Headphone Actor (10 page)

Putting on my headphones, I plugged the end of the cord into the mobile phone in my pocket.

Although I tried to think of what I should listen to, there wasn’t any music in particular that I wanted to hear, so I simply turned on the radio feature, and as expected, background music that would suit afternoon teatime started playing.

Just like that, I faced away from Haruka, and laying my head on my desk, I closed my eyes and listened to the radio.

If I did this, Haruka would notice and probably try to talk to me. And when he did, I’d tell him, “I’m busy listening to the radio right now, so tell me later.”

It was my perfect strategy. Confident of this, I grinned.

…. But, even as some time passed, Haruka didn’t try talking to me.

For the first few minutes, I assured myself, “Well, just a little longer, and he’ll say something,” and didn’t turn to face Haruka.

However, after several more minutes, I began losing to the weakness of my own impatience.

…. Slow. Too slow.

I was no longer listening to the music from the radio, and was now fighting against my own desire to turn around.

After about twenty minutes, I had all-too-soon reached my limit.

“Ah, ahhh~ This is so boring~ I wonder if I should just go home now~”

Even though this was the last of my willpower, I muttered this without turning around.

I was gradually starting to feel ashamed of how immature I was being.

Damn it. Why did I have to think of these things for that guy?

And he was one to blame, too. It was too cruel of him to continue to ignore me even after so much time had passed.

Or was it because I was just that unappealing ….?

As I thought that, I became uneasy for some reason, and wanted to see what Haruka was doing if he still hadn’t tried speaking to me.

On a sudden impulse, I forgot my willpower and sat up. Taking off my headphones, I faced in Haruka’s direction.

“Hey! ..… Haruka?”

After I took off my headphones, the world without music was filled only with the background music of the game.

The shooting sounds had stopped, and I couldn’t hear the sound of the controller being moved.

—Haruka’s hands lay limp, and with his head drooped and hanging downwards ….. He was silent.

“H-Haruka!”

Right away, I could tell that something wasn’t right. Jumping up from my chair, I shook Haruka’s body.

However, he didn’t respond; the shoulders I touched were cold, very cold. It was like his mind and soul had gone off somewhere, and only his body was left behind.

My mind went completely blank. My knees started shaking, and tears started forming out of fear.

“No ….. this—this can’t be …..! S-someone!! Is there someone here!?”

While supporting Haruka’s limp body, I shouted in the direction of the door that faced the hallway.

However, there was no reply. During summer vacation, even with the fact that there were few people at school, with where this classroom was located, it was unlikely that there would be anyone around.

“Please, someone …. Anyone, please help …..!!”

I could do longer make sensible decisions. All I could do was hold onto Haruka’s unconscious body and tremble.

If I let go now, I’d never be able to reach him again, and it felt like he’d go somewhere far away.

“Please, God …..!”

The moment I prayed, the door of the classroom was thrown open.

A familiar man in a white coat came towards me and muttered, “It’s alright,” and

—Slowly wrapped his arms around Haruka.

           
*

It was tense in the hospital’s waiting room.

Occasionally, we would hear the running footsteps of the nurses, and every time, my shoulders would shake.

Haruka had been taken to the General Hospital that had been built on a hill several months earlier.

Tateyama-sensei and I were the only ones sitting on the long bench in front of the emergency room.

The handkerchief I clutched was already soaking wet, but even so, tears continued to spill from both of my eyes.

“….. Sensei …. Haruka …. He’ll wake up, won’t he? …. He’ll be well again, won’t he?”

I had asked Tateyama-sensei this question so many times already.

I knew that it would probably only be a bother to him.

But even so, Tateyama-sensei smiled and said, “He’s doing his best too, so I’m sure it’ll be fine,” and patted my back.

Before, when I’d been hospitalized in a hospital somewhere, had my grandmother felt just like this as she sat in the waiting room?

It was like walking through an unending tunnel while looking down.

“It’ll be fine.”

Even though I tried telling myself this, the fear wouldn’t go away, and I couldn’t help but imagine the worst outcome.

If only I had realized sooner at that time, something like this might not have happened.

Because of my own stupid pride, Haruka might have been suffering all on his own.

Up until the point that he’d lost consciousness, Haruka might have been seeking help from me.

But I had ….. I had …..! 

I had never hated myself as much as I did now.

The tears that fell on the hand that was holding handkerchief made me realize that they had formed into droplets.

—That’s right. If I was so useless, I had no right to be by Haruka’s side, or even any right to worry about him.

What would I say to him when he woke up?

Something like, “I’m glad you’re alright, I was so worried”?

The only one important to me was myself. Pretending like I always thought about him only in times like these, and thinking that I could just smooth it over and settle everything just like that.

If Tateyama-sensei hadn’t rushed over when he had, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.

I’m just that powerless; nothing but a selfish person.

The lit sign for the emergency room turned off.

The automatic doors opened, and the doctor assigned to Haruka came out wearing surgical robes.

Tateyama-sensei stood up, rushed up to the doctor and started having some kind of conversation with him, but I could no longer even move due to my anxiety and fear.

I couldn’t catch what they were saying, either, and simply watched as they spoke.

“…. I see. Please …. I’ll leave the rest in your hands.”

Tateyama-sensei bowed his head. The doctor muttered two or three words, and disappeared down the hall.

“S-Sensei …. Is Haruka ….?!”

Remaining sitting and with my head still cloudy, I grasped at the hem of Tateyama-sensei’s white coat. When I asked this, he answered with a slightly relieved expression.

“…. It seems that he’s still sleeping right now, but he only barely made it.”

Tateyama-sensei dropped down in the seat next to me.

The sweat beading on his forehead rolled down onto the collar of his white coat.

Just hearing that made my heart calm down.

Haruka was alive. Just knowing that alone made me so happy that nothing else mattered.

But, as I suddenly thought of Haruka’s smile, I had a feeling I’d never see it again, and my chest ached severely.

 
…. It was possible that he no longer wanted to see me anymore.

He might have come to hate me for not doing anything in his time of pain.

If he woke up today, what kind of face would be make when he looked at me?

I couldn’t help but feel very, very afraid as I thought of this.

“….. Sensei, I’m … going to get Haruka’s things ….”

“Hm? Ahh, now that I think about it, we left his wallet and phone and everything behind ….. Wait, are you alright going by yourself?”

“I’ll be fine …. Sensei, if Haruka wakes up, please stay by his side.”

As I said this, I stood up and headed for the hospital exit.

What was I running away from? Anyway, I just had to get away from here.

The moment I left the exit at the end of the hall, my body was enveloped by the lukewarm air outside.

Although I felt like crying again once I was by myself, I put on the headphones that were hanging around my neck and walked without looking back.

           
*

By the time I arrived at the school, it was already completely evening.

Compared to the daytime, the cries of the cicadas had lessened, and the temperature had also dropped, for the most part.

However, perhaps because I’d come in a hurry, the shirt of my uniform was sweaty, and clung to my back.

Changing into my indoor shoes and exiting into the corridor, I faced towards the right-hand side of the hallway that led to the classroom.

Compared to earlier, the school was even quieter than before. After just one more hour, it would probably become completely dark here.

Come to think of it, it’d already been a year since that day of the Culture Festival, when this very same hallway had been flooded with crowds of people.

Weird fans had gathered and along with a meeting with ghost-like girl, that day had really been a complete uproar. Haruka became addicted to an online game from that day on, and the fact that I made my first female friend, was also because of that day. And ….

“Ah, Takane-san, it’s been a while. What’s wrong?”

I was stopped by someone suddenly calling out to me, and I removed my headphones.

When I turned around, there stood a girl that was wearing a red scarf, despite it being a midsummer day.

“Ahh, Ayano-chan. Long time so see. Wait, why are you at school?”

When I asked this, Ayano uttered a quiet “Well ….” accompanied with a bashful gesture.

For a moment, I didn’t understand the meaning of that, but when I thought about it, Ayano didn’t do any extracurricular activities, so there could be only one reason that she’d come to school.

“… Could it be that Ayano-chan also has summer courses? Even though you’re a first year?”

“Yes, that’s right, because my grades are really quite bad ….”

Ayano faced in the other direction and let out a strange laugh.

I wondered if Ayano’s grades had really become so bad since the last time I’d seen her.

“… That seems like a pain. I feel you.”

“Ah, by the way, my father said that Takane-san is also taking summer courses, if I remember ….?”

… That teacher really talked about unnecessary things way too much. It was not okay to think it’s fine to say anything, just because it was to your own daughter.

“W-well, how about let’s just not talk about that? Since it’ll just be depressing for both of us …. Ah, by the way, that guy isn’t around today?”

I glanced around, looking to see that the person with that unpleasant attitude wasn’t here.

However, it seemed that my hint wasn’t missed.

“Do you mean Shintaro? No, he’s really smart, so for him to be taking summer courses ….”

The moment that the topic of Shintaro was brought up, the tone of Ayano’s voice went up a little. She was a downright easy-to-understand girl.

“Ahh, right, he’s smart. It must be a pain for you, right, Ayano-chan? Having to look after that selfish guy. “

“Eh~? That’s not true. Once you try talking to him, he’s a surprisingly good guy. He’s just a little shy.”

Ayano said this and broke into a bright smile.

Ahh, this girl was going to have some problems in the future because of her personality. I could only see him as a selfish brat, but to her, she seemed to see it as a cute point.

“I see. Well, it’d be nice if he was a bit more polite ….. Honestly. Having a girl like Ayano-chan around, he must be a spoiled and happy guy.”

The moment I said this, for some reason, Ayano’s expression clouded over slightly.

Had I possibly said something that I shouldn’t have?

Although that hadn’t been my intention at all.

“…. No, I’m no good for him. He needs someone that’s even more selfish than him, someone energetic to pull him along …. All I do is just follow behind him all the time. I can’t do anything ….” 

Ayano let out an awkward laugh and scratched her head. No, wait just a minute, there couldn’t possibly exist in this world a person that was more selfish than that guy. An egoistical, ill-tempered, and elusive guy that seems to be hiding something. ….. Wait—?

“There isn’t~ …..”

“Eh? Did you say something?”

“Ah, oh, no!! It’s nothing!! I was just talking to myself! Anyway, Ayano-chan, sorry for holding you up. You have to be heading home soon, don’t you?”