Hawaiian Holiday: Destination Desire, Book 2 (19 page)

“Back at ya.” Karen pulled away and swiped at her eyes. Her chin tilted defiantly. “Men. Boil them in oil.”

Grinning wickedly, Anne leaned her elbows on the table. “We should have an anti-man party.”

Shooting the redhead a glance, Meg was the one who dared to question the hating party. “What would that entail?”

Taking on her customary role of instigator, Julie waved a hand. “
Kill Bill
marathon? Sweatpants and sloppy hair. All the foods they tell you not to order on dates. More cupcakes than you can eat in a week.”

“Ice cream?” Karen asked plaintively.

Meg pointed out, “It’s January.”

“With
hot
fudge sauce.” Karen folded her arms over her chest and arched an eyebrow.

“Whatever you want.”

The planning for the anti-man party had reached outrageous and ludicrous proportions, and it wasn’t until Meg flatly refused to allow Finn to be used as the sacrifice on a makeshift altar that they’d decided to stick to fattening foods and bad movies. Julie was still grinning when she went back to her shop an hour later. The rain let up a bit, and she had a knitting class at four o’clock, so she was feeling a bit more cheerful than she had that morning.

Hanging out with her friends had been restorative. It had taken going away to realize how lucky she was. Not that she hadn’t appreciated her life before, but she felt as if some of the burdens that had pressed down on her chest had dissipated in the time she’d been away.

She spent some time processing online orders, prepping shipments of yarn, and catching up with paperwork. It felt good to check things off the to-do list. She wandered around the store, straightening and organizing as she went. Her gaze went to the roving yarn in the basket next to her spinning wheel. The last batch she’d dyed with Auntie Eloise, still unfinished. A sad smile curved her lips. She wondered what Eloise would have made of Lukas. Julie thought the old lady would have approved. She definitely would have approved of an island love affair. Of course, Auntie would have focused on the affair, where Julie focused on the love.

Drawing in a deep breath, she went over to the wheel and sat down. She needed to finish this batch. For her aunt, for herself, to prove how far she’d come. It was time. She was ready.

It occurred to her that without Lukas to listen and understand and offer comfort, she might not be in a mindset where she could say a final goodbye to this last project. He’d given her so much—probably more than he’d realized—and she’d always be grateful for that. The rest would take time and acceptance and patience, but she’d be okay. Some day.

“Professor, I think I figured out the problem we discussed.”

Lukas glanced up from his computer at one of his graduate student assistants. The young man had his laptop in hand and a flush of excitement to his cheeks. The thrill of new discovery. Then again, this particular student tended to be excited about everything. He had the endearing and obnoxious personality of an overeager puppy.

 
“Come in.” He waved the student into a chair, and they spent the next hour and a half working through the research the student was assisting him with. They made good progress, and Lukas sat back satisfied.

“These are some truly exciting results, Dr. Klein. I can’t wait to finish work on the article so we can share our findings.” His eyes widened. “This is just mind-boggling.”

Lukas looked away to hide his grin at the quiver of eagerness in the young man’s voice. “We’ve done good work here, but we have a great deal more to do.”

“But that’s the best part! Don’t you just love your work?”

“When politics don’t get in the way, yes. I really do.” Lukas nodded, rose and started packing his leather messenger bag. It was time to wrap up for the day.

The student’s feathery eyebrows rose. “Politics?”

“Doctorate means ego and a university is full of them.” Lukas shrugged.

“Doctorates or egos?” The student rolled his eyes. “Yeah, both. Well, I’ll avoid the politics as long as I can and continue to relish my work. I’ll email you as soon as this last set of simulations is complete.”

“You do that.”

The young man bounced to his feet, shook Lukas’s hand with enough vigor to dislocate his shoulder, and then scurried out of the office. Yes, definitely an overeager pup.

He grinned and shook his head. Julie would crack up and make comments about housebreaking the grad students when he told her ab—

The thought cut off before it even finished. He couldn’t tell Julie anything. In fact, he didn’t have anyone to tell about this. One of his colleagues, perhaps. His mother, when he called her on Monday. But there was no one to talk to when he got home tonight.

Sure, he was alone. By choice. He’d been alone since his divorce, but this was the first time he’d noticed he was also
lonely
. His house was empty and didn’t have half the life that those two small hotel rooms in Hawaii had offered. Because he’d shared them with Julie.

The longer he’d gone without her, the more he’d questioned the decision he’d made. Had it really been wise not to conduct that particular relationship experiment? To not even
try?
If he had given up at the first challenge he’d ever faced, he wouldn’t have made it through graduate school or survived the shark-infested waters of the tenure process.

The problem was, his last relationship was the most traumatizing thing that had ever happened to him. Overcoming that was more of a challenge than he’d ever faced before. He’d just never found anyone or anything that made it worth it to him.

Until now.

After flipping off the light switch and locking up his office, he headed for his car. The last two weeks had forced him to do a lot of soul searching.

He’d exchanged a few more emails with Lilith about the car in order to arrange things so she could sell it. Somehow, dealing with her now didn’t seem as big an issue as it once had. She was the past and, for the first time, he knew that was true instead of just paying lip service to it. She’d been a sad, troubled woman and didn’t seem to have changed much, despite her stint in an institution, which made her all the more pitiable. He hadn’t been able to see that clearly when he’d been hip-deep in the drama of her problems, but he could now. He hoped for her sake she got some real help someday, but that wasn’t his concern anymore. Still, he was thankful he hadn’t had to see her or speak to her to get the vehicle issue straightened out. Less contact was better. He had no desire to get sucked back in to the quagmire that was Lilith. But he didn’t loathe her anymore. She was a sick woman and that wasn’t his fault. He’d done his best by her, but he couldn’t save her from herself. He wasn’t to blame for that either.

He really had managed to get beyond what his marriage had done him. Who’d have thought it possible? And he could lay the credit at Julie’s feet. He wasn’t the same man he’d been before he met her. She was like a storm that broke over his life and swept everything along in its wake. It wasn’t until the storm passed that one could assess the changes that had been wrought.

He loved her for it. He loved her for being her, for accepting and understanding him, for…everything. And he hadn’t even had the guts to tell her before he left. It was the one thing he truly regretted about their time together.

The sky was just starting to turn pink and orange with sunset when he reached the parking lot. It wasn’t as lovely as the ones in Hawaii, but he wouldn’t have cared if he had Julie by his side. And that was exactly where he wanted her.

So what was he still doing here, thinking about how much he owed her, how much he missed her, how much he
loved
her? She was only thirty minutes away if he got in his car and headed west.

He’d been asking himself the same question for three days now, and the bottom line was he was scared shitless. What if he finally got up the nerve to try again and then she rejected him? She had every right to. He’d refused her love and walked out on her. He deserved it if she wanted to punch him in the face. It had never been his intention to hurt her, but he’d done so anyway. And now he had to figure out how to make it right.

No small task for a man who’d been running scared from women like her for five years. And he honestly couldn’t say he regretted it. If he’d settled for someone else after his divorce, he might never have met Julie. And that would have been the real tragedy.

“Shit.” He flung his bag onto the passenger seat of his car and then slid in behind the wheel. He dug out his cell phone, pulled up her number, and stared at it. Just as he had for the last three days. What would he say to her? That he was an ass and she could do better than a bitter, used-up jerk like him? That he loved her and would worship the ground she walked on for the rest of his life if she would just stay the amazing woman she was and never go crazy on him? Hell, all of that. And it felt wrong to have that conversation over the phone.

He tapped the screen and exited his contact list. On impulse, he did a search for fiber arts stores in Half Moon Bay. Three came up and he remembered hers was called Purl Moon. It was open until 7pm today. It was 6:15pm now.

Just enough time to get there, if he hurried. Sliding the key in the ignition, he blew out a breath. He needed to
see
her, not just call her. So he started his car and drove. Traffic was light and there was a parking space open right in front of her shop. If he were the type to believe in fate, he’d say it was a sign.

His fingers trembled a little as he reached for the door handle to Purl Moon. What if the place were loaded with customers? What if she didn’t want to see him? He’d pushed her out of his life, rejected the love she’d offered so freely.

He’d made her cry.

That was the worst crime of all. He’d had heaven within his grasp and he’d been too stubborn, too blind, and too gutless to hold onto it. She might see that as unforgivable, no matter how he tried to justify his actions. She knew his reasons, but she also knew he’d stomped all over her heart.

Closing his eyes, he swore under his breath, grabbed the handle, and walked inside. The place screamed of Julie. Beautiful, quirky, and something about it just made you want to reach out and touch. There were yarns tucked into every nook and cranny. Diamond shaped shelves laddered up to the ceiling, all stacked with bundles in a myriad of colors. There was a babble of voices coming from the back, so he followed the sound, unsure if he was happy or not that someone else was clearly here. It meant someone else would witness whatever happened next, but it also meant she might not throw him out the moment she saw him. She wouldn’t want a customer to see a confrontation.

And there she was, so beautiful she made him ache. She spoke with two elderly women, discussing the difference between soy and bamboo. Soy yarn, really? He slid his hands in his pockets and allowed himself the simple pleasure of watching her. If this didn’t go well, it might be the last time he got the opportunity. The other women turned away and began packing up their belongings, and it was now or never.

“Julie.”

Her head snapped up, her eyes rounding with shock as she stared at him. “Lukas.”

She took a step toward him, then hesitated and he didn’t know if that was a bad thing or a good thing.

“Is this a friend of yours, dear?” one of the old ladies piped up, her blue eyes gleaming with interest behind her thick glasses.

“Who cares if he’s her friend?” her companion bellowed the way only the mostly-deaf could. “He’s got an ass like two scoops of French vanilla ice cream.”

“Please, Trudy.” The first woman flapped a dismissive hand. “You can’t even see his butt. He’s facing us. You need your prescription checked.”

Trudy barked out, “Well, turn around, boy, and let us see your ass.”

He looked to Julie, uncertain how to react. But she was bent over at the waist, a hand clamped over her mouth, and tears ran down her face as her shoulders shook with silent mirth. The wretch. So he turned around and let the old ladies ogle his ass. What the hell? It wasn’t like this was going to be a comfortable encounter anyway, and he had a feeling it might make—

He smiled when Julie let loose with ringing peals of laughter. God, he’d missed that sound. His chest cinched so tight with emotion, it threatened to strangle him. Turning back, he arched his eyebrows with a nonchalance he didn’t feel. “Did I pass inspection?”

Trudy grinned lasciviously. “Two scoops. Yum.”

“Thank you.” He tried for a gallant bow, but figured he looked like jackass.

Julie clapped her hands together. “All right, ladies, you’re going to be late for bingo night if you don’t get going.”

“I’m driving,” Trudy bellowed.

Her friend snorted. “In your warped, twisted little dreams. My ride, I drive.”

“Good night!” Julie ushered the geriatrics out the door and locked up.

Lukas’s palms were sweating by the time she returned. The moment of truth. Too bad he had no idea what to say. How did you convince the most amazing woman you’d ever met to forgive you for having a hang-up or twelve about relationships?

So he went for the most mundane question he could come up with. Profound was beyond him at the moment. “How are you?”

She huffed out a breath. “Brokenhearted. Last month, I got dropped by the man I loved. It kind of sucks, you know?”