Head of the River (11 page)

My phone rings. Adam. I pick it up.

‘Yeah?'

‘Where are you? Come to my party. I need to talk to you.'

‘Can't do it, comrade.'

‘Why not? Get off your arse and catch a cab. I'll pay for it when you get here. Where are you anyway? Still out with your parents? Is Leni with you?'

‘Family dinner was cancelled. I'm at the river. By myself.'

‘Why?'

‘I dunno. Maybe I'll have a swim.'

The black river meanders past. I imagine falling into it and letting the water rush up my nose. Sinking into the mud on the bottom.

‘Don't be stupid. Penny's here. She looks hot and she asked me where you are. I reckon it's going to happen for you two lovebirds tonight.'

I should go home to bed and sleep it off. I'm not in the right headspace to go to a party. But the thought of seeing Penny changes my mind.

‘Penny's there?' I can hear the keenness in my voice.

‘Yes, loverboy. She's in my back garden wearing a mini skirt she
really
has the legs for. You do know Nick has a crush on her, too. You best get here before he cuts your grass.'

‘I'll be there in twenty.'

‘Atta boy.'

I lie back, close my eyes and feel my body lose touch with the ground. My insides whirl and spin. It's like being on a whizzy ride. I think about Penny taking me into her long arms. Letting me kiss her. Letting me touch her soft skin. Letting me undress her. Letting me inside her. The last thought gets me off the riverbank and lurching towards the nearest tram stop.

As is tradition with Langley parties, everything is laid on. I check my name off the guest list with two bouncers stationed at the front gates and wander into the enormous house. There's a marble staircase and posed glamour shots of the master and mistress of the house. Ugly, but no doubt priceless, art hangs on every other available wall. Kitty, aka MILF, is greeting guests, sipping from a pink straw dipped into a mini bottle of Moët. She's changed and is now dressed like one of the schoolgirls in a short, bejewelled kaftan that shows off her shapely brown thighs.

‘Cristian!' Kitty says warmly. She clasps me in a booze-soaked embrace, a little unsteady on her heels. ‘Let me look at you.'

Kitty stands back and gives me a once over, like I'm a show dog. I'm surprised she doesn't check my coat and behind my ears. She's immaculate. Frozen, botoxed brows, an unlined forehead and make-up that looks sprayed on.

‘You are more handsome and grown up every time I see you,' she says, flirting. She leans in and squeezes my arm aggressively. ‘How come you don't have a little girlfriend?'

‘I don't know,' I say, backing away from Kitty and her cougar paws and heading outside where the music is thumping at high volume and most of the girls are putting pockmarks in the purpose-built dance floor.

I grab an expensive foreign beer from a silver ice bucket. I'm drinking too fast, but it's one of those nights that you have to erase as you go.

‘Look who made it!' shouts Adam. He's beefed up and showing it off in a white singlet. A random Year Ten girl hangs off him adoringly.

‘Who's this?' I ask, feeling protective and giving the girl a death stare. I wasn't going to stand there and let Adam cheat on my sister with some bimbo.

Adam lets the girl loose. Comes over to me, dropping the act.

‘Leni and I broke up. It wasn't working.'

‘Sorry, man,' I say. ‘Maybe it's for the best. You're off to Aspen for Christmas, right? Don't want to miss out on the snow-bunny action.'

Adam drops his shoulders and runs a palm across his forehead. ‘Between you and me, your sister broke me. No matter what I did it wasn't good enough for her.'

‘I doubt that's true.'

‘I don't think she ever loved me. Not like I loved her.'

I want to tell him Leni did love him. That they have a shot at getting back together, but it would be lies. I never thought they were a good match. Something was off. Leni became less herself around him. The keener he was, the more she retreated.

He looks bereft and we both sink into a bummed-out silence.

‘Come on,' I say, trying to cheer him up. ‘This is a party. Where's Penny Mission? I was promised a mini skirt.'

Adam points across the pool to the barbecue area, where a hired chef is whipping up seafood skewers and gourmet hot dogs.

Looking at Penny chewing on a prawn, I suddenly feel shy. The booze has turned me thick and stupid, not invincible like I thought it would.

‘Need to get this into me first. Dutch courage,' I say, sculling from the beer.

Adam clinks his bottle against mine. ‘To getting back in the firsts,' he says. ‘That's all that matters now.'

‘The firsts.'

I lose count of the beers it takes to approach Penny. All on an empty stomach, too. By the time I make it over to her, I'm concentrating very hard on walking in a straight line. She notices.

‘Woah, Cristian, had a few?' she says.

One of her friends giggles. I try to act sober and lean heavily against the pool fence to keep me from falling over. ‘Penny. Would you do me the honour of going for a walk around the garden?' I ask.

Penny's friend gives her a look, but she nods.

‘Sure. If you can still walk.'

I offer her my arm, but as it turns out, I need propping up more than she does. She guides me to a pair of pool lounges and I fall back into one, gratefully. I could easily pass out, snoring, but I try to focus on what she's saying. She is so pretty. I think about reaching out and stroking her thigh.

‘Are you okay? About Sam Cam getting Captain of Boats?'

‘Fine. Totally fine,' I say, not wanting to relive the awful moment. ‘Now can I get you a drink, young lady? Anything you like. My shout.'

Penny laughs. ‘I'm not drinking.'

‘No?'

‘I've got my dad's birthday breakfast tomorrow morning. We're going out to this place by the beach. Besides, I don't like the taste.'

I'm disappointed I can't get her a little tipsy. I stagger out of my lounge and squash in next to her.

‘We don't fit,' she says, giggling.

I sit up and put my arm around her, leaning in for a kiss. She pushes at my chest and turns her head away.

‘No, Cris.'

My head spins wildly and an eject button is pushed in my guts sending a rush of saliva into my mouth. I don't have time to stagger to the nearest fancy soft-close toilet and in a spectacular romance fail, I vomit all over Penny's lap.

Leni

Mum comes into my room and shuts the door.

‘Am I in trouble?'

‘Of course not.'

‘I wanted to help Dad.'

‘Yes, I know. Vas had so much to say. Too much probably. This meant quite a lot to him.'

‘Is he upset with me?'

‘No. Just himself. He feels he let us down. I told him to forget about it, everyone gets nervous. Sometimes we say the wrong things. Sometimes nothing at all. The end result is the same. There's a boat, with your father's name on it. Soon, that boat will get rigged up and taken out onto the water. Nothing can take that away from him. What about you, Leni? Are you okay? You seem down.'

‘Adam and I broke up.'

Mum pulls me into a hug. ‘Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry to hear that. I like Adam.'

‘He dumped me and I was voted rowing captain, but Cristian wasn't. I always thought it would be us together. Cris and I had a fight. He told me I always had to win.'

Mum looks at me seriously.

‘When you were a toddler I couldn't take you to parks without fences. Cristian, he would happily sit by my side, but you would take off
like a rocket. I'd turn my head and you'd be running into the distance. Gone. You've always been an adventurer. Someone others follow. You'll be a great captain. Just don't forget to trust your teammates to make it work in the boat. Let them help you achieve your dreams.'

‘I will, Mum.'

I might have photos of other athletes on my wall, but Mum is my true sports hero.

‘And who is the boys' captain? Sam?'

‘How did you know?'

‘That one's easy to pick. He's like you, Leni. Out on the water you have the same look in your eyes.'

‘What look?'

‘Like a fire has started that you can't put out.'

She looks into my eyes until I blink and we both laugh.

‘Yes. You have it. I had it. Your dad had it.'

‘Cristian?'

‘Maybe a flicker. Walk a little taller at the boatsheds. You are Elena Popescu, Captain of Boats. Not bad, kid.'

‘Yes, Mum. Don't you start early tomorrow? You should be in bed.'

‘You? Telling me to go to bed? Boy, my job is done, hey? I have a grown-up woman now. Not a little girl.'

‘Mum, can I go round to Audrey's? I need a friend tonight.'

‘Sure, you want a lift?'

‘I'll ride.'

‘Okay. Not too late.'

I chain up my bike and knock on Audrey's door, holding a plastic bag with a tub of melting cookies and cream ice-cream. I can see the TV light flickering through the frosted glass, but there's no answer. I dial her number from my phone and hear it ringing in the house somewhere. I knock again on the windowpane through the security bars.

‘Who is it?' Audrey asks.

‘It's Leni.'

She opens the door, looking sleepy in boxers and a boy's T-shirt.

‘Did I wake you?' It's barely 8 pm. What's she doing in bed?

I hold up my ice-cream. ‘Got spoons?'

Audrey gives me a weird look. ‘Um. Can we maybe do this tomorrow night?'

‘What's wrong with tonight?'

‘Audrey! Get back here my sexy wench! I'm not done with you!' booms a guy's voice from inside the house.

‘Kieren's here? Isn't he on schoolies' week?'

‘He was but he came back early. He missed me.'

‘Sorry, Audrey. I'll go.'

Audrey walks onto the front verandah. ‘Are you okay, Leni?'

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

‘I thought we could hang out. Never mind.'

Kieren lumbers out of the house, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair messed up. It could not be a more embarrassing moment for all three of us. I feel like the squeakiest third wheel.

‘Hi Leni,' he says, looking at his bare feet and pulling his towel up higher.

For some reason I start crying. I fumble with my bike chain, practically ripping the lock open. As I speed off down the street, Audrey shouts, ‘Wait! Leni, come back!'

I finally slow down at a park in the shadows of the housing commission flats on Gertrude Street. I'm not ready to go home. I scroll through my phone's contact list. Could I call someone in my crew? Penny maybe? No. She was at Adam's party with Cristian. Besides, we weren't close. I wouldn't let her in, no matter how hard she was knocking. Aiko, Rachel, Millie? All I really talked to them about was rowing. Erg times. Weights. Runs. Who were these girls I spent so much time with?

What was it that Dad always said? ‘You'll meet the best friends of your life on the river, Leni.' Wasn't happening to me. Outside of rowing, there was a distance between me and my crew. Had I put it there? Pushed them away like I did to Adam? I sit down on the swing set and push my legs back and forth, gathering momentum.

A group of women watch me from a nearby picnic table. I kick my legs harder, throwing my head back and looking at the outlines of the graceful ghost gums and the sun draining out of the sky, leaving behind a fingernail clipping of moon. Feeling my stomach drop away. I put my headphones on, listening to music as I let myself go completely. I miss this. Being a kid. Thinking if I kicked my legs a bit harder I could go the whole way round.

‘Hey girl, you like swings? You a big kid, are ya?' laughs one of the women as I pedal past them. ‘Got any money?'

‘I wish I was a kid,' I say, handing the woman a few gold coins from my purse.

I cycle past the shop that sells only cookbooks, Trippy Taco and a Bar called Barry. Swerve in and out of the statues of three oversized matryoshka dolls on the footpath. That's what I am – a matryoshka doll. Too many layers hiding the real, smaller me.

Cristian

As it turns out there's no apology big enough for emptying the contents of your stomach into a girl's new mini skirt. I'm trying to clean Penny up by taking off my school shirt and mopping around her lap area. This is making the situation considerably worse.

‘Get away!' screams Penny. ‘Ugh. This is the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me.'

I back away with my sodden, reeking shirt as her friends swoop in, whisking her away to one of the eight marbled bathrooms for a complete hose off.

‘I have a spare outfit,' says one of them. ‘You can have a shower, Penny. Get that filth off you.'

‘You are a complete pig,' says the other.

‘I'm so sorry, Penny,' I plead.

One of the bouncers grabs me by the arm in a grip so tight I'm sure it will leave a mark.

‘We've called you a taxi, son,' he says. ‘We suggest you take it.'

I look for Adam, but he's out of sight, so I let myself be led out of the garden, head down and shirtless as if I've been collared by the police.

I want to break away, find Penny. If I wasn't such a mess I'd tell her that I haven't ruined something so perfect since I crashed my Revell Super Hornet model plane by throwing it off the roof, when I was eight. I shake myself free of the bouncer as we reach the wide, quiet street outside. I slam my fists into the high hedge lining the Langley property. Ripping and pulling at the perfectly trimmed branches.

‘Oi! Settle down!' shouts the bouncer.

My hands nicked and bleeding, I leap into the waiting cab and tell him to drive. Now. Fast. Back to where I come from. Back to the other side.