Heal Me (A Touched Trilogy Book 2) (22 page)

“Do you ever think about how if you’d changed just one decision, that everything in your life would be different?” Micah asked, as he sat down on the grass beside me. Shock at his sudden arrival kept me silent at first, then I let his question roll through my mind. It was so similar to a conversation we’d had over the summer, about changing the choices we’d made. He’d said he wouldn’t change anything, while I had been so sure I would have.

“Yes,” I said after a moment. “I think most people do. Regret is a pretty big emotion, one that is hard to hide.”

“Do you have regrets?”

I gave a humorless laugh. “I have too many to count.” Did he know that I counted him, us, among them?

“And you would change them?”

“It’s a pointless question. If the person I am today is shaped by the choices I made, then changing one of them would change who I am, and I’d only have different regrets. I think there will always be something we wish we could undo.” I picked a dried piece of grass that was prickling my ankle through my sock.

“I didn’t take off last Friday. I wanted to stay, but Phoebe was pretty pissed with me, so I figured it would be better if I left.”

“That’s okay. You didn’t need to hang around. Besides you and Jaime...” I turned my head slightly to the side to get a better peek of him from the corner of my eye. It was the first time we’d spoken since the party.

“Yeah. Me and Jaime.”

“She’s pretty,” I said right before the urge to slap myself came over me.

“She is.”

I waited to see if he would say anything else, but each second he sat silent was one where jealous and petty thoughts twisted through me. Finally, I couldn’t hold them in.

“Why did she come?” My tone came out fairly neutral, which rated a miracle.

“She said she wanted a chance to start over. Mom and Dad are letting her stay at our place until she figures out what she’s gonna do.”

“Wow. That’s...nice.” By nice I meant sucky, and horrible, and pretty much exactly as I’d expected.

“I used to regret that she got pregnant with Hannah. I love Hannah, but having her in my life changed so many things. And then when Jaime...I guess part of me wished Hannah had never happened.”

My head bobbed silently in understanding.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Having that inside of me, kept me hoping for things to go back to normal. That I could be a regular kid again. My parents are awesome and I’ve had it easy, but still, everything I do is so focused on this little human. My entire future is different from what I’d imagined it would be.”

“You’re a good dad to Hannah,” I said, unsure of where he was going with this.

“What you said about always having regrets, I think you’re right. If I didn’t have Hannah anymore, I’d regret it every day of my life. Even more than I could ever regret having her.”

“Is that why Jaime came? Does she regret giving her up?”

“That’s what she said.”

“And you don’t believe her?”

“I do. I just don’t think she regrets it enough. I don’t think she ever will.”

“You don’t know that, Micah. She might decide one day that you and Hannah were the best things that ever happened to her.” How pathetic was it that I was trying to console the guy I loved with reassurances that his ex would want him back?

“It wouldn’t matter if she did.” He lifted my hand in his and rubbed his fingers along my palm. “Before she showed up, I thought that my decision would be so easy. She’s Hannah’s mom and I want Hannah to have a relationship with her. I mean I can’t imagine what I would do if I didn’t have my mom.”

“It’s not an easy thing, but it’s also not the end of the world. Trust me.”

“Shit. I’m sorry. I just meant if there was a chance for her to have that, then I wanted her to have her mom.”

“I’m not offended, Micah. I know my Dad would’ve wanted that for us, too.”

He nodded silently, staring at our hands. “It was more than that though. She’s the only girl I ever said I love you to.”

Any desire to hear more shriveled inside me. I didn’t want to hear any more about Jaime, no matter the curiosity I had about what he had to say. I started to pull my hand away, but he gently tightened his grip, holding me in place.

“But when I saw her, everything changed. It didn’t feel real and I realized that it wasn’t. What I had with her is gone and it’s never going to come back. That part of my life is done and I don’t want to go back to it.” He dipped his head close to mine and spoke softly. “I want to be with you, Lily, not just because you’re my best friend, but because I want you.”

My heart ached with the desire to believe him. But more than once, he’d told me he didn’t want to be with me. Only a week ago, he’d turned his back on me the second Jaime appeared. It was a rollercoaster ride I couldn’t handle anymore.

“I don’t think I can do this, Micah. I’d just constantly be wondering if you would change your mind.”

“Then have Chloe look into my future. Get her to tell you what I do.” His fingers slid between mine and I loved the rough feel of his fingertips along the back of my hand.

“I did.”

“And?”

I pulled my hand from his grasp and fiddled with the sipper of my hoodie. “She didn’t see anything. She can’t. Nanna figured out that you’re a buffer. You somehow manage to block our gifts. It’s probably part of why Chloe didn’t know about us before. It’s why I pass out when I try to heal you. With Chloe and Phoebe’s gifts, you just block them out. With my gift you push it back at me.”

“So because you can’t know what I’ll do, you’d rather not even try?” he asked, frustration slipping into his voice.

“I don’t know.” I couldn’t open myself up again. Not after everything that had happened. “But what I do know is that seven days ago you chose Jaime and now she’s living in your house. You’re mad at her today, but what about in a few days or weeks? And until I know for sure she’s not who you want then I can’t be with you.”

I stood, picked up my lunch tray, and walked away.

Chapter 18

In the days following my talk with Micah, he didn’t bring it up again. I knew Jaime was still at their place, but he didn’t talk about her to anyone despite Phoebe’s poorly veiled attempts at digging for info. Even though he seemed to be respecting my decision, he was constantly there, sitting beside me at lunch, brushing my hair behind my ear, including me in conversations and rescuing me when Karin managed to trap me with one of her boring spiels about some random school related topic.

He was sweet. Micah didn’t do sweet. And it was working. Each day made me doubt my decision not to be with him, made me think that maybe he was sure. My resistance had sunk pretty low.

Then one day he broke the pattern. He skipped morning classes and lunch. I sat with Phoebe and Nathan trying not to stare as they performed PDA in the cafeteria. I considered eating outside, but I kept hoping Micah would show. I missed the feel of his leg pressed against mine under the table, of his warm breath on my neck as he leaned close to whisper comments meant for my ears alone.

When he showed in English class, he nodded at me and slouched into his seat, no explanation for where he’d been. But the heat of his emotions was unavoidable. Chloe walked in a minute after him and her face tense.

I twisted around in my seat. “Are you okay?” I asked. She swallowed slowly and shook her head. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure. I saw a vision of you, but it was messed up. It was different from all the others I’ve had. I’m not sure how it could be possible. It was like there were two of you.” Her fingers trembled as she tucked a long strand of her brown hair behind her ear.

“Maybe my future changed.”

“No. It wasn’t like that. They flickered back and forth. As if they were both certain outcomes.”

Ms. Garcia’s voice broke into our conversation and I turned back around. Between Micah’s stewing and Chloe’s faint panic, I could barely concentrate on Ms. Garcia lecture. At the end of class, Micah waited while I picked up my things. Chloe stood and started walking out of class, when she suddenly stopped and gripped Micah’s arm.

Her eyes were glazed and a little scary. When she finally spoke it was as if she were reciting words and not actually talking to Micah.

“Choose wrong and the one you love will die.”

Her hand dropped like lead and she paled as she became aware of where she was. She took off before I could ask her what she was talking about. Obviously she’d had some kind of vision of Micah’s future which was odd enough, but the fact that she’d actually spoken during it was even weirder. I’d have to wait until after school to ask her since we didn’t have any other classes together.

Micah walked with me to our next class, holding my hand, and then again after our last class of the day. Neither of us said anything about it, just accepted it as what was.

That’s how everything had been the past few weeks. I was getting so comfortable with the casual touch of his hand against mine. I was on the verge of giving in, because while Jaime’s presence had been a huge deal three weeks ago, she seemed to have just faded away. Even though she was staying at Micah’s, she never came around when he hung out with us, and most importantly, he never brought her up. I could almost believe she didn’t exist. Almost.

“Where were you this morning?” I asked, speaking to him for the first time that afternoon.

He hesitated before saying, “At home with Hannah. Mom’s at a conference in Seattle and Dad couldn’t get the morning off.”

“Is that why you’re so upset?”

“No.” He paused and I waited, knowing he had something else to say. “Jaime and I talked.”

“And?” My hand went limp in his.

“She wants us to start over. Be a family for Hannah. She told me I had to make a choice.”

A choice. This was the decision Chloe had mentioned during her vision. Choose wrong and the one he loves will die.

I tried to think of something to say, then we turned the corner and there was Jaime waiting at his locker a huge grin on her face.

Micah and I stared at Jaime while she gazed back at us. It was a good five minutes of not moving apart from the occasional jostling from other students trying to make a quick escape for the weekend. Eventually the halls cleared  and she moved toward us.

“You must be Lily.” She voice grated on my nerves. She was annoying. She was too tall. Too gorgeous. I hated her more up close than when I had just known her as a faceless girl who had abandoned Hannah and Micah.

I didn’t respond. I was too busy trying to sort through all of the emotions rippling off Micah. My entire being was straining against itself, wanting desperately to push the positive memories back on him. To have him remember how he felt when we were together. But he needed to make this choice and anything I did might cause him to do something different than he what was right for him.

I pulled my hand from his and took a step back. He glanced down at me and opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand to stop him.

“Chose right,” I said and then walked off down the hall. I was nearly running by the time I reached the exit, my backpack slapping against my side. The parking lot was chaos. While the halls had emptied quickly, getting out of the one way, one lane lot was another matter.

I paused for a moment and searched the crowds, spotting Phoebe just getting into her car. If I hurried I could catch a ride home with her. I surged forward, weaving between cars, following the movement of her car as she pulled into the moving traffic.

“Lily!”

At the sound of Micah’s voice, I glanced over my shoulder just as I stepped into the lane. I hesitated then turned and took a step in his direction. A horrible screech came from behind me followed by the crunching of metal. Something hit the back on my thigh and I stumbled forward, landing on my hands and knees. Micah ran toward me, helping me up. My legs shook and I stood, leaning on his arm. I looked behind me to see what had hit me. In the exact spot I’d been standing just seconds ago was a bright red car crumpled up against the car I’d been behind.

“Holy shit,” Micah said, even as his arms wrapped around me. “You would have been hit.”

His embrace tightened and his body trembled in time with my own. He pressed his lips to mine, lifting them briefly only to press back again in a flurry of short, hard kisses that took my breath away.

Finally he pulled me in closer and squished my head to his chest. Simply holding me as we both realized how close I’d come to being seriously hurt or killed. If I hadn’t moved back toward Micah, I would have been between them. My heart pounded furiously and breathing became difficult as I realized how close I’d come to being hurt. Something wet dripped down my leg. I reached down and my hand came away with a smear of blood that was already seeping through my jeans. Pain instantly set in and I gasped at the intensity.

“I’m bleeding,” I said, my voice sounding faint.

“Shit. Sit down.” He kept me steady as I sat on the curb. My fingers trembled as I held up the bloody hand for him to see.

The school nurse came running over and applied pressure to the wound then took me to the school clinic. She mentioned something about it not bleeding that badly. An ambulance arrived and the paramedics checked me out. They asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I said no. The bleeding had already stopped and after getting it cleaned off it was easy to see that the cut wasn’t that bad. 

Micah kissed the top of my head after the paramedics had left. “I chose right.”

“What?” I turned my gaze up at him.

“I came after you to tell you that I choose you. I’m done with Jaime. I didn’t need to think about it. I was stalling, trying to think of a way to tell her that wouldn’t hurt her. But I chose you three weeks ago.” His arms tightened briefly around me and I let myself relax into his hold. “Chloe said if I chose wrong the one I loved would die. If I hadn’t gone after you and called your name, you would have been hit. You could have died.”

Micah walked me home, one arm thrown over my shoulder. We cuddled on the couch under the pretext of watching television. When Chloe came in to the rec room, she smiled at the sight of us. When she left the room, she leaned in close to Micah and whispered something.

“What did she say?” I asked.

“That I chose right.”

“So now you know.”

“I didn’t need Chloe to tell me that.” He closed the small gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. Maybe he hadn’t need that confirmation, but I knew that despite his words that I had needed to know.

The next day, Micah met me by my locker before lunch. “Is your family doing anything for Thanksgiving break?” he asked.

“Just dinner with all the relatives on Thursday. You?’ I pulled out my lunch bag and glanced at him. He was watching me so intently I wondered if I had something stuck in my teeth. “What?”

“You’re different.”

“What do you mean?”

“I remember seeing you my first day of school here. You were sleeping in English class. You never really spoke to anyone other than your sisters and Dylan. I always thought you were so sad.”

“I seem to remember you thinking I was lazy.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Maybe. But after we started talking, you were sad. Even the way you moved. It was tight, as if everything hurt.”

“It did,” I said. I could still feel the pain sometimes, hovering on the edge of my own emotions, and there were moments when I slipped into old habits and let someone’s negativity tear through me. Most of the time though I could control what I took from them and, maybe even more importantly, I could control what I gave them.

“But not now. Now you’re strong.”

He slipped a bit closer and rested his hand on my hip. Strong. I liked that idea of being strong, and I did feel stronger. Micah’s head dipped, until his lips were resting beside my ear.

“And I could have sworn you had a bounce in your step this morning.”

“A bounce in my step?” Not exactly a Micah phrase.

“Definitely.”

“How would you even know? I didn’t see you this morning.”

“Oh, I was walking behind you, and trust me, I was enjoying what that bounce did to your...assets,” he said, chuckling.

My mouth hung open as I pulled back to stare at him in shock, not knowing if I should be insulted or flattered. Whatever I figured out didn’t matter, because suddenly he was kissing me. Not just a little peck on the lips, but a full on, steal my breath and make me want to pull his shirt off kiss. He tasted just like the first time we’d kissed. Coca-cola. Never had I wanted cola more in my life. His arms wrapped around my waist and I slid my fingers through his hair, loving that he’d cut it short again.

“So, can I just break it to you now?” Chloe’s voice came from behind Micah.

We slowly pulled apart to glare at her.

“Micah’s happy. Lily’s happy. You’ll stop macking on each other right before Mrs. Ellis turns the corner and gets ready to remind you about appropriate student conduct and later today Jaime’s gonna tell you that she’s going home.”

“What?” Micah and I said at the same time.

She held up a finger for us to wait.

“Mr. Davidson, Ms. Matlin, do I need to give you a reminder about appropriate student conduct?” Mrs. Ellis’s said as she stopped beside us.

We dropped our arms and took a step back.

“No, ma’am.” Micah coughed into his hand in a poor attempt to cover his laugh. She gave him a stern look and then walked off.

“I rest my case. See you Thursday night, Micah.” Chloe sauntered off, probably with a smug grin stretched across her face.

“So, you’re coming over Thanksgiving night.” I grabbed my books and closed my locker.

“Sounds like it.” He gave me his half smile and threw an arm over my shoulder as we headed down the hall. I loved how casual it felt to be in his arms.

“Is Jaime really leaving?” I asked him.

“I guess. We don’t really talk. I know my folks are getting fed up. They thought she was just gonna crash at the house for a few days. My dad is definitely ready for her to leave.”

“And you?” I asked, looking at the ground.

He stopped walking and placed his hand under my chin, raising it so I would meet his eyes. “I never wanted her to stay in the first place. The second you ran from me at the party, I knew what I wanted. That’s why I chased after you. It’s why I chose you yesterday.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Now since we already have plans for me to come to your place, can you come over Wednesday night? I want to introduce you to my parents,” he said and I looked at him as if he were crazy.

“Micah, I’ve already met your parents. Multiple times.”

“I know, but I told them I had a new girlfriend and they want to meet her.”

“I suppose I could try to make it,” I said, giving him a half smile to match the one on his face.

He glanced back at Mrs. Ellis’s classroom before sneaking another kiss. My skin tingled and happiness burst in my chest with the knowledge that every sensation running through me was my own.

I pulled back to look at him. “We’re gonna get in trouble if Mrs. Ellis comes out here.”