Head Start (Cedar Tree #7) (33 page)

Kendra goes silent after that and I give her a chance to process while grabbing the shampoo. With soft hands, I wash her hair, and then as much of her body as I can, before noticing another shiver running over Kendra’s skin. Whether it is the topic or the cooling water of the tub, it’s time to get out. I carefully slide her away from me before standing up and helping her out. Then I wrap her gently in a large bath towel, making sure not to chafe the wounds on her back, and sit her down on the toilet seat. Doesn’t take long for me to dry off and lift her in my arms before carrying her to bed, where she curls on her side.

“I’m going to give Chaos a quick walk before grabbing us something to eat. I’ll be right back.” I step in the bathroom to pull on my clothes and get my boots on, before returning to the bed and handing the remote for the flatscreen hanging over the dresser to Kendra. “Find us a movie to watch,” I tell her, leaning down to kiss her softly. I can feel her eyes following me toward the door, and just as I reach for the door, she pipes up from the bed.

“Can you tell me again?”

I turn around to face her. She has a slight blush on her cheeks and her eyes look a little freaked out. Not sure what she’s referring to, I wait her out. “What you said on the phone,” she continues hesitantly, “I’d like to hear it again.”

It takes me a minute, but then a knowing smile spreads over my face as I stalk back to the bed and sink on my knees beside the mattress so we’re eye to eye. With my right hand, I stroke back a few wet strands from her face as she looks at me with big eyes. Leaving my hand to cup her cheek, I lean in and deepen our eye contact. “I love you, Pup. I hope you believe me when—”

“Me too,” she says, barely making a sound. “Love you.”

K
endra

I can’t believe I said that.

A quick glance at the clock confirms that it is after midnight. I fell asleep watching some silly movie that apparently tickled Neil’s funny bone because the last I remember when closing my eyes was the soft chuckle reverberating in his chest. He’d come back to bed, as promised, after walking the dog and he came bearing food. A selection of containers—no doubt Emma’s work—filled with chili, peach pie, roasted vegetables and some hummus. Chaos followed him closely and settled on my side of the bed probably hoping for spillage. Fat chance of that, I went for the peach pie. Funny how I had barely eaten as far as I can remember this past week and yet the thought of Emma’s pie made my mouth water. In my defense, I had roasted veggies with hummus for dessert. Neil, of course, finished off what I left in record time, and although he hadn’t said anything, I know he heard my words. If possible, he was even more gentle and attentive with me than before, never without a little smile teasing his lips whenever he looked at me. And those eyes...I could completely forget myself when looking into them. But at some time during the evening, I drifted off and apparently so did Neil although he did manage to turn off the TV at some point.

It’s dark in the room now, and I’m watching the deep rise and fall of Neil’s substantial chest where my head was resting. Slowly the insecurities and fears start crowding my mind. The man’s chants, his warped words, are humming in my ears making me want to press my hands against my head to block the sound. But then Neil’s voice crowds them out, telling me he loves me. Washing the grimy residue of Lars Cayman’s deranged ramblings away. And then my own declaration, something I never have said to anyone except my mom and sister. The look on his face when I formed them with my lips without really moving air. An irrational fear that somehow giving voice to them would change everything. Ridiculous, because everything had already changed. The feelings were there long before the words formed. Although if our lives had not been thrown into turmoil, I’m not sure when I would’ve been ready to say them out loud. But they had, and it had felt good to be able to release some of my emotions out loud. It’s crowded in my mind and in my heart and I know I will likely need some help processing, not only the mental impact of what happened to me, but also the physical reminders he left behind.

“Go back to sleep, Pup.”

I lift my head to see Neil’s warm eyes on me. Thick-lidded and slightly glazed, the emotion in them unmistakable. Without warning, my eyes fill, and immediately his hand reaches to catch the first tear falling. “You’re safe, baby,” he mumbles, gently stroking his thumb to wipe at the wetness on my cheeks.

“I know,” I tell him. “That’s why I’m crying. Because I’m safe, but the other women...”

“Shhh, don’t. They’re doing everything they can to find them. To bring them home to their families.”

“But Neil, those poor kids, Franka’s kids.” I sniff, thinking about the one woman I feel most responsible for. The one he took after I ditched him at the coffee shop. The only one here in this area who had not yet been found. I couldn’t let my mind rest. Couldn’t allow myself the luxury of sleep if she was still out there somewhere. My mind started running through everything I saw and everything I heard during what seemed like an endless time, and suddenly I freeze.
Soon I’ll bring you to sun dance as well.

“What is it?” Neil immediately reacts.

“What if he wasn’t talking about an event but a place? He didn’t say ‘I’ll bring to
a
sun dance as well
,
he said ‘I’ll bring you to Sundance as well’ as if he was talking about a place instead of an event. And Neil,
as well
? What if...” Before I have a chance to finish that sentence, Neil is up and stalks out of the bedroom, coming back seconds later with his laptop in hand. He settles back beside me as he enters Sundance in a search engine and pages of companies or restaurants with that name pop up. Then he refines the search by geographic location.

“What are you looking for?”

“Not sure,” Neil admits. “I guess anything by that name that would be a location where he’d be able to take you to. Something off the beaten path. Secluded even.”

I nod at him in understanding and settle in against his shoulder, staring intently alongside him at the screen. He scrolls through an amazingly long and diverse list of businesses by that name when my eyes catch something. “Hold up,” I tell him when he gets ready to scroll to the next page. “What’s that?” I point at a name that for some reason pops out at me. “What is that? Sundance Rentals?” Neil doesn’t answer, but his fingers type a staccato rhythm on the keyboard, and in seconds, a map pops up with a little flag indicating a spot just north of the 184 between Mancos and Dolores. Another click of his finger and a website appears advertising rustic, secluded hunting cabins.

“Bingo,” he whispers and immediately bends down to retrieve  his phone from his jeans. While dialing, he leans in and gives me a resounding kiss on my lips. “Well done, baby. Hang tight.” He peeks closely at the screen of his laptop when someone on the other end picks up. “Drew. You in the office?—What do you know about Sundance Rentals?—How long since it was shut down? I think the place needs to be checked out, but let me call Damian real quick. He may want in on this.” With a snap, and apparently without waiting for an answer, Neil ends the call before dialing again. “Gomez,” he says and my mind starts wandering as he curtly relays information to Damian. I’m not sure what this might mean, if anything, but a small seed of hope takes hold. Then I hear Neil say something that catches my attention. “No. I’m not. Not leaving her. I’ll call Gus. I’m sure he’ll be there. Yes, I hear you; thirty minutes at the sheriff’s office in Mancos. Gotcha.” Once again, he ends the call before immediately dialing again. When I open my mouth to say something, he holds up his finger to hush me. “
One minute
,” he mouths at me before turning his attention to the phone. This conversation is even shorter than the previous two, and I can’t imagine how anyone could’ve made any sense out of the cryptic message Neil relays, but true to his word, not much more than a minute later, he turns to me. “Damian and his team and Gus and whoever he can dig up, are going up to the rental place with the sheriff. Drew says it’s been empty for a year, basically abandoned when the owners just walked away. From what he remembers, there are sixteen cabins spread out over a couple of acres. That’s why we need every hand on deck, it’s a lot of ground to cover. If by some miracle, Franka is there somewhere and should she be alive, then every second counts. We can’t wait for daylight.”

“So why aren’t you going?” I finally ask, having sat on that for a bit.

“Not leaving you. I promised you and I’m good with that.” He sets his jaw, and I can tell he means every word.

“I’m not,” I say, surprising the heck out of him. “If there is any chance that woman is still with us, you said yourself you’ll need every spare body. I want you to go. Dammit Neil, I know you
want
to go and I can’t live with any more guilt. If she dies because...” I don’t have a chance to finish that sentence because his mouth is on mine.

“God, I love you,” he mumbles against my lips. “I’m going to get Emma.”

“No! Don’t wake her up,” I admonish him, but all he does is laugh.

“Are you kidding me? Emma is probably in the kitchen already, baking up a storm. She always holds vigil when Gus gets called out,” he clarifies.

“Well, in that case, help me get dressed and over there. I’m not gonna get in between Emma and her stove. I’ll wait there for you.” I’m already off the bed, wobbling on one foot when he comes around and helps me get dressed in record time. With my crutches in hand and Neil’s firm hand on my back, he walks me down the garden path, Chaos lumbering half asleep beside us. Sure enough, the house lights are blazing and Emma’s red mop of hair can be seen through the kitchen window. Neil knocks on the back door and a startled Emma shuffles over to unlock it.

“You guys al lright?” she asks, looking mainly at me.

“We’re fine. I just wanted to stay with you while Neil goes looking.” Emma is obviously surprised when I’m the one answering, given that I’ve barely spoken since the attack, but she recovers quickly.

“Of course, come in. To be honest, I could’ve sworn Gus said you were going to stay with Kendra,” she says half accusingly to Neil, who in turn lifts his eyebrow at me.

“I need him to go. For me. I asked him to go,” I ramble a bit as I quickly explain.

“Better head out, Pup. You’ll be safe here. I’ll have my phone on my body and you call me for anything, okay? Anything,” he presses that point.

“Okay.”

“C’mere,” he says, completely ignoring Emma and taking my face in his hands before kissing me breathless.

“Careful,” I mutter, still half-dazed from that short but intense tongue action. “I love you.”

A big smile spreads over Neil’s face. “I will and I know you do. Me too.” A quick hard kiss and he’s gone. Emma closes and locks the door behind him before she turns, smiling from ear to ear.

“He calls you Pup,” Emma observes with humor in her eyes. “Swear to God, I don’t know where these men get their pet names from, but that’s a novel one.”

I shrug my shoulders not quite able to keep my own smile to myself. I’m not going to admit that every time he calls me that, my insides melt a little, knowing the meaning behind it. There’s no way I’m going to share that. It’s mine.

“You look better,” she says, tilting her head to one side. “You’ve been like a zombie and frankly had us worried for a while there. Looks like the clouds have lifted some. Of course, love has a way of doing that.” She passes by me on the way to the kitchen where she pulls out a large mixing bowl. “Love. Mmmm, I’m thinking red velvet cake for the occasion.”

-

E
mma is a great listener and two and a half hours later, she sets a mug of tea and a slice of her freshly baked cake in front of me as she surreptitiously wipes at her eyes.

“You know, those scars, just like this whole experience, will become part of who you are. Claim them. Make them yours. He may have put you through hell, put those marks on you, but it’s in your control how much more of
you
you’ll let him have.”

I let her words settle in my heart. I’ve been a control freak all my life, tightly guarding my actions and my feelings. This past week—hell, even before that, since the time Neil accosted me in the clinic kitchen—I’ve felt the ground shifting under my feet. Control slowly slipping from my hands and where before my head would rule, my heart started taking over. Neil had shown me over and over again that I am in safe hands with him, but it’s Emma’s words that point out the power I still hold. The power to choose what I carry along in my life. Lars Cayman was just a bump in my road. Granted, a pretty damn scary and significant one, but a bump nonetheless, and I’m not about to let it stop me in my tracks,
dagnabbit
. I stick my fork in the slice of red velvet cake and take a good-sized bite. Emma sits back in her chair, her hands around her mug of tea, and simply smiles at me.

That’s when the house phone rings.

N
eil

“Thought you were staying with Kendra?”

Damian is standing in the doorway to Drew’s office, a coffee in his hand. Courageous man to try the coffee Carol, the ancient woman who’s been waving the scepter over the sheriff’s office for many decades, insists on brewing to resemble tar. “Puts hair on your chest,” she always says. Carol never seems to go home, because she was in her usual perch behind the front desk when I walked in. At two o’clock in the morning. Still, no one seemed to think it strange. Joe once told me he suspected she had a tracer on his car, because she always knew where to find him when he was still sheriff.