Healing Grace (31 page)

The cat came back, sniffing about for her lost baby. Grace set it back down next to its mother, where it stretched its tiny body and immediately began to nurse.

“What happened then?” she asked.

“Same as most everyone else, I suspect. I trusted the wrong person. And when the panic set in, so many of us lost the whole thing. Me too.”

“What did Matty say?”

“You know, that Matty. She’s pretty special. She knows a lot about what to say and when to say it, when she can fix something, when to ask for help.” Harold looked at Grace. “She told me she never had any intention of retiring when I did, anyway.”

He leaned down and gave her a hand up. “We’re both concerned about you, Grace. Won’t you tell us what we can do to help?”

Grace closed her eyes and swayed. Harold tightened his grip. She shook her head and looked down toward the floor. She must have realized her sweater was buttoned up in the wrong holes, for she let go of his hand and started to fix them.

“From my experience in the army, Grace, I think you might be suffering from PTSD.”

She looked up at him, frowning. “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? That fits, I suppose.”

“You’ve been through a lot of turmoil, many personal losses and all that ruckus of the summer. Maybe you should think about letting others help you for a change.”

“Maybe. I guess I have to learn who I can trust around here, Harold. Thank you.”

She took his arm and leaned against him affectionately back to the house where he and Matty showered her with all the love and healing they could provide.

Matty sought out Greg at the clinic the next day. “All my years before I came to you, I worked in the mental health unit.”

“Yeah, it was great practice for coming to me.”

She didn’t smile at her boss’s flat joke, and went on as if he never spoke. “Harold thinks Grace might have PTSD.”

“Well, until she goes through the next big trauma, there’s nothing we can do. We just have to wait. Then, maybe…I have someone in mind she can see. If she wants to.”

Matty grew furious with him. “Wait? Until when? The Marshall boy dies?”

“That’s inevitable. After that, we can see she receives the help she needs.”

“You can help her, you mean. I’ve never understood you to be so-so pig-headed…”

“There’s nothing else we can do. Unless she goes off the deep end and hurts herself, or someone else.”

“We can pray,” she said.

And to her surprise, Greg reached for her hand, his eyes strangely brittle and dark. “Yes. Maybe we can try that.”

* * * *

Grace’s healing continued with the prayers of her friends, and a phone call. The card of the counselor Greg recommended sat on her dresser. Thoughtful, but not necessary. She needed to remember who she was. That would be the best treatment. Pull out and examine each stressor, deal with it, and bury it.

Mrs. Webb, Eddy’s first grade teacher, invited Grace to speak to the class when they reached their Good Health unit. Grace stalled for three days before she pulled herself together and decided she could do it. Most of the children’s talk after Eddy’s birthday party had blown over. They no longer acted afraid of her when they saw her in the shops and at church. The past few days had seemed like gelled blobs of time during which she could not recall eating or sleeping or talking to anyone. Mrs. Webb’s call seemed to pull the plug of a stopped up vat of rendered emotion.

Grace washed her hair and did her laundry. Those simple chores reminded her of the routine tasks to perform to keep functioning. Eddy! Had someone else been taking care of him, when she could not care for herself?

She waited for his bus that afternoon. He barreled into her arms when he saw her. Eddy was back. She waved to Ted, who watched them from his door. She was not ready to talk to him yet. Soon, though.

She visited Eddy’s class at school. Their mesmerized little faces reflected every emotion when she explained about germs, blowing noses and washing hands and covering your mouth when you cough. She showed them pictures of Germaine Germ at work and hoped they wouldn’t provoke angry calls from parents accusing her of causing nightmares.

The fifth grade teachers invited her, too. Grace returned to Wind Point School and spoke to the older children. She was more prepared with slides of real organisms and a couple of medical books. She also talked about the kind of education they would need to be doctors or nurses.

Tony Vander Groot had undergone a dramatic personality change, the bleeding incident of the summer now forgotten.

“This is my doctor,” he introduced her, having beat out any classmates for the honor.

Neither Grace nor the teacher corrected him in front of his peers. Instead, Grace asked him to tell about some of the things that happened to necessitate a visit to the clinic.

He made the most of a dramatic pause up in front of his class. “Well, I had some broken bones,” he said, pulling his shirt collar aside to indicate his collarbone. “Grace put a, a…” He turned to her. “Whad’ya call it?”

“Sling.”

“Sling on me, first time I met her. And she told me I couldn’t roller blade. But that’s okay. I got better quick. Then I busted my knee…” He rattled off his many grievous wounds. Grace hid a smile when she saw the teacher mouthing something alongside his recital.

Tony never once said anything about almost bleeding to death, for which Grace was grateful.

She joined some of the children for lunch and recess, talking to a couple of sincere little girls who wanted to become doctors. Not nurses. Grace wasn’t sure whether she grew or dropped in their esteem when she explained she was something in between a doctor and a nurse.

But a measure of confidence returned with that small success.

* * * *

Randy and Kaye stopped over at Grace’s house one afternoon before Eddy came in from school. She had not cleaned for weeks and was glad she had at least the living room picked up when she answered the door.

Grace met them with a self-conscious smile, knowing that everyone around her had been given good cause to worry. Yes, stressed-out made sense. Figuring out the nightmares were a result of not dealing with Jonathan’s illness, or even Sean’s death was a major revelation. Harold had been a better sounding board than she deserved. She’d treasure forever their long talks and walks around the little farm, a kitten cradled in her hand and the promise of carrot cake and strong coffee afterward. She felt as though she had gone through a terrible dark, cold place but could now feel the warmth at the end.

“It must be something like Alzheimer’s patients go through—missing whole chunks of their lives,” she told them when they asked how she was. “I guess I know I had some bad spells, there.” She reached to return Kaye’s embrace. “Thank you—you and Tanya—for helping out more than usual with Eddy.” She sat back. “I suppose you want to know what my plans are, after…after your wedding.”

Randy and Kaye exchanged looks.

“This is your home, Grace,” Randy said. “We care about you. But I guess we can’t pretend there aren’t going to be a lot of changes for all of us this winter.” The deep sadness of his whole being reminded Grace and Kaye of the loss he could not prevent.

Kaye smiled at Grace. “I want you to be one of our witnesses.” She glanced at Randy. “The wedding isn’t very big or formal, you know, and I didn’t want bridesmaids.” She paused. “It’s hard, making choices, you know. Tanya and Jimmy will stand with us, as will my brother, of course. But Tanya is a minor and we need adults to sign the license and such. We want it to be you and Ted.”

Grace stared at their twined hands, held white-knuckled tight. Who would hold hers? Greg? Matty? She should have loved Greg, not Ted. How do you turn it off and on, forget one man and then another and another? Decide who is best, who might be healthy enough to stay for the long haul or who will be taken away? Stop!

“I’m so touched, Kaye. And deeply honored,” she said. “I would be so happy. Thank you.”

“I don’t have any particular clothing requests, so please yourself,” Kaye told her, getting into the juicy part of the wedding plans. “We’re having a small reception afterward.”

Randy excused himself as the bus drew up. “I’ll go say hello to Eddy. Gotta check on Ted.”

Eddy leaped into the room, his backpack making him look like a little gnome. Grace pulled it off and helped him peel out of his coat. He gave Kaye a big hug. “What’re you doing here?”

“I needed to talk to Grace about the wedding.”

“Yuck! Girl stuff!”

“Well, I was hoping you would help me pick out the wedding cake,” she said and turned her mouth down and looked at him with puppy eyes that twinkled.

“Awesome!”

They would be all right. Maybe Kaye would have a child of her own, if she and Randy wanted that. They made a sweet little family. Grace brought them a piece of coffee cake fresh from the oven and her usual cup of tea to share.

* * * *

Ted’s team of doctors recommended the insertion of a pump to deliver a steady flow of medication they hoped would alleviate some of his constant pain. While he was at the hospital, Eddy moved in to stay with Grace. It was easier all around, rather than dividing his time and interrupting the school schedule.

Having someone else to care for helped Grace battle back to face life…and death. She saved up as many precious moments of sleeping, eating, and caring for Eddy as she could for the rough times to come.

Shelby’s visits made life seem more neighborly, more normal.

“I can’t stop thinking about Ted,” Shelby told her during one of them. “Even listening to his voice this morning on the phone. I can’t imagine that he’s not going to be around. Anyone else I’ve known who died, well, it was expected. I know we’ve had time to prepare and all, but it never will seem like enough. He’s been such a good friend, always. No one else from our class has died, except Frank Reynolds in that farm accident eight years ago. We’ve been through a lot together. I just can’t imagine…I can’t believe that…he’ll really be gone.”

She laid her head on Grace’s shoulder. “How can that be fair? Why would God let that happen? What can we do to make God change his mind?”

Clarity returned in a rush. Without a doubt, she did have the courage to see this crisis through. Make God change his mind? Who knew what God had in mind in the first place?

“I’m not giving up yet,” she told her friend. “I don’t know what the final outcome in all of this is supposed to be, but it’s not over yet. I can feel it.”

While she patted Shelby’s shoulder and stroked her friend’s soft hair, she imagined taking her faith out, shaking it hard. She mentally wrapped it around herself, knowing that it would uphold her no matter how deep the water in which she landed. She was the one who left the path by giving up. “When we’re at our weakest, that’s when miracles happen.”

“I know.” Shelby sniffed. “It’s hard. It seems so late for him to stop what’s happening. I can’t bear to think of going on without him. What about Eddy?”

“We all have each other. When we need a hand, or a pat on the back, right? That’s important. I knew I had friends like that in Woodside, too, but I was so afraid that people expected more from me than I had to give. God isn’t like that. He never asks more than we’re capable of giving, and he gives us what we need, when we need it.”

“So you don’t think he’ll change his mind? Save Ted?”

“Honey, Ted is going to be just fine. No matter what.”

Trigger the cat refused to move to Randy’s house. Since Randy was less than enthusiastic about having the cat at his place, Eddy had another reason to spend more time at Grace’s. He did his homework and played after school. As long as she was on leave from work, there wasn’t any need to discuss schedules.

Ted’s pain was under control as much as could be expected. He described it to Grace as a burning sensation all along his spine. His hands were often numb, as were his feet, when it didn’t feel like needles were probing him.

When he could muster up the strength, he made the walk across the yard. Like he did tonight, after spending the afternoon with his doctor. Grace finished washing up and settled Eddy at the kitchen table to practice his writing. She then joined Ted in the living room.

She followed his lead about discussing his brother’s upcoming wedding.

“I hope I’m not putting a damper on the celebration. Really bad timing, I guess.”

“I’m sure you’re not, Ted. Kaye said she didn’t want a huge, expensive party.”

Ted sighed. “At least Eddy will have some positive female influence in his life. You know, with Kaye. Tanya will be a sort of big sister.”

Grace turned up her lips when he touched her cheek. “And you.”

Nothing she could say would help his peace of mind. She must not upset him now. “I had another letter from Lena today. The one intern they hoped would come to Woodside found a different position, so they’re still short of help.”

Ted’s eyes narrowed. “They’ll find someone.”

“Yes.”

A knock on the door startled her. She wretched her attention from Ted and went to answer it.

“Kaye! Come in.”

Kaye pushed her fur-lined hood back and smiled. “I wondered if Eddy was staying over? If not, maybe I can take him home, put him to bed?”

Grace looked at the clock. Eight-fifteen. She made a face at Ted. “Past bedtime. Forgive us.” In the kitchen, Eddy sat on a chair with one of her cookbooks. He snapped it shut when she approached. “Find anything new?”

He grinned. “Maybe. Hi, Kaye. I suppose it’s time, isn’t it? The big hand is passing that eight right by.”

Grace laughed at her expression. “Sometimes I think he’s really here to take care of me.”

“I love you, Dad,” Eddy told his father. He took Kaye’s hand and waved good bye.

“I’ll be along in a little while,” Ted told her. After they left, he explained, “Randy’s always got the news or something on. I can’t concentrate.”

Grace sat next to him after closing the door. She handed him a section of the newspaper. “Here’s your big chance to catch up on the world, then.”