Healing Gabe (Last Hangman MC Book 3) (10 page)

“I know. He doesn’t know what they are planning on doing about it, but one of the members saw her downtown. He’s keeping me updated but if I were you, I’d try to have someone keep an eye on her. You know how they are; they’re ruthless and won’t hesitate to take her. Brian’s death left a pretty big hole in the club and they want revenge. So far, they’re unaware that you’ve allied with the Bastards and Angels but it’ll be very clear in a couple of days. We have no idea what backlash to expect so make sure your women are protected at all times. I don’t know if you’re going to warn them but considering what my man has witnessed, we don’t want the girls to be left unwatched. The best way to keep them safe is to tell them there is a danger. We can’t let the Kings have any kind of advantage over us.”

“I’ve already asked Ryan to keep an eye on Viv. I can’t risk anything happening to her.” I sigh.

“She’s the one they are most likely to target considering all the history you guys have.”

“I fucking know that. I can’t lose her.” I try to stay calm, but the rage and worry I have inside me are all consuming, I need her safe.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get one of my men to keep an eye on them if you need all your men in two days.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Ant says.

If anything happens to Viv I’ll never be able to forgive myself. I need her to be safe at all times. I can’t risk losing her, she’s too precious.

CHAPTER 11

Viv

Well, today started well…not!

I can’t believe what I said to him. I regretted it all the moment he slammed my door, but I wasn’t going to let him walk all over me. I’ve wanted to be with Gabe ever since he saved me from Jared. I can’t stand living in my sister’s shadow and that’s exactly what is happening with Gabe at the moment. I never should have come back here, it was a big fucking mistake but I don’t have anywhere else to go. It doesn’t even feel like home here anymore, which is heart-breaking. I really thought that once I got back I would feel like I belonged, and up until this morning’s fight, I did. My friends were back in my life and I had Gabe. Now, I have nothing. It’d be too weird to hang out with Ayd and Line now, if their men show up Gabe is bound to be with them and I don’t want to see him again.

That’s a lie. I want nothing more than to see him again, but after this morning I doubt it’ll ever happen again. I don’t know how to deal with this. I just wanted us to be together in a drama free relationship, but we both have too many issues. I should have known better, having a relationship with my dead sister’s greatest love was never going to end well. He realized that I just don’t want something casual, I don’t want to be his quick fuck after a nightmare. I want more, I deserve more. I deserve someone who loves me for me and not to be with the memory of his lost love.

He’s the only man who’s ever made me feel anything other than heartache and I pushed him too far this morning. I should have just let it go but I never know if he wants to be with me or Annie. I know he says that he wants me but how can I believe that, they loved each other so much. I need to make a decision: do I stay here and just get used to seeing Gabe around or do I move away, again, searching for the spark I have only ever had with him.

I need to get out of this place, wherever I look, there’s a reminder of my two passionate nights with Gabe. The deck of cards is still on the coffee table, I can’t sit at my table without getting hot and bothered and then there’s my bed, where he made me feel like I was the most important and sexiest person in the world. He could have just fucked me and left straight away but he stayed both times cuddling me. Ugh, I’m pathetic!

I take a quick shower and get dressed in leather look leggings, a sleeveless top and flannel shirt, along with my trusted leather Converse. I lock up the house and get in my truck. I back out of the driveway and drive away from the place I call my home one last time. I drive without any direction in mind, just needing to be away and on my own for a while.

I turn on the radio and sing along to some of my favourite rock songs. I smile as my father’s favourite David Bowie song, ‘Rebel, Rebel’, starts playing. Even if I didn’t get many years with my parents, I cherish all the memories I have of them.

Yes my father was in a MC, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t brought up with all the love a kid could need and much more than that. Our parents treated us as if the world revolved around us, and our extended family at the compound treated us like we were princesses, it really was the best place to grow up.
I miss those days.
Spending time playing around a huge place where there would always be someone you knew who would tell you jokes and play with you or tell you stories; a place where you could run around and always be safe; a place that felt truly like home. I loved our home as well but we spent so much time at the compound that it felt more like our home than our actual one. We were there only to eat and sleep.

I smile thinking back on the days when I used to bring my homework to the compound needing help and there was always someone who could help. Weirdly enough the one subject I sucked at, no one was able to really help me with. I shudder thinking back to my math class. I HATED math. Whenever I had math homework, all the members would all sit down with me and pass around the paper trying to figure out the answer. Algebra was alright, I was good, I could do that, but probability and geometry? Hell no!

I’ll always remember when one of the members, I can’t remember who, wrote on my homework that I didn’t have to do it because it was bullshit and wouldn’t be useful for my future. Needless to say, I was yelled at by the teacher which resulted in me being in detention for a month. My father wasn’t too pleased about that and yelled at the teacher and principal, I wasn’t in detention anymore, oh no, I was suspended for a week.

Opening a bar. I smile at the thought, I have yet to fulfil that dream of mine. It was my father’s dream too and I still want to make it happen one day. I want an old school bar, no fancy shit that tastes like candy. Jukebox, darts, couple of pool tables, just a couple of tables, long ass bar with a nice choice of alcohol. That’s it.
It’s time to open my bar! Should I look around here?
Who knows, maybe that’ll make me happier and keep me busy, stopping me from thinking about Gabe 24/7.

I drive around town singing along to the radio for hours, the sun is slowly starting to set and I find myself in front of my childhood house. I can’t believe that, out of all the places I could drive to in New Orleans, my childhood house is where I end up. I think about turning around and driving back home, but I have this nagging feeling that’s telling me I need to go inside. It’s never been sold. I know a couple club members live here when they need a temporary place to stay in, so it’s been taken care of over the years. I park in the driveway and get out of the car.

I’ve always kept my key to this house, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. It would have been too difficult to say goodbye to the last thing standing of my family’s. I hope they didn’t change the locks. I walk up the small path and look around. Not much has changed. The patio has been painted cream and someone has been taking care of my mom’s roses. She loved her rose bushes and would spend hours taking care of them. It’s strangely comforting to see them here still, I smile as I brush my fingertips over a fully bloomed rose. So beautiful, a deep blood red, the soft petals remind me of my mom’s softness. She was the most beautiful and kindest woman ever. I miss her so much. I sigh to myself and walk up the few steps that lead to the front door.

I haven’t been here in over twenty years, it feels so weird. I look at the patio again and remember when Annie and I used to spend so much time out here, playing. The swing set we used to play on is still there, half broken, but it’s still here.
Maybe I could refurbish it?
I take a deep breath and try my old key in the lock and after a few attempts it turned. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and I open the door slowly taking the first step inside my childhood house in twenty years; I haven’t been back here since I was forced live with Trent.

I look around, recognizing almost everything in the house. The wallpaper hasn’t changed, well in the hallway at least. The little table is still by the hall closet. It feels so bizarre, it’s like I’ve gone back in time. I'll walk through the door in front of me into the kitchen and my mom will be there baking cookies. I know it’s not going to happen, but how I wish that’s what I would find. It feels like time froze and these last twenty years have been one big fucking nightmare. I close the front door behind me and turn on the light.

I go around the house and explore each room. Nothing really has changed, a couple of pieces of furniture are new, the kitchen has been modernized but other than that, it feels like I never left. It feels like
home
. The strength of the feeling startles me, this place never felt like home when I lived here but now, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. I smile as I look around, enjoying being here. I thought it would be difficult to see what I had been missing for so long, but it’s not, it’s soothing. I feel like my parents are still with me here, as crazy as that sounds.

I head upstairs, wanting to see my old room. I wonder if that is still the same or if someone has redecorated. I open the door and I’m 8 years old again. Purple room, my obsession with purple started way back, A huge collection of teddy bears, a princess dress along with a tiara and the tiny heeled slippers, pictures of me and my family on the walls, a huge collection of books, I was a bit of a nerd, an unfinished drawing and pencils scattered around the small desk. I look back at the dress and remember bugging my dad for days to get it for my birthday. Of course, he obliged. Since I’m a total tomboy, he thought it was for Annie, that she wanted two dresses and had managed to bribe me into getting one too so I could give it to her. Instead I had seen this dress in a toy store and fell in love with it immediately. I’m not gonna lie, I wish I could still fit in it!

I look at the pictures hanging on my walls and feel my heart warming and breaking: the happiness at seeing the pictures I thought I lost is indescribable but they are also a reminder of what I have lost. I don’t have any more family and it hurts. Nobody wants to realize they are on their own for good, that no matter what, there is no one that you can run to for help or comfort. I pick up a picture of my parents, Annie and myself taken just before they died, we had gone on a trip to Lake Charles for the summer. I lay on my old bed holding the picture over my heart and let the tears fall freely.

I miss them so much and I would give anything to have them back, even just for one day. I need my mom’s comfort, my father’s good advice and my sister’s positive attitude. They were my strength, even when my parents were gone, Annie was always the one staying positive, telling me that one day we’d make it out of my uncle’s hell hole. It hurts so much to know that my sister died too early all because of me and my stubbornness.

I’ve never told anyone but I’ve always felt, and still do feel responsible for her murder. Had I gone along with what Jared and Trent wanted, she’d still be alive. Gabe never would have had to step in and help that night and none of this mess would have happened. Maybe they still would’ve found each other. I don’t know what happened to Gabe after that night when he left with the Last Hangman, obviously he ended up joining them but I wonder how his life was. He obviously had a new family and people to confide in, but knowing Gabe, he’s not big on opening up and sharing his feelings. I hope he was able to get some comfort from his brothers.

I had wanted to help him get through losing my sister. We could have helped each other, but the look of pure hatred on his face made me want to leave forever and never come back. He was the one thing that could have held me back here.

I need to make my decision now, do I leave forever or carry on rebuilding my life, Gabe or no Gabe? My head is telling me to run away like I always do, but my heart is telling me to stay. A huge part of it wants to go after Gabe, to seek my own happiness and let myself live.
Traitor.
I’m tired of living in fear and I refuse to let it rule my life. I can’t do it anymore.

CHAPTER 12

Gabe

After this morning with Viv and the talk we had with Sanders, the day couldn’t go any slower. As usual, I work on fixing a car in the garage but unlike the other days, it’s been dragging and I can’t stop checking the time every half hour.

Viv doesn’t understand where I'm coming from. I can’t stand the drama that our past is bringing, or any drama in general. I have a short tempter so it’s not helping and I don’t want to ever have to worry about someone taking her from me the way Annie was taken from me. Other MC would use our women to have leverage over us, it’s happened already.

I know I fucked up this morning. Yelling at Viv wasn’t a good idea, but she is at fault too, she was being irrational and emotional. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t want to cause her pain, she’s been through enough as it is but I want to be with her, I need her. I can’t lose her.

I wish she would understand my side, I know she has a valid point and if I were in her place I would be the same. I just have to make her listen to me and stop being so stubborn.

My biggest fear is those assholes from the Kings coming back to take her away from me. Why did she have to come back here? She was safer when she was on the run. Maybe they’re forcing her to come back here to hurt the both of us? Who knows? Nothing they could do would surprise me more. She was the missing key the Bastards needed to ally themselves with the Kings. Hopefully, with the Bastards’ new Prez, things will be different, they’ve already agreed to a truce. They had a couple of fuckers, the likes of Blades who were trying to stir shit up, but hopefully they are all gone and Viv won’t be needed anymore. The only one who would still have an interest in her would be Jared, who has now become the Kings Prez. He’s always had a dangerous soft spot for Viv.

They are the worst motherfuckers out there in that they use women however they please, not giving a shit about the women. I dread to think what they would do to her. They are known for kidnapping women and keeping them captive for as long as they please. The few lucky ones who have escaped often end up killing themselves with the horrors they witnessed and endured.

That will not be Viv.

After a long day of work at the garage, I stop by a local Italian takeout and get Viv’s favorite food. We haven’t had the chance to really sit down and eat together, but for some reason I remember the smallest details about her like her favorite food. She means so much to me and she has no idea how much. She never will. I can’t bring myself to tell her and invest myself in a relationship that is one sided, I don’t want to get my heart broken. She is the only one who has the power to completely destroy me, no matter what happens or how badly injured I may be, only she could truly shatter me.

For fuck’s sake! I’m turning into a woman like Ant and Aleck.
Those two
, I chuckle to myself. Ant has always been madly in love with Ayden and he never hid it. She’s his woman and no matter who you are, if you look at her too long, you’re getting your ass kicked. Aleck is another story, he reminds me a lot of me. We both lost our parents and a woman we loved. We’ve both had to take care of a relative at a young age and we both never believed in relationships after everything around us crumbled apart. It’s like he is my younger brother, he’s the one I feel the closest to. I know I can always talk to him or Ant. Well, now that Cameron is in Ant and Ayd’s lives, I don’t like to bother Ant with my problems, I know he’s busy and needs his time with his woman.

I’m happy they are all finding their happiness and keeping it, I never thought people could love each other as much as they do, well, not since my parents. I want this someday for Nicole, to find someone, get married and have kids. She deserves to be happy. I’m just content with everybody around me finding ‘The One’. All I need is Viv to stick around so we can hang out whenever we want to, no commitment, no strings attached, just some casual fun.

I sigh thinking back to what was said this morning as I drive to her place.
“How would you feel if roles were reversed? Your twin brother passed away because we were together despite knowing things would be a fucking mess if anyone found out. Then years later, me and you hook up and I show up in the middle of the night after having a fucking nightmare about your dead brother and wanting some comfort and sex. Tell me Gabe, how the fuck would you feel? Because right now, I feel used. You might be all sweet and shit at the moment but the only reason you came over last night is because of that fucking nightmare about Annie. You talk about needing to feel again, but do you even care about how I feel?”

I hate knowing that she feels used by me, I never wanted to make her feel that way. I thought she was enjoying as much as I did what we had. Women are so fucking complicated!

I drive past a house and see her truck is parked in front of it. It’s the house Cabe and Josie let me stay in for a couple of months. I park in the street and knock.
No answer.
I knock again and open the door. I call for her wondering why she’s here, but she doesn’t answer me. I close the door behind me and look around downstairs. Her bag is on the kitchen counter.
Did she ask to stay here so I wouldn’t bother her?
I can’t see her anywhere downstairs so I head upstairs. My heart starts to pound as terrifying thoughts enter my head, she better be okay. I climb up the stairs faster checking for any sign of life. The only light I can is coming from under the door of a room at the end of the hallway. I open the door slowly. “Viv?”