Have A Little Faith In Me (21 page)

Dex dropped the firewood with a curse.  He thought he could manage the load and still open the door himself.

Rocky laughed at him from the bed.  “You could have knocked.  I woulda gotten up.”

Dex grinned.  “Nah.  You look so warm and comfy laid out under that blanket.”

Rocky pulled it up to his neck.  “I’ll be comfier when you get that fire started.”

Dex took off his black cowboy hat with a flourish, giving him an elegant bow, the snow falling off the brim onto the cabin floor.  “As you command, my Lord.”

“I helped,” Rocky said.  “I put the firestarters in.  Then I got cold.  Man, growing up in Georgia does not prepare you for this.”

Dex had just bought the cabin, in a remote part of the Sierra Nevada mountains.  He wanted to make sure they were as far from the media as they could possibly get.  No paparazzi was going to trek deep through the snowy woods just to get a picture of a cabin. 

Dex had yet to announce his homosexuality to the world, but he would.  After this, his interlude with Rocky, a moment of peace before the firestorm.  The shit was already flying in the tabloids, since his “abandonment” of Charlotte and HER SHOCKING HEARTBREAK made such magnificent headlines. 

“I like it up here,” Dex said, stocking the wood stove and starting the fire.  “It’s peaceful.  Quiet.  No cell phone service.”

“We could be eaten by bears, and nobody would be the wiser.”

Dex looked back over his shoulder with a grin.  “Oh, you’re gonna get eaten by a bear, all right.”

“Maybe this is the bears’ cabin, and I’m Goldilocks.”  Rocky’s eyes fluttered.  “Only I’m the one who’s gonna swallow you.”

Dex shivered, and not from the cold.  He and Rocky still hadn’t had sex.  Both men had needed time, after their respective confrontations, to shake off the old life, the old burdens, before moving forward.

The fire successfully started, Dex stood up, and just…looked at Rocky.  “Are you ready?”

Rocky’s eyes were hot with lust.  “Yeah.  Are you?”

“Fuck.  Yeah.   But you know, I’m a virgin.  You gotta be gentle with me.”

“Hah.  Okay.  Sit down and take off your boots. Then get in here with me.”

“With all my clothes on?”

“I’ve got all mine on.  It’s fucking cold.  Well, take your coat off anyway.”  Rocky lifted the blankets, making room for Dex.  “Hurry, all the heat’s escaping.”

Dex got into the bed, sliding up against Rocky’s body, so much smaller and slimmer than his own.  Rocky turned onto his side, facing away.  Dex wrapped the blankets around the two of them, sealing in the warmth of their bodies.

“Just hold me for a while,” Rocky whispered. 

“Yeah,” Dex agreed.  He wrapped his arms around his new lover, slipping one arm between Rocky’s neck and the pillow, across his chest, and the other around his waist.

They sighed at the same time, and laughed.  “I’m kind of a virgin, too,” Rocky said.  “In that…I’ve never had this.  I’ve always… I’ve always chased guys like you, or the guy I thought you were.  Straight dudes who were up for some fun, who would give me what I wanted and then go their own way.  No strings, no complications.”

“No love.  No affection.  No feelings to fuck you up.”

“Yeah.  Only I
did
have feelings.  I
did
fall for them.  I always picked the ones I couldn’t have, not that way anyway.  And I know now, that I need about a million years of therapy to figure out why.  Daddy issues, or something, I don’t know.”

“Your dad wasn’t very affectionate, was he.”

“Oh no.  He was the great disciplinarian. Spare the rod blah blah blah.”

Dex squeezed him harder.  “We weren’t a very loving family, either.  I mean, I forgive my parents.  They had a hard life.  I guess when they came home at night they just…didn’t have any more left to give.”

“I don’t forgive my father,” Rocky said, his body tightening.  “I never will.  Fucking murderous bastard.”

Tentatively, Dex kissed him on the back of his neck.  “You will, someday.”

“I’ll forget,” Rocky said, softening at the warm charge radiating out from the site of Dex’s kiss.  “That’s the best I can do.”

Rocky lifted his sweater, exposing his abdomen.  He took Dex’s hand and put it on his bare flesh.  It was funny.  All these years later, it was like him and Nico again, only this time he was the expert, the director…

Dex’s breathing changed, his strong heartbeat pulsing harder against Rocky’s back.  “You feel amazing.” 

Rocky pushed his ass back, up against Dex’s crotch.  “No,” Dex said softly.  “Let’s go slow.”

Rocky laughed nervously.  “Okay.  I’m so used to just…”

“Gettin’ down to business,” Dex said.

“Yeah.  That’s
my
script, I guess.”

“Well, we’ve both got scripts to burn, don’t we.”

Rocky entwined his hand in Dex’s.  “Did you ever get close, to being with a man?”

“Yeah.  I was in love, actually.”

Rocky turned his head.  “Get out.”

“I was in high school.  He was…a lot like you.  Talented, smart, artistic, wordly.  A great guy.”

“What happened?”

Dex hesitated.  “Well, you know, I was afraid.  Of being gay, of being…ostracized.  Of going to Hell.  All that, but… Then something else happened.  You ever hear of the ‘Angel of Biloxi’?”

Halfway through the story, Rocky had turned around, his face rapt as he listened to Dex’s tale.  He reached up, stroked Dex’s face.  “You were a hero.”

“No, I wasn’t.  I just saw those folks about to die and I knew I could save ‘em if we got to the lighthouse…”

“Heroes always say they aren’t.  Jesus Christ, Dex.  You could have had it, you had love and happiness and you threw it all away for your family.  You…”  Rocky started crying.

“Hey.  Hey, what’s this.”

“I just… you had a family, and you kept it together… I had my grandma.  I have my grandma.  She sacrificed for me, God, did she ever.  But it was always, us against…
him. 
Every minute, every day of our so-called ‘traditional family’ was a fucking
war.
  Every day was just…wasted, trying to look like something we weren’t.”

“Well, shit, it was no picnic bein’ in my family, let me tell you.  My dad was a no-account drunk, we lived on credit, my brother and sisters were a pack of wild animals…”  He shook his head.  “Shit, if I hadn’t become the provider, they would have been out on the street.”

“You’re a good man.”

Dex shrugged.  “I did what I hadda do.  But don’t be jealous.  It was no Ozzie and Harriet shit, let me tell you.  My mom still thinks she can pray my gay away.  My dad,” he laughed, “all my dad had to say when I said I was gay was, ‘so that’s why you never played football.’”

Rocky laughed, then sobered.  “Kiss me.”

Dex leaned in.

“No,” Rocky said.  “Keep your eyes open.”

They kissed, eyes open, against instinct.   Dex put a hand on the small of Rocky’s back, then let it travel lower, tracing the curve of his rump.

“I’m hot,” Rocky whispered.  The stove was pulsing with heat, and his forehead was shining.

Dex threw off the covers.  “Better?”

“No.  Let’s get naked, then pull the covers back up.”

They jumped out of bed.  Rocky started to tear off his clothes and Dex stopped him.  “Whoa there.  This is Christmas for me, buddy, remember?  I get to open my present.”

Rocky laughed nervously.  This was way off script, for sure.  Dex drilled him with his eyes as he put his hands on Rocky’s waist, lifted his sweater, and his t-shirt with it.  Rocky raised his hands in the air to let Dex pull them off. 

Dex looked at him, and there was a flicker of sadness in his face, just for a moment, thinking of what he’d lost.  Then he smiled.  He reached for Rocky.

Rocky shivered when Dex put his hands on his shoulders, bracing himself for the thrust to his knees, the demand for service.  But instead Dex’s fingers, his strong agile sensitive musician’s fingers, traveled down Rocky’s arms till he took his new lover’s hands in his.

Dex put Rocky’s hands on his own waist.  Rocky unbuttoned Dex’s flannel shirt, and touched the soft cotton of his t-shirt over his abs.  Dex lifted the t-shirt for him, exposing his flat chiseled belly for Rocky to worship.

Rocky touched the soft warm skin as Dex shrugged out of his flannel.  Dex stood there for a moment, his arms out, accepting Rocky’s worship, marveling at the look in Rocky’s eyes as he looked up at him.  Nothing like Alex’s casual, inquisitive gaze that night – no, there was untrammeled, unhinged lust in Rocky’s eyes.

For so long, too long, Dex had taken what was in him and rerouted it.  Not anymore.  He grabbed Rocky, pulled him in, wrapped his arms around him and hugged him fiercely.

Dex put a hand on Rocky’s chin, tilted it up.  The cabin was dim, other than the flicker of the firelight from the stove.  “You’re beautiful,” he said to Rocky.  “I’m so lucky.  It’s a miracle.”

Rocky laughed.  “There’s no such thing as miracles.  Well, maybe in this case.”

Dex kissed him, his lips dancing, his mouth parting Rocky’s, his tongue just tapping, exploring the inside of Rocky’s mouth.  Rocky responded with fury, clamping his hand on the back of Dex’s head, ravenous for more.

When they parted for air, there was a new heat in Rocky’s eyes.  “Now we do something my way.”

He dropped to his knees, wrestling with Dex’s big belt buckle.  Dex laughed and undid it for him.  Rocky opened Dex’s jeans as if they held his own Christmas present.

Dex put a steadying hand on Rocky’s.  “Hold up there.  Take your time.”

Rocky laughed.  “You wear tightie whities.”

“Hell yeah.  Keep me in place.”

Dex’s jeans fell down and Rocky paused.  What was clearly outlined in Dex’s underwear was huge. 

“Too big for you?” Dex asked, half a smirk on his face.

Rocky grinned.  “Oh, no.  Goldilocks thinks this one is just right.”

Dex laughed.  “‘Someone’s been sucking on MY cock!’”

“Someone’s about to.”  Rocky pulled down Dex’s underwear, freeing the beast.  “Now you’re gonna learn what a blow job is.”

“Oh my God…” Dex whispered as Rocky slipped his fingers around the base of Dex’s erection.  Not taking his eyes off Dex’s, Rocky put his mouth close, so close, to the head.  He kissed it, like a sacred object, and left just a touch of saliva on it.  Then he blew on it, softly.  Then, he bumped the underside of it with his nose, like a cat greeting another cat.

“Oh fuck you’re killing me…”

“You’re the one who wanted to take it slow,” Rocky said. 

“I take it all back.”  Dex reached down and stroked Rocky’s face with the back of his fingers, watching his new lover’s eyes flicker as the sensations lit up his pleasure centers.

Rocky put his mouth over the head, just holding it.  Dex’s cock trembled with a life of its own. 

“Don’t cum yet,” Rocky said.  “I want this to last.”

“Oh I can cum a lot more than once.  Shit, I can jerk off three, four times a night.  Though not in a long time.  That’s crazy, huh, I haven’t even had time to jerk off…”

“You’ve got a lot of backed up juices in there, then,” Rocky said, going down and taking more of Dex into his mouth.  He pulled off.  “I can already taste ‘em.”

Rocky took Dex’s hands and put them on the back of his head.  Dex stroked his hair, held him lightly. 

“You need to be more aggressive,” Rocky said.

Dex’s nostrils flared.  “Yeah?  You sure?  I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Rocky raised an eyebrow.  “I’m stronger than I look.  Go on.”

“Fuck…” Dex tentatively tightened his grasp on Rocky’s head, and grabbed a handful of curls, testing, seeing what his lover could take…and what he wanted to give him.  He started pushing Rocky’s head up and down on his dick, slowly, a little deeper each time.

He liked it.  He liked the power.  He kept checking Rocky’s eyes to see if it was too much…but what he saw there was not only confirmation, but a demand –
give me more
. 

Dex pulled Rocky up to his feet, his hands still on his lover’s head.  He kissed him, tasting his own salts on Rocky’s lips. 

He squatted down, wrapped his arms under Rocky’s ass, and lifted him in the air as easily as he’d lift a sack of potatoes.  Rocky wrapped his legs around Dex’s waist, feeling Dex’s erection against his ass, and snaked his arms under Dex’s to grab his shoulders from behind, holding on for dear life. 

Dex squeezed him like a python, his kisses harder now, his careful hesitancy slipping away as each more aggressive action only spurred Rocky to greater excitement.

He took Rocky to the bed.  Still holding him, he got on his knees on the bed, then placed him on his back.  Rocky’s legs were still wrapped around him, up in the air now, his ass presented for Dex to take.

Dex ground his dick against Rocky’s ass, testing him, thrusting hard, harder, a promise of what was to come.