Havoc (Storm MC #8) (11 page)

H
avoc’s arms
circled me from behind as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. His body moulded to mine. A smile touched his lips, causing my tummy to flutter.

“That was the best damn dinner I’ve had in years,” he said, only heightening the warm fluttery feeling in my stomach.

“Did it take sex for you to figure that out?”

“Smart ass,” he muttered.

When I’d gone into the bathroom to give him a piece of my mind about not acknowledging dinner, I hadn’t expected the reaction from him that I’d received. The minute his eyes had met mine, I’d known he was struggling with something. When he’d told me not to speak, I’d realised he was close to breaking point with whatever it was. And something
had
broken in him. I was convinced of it, because the way he watched me since wasn’t at all the way he’d ever looked at me.

As much as I wanted to know what was troubling him, Havoc wasn’t a man to be pushed. I figured he might open up at some point; I just had to be patient. Instead of bringing it up, I asked, “What are your thoughts on Gloria Pritchett?”

“Who the fuck is Gloria Pritchett?”

I grinned. “Oh, you are gonna love her. Let me introduce you.”

Confusion flashed in his eyes and I tried not to giggle. I was sure Havoc wasn’t a Gloria type of man, but I needed my
Modern Family
fix so I wasn’t going to let a thing such as the truth get in the way. “Is she in Sydney?” he asked and I bit my lip to stop the laugh bubbling up.

“No, she’s a character on a TV show.” I dragged him out to the television and switched it on while indicating for him to sit on the bed.

He gave me an amused look—that I loved on him—but didn’t argue. I grabbed the television remote and scooted up the bed to sit next to him. When his arm slid across my shoulders a moment later and he pulled me close, I couldn’t contain the smile his gesture caused. We’d never done anything so domestic as this before and I decided I liked it.

The episode hadn’t started yet. While we sat through some ads, Havoc said, “Nash left a message on my phone today. Have you heard from him?”

“He’s left me a few messages, but I haven’t called him back.” I was avoiding him as best I could.

“I’m not going to call him back, but I will go see him when we get back to Brisbane.”

I shifted so I could look up at him. “Really? Maybe you should just drop me off and keep going.” The words hurt as they came out, but if Nash was hell-bent on keeping me away from Havoc, I didn’t want to cause problems for him or for the club.

He listened to what I said but didn’t reply straight away. “A man doesn’t walk away from his problems, Carla. I’ll hash it out with him. I don’t need this to cause shit between the club and me. Not dealing with it would only do that.”

Gloria’s voice blared from the television at that moment, distracting him from the conversation. She had to have one of the most distinct voices I’d ever heard and while it drove some people crazy, it didn’t bother me. A couple of moments later, he turned back to me. “Jesus,” he muttered.

I tried not to laugh. “Keep watching. I promise you this is one of the funniest shows on TV. You’ll get used to her voice.”

The way he raised his brows told me he wasn’t convinced, but he did as I said and gave the show his attention. He even laughed once during the episode.

When it finished, I crawled onto his lap and straddled him. “Thank you.”

His hands moved to cup my ass. “What for?”

“For letting me watch that. It’s one of my favourite shows.”

Frown lines scored his forehead. “Babe, you don’t need me to
let
you do anything. You wanna do something, you go right ahead.”

I smiled. “I’ve dated some dickheads and trust me when I tell you that most of them tried to dictate what I could and couldn’t do.”

“Carla, you don’t strike me as the kind of woman to put up with shit from any man. You’re not seriously telling me that you let those guys control you, are you?”

Sighing, I replied, “No, but there have been times when a guy I’ve been with has made it clear he’s not interested in doing something I wanted to do, and I let him have his way. And it’s not that I expect a guy to want to do everything I want to do… I think what I should have said was thank you for watching it with me.”

He pressed a kiss to my lips. “You had me intrigued with the Gloria thing.”

“What did you think of her?”

“She’s got a hot ass and tits, but no way could I listen to that voice for longer than about five minutes.”

I loved his honesty. Cocking my head to the side, I asked, “What kinds of shows do you like? I’m picking you for a
Game of Thrones
or
The Walking Dead
kinda man.”

His lips twitched with a smile. “I do like those shows. Or any real-life serial killer documentary. The more violent the better.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

He laughed and fuck, when Havoc laughed, it was a beautiful thing. “Yeah, I’m fucking with you, darlin’. I don’t watch a lot of TV. I do like most movies or shows about spies though. Thrillers more than actions.”

“I should have picked that about you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m pretty sure you’re a deep thinker, so I can see the appeal of a good thriller over an action for you.”

He sat forward and in one motion, had me on my back while he positioned himself on his knees between my legs with his hands planted on either side of me. Staring down at me through eyes that held too much thunder, he growled, “You’re getting in my fuckin’ head, babe. It’s not a good place to go searching.”

The Havoc who had laughed with me a moment ago was gone, and in his place was the intense Havoc I knew well. The one who held me at arm's-length. I reached for his face and held it with both hands. “Are you scared of what I’ll find there?” My breaths were choppy and my heart rate had picked up.

His eyes searched mine. “You won’t like what you find there, Carla.”

I held my breath. “Maybe you should let me decide that for myself.”

He continued to watch me and I wished I knew him enough to have an inkling of what thoughts were running through his mind. Instead, it was as if we were suspended in a space where I didn’t know which way to jump, and so I was left hanging, waiting for him to give me something.

Anything.

Up until that point, I had never really pushed him for much.

Maybe it’s time to push.

I tightened my hold on his face. “Tell me the one thing I wouldn’t like if I dug deep in your mind.”

I held my breath again.

Waiting.

Hoping.

His body tensed and his jaw clenched.

He forced a long breath out.

“I killed my own grandfather. With my bare hands. And I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.” His words came out in a grunt. Feral almost.

We stared at each other while his words smothered us with darkness.

“Why?”

He grunted and moved to straddle me. “Why did I kill him or why would I do it again?”

“Why to all of that.
Tell me
. I know there’s so much more to you that you don’t show.” I wiggled out from under him and kneeled in front of him. Placing my hand on his chest, over his heart, I begged, “Tell me who you are. Show me what’s in here.”

Something I said caused him to shut down and he pushed up off the bed and stalked outside. The slam of the door sent a jolt through me.

Oh no you don’t.

I scrambled off the bed and followed him outside where I found him staring at the road, his hands gripping the railing tightly. His dark eyes met mine, but he didn’t speak.

“Why won’t you let me in?” I demanded as the noise of the cars rushing past the motel filled the night air.

“Why the fuck do you want in?”

“God, Havoc, isn’t it human nature to want a connection? For fuck’s sake, our bodies have connected in ways most people only dream of. Why can’t the rest of us connect?”

“I don’t want connection, Carla. I just want to fuck you.” His mouth was saying those words, but I didn’t believe them for a minute.

“You are so full of bullshit. Can you even be honest with yourself for one minute?”

His chest pumped up and down as his breaths came hard and fast. “All right, you want honesty? I’ll fuckin’ give you honesty and you decide what to do with it.” He tore his gaze from mine to stare back out into the inky night for a few moments. When he finally turned back to look at me again, he gave me what I had asked for. “My mum’s father was a member of Storm. I remember growing up and worshipping the ground he walked on. I loved bikes, I loved him and I loved Storm. I always knew I’d join the club. On my eighteenth birthday he helped me do that. And then he took me down a dark path where my violent streak was celebrated and encouraged.”

He stopped talking and turned away. I waited a few moments, not sure what to do, and then thought to hell with it. When I laid my hand on his back, I hit a wall of rock.

He flinched and I heard his sharp intake of breath. “I can’t even tell you how many men I’ve hurt in the name of club business. You asked me where I got the name Havoc… I’ve caused a lot of it along the way. My real name’s Callum, but the club named me Havoc after one particularly violent night,” he continued, not giving me his eyes. “And I make no apologies for it, Carla. It is who I am now.”

“I’m not asking you to change anything about yourself. I’m not asking you to even tell me about that stuff. All I’m asking is for you to open yourself up to me.”

Silence hung between us and I wondered if it was actually possible to crack through his walls. I knew he’d had at least one relationship with a woman in his life—the blonde who’d gone to his house one morning when I’d been there—but I didn’t know the depth of that relationship.

Maybe he’s closed off and unable to give me more than he has.

“My grandfather was not a good man.” He gave me his eyes and the pain I saw there stole my breath. “I was too young and dumb to understand shit at first, but the older I got, the more I realised he wasn’t who I thought he was. The day I caught him double-crossing Storm in an effort to make some quick cash was the day I finally acknowledged his true colours. And the day I found my mother half beaten to death by him,
by her own father,
because she begged him to stop what he was doing so that it wouldn’t have any impact on me, was the day I crossed that line of no return.” He paused to take a breath. “My mother died a day later from that beating and I didn’t hesitate to take his life in return.”

As his words spilled from his lips, his body sagged a little. His eyes never left mine and I kept my gaze on him, wanting to let him know I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t have any knowledge about how Storm operated, but my own personal beliefs and values were such that I believed in loyalty and family and looking out for those you loved. I also believed in an eye-for-an-eye. If you fucked with me or those I loved, be ready for me to fuck back.

I didn’t usually struggle for words, but I had none. What did you say to someone who’d been through what Havoc had? Instead, I decided to give him the one thing that he seemed to crave the most: touch.

Reaching my hand up, I curled it around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. When our lips met, he opened his mouth and let me in. His pain flowed between us and I held him tighter. I could never take that pain from him, but I could try to make the weight less of a burden.

I could give him love.

God knew he needed it.

Ending the kiss, he rested his forehead against mine. “I’ve never told anyone outside of the club or my family that before.”

“What about your ex? You never told her?”

He lifted his head and I saw the scowl on his face. “That bitch walked away from me just before it happened.”

“And she never came back to make sure you were okay?”

He shook his head. “No. I lost my business and all my money, and Kelly decided I wasn’t good enough for her anymore. She walked away without a backwards glance and shacked up with some other guy who had more cash than me. Five years of history and I never heard from her again. Not until I returned to Brisbane just recently and that was two years after she left.”

Anger filled me that a woman could do that to a man. And my heart broke that he’d lost his partner, his business, his wealth, his mother and his grandfather all around the same time. No wonder his walls were up.

“You know… come to think of it, I
did
think you were being rude to her that morning she dropped by your house. Makes sense now.”

My statement caused a shift in his mood. When he spoke, his words were lighter, with a tinge of sarcasm. “You think?”

A slow smile spread across my lips. “Well, at the time I just thought you were being your usual assholey don’t-fuck-with-me self, but now I see it differently.”

He shook his head as he gave me the beginning of a smile. “Fuck, how do you do that?”

“Do what?”

He gripped my waist and pulled me to him. “That thing you do where you manage to crash through my anger or whatever shitty mood I’m in and drag a smile out. That thing that makes me feel shit I haven’t felt in years.”

I beamed. “I’m a woman of many talents. You should know that by now.”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’m starting to realise that, darlin’.”

“Thank you for telling me all that stuff.” My voice was soft, but it held the emotion I was feeling. He’d shared a part of himself with me that he hadn’t shared with many other people.

He trailed a finger across my lips.

His touch held none of the Havoc I knew.

This was a new kind of touch.

Soft.

Gentle.

Affectionate.

It was all he was going to give me in response to what I’d said, but it was enough for me. I was slowly learning that Havoc rarely spoke of his feelings; he expressed them through touch.

Kissing me slowly, he pulled back and said, “Thank you for still being here.”

I wouldn’t be anywhere else.

His lips returned to mine and he pulled me back into the motel room.