his idea with them. But the McNealys hated not having the upper hand on anyone who owed them money.

If they learned about his feelings toward Kelsey, they might try to find a way to use her against him. What if they learned the truth about her?

After what she’d shared with him, he was torn over what to do. He had two choices. Continue keeping the distance between them so the cousins would not target her, or enjoy what time they had together.

Kelsey turned toward Gayle and laughed at something the crazy woman said. They’d stayed together as a group all night. And again, he was struck by how well she fit into his life.

But Kelsey’s mission was to reclaim her name and go home. His time with her was limited. That thought decided it.

Lance walked up to her. “Hey, you want to get out of here?”

She glanced around and then pulled him away from the group. “I just want to be clear. My confession on the Ferris wheel wasn’t an attempt to get you to feel sorry for me. I don’t want you to feel cornered now that you know my story.”

While he respected her bluntness, she was way off on his intentions. Reaching out, he ran his knuckles across her cheek. “The moment I saw you tonight, I knew I was fighting a losing battle. It would have ended this way even if you hadn’t shared your past with me.”

Her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth as she stared up at him. Finally, she nodded. “I have to tell Amber. I rode with her.”

“I think she’s going to be relieved you won’t need a ride home.” He pointed to the woman and Rick. The two had gotten cozy with each other ever since they’d been forced to ride together on the Ferris wheel.

“I guess she’s going to get some boy-drama of her own,” Kelsey muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing. Girl talk.”

After Kelsey spoke with Amber, and they said their goodbyes to everyone, they hurried to his Jeep. Once inside, the air between them thickened. There was no doubt where this was headed, and by the way Kelsey fidgeted on the passenger side, she knew it, too.

How did she feel? Kelsey wasn’t a virgin, but her circumstances made this like the first time all over again. He’d never doubted his techniques in the bedroom. But he couldn’t help but worry about doing something that would scare her instead of excite her.

The last thing he wanted was to make this a horrible experience for her and have her shut down like she did every time he tapped her in training. What if the same happened during sex?

The silence in the car was suffocating, so he flipped on some music. Talking seemed pointless. They were both wound tight, knowing they were heading into a huge unknown, and what could possibly end up as an epic failure.

He wanted Kelsey—had from the moment he’d watched her go apeshit on that bag. If she couldn’t go through with it tonight, then he’d be patient. That was what she needed most.

After he pulled into her driveway and cut the engine, he turned to her. “You sure about this?”

She breathed a deep sigh. “Let’s not make this awkward, okay? If it happens tonight, it happens. If it doesn’t, that’s okay, too.”

So she’d been thinking the same things he had. A part of him was relieved about that. Took a little pressure off.

“Then let’s go in and hang out.”

She smiled. “I’d like that.”

As they entered the house, she tossed her keys and cell phone on a side table and walked into the kitchen. “Would you like a beer?”

“No wine?”

Nose scrunching, she said, “I don’t do wine. Gives me a raging headache.”

He chuckled. “Beer sounds great.”

Seconds later, clacking glass sounded in the background then she returned with two beer bottles, one in each hand. She handed him one and fell back on the couch beside him. An awkward silence enveloped them as she took a long draw off her beer.

Grimacing, Kelsey finally looked at him. “This is weird, right?”

“Weird” was one way to describe it. He’d also use “tense” and “uncomfortable.” The exact opposite of how things should be going. That needed to change. Pronto. He took the beer from her and set it on the table along with his. “Let’s make it unweird.”

Cupping the back of her neck, he brought her mouth to his in a gentle, sweet kiss. As he suspected she would, she stiffened. He immediately started to pull back, but she clamped both hands on his cheeks. “Don’t. I’m okay.”

Smiling, he kissed her again a little deeper. Inch by inch, she melted onto him, her hand coming to rest on his chest. He covered it with his, pressing it harder into his skin. Just like the other night, he loved how she fit against him, loved how it felt to be touched by her.

As he slowly traced her lips with his tongue, Kelsey strained closer to him. Seeing that she was completely into it, he grabbed the back of one of her knees and tugged her over his lap so she straddled him. She broke the kiss.

“You have total control,” he whispered to her, concerned by the serious way she stared down at him.

She traced his cheekbone with her finger. “You sure
you
’
re
up to this?”

Seeing that the worry was over his bruising and not what they were doing, he ground up against her. “Sore muscles aren’t going to stop me tonight.”

“Just checking.” Then, leaning over, she met his lips again. Her hair teased his skin, and he slipped his fingers into the silky mass. He loved her hair.

As her hips moved against his, his cock responded, straining up toward her. Instantly, she sat back and looked away from him, bottom lip caught between her teeth.