Have I Told You (24 page)

I’m not sure of the time when I wake up again. It’s dark outside. Caston is sitting next to me staring down at me. I smile and reach up to touch his cheek. “Hi,” I whisper.

“Hey,” he responds leaning into my hand. His eyes look so pained.

“Why so gloomy?”

“What is your earliest memory?”

The question catches me off guard, “What?”

“Your earliest memory? What is it?” He takes my hand in his, cradling it in his lap.

“Well, I guess it would be my first dance recital. I was wearing a green leotard with hideous gold sequins. A green tutu with sequins on the edges. I had white tights and white shoes. A little gold crown over a braided bun on the top of my head. My mom had caked my make-up on, and I had the brightest red lipstick on my lips,” I laughed at the memory, happy I was smiling again. “I had the skinniest legs. I was thankful, because my song was about teddy bears, so I got to dance with my favorite bear.” The memory made my heart jump. That was a happy time.

Caston’s eyes looked misty. “I would love to see pictures of that.” His hand brushed some hair out of my face. He looked so lost.

“No way. I have those hidden away really well.”

He laughed out loud and finally smiled.

Sitting up, I asked, “And yours?”

He looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. I could almost swear he was fighting off tears. “I was four. It was Christmas, I’d asked Santa for a camera. I’d just gotten into taking pictures. I was using an old camera my mom had. I loved showing her my art, as she called it. It always made her smile. Anyways, my mom was doing her best to try to talk me out of the camera. I remember going to bed on Christmas Eve so excited, because I knew Santa would come through for me. I was cold, but I never complained, because Mom worked so hard to keep food on the table for us. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and sneaking out to catch Santa. Instead, I found my mom crying. I watched her for a little bit, but I knew she needed me. Crawling over to her, I pushed my way onto her lap. She gladly accepted me and rocked us gently. She said to me, ‘Baby, Santa can’t bring you that camera. Money is tight this year for him.’ I told her I understood. I know you’re thinking this is his happy memory? It’s so depressing. Honestly, though, the love from my mom that night still warms my heart. I remember how beautiful she was in the glow of the Christmas tree. The twinkling lights reflecting in her eyes. That is why it is my happiest moment.”

I understood. I leaned forward and lightly kissed him. “I understand. But I don’t under...” He put a finger over my lips to quiet me. I sat back again knowing he had more that he needed to get off his chest.

“What is your saddest memory?” he asked.

Tears suddenly filled my eyes. My heart broke. “Besides losing my baby… When the police came to tell me my parents were dead. It’s all my fault they’re dead. I was so selfish. Please, I can’t talk about this right now.”

I didn’t want to elaborate anymore. It was still too fresh for me. “And yours?” I asked wanting to change the subject.

“When I was taken away from my mom.”

“What? But I thought...”

He shook his head. “Beverly is not my mother.”

“But...”

Caston got up and walked away from me. Sitting straight up in bed I folded my legs under me. “Please, come back, Caston.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and faced the fireplace. “James is my dad, but Beverly is not my mother, she’s my aunt.”

I sat up in shock. “What?” I sputtered out.

“I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

How can he just skip over that piece of information like it isn’t important?

He turned around and started to walk back to me, “It was just after that happy Christmas. The school bus had dropped me off outside of my apartment, and there was a fancy car out front. All the hoodlums in the area where swarming it, but the security guard kept shooing them away. I was four, so I thought it was cool to see such a shiny car. Then I saw Mom in the doorway with a big man. Mom never told me anything about my dad. I didn’t even know he was alive. When I saw this man I had a feeling he was my dad. I was so mad at the man, because she was crying so hard. She turned to look at me and bent down, welcoming me home into her embrace. I asked her why she was crying. She didn’t answer me. Stroking my hair she picked me up, hugging me hard. The big man behind me said ‘Rose, we have to go. Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be.’ She just cried harder.”

I patted the bed next to me, so he would come to sit by me. He needed me to give him strength.

“I asked her what was going on. Who that big man was? She walked me into the vestibule and sat on the stairs with me. She looked at me and brushed the hair out of my eyes. Her eyes were the most beautiful sparkling emerald green. I’ll never forget them. I’ve never seen anyone with eyes that color since.”

He looked away from me, as if he were reliving that very scene in front of him. A few tears fell from his eyes. Still he continued, “Anyway, she took my little hands in hers and told me that the big man was my dad. His name was James and he was going to be taking me to live with him. I asked if she was coming with me. More tears ran down her cheeks, and she told me no. She said that my dad could take care of me better. He had more money and it was the best for me. I begged her not to send me away. I told her I wouldn’t eat so much. I sobbed. She pulled me into her lap and cuddled me for the last time. James was getting frustrated in the doorway, obviously annoyed for having to wait. She told me that it wasn’t my fault that she couldn’t take care of me anymore. She told me she failed me.”

I pulled his head down on to my lap. He was crying so hard. My heart was breaking for him. I stroked his hair and wiped his tears as they fell. “I begged and begged her not to send me away. I could barely see her anymore, I was crying so hard. James came over and scooped me off my mom’s lap. I screamed for her. He carried me over his shoulder, kicking and screaming, I stretched behind him to try to reach her. She just watched me go. Tears were streaming down her face, too. I’ll never forget her face when James put me in the car. She just stood there.”

His sobs were shaking through his whole body. I did not even know what to say to him. “I’m so sorry, Caston,” I whispered, “Where is she now?”

I did not know it would be possible for him to cry harder, but he did. “She’s dead. Dad told me when I was about six. He told me she was in an accident. I felt so lost. I always held out hope that when I was older I would find her and take care of her, but when he told me she died...” He trailed off, stopping what he was saying.

“Oh, Cass.” He held on to me like his life depended on it. His head buried deep in my lap. My heart was breaking for him. I knew what it was like to lose a parent.

Suddenly, he sat up, taking deep breaths and wiping at his tears with the backs of his hands. “I’m sorry,” he said, “God, what is wrong with me blubbering like a baby.”

“Caston, it’s a normal response to cry when you’re sad.”

He looked at me. “That is not how I was brought up.”

I nodded, “I know, but that isn’t how it should be.”

His look was intense. I got up and walked to the closet and put on some shorts and a t-shirt. Pulling my hair up into a ponytail, I walked back over to him and took his hands in mine. His eyes never left me. I eased him up off the bed and wrapped my arms around his waist. Leaning my head on his chest I could hear his heartbeat. It was still a little fast. He finally put his arms around me and he started to calm down.

“Have I told you that I love you, today?” I asked.

He sighed and squeezed me. “How did you know I needed that?”

“Just figured,” I shrugged.

We stood holding on to each other for a little while longer. Finally, I turned my head and kissed his chest. “I’m starving. Let’s get out of here and get a bite to eat.”

“Bre, it is eleven thirty at night.”

Leaning back to try to look him in the eyes, “So, is that supposed to mean that I can’t be hungry?”

He leaned over laughing and kissed me hard making my knees weak. “Okay, okay, let’s go get you something to eat.”

Caston took the black convertible Jag this time. I was in heaven, watching the stars pass above me as we drove.

“So, what do you want to eat?”

Never taking my eyes off the stars, I responded, “Surprise me.”

Caston stepped on the gas to go faster and I let off a little shriek along with a laugh. My smile was splitting my face in two. I was so happy and carefree, since I told him my secret. It felt as if a ten ton weight was off my chest. What made things even better was when I looked over at Caston his smile was also carefree.

Driving along for about a half an hour, we pulled into a small 24-hour café and I looked at him puzzled.

“Trust me,” he said, “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

Quickly, Caston returned, putting a few bags in the backseat. He pulled back out onto the road and we drove for a few more minutes. It was quiet, we didn’t speak. It wasn’t an awkward silence though, it was calming.

I was surprised when we finally turned on to a road that was hidden among some trees. The road was unpaved and bumpy. When the road ended, I looked over at him and I raised my eyebrows.

“Come on,” he said, as he got out of the car. He walked to the trunk and grabbed a blanket and then returned to grab the bags from the back seat. He came around to my door opened in waiting for me to get out. Deciding he was serious I got out slowly. He was yards ahead of me already. So, I shut my door and quickened my step to catch up to him.

A few feet into the woods we came upon an opening among the trees. There was no wind and the moon and stars lit up the area in the most romantic lighting.

Even though, it was a balmy night, I got a slight chill. I wrapped my arms around myself as I took in the beautiful surroundings. I removed my flip flops, holding them in my hand. I wanted to feel the grass between my toes. The fireflies in the trees made it look like twinkling lights, the crickets were nature’s symphony, and the owl in the distance hooting every so often put me into a trance.

Caston snuck up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “What are you thinking about?”

I snuggle into him. Finally, looking up at him, his eyes melt my insides. I turn around in his arms and slide my arms around his neck still holding onto my flip flops. Leaning up on my toes I kiss his soft lips. “You’re my world. I’m so thankful you came into my life.”

My lips find his again, and we’re lost in each other. When we finally separate, I notice the candles and the blanket in the middle of the opening. The food is sitting on the blanket with an open bottle of wine. My mouth dropped open in shock. “You got all of this at the little café?”

“What can I say, I can be very persuasive,” he winked and took my hand to walk me over to the blanket.

Helping me sit down he sat across from me. He unbuttoned his shirt just enough to make my heart race. I could not take my eyes off his forearms when he poured the wine for us.

“This smells delicious, Caston.”

“Soup and sandwiches. Nothing fancy, but a good late night dinner.”

I smiled and dug into the food. We talked and laughed, enjoying the amazing starry night. When we finish the meal, he refilled my wine glass and cleared the food containers.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” I smile and lean back on to the blanket.

I heard Caston return, but I was mesmerized by the night sky. I was pulled out of my trance when I heard a click, click, click. I panicked that the paparazzi had found us until I turned over on my stomach, but it was Caston standing a few feet behind me with a camera in front of him.

I smiled up at him. “You scared me.”

A few more clicks of me on my stomach with my feet in the air. He dropped the camera to his waist. “I’m sorry, you’re too beautiful and this lighting is amazing.”

He knelt down in front of me, taking the wine glass from my hands. Licking his lips he leans in for another kiss. A pool of liquid drips into my panties. Leaning further, he kisses that spot on my neck that makes me shiver. I let out made a soft moan. “Strip for me,” he whispers in my ear.

My breath hitches. I sit back on my heels, looking at him. My nipples are pebbled and poking through my thin shirt. I take my hand and remove my ponytail. He picks up his camera and starts snapping away, as I shake my hair out. It falls over my shoulders. I look up at him with hooded eyes and bite my lip. More clicking, but I heard a moan come from behind that camera. I smiled ever so slightly, knowing I was turning him on.

I cross my arms in front of me, grabbing the hem of my shirt, and start to pull it up slowly. Teasing him, I pulled it up and bunched it in my hands between my breasts, showing my stomach. I placed a flat hand on my abs and moved it south. After a few more shots, I removed my shirt. The air on my nipples made them hard as rocks. I pinched and rolled them between my fingers.

I rose up on my knees, spreading my legs slightly. I unbuttoned my jean shorts, pulling them apart slightly, so he could see my light purple G-string. Hooking my thumbs in the loops of my shorts, I leaned forward, pushing my breasts out toward Caston. He kept snapping away.