Healing His Heart (11 page)

"Where the hell do you get off condoning such an irresponsible course of treatment?" he snarled, words erupting from him.

"What do you mean?" Her face felt wary. His rage filled her more with every breath, as if she were absorbing his pain.

"You know damn well what I mean," he yelled. "That baby could have died tonight. Not to mention the mother. Anything could have happened, and you condoned it!"

"That baby was never at risk, Caleb." She offered the reassurance like balm for his soul.

"You don't know that! You couldn't have known that. You agreed to back this thing up and you had no idea what could happen!" His voice echoed off the canyon of brick walls surrounding them.

"It was a normal pregnancy, Caleb, with no unusual risk factors. I'm careful about the ones I take." Emotion clogged her throat. God, she could feel his anguish.

"Unusual risk factors! Aren't the usual ones enough?" he roared.

Julia saw a light flash on in the apartment across from hers. "Caleb, it was okay. Everything turned out all right. "

"You couldn't have known it would. You took an unforgivable risk. Babies die! They don't start breathing. Women hemorrhage. How could you chance it?"

He saw possibilities that existed, she knew. Worst-case scenarios. Situations that were screened out ninety-nine percent of the time. She knew, too, that none of that mattered to Caleb. The risks she was willing to take had brought his alive. She could see it in his face. He saw her walking the edge of a precipice over which he'd already fallen. It was as if he needed to push her away from it. As if saving her somehow would save a piece of himself.

CHAPTER SIX

"Come inside, Caleb." Julia turned to go up the steps to her apartment, aware as she unlocked the door that he shut off the truck lights and followed her. He walked through the open door and stood glowering at her as she shut and locked it.

Turning to face him, her heart beat painfully in her chest. His eyes blazed blue fire, boring into her. "It's all right, Caleb," she soothed. "It's really all right."

Intensity flared higher in his face. "No, Julia. It's not all right. The medical profession is crazy as it is. Every time a physician puts on that damned white jacket, they're asking for someone to die in their arms. And here you are practically begging for it!"

A wave of empathy filled her. He was so lost, so desperately in need of loving. And he didn't even know it. His shoulders were as stiff as a man facing a firing squad. She knew he was looking death in the face, feeling like an accomplice.

Spontaneously, she moved to him. More than anything, she needed to take away the raw agony holding him. Her hands gently held his face and pulled him down to her lips.

He went stock still as she kissed him fiercely, the warmth of her mouth moving against his. He seemed so cold, so deep-down cold. He needed a fire to warm his heart, and this was all she could offer.

His hands closed on her in a second, and she felt the angry pressure of his mouth on hers, savage. Possessing her, his touch carried rage and defiance. Fury drove him, but she knew his anger wasn't directed at her.

Julia held still against his onslaught. She'd seen it in his eyes, the weight of knowledge and guilt. He labored with it and Julia felt the burden now as if it were her own. No matter what had happened to drive him away from medicine, he didn't deserve this punishment, this self-condemnation.

He kissed her with bitterness, the fury of a man who lived with a failure he couldn't shake. He kissed her with need.

And somewhere in that kiss, anger yielded to longing, darkness shifted to desire. The bruising pressure of his mouth eased into wooing, and Julia was lost.

His tongue teased at the softness of her mouth, demanding, and she let him in with a welcoming murmur in her throat. Long nights had been haunted by the taste of Caleb. She knew the texture of his skin against her fingertips, knew the fire in his eyes. Her soul cried for his touch, the claim of his possession.

Trembling, she was flooded with sensation, cascading from the sweet ravaging of his mouth. Pressed against the length of his hard male body, she couldn't have backed off from him anymore than she could have given up sunlight.

An ache of arousal coursed through her. His sexuality was an unleashed power, out of control and she wanted more, wanted the force of his desire to spill over her.

Anticipation beat through her with every pounding beat of her heart, and her hands locked behind his neck.

Hot and deep, he kissed her, warming her body with his passion for her. He plundered her willing mouth until she shook. His teeth grazed her lower lip and fever spread through her.

Powerful hands lifted and carried her from the living room, his mouth never leaving hers. Mindlessly, Julia twined her arms around him. The fire in her craved his fuel. The room shifted and she felt the firmness of the bed beneath her and the hard man above her at the same time. Their breath mingled, caught between them, shared like a prize.

He would be her first lover and nothing had felt more right.

Caleb shifted his body over hers, trailing his mouth along her neck as his fingers pushed against her blouse, tugging it from the waistband of her skirt. His knee wedged hard between her thighs, pressing against her softness. With a quick flip, he opened her bra. Bending to her breast, he wet the beaded nipple with the heat of his mouth.

Arms tangled in the blouse above her head, Julia arched to the glory of his mouth. Caleb drew in her sensitive flesh, relishing its tautness with his tongue. Fire coursed over her, igniting from all points of contact. The roughness of his work-hardened hands shaped her breast, smoothing the rounded softness.

Dimly, Julia heard hungry whimpers coming from her throat. His hand rubbed at the aroused nipple of one breast as his lips teased the other. A vortex of desire spiraled through her, coursing down between her legs. As if he knew, he moved against her, his hard thigh seducing her to ride him.

His hand left her breast to stroke down her inner thigh. Julia arched to him, the heaven of his tongue swirling at her breast.

Hunger thrummed between them, hot and powerful.

She tasted like heaven. Caleb bent over her, hungrily, the blaze of desire burning him. The memory of her face as she had touched him that first night haunted him, seductive as the promise of sin. He wanted her. Wanted again that sensation in his belly, that moment of knowing himself to be much less than perfect, but feeling only her cherishing.

Sex was readily available. But this woman, who touched him so lovingly, was rare. She gave him a glimpse of something that could not be real. He wanted it anyway.

Brushing aside the cup of her bra, he bent to lavish his tongue on her other breast. Her pink nipple was tightly puckered, begging for his touch. Her skin smelled glorious, a faint, clean sweetness no perfume could ever duplicate. Tugging, he swirled his tongue around her nipple. He was drunk on the ambrosia of her.

Days and nights, he'd kept thoughts of her at bay. But the answering leap in him to the sound of her voice, the ache she created in his bones, never left him. He lusted for her at this moment with a desire completely new to him.

Light glowed from the living room, casting a pearly light over the glory of her nakedness. Taut above her, he suckled, drawing her softness into his mouth and gently rolling her nipple with his tongue until she moaned, thrusting against him.

The soft dampness between her legs tempted him beyond measure. He was rock hard, the blood pounding in him so fiercely that he felt its throbbing throughout his body.

"You are perfect," Caleb murmured. "Your body is so white against my hands."

Leaning forward, he thrust himself gently against her. "Feel what you do to me, Julia. I'm burning. Do you feel me? I'm like this whenever you're around."

He bent, sweeping his tongue along the side of her rosy-peaked mound, tasting her faint saltiness. Julia reached to hold his head to her breast, silently urging him to taste his fill.

Murmuring against her warm flesh, he spoke, "Every night I lie in bed, hard as a rock, hurting for you. Remembering your skin against mine. Remembering your face when you touched me that night. God, Julia. Never touch a man like that unless you want him between your legs."

"Yes," Julia writhed beneath him, arching against his thigh.

Responding to her plea, Caleb slipped loose the button of her skirt and tugged it down over her hips. He pulled back, his mouth releasing her breast. She lay on the bed beneath him, her clothes tangled, her breath coming in gasps.

A surge of power shook Caleb, a massive jolt of affirmation. He felt utterly alive, on fire with wanting. There were days when he felt he'd died with Erin, that he could never find himself again. Now kneeling above Julia's beautiful nakedness, his entire body vibrated with life.

Spread before him, supplicant to his touch, she was a feast of sensual entreaty. Her arms reached up for him again and he bent down to press a string of kisses along her inner arm. Straightening, he slowly removed her pantyhose, trailing his fingers along her soft inner thighs and strong calves. Nothing felt as glorious as Julia.

Julia moaned again and reached for him, tugging at his shirt buttons. Wanting to feel the slide of her skin against his as he entered her, he pulled at the constriction of clothes, ripping buttons off in his haste.

When he was bare, his lips slanted over hers again. Tugging at her panties, he pushed against her, the ridge of his arousal hard against her soft belly.

Shared need, sharp and driving, bound them together.

Julia waited, the blood drumming in her veins as he knelt over her. He was magnificent. His powerful torso sloped down to firm, tight hips. Soon his erection would fill her deepest core. She'd waited for this moment, hungered for him.

Reaching for his pants, he drew out a small packet. The light from the living room cast his face into shadow as he tore it open. Impulsively, Julia leaned forward, her hands trembling slightly as she took the condom from him.

"Let me do it," her voice came out in a husky whisper. He flinched and then groaned as her fingers smoothed the heat of his arousal. Carefully, she stroked the thin covering over his erection, feeling the fine tremors of his control.

Caleb's hand pushed her back. He loomed above her, his gaze scorching her nakedness. The touch of his eyes ran over her like flaming velvet. She shook with wanting.

The intensity of his eyes met hers before his gaze wandered down the length of her, laid out on the bed. And then, lifting her hips for his thrust, he sank into her softness inch by inch.

She felt the slight, painless resistance of her body and then its gradual adjustment to his entrance.

Totally sheathed in her, Caleb stopped and bent down to trail murmured kisses along her cheek.

"God, you feel good around me."

"Ah....
" Julia moved against him urgently, pleasure radiating through her. Respon
ding to her need, Caleb thrust
long and slow, sending waves of erotic sensation through her body. He bent forward, murmuring his desire in her ear, tender words spilling from him like unstructured poetry.

"I've ached for you like this,
love. Your body under mine..." H
is words trailed off as the rhythm of their bodies increased.

Julia was aware of little else but the fire building in her. The sound of his breathing washed over her. His touch spoke of his deep need to cherish her with his body. She welcomed him in with each thrust, gasping his name as tremors shuddered through her. Clenching in the grip of glorious waves, she felt the tightening of his body in response as his release filled her.

*

Caleb cradled her to him, their legs intertwined. She felt so good, soft and warm. With each breath he took, his amazement increased. He wasn't an inexperienced man. But he'd never in his life, ever experienced this. The word chemistry didn't describe the explosion that had just happened between them.

Her breathing slowed, and Caleb found his matching, even and deep. Every particle of his body seemed in harmony with the universe; he'd never felt so peaceful. He felt himself sinking into sleep, and wondered when was the last time he'd actually slept with a woman.

She threaded her fingers through his chest hair, rumpling, then smoothing it. As her hand swept from his pectorals down to his navel, he felt himself harden, swelling to reach to her. Brushing down over his stomach, her hand bumped his erection. In a boldly erotic move that took him by surprise, she stroked down the length of his arousal and gently cupped the rest of him. Caleb started.

Swiftly turning to face her, he instigated some exploration of his own. He gloried in the satin smoothness of her skin. The contrast of his suntanned hand against her breast could be clearly seen even in the dim light of the bedroom.

He explored the perfect hollow at the top of her thigh, the curve of her hip. Lying on his side next to her, his erection brushed against her thigh. His fingers sizzled, stroking ever so gently down her belly until her breathing was as ragged and broken as his own.

They came together again in a passionate rush, impatient for the moment of union. Thrusting together, the sweet fire of completion consumed them. Caleb held her to him, gasping as their mutual climax sub-sided. It wasn't until minutes later that he realized she hadn't spoken at all in the last hour.