He Loves Lucy (31 page)

Theo frowned at her. “You’re wearing a skirt.”

She looked down, curious as to why he’d suddenly taken an interest in fashion. “Well, yeah,” she said.

“You’re going to have to take it off.”

“Take off your skirt, Luce. Otherwise, you won’t have free range of motion in your legs, which you’re going to need when you start to kick the living shit out of Brad Zirkle.”

“
Hello
?” Lucy was worrying that Stephan Sherrod’s mental instability was contagious, and Theo had somehow caught it, while she watched him run to the side of the room and grab one of the kickboxing dummies- the one with the padded blue head, shoulders, and torso of an opponent who stood about six feet tall. Then he ran over to a cabinet and pulled out two thick rolls of gauze tape and returned to her side.

Theo shook his head in disgust. “I guess I’ll have to do it myself.” In one hard yank, her nice chino skirt was at her ankles, and Lucy was shocked. “Step out,” he ordered. “Right now, Cunningham.”

Lucy did as she was told, then held out her hands in front of her, palms up. Theo wrapped them quickly, testing to make sure the bandages weren’t too tight, and then stepped behind the dummy.

“Lucy Cunningham, I’d like you to meet Brad Zirkle.”

“Oh no. I can’t possibly do this.” Lucy shook her head and made a beeline for the door. She hadn’t progressed two steps before Theo snagged her skirt from the floor and unceremoniously stuffed it down the front of his shorts.

“I know you, Lucy, and you’re not going anywhere with your butt on display, so I’ll make a deal with you.”

Theo looked fiercer than she’d ever seen him. She wasn’t sure if she appreciated that comment about her butt, even though it was 100 percent accurate. “What’s the deal?”

“Simple. You tell our buddy Brad Zirkle here everything you’ve ever wanted to tell him-right this fucking minute-and I’ll give you back your skirt and you can go home. Deal?”

“I can’t do this.”

The panic was so sharp that it poked at the soft lining of her throat. Her chest hurt. She couldn’t breathe. There was hardly any air to say the words… “Because I’m terrified.”

“Of what?”

“Of starting.”

“Why?”

And that’s when it happened-something broke loose inside her body, and Lucy could feel it claw at the walls of her lungs. It burned. It hurt. It hurt so much, but she just couldn’t stuff it down anymore… she didn’t have the strength any longer… and it felt like barbed wire as it came out of her mouth…

“That’s it, sweetheart. Let it out.”

Lucy threw herself at poor Brad Zirkle with such ferocity that Theo briefly questioned his brilliant plan. As she began to punch, he realized the most important thing was that she not hurt herself.

“Watch your form, Cunningham.”

“Fuck my form!” Lucy punched so hard, it knocked Theo back a full step.

“Listen, Lucy. This is going to be Brad Zirkle talking from now on-not me-until I tell you otherwise. Are we clear on this?”

“Crystal.” Ole Brad got a killer ax kick to the gut.

“You were fat and ugly.”

“No! I was
not
!” Two uppercuts to the jaw, followed by a side kick that would have broken a whole lotta ribs on a real man. “I was average size, you jerk! And I was pretty-”

“And smart-”

“And I was way too special for scum like you! I just didn’t know it at the time!”

Lucy was breathing hard and crying even harder.

“Nobody thought you were attractive.”

‘That’s not true!“ Lucy’s foot slammed brutally into the dummy’s chest, and she panted for air.

“Nobody liked you.”

“That’s such bullshit! I had a lot of friends! So many people liked me!” She jabbed Brad right in the nose.

“You are not attractive now.”

“Fuck you, you stupid, mean-spirited loser!” Her fists were flying, and the sweat was pouring off her face. “I am drop-dead gorgeous now-more beautiful than I’ve ever been in my life! And stronger! And I’m going to-”

Thwack
! went a roundhouse kick to Brad’s kidneys.

“Kick-”

Wham
! went the right jab to Brad’s eye socket.

“Your-”

Theo peeked around to enjoy the spectacle of Lucy finding just the right balance on her left foot to support a big ole juicy hook kick, which was executed perfectly…

“Ass!”

And connected with Theo’s left brow bone.

The pain was instant, and it was monumental. Right away, Theo knew there would be a lot of blood.

“Oh my God! Theo!”

He was sprawled flat on his back on the mat, the bank of lights swimming in and out of his vision. He felt the blood start a warm trickle down the side of his face and he opened his good eye to see Lucy hovering directly over him, crying so hard her tears were running down his own cheeks.

“I think I might need ice,” he groaned, watching as

Lucy raced out the door without her skirt. He nearly laughed, but it hurt too much.

Theo endured the indignity of Lucy’s ministrations and the litany of Tyson’s questions-which seemed to focus on why Lucy was kickboxing on the weekend in a pair of leopard-print underpants-as he drove them to the emergency room.

Lucy sat with Theo while he waited for the plastic surgeon on call to arrive, and she held his hand while the local anesthesia kicked in. She couldn’t stop apologizing.

“Your face, Theo! Your beautiful face!”

The surgeon was finishing up the last of six delicate stitches just above Theo’s left eye when he broke out laughing. “I’m sorry.” The surgeon snorted, handing the supplies to the nurse. “I’ve just got to tell you, Lucy-some women threaten it, but most don’t actually kick their man in the head.”

Theo chuckled out of the area of his mouth that wasn’t numb. “She had some anger issues she needed to let go of,” he slurred.

Lucy sighed. “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

“Good luck to the both of you,” the surgeon said as he left the room. “And go easy on the guy, Lucy. Med students need understanding lovers.”

Tyson drove them back to Theo’s house, still doing his best to get all the details about why Theo had Lucy’s skirt shoved down the front of his shorts. Buddy was staying at Martin and Viv’s house, so after Tyson left, it was just the two of them. Lucy made sure

Theo was comfortable on the couch and got him his pain medication and a cool drink.

She sat next to him. He reached out for her hand. She stroked his hair. All the while, Norton stayed in the dining room doorway, glaring at them with distrust.

“How bad does it hurt, Theo?”

“Not so bad. It’ll heal up real quick.”

“But you’ll always have a scar.”

“We all have them. Mine’s just going to be more obvious than some.”

“Will you ever forgive me?”

Theo leaned his head back against the sofa cushion and sighed. “There’s nothing to forgive. We got the job done. That’s what matters.”

Lucy nodded in silence, then laid her head down on Theo’s lap. “I feel empty inside. That’s the only way I can explain it.”

Theo stroked her hair.

“It’s very calm inside me. It’s like I hacked up a giant hairball that’s been giving me indigestion for years.”

Theo laughed softly. “Maybe that’s Norton’s problem.”

“Nobody’s ever done something like that for me. Thank you, Theo,” she whispered. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, baby. Will you stay with me tonight?”

Lucy raised her head and frowned at him. “The whole left side of your face is swollen. You can only see out of one eye-granted, that might be the best way to see me naked for the first time, but…”

Theo laughed and said, “We still have a few weeks left before the big payoff, but I need you to sleep with me tonight, keep me company. It’s the least you could do after kicking me in the face.”

Lucy took him by the hand and looked at her watch. They’d spent nearly four hours in the emergency room and it was close to midnight. “Let’s get you to bed, then.”

Theo led her to the room at the end of the hall and then to a queen-size four-poster mahogany bed. He unceremoniously removed his shorts and shirt and stood by the bed wearing nothing but a pair of pale blue cotton boxers and a fine down of chest hair. Lucy tried to swallow, but there wasn’t enough moisture in her mouth to get the job done. She licked her lips.

“I never asked you, but was this your parents’ room?”

Theo nodded. “Does that bother you?”

Lucy stared at the nearly naked man in her direct line of vision and knew that nothing could bother her at the moment. Nothing mattered but that a gorgeous and barely clothed Theo Redmond was about to climb into bed with her.

“What clothes should
I
take off?” Lucy’s hands had already started to tremble, and she’d already begun to analyze the quality of the light coming from the bureau lamp. Not too harsh. About a 60-watt bulb. A wide white shade that diffused the glow. It would probably be all right.

“You know my preference.”

She watched Theo climb in between the sheets and prop himself up on the headboard with a groan. The man was in severe pain, but he still wanted to see her naked. This was good news.

Lucy unsnapped the waistband and pushed the skirt down over her hips, smiling to herself with the memory of how Theo had ripped it from her body a few hours ago. She’d always think back on that moment fondly.

Then she pulled her pink scoop-neck T-shirt over her head and stood before Theo in a cream and black leopard-print bra and panty set. Theo’s good eye had popped quite wide.

“Lucy-don’t move.” Theo adjusted his position against the headboard and hissed with pain.

Lucy gasped. “Are you OK?”

“Do you have any idea how I’m going to ravage that body come December?”

She smiled. “Tell me.”

“I’m not going to let you out of my clutches for at least a week, and clothes will be strictly forbidden. You’ll have to do dishes naked, work naked, scramble eggs naked, dance naked. I’m picturing naked kickboxing, skinny-dipping, all-nude Andy Griffith marathons…”

“Being naked in front of Floyd the barber isn’t a turn-on for me. Can I borrow a T-shirt to sleep in tonight?”

Theo laughed, gesturing to the middle drawer of the bureau. Lucy selected a well-worn but clean Special Olympics T-shirt and pulled it down over her head. She reached up her back, unhooked her bra, and pulled it through an armhole.

“I’ve always loved to watch women do that. There just isn’t an equivalent for men.”

Lucy smiled, clicked off the light, and climbed into bed next to Theo, her trainer, her business partner, her lover, her hero.

Theo scooted down and opened his arms. Lucy rested her head on his chest-that not too hard and not too soft place that smelled like heaven to her. Theo caressed her shoulder.

“Everything you told Zirkle tonight was dead-on correct, you know.” Theo traced his fingers up and down her arm. “You are beautiful. You are strong. And you are smart. But you left something out, my sweet Lucy.”

“I did?”

“Mmm-hmm. You’re one hell of a brave woman.”

She nodded, feeling Theo’s soft chest hairs brush against her cheek. “That’ll come in handy when I see Brad Zirkle again, won’t it?”

“I’ll be right there with you.”

“You can’t do this for me.”

Theo laughed at that, hard enough that Lucy’s face got tossed around on the surface of his chest. “Think of it like the military press, Luce. I’m not going to do any of the work for you, but I’ll be there, just in case you need me.”

Lucy rubbed her cheek against Theo’s warm skin and waited until his breathing became slow and deep and his hand slid away from her shoulder.

When she was sure he was asleep, she whispered, “You are the love of my life, Theo Redmond.”

Office of Doris Lehman, MSW, PhD

Though he’d known for a week that he was coming along to Lucy’s appointment, it still surprised Theo to find himself there, on a little pinkish couch, looking at weird Japanese girls on a paper screen.

“You don’t have to do the show, you know,” Dr. Lehman told Lucy. “You have a choice.”

“I choose to confront Brad Zirkle and be done with it.”

Doris squinted in Theo’s direction, and he rubbed his palms on the top of his slacks. He had the vaguest feeling that the therapist didn’t like him all that much. Maybe all therapists were like that. Theo promised himself that he’d never need therapy of any kind.

Doris eventually returned her attention to Lucy. “Do you know what you’re going to say?”

“I’ll come up with something-and I promise they won’t have to cut to a commercial this time.”

“Would you like me to come?”

Lucy scrunched up her brows and pondered that. “You’re welcome to, but I’ll be fine.”

Doris nodded, then looked to Theo. “So, how exactly did you come up with the idea to assume the identity of Brad Zirkle in order for Lucy to vent her anger?”

Theo glanced sideways at Lucy, checking to see if this was a trick question. But Lucy just smiled amenably. Theo didn’t know whether the throbbing in his head was from the now rainbow-hued slice on his brow or simply the stress of being trapped in a small room with two women and a paper screen decorated with little anorexic Japanese chicks.

He shrugged. “It seemed like the thing to do at the time. Lucy was obviously ready to let it out, so I let her take it out on me.”

Doris smiled at him. “Yes,” she said. “It certainly appears you did.”

Lucy reached over and grabbed Theo’s hand. He squeezed her fingers tight and smiled. And when he looked back toward Doris, the therapist had a thoughtful expression on her face.